THE ADVERTISER
Published every Thursday by
BBBKOTHER & HACKEE,
Proprietors.
mceo.74 aicrherson'B Block, np Stairs,
3R0WNVILLE, NEBRASKA.
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Ocecory.lhreemonlhs-
RE.UiyG3ITTEI1 0y ETEBYPA6E
SERENADE BY A FAR3IER.
Oh, come my love and live -frith me ;
And keep my cottage in the glen.
And patient as a bumble bee
And busy as a Bitting hen.
Oh, rest beneath my fragrant flower;
Where street starmonlnm doth entwine;
Come smell the gentle cauliflower
And cull the mangle-wirtzel vine.
Ah, listen to the rural songs !
The pea shall wind his magic shell,
As echo plaintively prolongs
The warble of the pimpernel.
Byond the vermicelli sow
I hear the bull-trog sigh again
The cackle of the Durham ewe
Tne bellow of the Berkshire hen.
Oh, come love, come, the moral is fair,
I'll celebrate the day with thee;
I'll merrily dig the bartlett pear.
And shake the rata baga tree.
Ph hump yourself, my lovely Poll,
And In the cause of anti-monop.
We'll mulch the turkeys in the fall.
And graft the long clam on the top.
ily sweetest ! I am fond of mush,
And thou wilt set some out for me ;
"WV1I early sow the currant bush.
And tap the cranberry-Jelly tree.
We'L pull tne wool from off the calf.
The cottonwood its fleece shall shed ;
5c at the winter we shall laugh,
.And gaily weed the oyster bed.
We'll blithely hoe the winter wheat.
We'll cha.-.e the eggs the squirrels lay.
And when the bantam hog shall bleat
We'll feed him with some clover hay.
Al- savor came to the I'll bring;
Theburdoek knows my spear is sharp;
rii-shoot the dolphin on the wing
And hit him in the pericarp.
Taen come my love and live with me ;
And beautify my lonely den.
As relent as a bumbU? bee.
An i busy as a sitting hen.
OUR SEW TOEK LETTER.
Old Men In New Tork-Brier SUetclies
of Some of Them-Business Editors
on a Rampage T lie "WeatUer.
v rrer?3n:ience Nebraska Advertiser.
Nkw York, May 30. 1S74.
OLD MEN.
2ew York has fewer old men in
proportion to its population than any
city in the civilized world. The poor
die early, of course, for the poor in
this city have not the comforts nec
essary to the prolongation of life ; and
the rich, or those aspiring to be rich,
by which I mean the business men,
live altogether too rapid a life to last
long The man who commences at
twenty-three with ten thousand dol
lars or its equivalent in cheek, and on
that capital does a business of a half
million per annum, is not going to
live to see fifty, unless, indeed, he has
extraordinary luck or an extraordin
ary constitution. His life is one of
the hardest kind of work, and of a
most consuming excitement. Pleth
oric to-day on the verge of bank
ruptcy to-morrow ; with nothing in
th morning with which to pay n
hundred thousand dollars in the af
ternoon. It is a life that wears faster
tjan any other life in the -world. It
is one everlasting, never ending
strain, from morning till night, and
if the cares of the day enable him to
sleep at night, he is lucky.
But, nevertheless, there are a few
old men in Few York, -who have sur
vived the strain and wear or tear of
bus i nes?.
MAYOR HAYE3IEYER
is over seventy, and bids fair to live
twenty years yet. He is of German
descent, and though he has lived
through all the exciting periods of
New York, history, has persistently
"refined to get at all jex cited. He has
had a steady, standard business su
gar refining and has followed it with
e!1 the steadiness of the German. He
has taken active part in politics he
was Mayor thirty years ago has been
and is a bank President; but in all
hlives quietly and modestly, goes to
bed retilfirlv at nicrht. eats
goon
wholesome food, uses stimulants with ,
great moderatlcn, and always sails on
an even keel. If his house should
get on fire, Mayor Havemeyer would
walk out of it deliberately; and if !
his refineries should burn, the loss deals in an enormous variety of goods;
wouldn't bother him a particle. He i but PO perfect is his system, so corn
would go to work and rebuild and go plete hjB method, that I doubt if he
oo. He will refine sugar till he dies; ever loses a dollar. Each clerk has
and M,Q i,i r.a TT-m Hn ?t after him i.: Bnan;ni duties, and those duties
vwii 1J1C- Z3SJLIJ t. -w -- I
not that they have any need to do
business, but because they have a
habit in that way. Sugar ia their
mission.
PETER COOPER,
known the world over for his benev
olenceand his glue is another sev-nt3Mive-year-older.
