h-S
SXM32A2IltZ:-,3ZHlZ
THE ADVERTISER
Pj'jlfslied every Thursday by
CA FFHEY & II A CKER,
Proprietors.
THE ADVERTISER
ADVERTISING RATES.
SPACE.
o i i5 -o trf ir"
':.? a 3 . 9 is
SJ.it
---:" "MUi .vTniiF nr i i ! iiiiii ii iiiim ..111 II I I IIMamHEMWi,, , I Ml PHhff"' JfcflLUJfciTrJ fP'KJV i ?:ailJlig-V-w..-.v, -j mm.!tb
-- r . rnri nrrMMr n m i --- - - -
l-c 7o.7 I Md'hernon' Block, npStalra,
EKOW.V VII.LK, NEBRASKA.
Terms, in Advance :
!" m-year 8'i 00
- i months