A man of little
ore than medium height, with gray
nair and spare face, there is nothing
n his appearance that betokens the
Powers he really possesses. He is one
tf the strongest business men in the
civ, and at the samelime one of the
nost progressive and liberal of the
citizens benevolently inclined. Hav
ing made an immense fortune out of
ee. he determined that the public
should have its full share of his mon
! Po he built an "Institute" in
hich instruction in the practical
arts and sciences should be free tff all.
and gave it to the city. The property
15 worth over a million, but it has
dne millions unon millions of good.
Girls here learn telegraphing, wood
graving, and a number of other
Professions that fit them to go out in
he world armed for a strife. Young
tnen are instructed in metalurgy, en
gineering, etc., and all the expenses
Js paid by the property. Peter Coop
er Is not exactly a great man, but he
fc an exceedingly good man. Every-
f "3h xKI5a ifdHfcr ?j?f a X
ESTABLISHED 1856. i
Oldest Paper in the State. J
body loves him, as everybody .ought.
He looks and acts as though he was
good for twenty-five more years. May
he live to enjoy them.
DAXTEL DREW
has passed his seventieth year, and is
so tough and wiry in his texture, that
he bids fair to live many years long
er; though possibly could a vote be
taken among his associates, bis de
cease woutd not be long deferred.
Daniel began life as a showman, was
promoted to be a tavern-keeper, and,
following his instincts, drifted into
Wall Btreet, where he has been, for
many years, the most feared operator
of the street. He is extremely relig
iousis a devoted member of the
Methodist Church, and has buiit a
Seminary ; but his professions or his
givlngs have never yet prevented him
from shaving his associates most uu- i
mercifully whenever he had them in
a tight place. jSothincr bo delitrhts '
the old man as to get his rivals in po
w c, .
aition where he can squeeze them
He shows them no mercy he destroys
them utterly. It is related of "Uncle
Dau'l" that once on a time he advis
ed the pastor of an M. E. Church in
New Jersey to invest in a certain
stock. .
"But suppose I should lo3e?" quer
ried the preacher.
"I'm bo certain you'll make mon
ey," was the reply of the good Dan
iel, "that if you do lose I'll make it
good to you."
Thus fortified the preacher did buy
n trifle of the stock. And having so
good a thing the good pastor confiden
tially told thirty or forty of his flock,
all of whom made haste to invest in a
stock which the saintly Daniel had as
good as guaranteed to go up.
But contrary to expectation the
stock went down, down, down. The
preacher rushed to Uncle Daniel to
redeem his promise, which the old
man did by giving him a cheque for
the amount of his loss.
"The thing didn't work, did it,"
said Daniel.
"Indeed it did not."
"Well, you haven't lost anything."
"But, my dear sir. I am distressed
notwithstanding. Being certain of
what you said to me I confided this
cood thing to my parishioners, and
they"
"Hev lost, hev they. "Well, people
should never tetch stock onless the'
fknow the market, or hev some friend
like me to make 'em good ef they
lose."
The joke of the thing lay in the
iact that Daniel finding himself load
ed with a stock that was sure to go
down took this way to unload. He
told the preacher, knowing that the
preacher would tell his parishioners.
It was he who sold them all the stock
they bought. He cnuld well afford to
make good the preacher's loss, If
thereby he could unload the remain
der upon the preacher's friends. Dan
iel was handled roughly by Jay
Gould and Jim Fisk. and heVas hurt
severely last fall, but de3pito all this
he is a rich man and in a power in the
street. But his riches never can make
him friends, for he is too selfish.
A. T. STEWART
is another lively old fellow. He has
reached seventy-five, but is as active
as a man of thirty. He is the best
preserved man of his age in New
Tork. Every day finds him at his
business, which goes on, enormous as
it is, with the regularity and precis
ion of clock-wprk. He employs in
his business $20,000,000, and has real
estate to probably three times that
amount. He looks like a man of care
ful thought, and might pass fora phy
sician or a clergyman. His hair is
auburn, and approaches red, and re
tains its original color. His counten
ance is of liirht complexion, and is so
smooth and firm that he might pass
for fifty. His dress is plain and neat,
all display being studiously avoided.
He stands five feet six. Fortv years
nrrn h ftommenced trade in this city
n a verv sman way ; but such a man
. , u unndnail rn n small
coulu no more ic ""
business than Napoleon could be kept
nn "Rlba.
He has thousanas oi em-
payees, uses millions of dollars, and
IJI CMtW" w
are so interwoven wun oiners mat
the slightest sin of omission or com
mission must eventually be discover
ed. He lives plainly, though well,
d has, doubtless, many long years
an
before him.
Where his money win
can form an opinion.
go to, no one
He has no relatives this side of the
water; and with those on the other
side he
has had n conueuuuu iui
He is building an enormous
years
institution up towe, wuku, F
posed, he intends to use for a -Girl's
Lodging-House' but this Is not cer
tain. The probability is that he will
keep on, intending to do some great
and good thing, but die suddenly be
fore his plans are completed, and that
his enormous fortune will enrich his
Irish relatives. Our only comfort
will be that the estate will have to go
through the courts in New York,
which will keep the most of H in this
country.
is another man who has seen flighty,
but who enjoys vigorous health. Old
as he is, itwasanlya few years ago
fw. hn married a young wife, and
l.In1 ? Ie ciirv.
notwithstanding he attends to the-de-
tail of his enormous railroaa dusiu-
and plays whist as regularly and me
fhorfinniiv as ever. He oontrols more
miles of railroad than "any soon
but
one on the continent, and his lines
are all important. He is an iron-gray,
old fellow, who worked up to his
present position from nothing, and
who bids fair to double his already
collossal fortune before he passes out.
But I have gosslpped long enough
about the old men. It will be notic
ed that every one of the rich old men
in the city commenced very poor. It
was in poverty that they got the
Btrength and the habits that to-day
sustains them. This is the moral to
it. If I could start again, I should
start poor.
BUSINESS
Is horribly and fearfully dull, bo dull
indeed as to be no business at all. The
merchant looks wistfully out into the
street. The salesman wears a pained
look, for his occupation is gone, and
tue book-keeper balances himself and
reads the newspapers. The "West is
nt here, the South stays away, and
the isorth refuses to invest. The
theatres are losing money, the hotels
are well nigh empty, and the bar
keepers mourn as those without hope.
Let us hope for a revival.
ONE HUNDRED EDITORS,
all from the little State of Indiana,
are in the city at the present time,
comfortably quartered at the Fifth
Avenue Hotel. They have been to
Cincinnati, Washington, and Phila
delphia, and, after doing the metrop
olis, will go home to their respective
papers and grind opt wisdom again.
Generally speaking they are a good
looking set of men. They are mak
ing a thorough thing of New York,
and are enjoying themselves hugely.
THE WEATHER
is absolutely glorious. The rains
have gone, the voice of the oigan
grinder is again heard in the streets,
the air is balmy, clear and bright,
and everything is looking as beauti
ful as it can. The Spring is always
delightful in New York after the
rains are over. Now let business
come to the city and it will be happy.
Come, merchants with money, and
buy. Make New York glad. The
chink of money and the rustle of
bank-notes should accompany the
songs of the birds in the Park, to
make everything serene.
PlETRO.
W3SCOSS5X LETTER.
Editor Nebraska Advertiser.
A few words more before I reach
Chicago. I came from New London
in Waupacco county, to Oskosh by
boat down the Wolf River. In this
way I obtained a better idea of the
great lumber business of this section
of the State than I otherwise could.
The Wolf widens at many points into
lakes of several miles In width. There
is here what is known as the Boom
Company, whose base of operations
commences at the confluence of the
Fox and Wolf rivers and whose line
of business extends to the head wa
ters of the Wolf. Their business is
to collect and secure in their booms
all logs found in the river, and to
furnish to the owners of logs a se
cure place in which the' may arrange
and consolidate their logs into rafts.
The Boom Company is entitled to
twelve cents per thousand feet of all
logs which come down the river.
Those who cut logs put their mark on
them and then tumble them loose in
to the river. It is the business of the
Boom Company to see that these logs
float down the river in one promiscu
ous lot to one common rendezvous in
which logs having the same mark
have their allotted grounds. In this
place lops are spoken of as eo many
acres. In one lot there were six hun
dred acres, estimated at twenty-six
millions of feet. The total product of
the past winter in the Wolf is esti- j en spoons, forks and knives. Auoth
mated at one hundred and twenty I er costly affair whs the Present of Mr.
millions of feet a falling off of eighty I Dexel, another Philadelphia banker,
millions during the year. The price ! which was a solid silver breakfast set
of good logs at the Oskosh saw mills ! of ten or twelve pieces, In a case near
Is $12 per thousand feet, Ecale ineas-1 ly as large as the one just described.
ro
The hop culture Is a very important
rnrr. of fjirminn- in Wisconsin. Near-
ly every farmer raises from five to ten
acres of hops annually. 1 visited tne
Carey Brothers' cranberry marsh. It
consists of four hundred acres of wet
land. In September and October
they furnish work for fifteen hun
dred "pickers." The value of their
annual crop reaches several hundred
thousand dollars. There was a heavy
frost in this latitude o-n the morning
of the ISth. Plum trees are in bloom.
The later trees are now leaving out.
Apple trees will hardly be in bloom
before next week. Oskosh sharply
contests the claims of Fon Du Lack,
Racine, Jaynesville and Watertown
Junction as being the second city in
size in the State. The saw mills and
Its lumber trade ; its water route and
Its railroads, are making of it a thriv
ing city of no mean proportions. Its
population is estimated at eighteen
thousand. It is nearly three hun
dred miles north of Brownville. The
winters are long and very cold. The
energy which such a rigorous climate
induces sends many an industrious
laborer on in the upward paths of
wealth, honor and influence. This
makes many things endurable that
tropical people shudder to think of.
j I go down to Chicago to-day.
jarvis s. ukurch.
Qskosh, Jfoy 20, ISM.
Owing io the stormy weather on
Saturday of last week, only five la
dies went to be divorced in St. Louis.
A oynic says marriage is very often
a dull book with a very fine preface.
Sometimes it is "half calf," too,
BROWKTILLE, NEBRASKA, THURSDAY, JUNE 4. 1874.
CHICAGO TiETTER.
Editor Nebraska. Advertiser.
On reaching Chicago I went to
Messrs. Cook, Coburn &Co.'b Adver
tising Agenoy, asked for, received
and read the Advertiser of a late is
sue and found much that was new
and interesting.
Although Chicago is one hundred
and fifty milles south of Oskosh, I
could not 6ee that vegetation was any
more advanced here than it was there.
Oskosh is a manufacturing town of
growing importance. In the match
factor' and shingle making depart
ments of Oskosh I found over one
thousand young ladies at work. I
was told by the proprietor of the
match factory that they would not
sell to any but jobbers. The jobbers
sell to the retailers and the retailers
to consumers. Such is the system on
time purchases has built up. It con
sists of two sets of middle-men, one
of which might be dispensed with if
eve'ry man would confine his business
to a cash basis.
Since I have been in Chicago I have
found a host of old-time echool mates
who have taken the greatest of pains
to show me through the city. I vis
ited that Bable, otherwise known as
the Board of Trade. In their rooms
I found samples of all articles on
which stock jobbers are accustomed
to do their daily gambling. No one
unaccustomed to their excitable and
noisy utterances could tell what they
were doing without an interpreter.
There were four centers of nervous
men in the room, consisting of one
hundred or more men at each point.
At one place corn was being sold,
wheat at another, commercial paper
at auother, city property at another.
Chicago is improving in every di
rection. The burnt district has been
rebuilt by magnificentstructures, and
new residences are going up on ev
er' street. Real estate is constantly
advancing. The great topio of ex
citement is the Patent-Swing trial
which has just closed, and Swing's
withdrawal from the Presbyterian
Church. One is asked on the street
cars to buy Swing's published serm
ons, and he finds every bookstore ad
vertisirg Swing's sermon's for sale.
I am writing this communication
in n law ollice in which ex-Senator
Trumbull is one of the firm, styled
Trumbull, Anthony, Church & Trum
bull. This is one of the ablest law
firms in the city of Chicago. I have
been out among the real estate deal
ers, with a view to make a small in
vestment in real estate. Unimprov
ed residence lots three miles from the
heart of the city are held at $125
front foot. Many fine buildings
to be found many miles further
than that. It is wonderful what
per
are
out
life
and energy there is in this great city.
I will reserve much of what I wish
to say for another letter.
Jarvis S. Church.
Chicago, Mny 23, 1S7-J.
VEDDDiG PRESENTS.
The Inter-Ocean correspondent
thus describes the presents bestowed
on Nellie Grant at her wedding :
"As to presents, nothing like them,
either in elegance or profusion, has
ever been seen in this country. The
upstairs room, denominated the li
brary, was literally packed with gifts,
and tables groaning with the precious
weight Rtood on three sides of the
room. The sight was perfectly daz
zling and bewildering. A very con
spicuous present, standing as high as
the room door, in a leather case lined
with pink satin, was from Mr. G. W.
Childs, the Philadelphia banker. It
was a solid lustreless silver fruit'eet,
lined with gold, consisting of an elab
orate epergue, plates, and seven doz-
senator ana Airs, btewart donated a
beautiful burnished toilet mirror with
monogram on top, and toilet articles
I to match. A card case of native sil-
ver ore came from far-off Denver, Col
Some beautiful and rare moonstone
earrings, Bent from some other dis
tant place. Governor Shepherd sent
a magnificent set of pink coral. 'Q'hen
there were several costly point lace
handkerchiefs, some Valenciennes
flounces, fichus, and sashes. A large
emerald ring, set on either side with
diamonds, an aigrette, the design be
ing a peacock grasping in its feet a
pearl of great price ; its body emer
ald, its tail glistening with a hundred
tremulous brilliants, and an emerald
and pearl set costing $4,000. There,
were numberless necklaces and lock
ets, and several elegant gold watches,
mementoes from the bridesmaids, and
a solid silver ice-cream set. Fans of
every description. Gold bracelets,
one especially superb with monogram
"JN. w. (j." in diamonds and ru
bies. Diamond rings, punch bowls,
cold salt-cellars, nut-pickers with
eaucy Jittie squirrels cracking golden
nuts'on the handles. Glove boxes in
. m
every style of every rmiterial, and ,
jewelry and riches enough to rival
Tirrany's or Jiaii & iiiacK's estaoiiBU
ments. The only other marriage
wich has ever occurred at the White
House was that of Miss Marie Mon
roe, in 1S2G, to a Mr. Governeur, of
New York, but it could never have
approached the present one in mag
nificence. Mrs. Sartoris has been
presented at the English court, while
her husband, I believe has never had
that honor. She goes from us, our
American Princess, of whom we have
so reasop whatever to be ashamed;."
Translated from the German of ilatthl
Boa by Arthur Ixwell.
ILE3IE3IBRANCE.
AJfDEKKEK.
I think of thee
When the soft voice of the nightingales.
In sweet and plaintive warbllngs to the
night,
King through the vales.
When thinkeat thou of me?
I think of theo
Hy the cool waters of the shaded foun
tains ;
While the simmering rays of twilight glow,
Glisten the mountains.
Where thlnkest thou of me?
I think of theo
With many tender hopes and anxious
fears.
Passionate longings for the one I love,
And burning tears.
How thlnkest thou of me?
O, think of mo
Until we meet again some happier day.
Till then, however distantly my feet may
roam,
Still shall I think and pray
Only of thee!
UNDER THE SEAT.
"Smoking-oarriage, sir?" asked the
tip-expecting porter, as he bore my
rugs and minor backages along the
platform. I said yes, and he made
mo comfortable and received his six
pence. Then the guard came to look
after my well-being, but got nothing
more than innocent gratitude, which
was perhaps all he desired. I have
no doubt that I did him injustice in
attributing his efforts to introduce a
fat old gentleman with a cough, a
lean old gentleman who was snuffy,
and a middle-aged gentleman who
was enveloped in wraps, the lower
part of whose face was covered up like
a female Turk's, an evident window
shutter, to enter my carriage, in order
to spite me.
Duty to his employers alone made
him endeavor to fill up, but the Brit
ish anxiety to get as much room as
possible for my money was strong
within me, and stirred uncharitable
suspicions.
You may lead a horse to water or
an antinicotinian old gentleman to a
smoking-carriage, but you can't make
him get in ; and when each in turn
put his head into my compartment,
he jibbed, for some late occupants of
it had been cigar, not pipe smokers,
and it was rather strong. So I was
APPARENTLY LEFT ALONE
alone with the Times, and all the
comic weeklies, and a modern poem.
The doors were banged, the engine
whistled, the train began tornove.
It would not stop again till we got to
Peterborough, so that I wa3 safe to be
undisturbed go far. There were six
seats, and I could occupy as many of
them as a limited number of members
permitted. I almost wished myself
an Octopus, to takeifull advantage of
the situation. Calming down, I hung
up my hat, put on a gaudy piece of
needlework won in a bazaar rattle, lit
my pipe, cut my papers and began to
enjoy myself.
I sat in the left-hand corner, with
my back to the engine, absorbed in a
big lawsuit. It is great fuu to read a
cross-examination, and watch how a
clever lawyer will make a clever man
perjur himself. "It reads almost like
a crime," I remarked aloud ; "but
then it is a lawful and beneficial crime.
Soldiers kill people's bodies, lawyers
kill peoples reputations, all for the
good of society in the long run."
While I wa3 uttering the word
"run," my ankles were grasped sud
denly and firmly, then, beforel could
recover from the shook, they were
jerked backward under the seat with
such force that I was
THROWN FORWARD, SPRAWLING.
I tried to rise, but my right wrist was
seized, aud twisted until I was help
leas, and presently I found myself on
the floor of the carriage face down
ward, a sharp knee being scientifical
ly pressed into the small of my back,
and both arms fixed behind me. My
elbows were tied together, and then
the knee was removed and my ankles
were secured. During this latter
operation I kicked and struggled.
''Hum !" said a deliberate voice,
"that will be awkward. "Let's see ;
ah, these will do."
"These" were my sticks and um
brella, whioh some one proceeded to
apply as splintB to the back of my
legs, using the straps which had kept
them in a bundle, to fix them 'at the
ankle and above the knee. When he
had done, I was helpless as a dressed
turkey.
Then I turned- over carefully and
tenderly, and for the first time saw
MY ASSAILANT.
He was a gentlemanly-looking man,
dressed in a black coat and waistcoat,
gray trowsers, and neckcloth. His
hairand whiskers were just turning
grizjly, his chin and upper lip were
clean shaved. His forehead was
high, bis eyes prominent and fixed in
their expression, his nose aquiline,
his mouth a silt. He was of middle
I t - 5 la I n .i V A- I a w a f rt r-v rt V n
' "ul. bPul. uul- "lii ,UUOBUi "
? musceis must have been exceptlonal-
ly elastic aud feline, for you would
hive never thought, to look at him,
that he could stow himself away un
do-the Eeaijcf a raiiroad-arriage sat
conpactiy.
He contemplated me, with his chin
in his right hand, and his right el
bew on his left hand; he said,
tmugbtfully: "Just so. And for the
goad ofsooiety in the long run an
admirable sentiment, my dear sir ; let
it be a consolation to you, if I should
'pcaise you any little annoyance."
f 2e took a Bhagreen spectacle-case
Ifraa his pocket, wiped the glasses
carefully with a silk handkerchief,
and adjusted them on his nose. Then
he produced
AK OBLONG IfiOX,
which he unlocked, nnd placed on
one of the seats. Aftor whioh he sat
down quietly in the place I had oc
cupied five minutes before a position
which brought him very close over
my head and chest, as I lay supine
and helpless at his feet.
"Do you know anything of anato
my ?" he asked. I w&a completely In
his power as a witness In the cross-examining
counsel's, and prudence dic
tated that I should bo equally ready
to answer the most frivolous and im
pertinent questions with politeness.
I said that I did not.
"Ah !" he said; "well, perhaps you
may not have heard of the Bpleen?
Exactly. Now science has never as
yet been able to find out, the use of
the organ ; and the man who be
queathed that knowledge to posterity
would rank with tho discoverer of
the circulation of the blood, and con
fer an inestimable benefi on humani
ty for the remainder of the world's
iease.
I PROPOSE TO DISSECT YOU."
"You will not get much glory for
that," said I forcing mysejf to seem
to take this outrageous practical joke
in good part. "An ungratful gener
ation may or may not profit by your
discovery, butlit will infallibly hang
you."
"Not so," he blandly replied. "I
am a surgeon, who once had a very
considerable practice, but I had to
stand my trial for an experiment,
which proved fatal to one of my pa
tients. The jury, unable to under
stand the sacrifices which an earnest
Inquirer Is ready to offer at the Bhrlne
of science, declared me mad, and I
was placed in confinement. You see
that I can act with Impunity."
And he opened the box. I broke
out In a cold sweat. Was it all real ?
Could the man be in earnest?"
"But," said I, "surely you can get
dead bodies to dissect without having
recourse to crime. And, again, if
generations of anatomists have failed
in 20,000 investigations to discover
the use of the spleen if you yourself
have always tailed hitherto, why
should you suppose that this one at
tempt should be more successful than
the others ?"
"Because, my dear sir," said the
man, with the smile of one who has
caught a brite ideai "all former in
vestigation, Including my own,
have been made on dead subjeots,
while I propose to examine your vital
organs with a powerful .magnifying
glass, while they are
EXERCISING THEIR NORMAL FUNC
TIONS." "What!" I gasped. "You will
never have barbarity " and here my
voice choked.
"Oh, yes I have ; conqured that
prejudice against inflicting Buffering
which is natural to the mind enfeebl
ed qy civilization. For many years I
secretly practiced vivisection upon
animals. I once had a cat, an ani
mal very tenacious of life, under my
scalpel for a week. But wo have no
time to waste in conversation. You
will not be put to any needless suf
fering. These instruments are not
my own, blunted for want of use; I
took the precaution of borrowing the
case of the gentleman under whose
I care I have been placed before mak
ing my escape."
While speaking thus, he took out
the hideous little glittering instru
ments and examined them one by
one. They were of various appalling
shapes, and I gazed upon them with
the horrible fascination of a bird un
der the power of a snake. Of only
one could I tell the use, a thin,
trenchant blade, which cut you al
most to look at it. He knelt across
' me, arranged his implements on the
,seat to hi3 right; laid a note-book,
; pencil, and his watch on that to his
left, aud took off his neok-oloth and
collar, murmuring, "The clothes are
VERY MUCH UN MY WAY ;
I wish that you were properly pre
pared for the operation."
It flashed across me, in my despair
that I had heard of madmen being
foiled by an apparent acquiescence in
their murderous intentions.
"After all," I forced myself to say,
"what is one life to the human race?
since mine is demanded by science,
let me aid you. Remove these bonds
and allow me to take off ray coat and
waistcoat."
He smiled and shook his head.
"Iife is sweet and I will not crush
you," he said, unfastening my waist
coat, and turning b&ck the lapels as
far as be could. 'I hen, taking a pair
of scissors, be prceeded to cut my
shirt-front away, so that presently
my chest was bared to his experi
ments. Whether a closed my eyes
or was seized with vertigo I do not
know, but for a moment or two I lost
sight of every thing and bad visions;
a sort of grotesque nightmare it va,
the figure in whioh I recall but very
indistinctly, but I remember that the
most prominent of them was a pig.
or a pork, hanging outside a butcher's
shop, the appearance of which bore a
mysterous resemblance to myself.
These delirious fantasies were dis
pelled by a sharp pang ; the anatomist
had made
A FIRST slight incision.
I saw his calm face leaning over me ;
the cruel blade with which he was
about to make another and a deeper
cut ; his fingers already crimson with
j blood, aud I struggled frantically.
VOL. .18.-N0. 49.
My operator immediately withdrew
his armed hand and stood erect.
Then, watching his opportunity, he
placed his right foot on the lower
part of my breast-bone, so that by
presure he could suffocate me.
"Listen, my friend," he said, "I
will endeavor not to Injure any vital
organ, but, If yon wriggle about, I
shall not be able to avoid doing so.
Another thing ; If you "
He was interrupted by three Bharp
whistles from the engine, so shrill and
piercing as to drown his voice.
"Impede me by these sharp, con
vulsive movements, I shall be com
pelled to sever those musceis, which
j
He never completed his sentence.
There was a mighty shook, a crash as
if all the world had rushed together.
I was shot under the seat, where I
lay uninjured and in safety, amid the
most horrible din ; breaking, tearing,
shrieking cries for help, and the roar
of escaping steam.
I bad strained the bonds which se
cured my elbows in the struggle, and
the jerk of the collision snapped
them ; so then, when I began to get
my wits together, I found my hands i
free. To liberate my legs was then a
very easy matter, but not to extricate
myself the next thing I set about.
The whole top of the carriage from
where the stuffed cushion part ends,
wa3 carried sheer away ; and amid
the debris which encumbered my
movements lay the
MANGLED AND DECAPITATED BODY
of the madman, who intending to as
sail my life, had by keeping me down
at the bottom of the carriage, saved
it.
Moral. When alone In a railway
carriage, it may be worth while to
take a look below the seats. English
Magazine.
m .
TIPTONION.
"Washington, May 21. The Sen
ate met at 1.
After reading the journals of yes
terday, Mr. Tipton said ho arose to
move a correction therein. Tho jour
nal showed that the Senate adjourned
to meet at 1 to-day, but there was no
mention made of that fact In the rec
ord. In view of the fact that the rec
ord was always correct, he inferred
that the journal clerk was mistaken,
and therefore moved In correction to
to strike out that portion relative to
adjournment.
The Chair (Mr. Carpenter) said the
journal was correct, and the Senator
should correct the record.
Mr. Tipton Then I move to cor
rect the journal to read as follows :
"Ordered, That when the Senate
adjourns to-day it be to meet at 1 o'
clock to-worrow, on nccount of the
marriage in the family of the Pres
ident, which is to be consumated at
the hour of 11 o'clock a. m. to-morrow."
Mr. Hamlin I believe that when
the motion to adjourn was made yes
terday no reason was given.
The Chair None whatever.
Mr. Hamlin said that he did not
know by what power the Senator
from Nebraska 'Tipton) proposed to
construct the motvies of the Senators
in adjourning over.
Mr. Tipton said that when he came
to the Capitol this morning ho found
the house in session. He did not hear
the motion to adjourn yesterday, and,
not finding the Senate in session, he
inferred that something unusual was
going on. Now that time was so
precious, he had come to the conclu
sion that adjournment over for two
hours must be for an event known to
the whole country,
Mr. Fenton suggested that, In
view of the explantion of the Sen
ator from Main and the statement of
the Chair, the Senator from Nebraska
withdraw his motion..
Mr. Hamlin said that as the motion
to amend the journal only expressed
the views of the Senator from Ne
braska, he (Hamlin) moved to lay it
on the table, and the motion was
agreed to without dissent."
What In the world was the man
trying to do? Fix up a false journal
to suit himself? Ah I
THE SCISSORS EDITOR.
Some people estimate the ability
of a newspaper and the talent of Its
editor by the quantity of original
matter. It is comparatively an easy
task fora frothy -writer to pour out
dally a column of words words up
on any and all subjects. His ideas
may flow in one weak, washy, ever
lasting flood, and the command of
his language may enable him to string
them together like bunches of onions,
and yet his paper may be a meagre
and poor concern. Indeed, the mere
writing part of editing a paper is but
a portion of the work. The care, the
time employed in selecting, la far
more important, and tho tact of a-
good editor ia better shown by his se-
iecuoua man anyimng eise; ano tuai
we Know is nan tne oattie. jut, as
we have said, an editor ought tobe
estimated, and his labor understood
and appreciated by the general con
duct of his paper its tone, its uni
form, consistent course, its aims. Its
management, Its dignity, and its pro
priety. To preserve these as they
should be preserved is enough to oc
cupy fully the time and attention of
any man. If to this be added the
general supervision of the newspaper
establishment, whioh most editors
UBVO AL CliUUUlHOl, tile HUUUW ig JJOW
1 .. t i i I
tney nna time to write at aij.
The cremationista in Rhode Island
naturally go for Bornside for Senator.
Mi
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OFFICIAL PAPER OF THE C0HSTY,
JUSTICE 3irLLER'SGA3I-CCK.
Justice Miller, of New Castle, tella
this story about hlmBelf : My wlfa
had half a dozen Leghorn hens and .
rooster which she thought everything
of. She had nil the modern improve
ments put info the hen-house, and
took special pains to see that her
fows enjoyed all the luxuries that
well-regulated and orderly Sens'
should enjoy. One day a friend of
mine from Groton Falls gave me a
game-cock. Of course I had to keep
him a coop to prevent him from e2
terminatingtbeLeghorn rooster. My
wife disliked game fowls, find I had'
to feed him myself. One morning
the rooster got out. He went straight'
for the masculine Leghorn. I pursu
ed him, and seemingly made a des
perate effort to catch him. But I took:'
good care not to capture him until ho
had had a half dozen enchanting bat
tles with Leghorn.. When I thought"
that Leghorn had about all he could"
stand, I cooped up my chicken. Mrs.
Miller was excited, and I was very
sorry about the accident. The nercf
night I went out to find my rooster,
but he was not in his coop. I eearch-
the yard, but could not find him. I
went into the kitchen and made in
quiries of my wife.
"He got out this morning," said3
Mrs. Miller.
"How did he get out ?" Bald I.
"I let him out," said she.
"Where did he go? saidl'.
"Into that pot," said my wiferpoinf
ing to the steaming vessel on tho
stove.
I haven't had a game fowl since,
THE BEST COW,
A pretty rich thing occurred at the'
establisment of Simpson not long
since. Simpson used to be our milk
man, and we attribute to him, in a
great measure, our loss of confidence
in humanity generally, and milkmen'
in particular. Miko Welsh had been
recommended to Simpson as a fit man
to assist in taking care of horses and
cows : so Mike was hired, and placed
in oharge of his department.
One morning, after Mike had beerr
a month at the place, SimpBon, who
had made ready to start off with his
milk cart, said to him : "Mike, you
may give the cows some oatmeal this
morning ; and be sure you give my
best milker an extra quantity.7'
"The best milker, is It, sir?"
"Yes ; yon know the old cow that
give3 the most milk ?"
"Bedad, I think I do, sir."
"Well, you may give her fonf
quarts of the mash."
"All right, sir. I'll do that same."
On tho evening of that day, Simp
son had occasion to go to the old1
wooden pump in the yard. He tried
the handle, but it wouldn't work.
The pump seemed to be entirely chdk
ed up. Finally ho discovered' all the"
upper part was loaded with some
thing very nearly resembling oatmeal
mash. He called his. man-servant,
"Mike," said he "what is the mat
ter with the pump?"
"The pump, is it, sir?"
"Yes. How came this oatmealniasb
lu hero?"
"Sure, sir, I put It In mesoHf."
"Stupid blockhead ! why did you
do that?"
"It was yerself that told me, Bir."
"I I told you to put it in here?"
"Indade.ye did, sir!"
"Why. you thick-headed rascal!
what do you mean VT
"Don't bo In a passion, master".
Did you not tell me to give yor best
milker an extra quantity of the mash,
and where in all the world, I'd like
to know, is the orathur that gives bo
tm;ch milk to yer cans as does this
old pump."
The story leaked out. and added1
greatly to the distrust already enter
tained by Simpson's customers.
A DeWitt County, Dls-., school"
teacher has established a rule that
when- one of the girls misses a word
the lad who- spells It can kiss her.
The result is .that the girls are-fast for
getting all they ever knew about
spelling, while the boys are improv
ing with wonderful rapidity.
m m
A pair of drawere aspan of trucar
horses.
Thohymn for the Centennial OlcV
Hundred.
Ministers of the interior The cook:
and the doctor.
What is the best key for a Christ
mas box? A tur-key.
When does- a chair dislike
When It oan't bear you
you?'
Conceit An ass whoimagines"iiim
self to be an elephant.
Aim high, but not so high as not to
be able to-hit anything.
l An unpieasant aort of axithmetic-
DiviBion among families:
Prosperity is the thing in the world
wo ought to trust the least.
i
Farmers- gather what they vovr
while seamstresses- sew what they
gather.
The Worcester, Mass., crusader?
have- stormed a printing office. No
body tilled.
Mrs. Csse, who took a second ans-
hnnd thi rthp flf"iv pvidpnflv wnnte5
I a mlft-
If a man dreams the devil is after
him, it is & sign be b$d- better settle
ihis subscription bilL
f I 00 $3 GO I CO
250 4 00 120
4 00 6 00 275
TOO 1900 SCO
12 CO MS 00 8 00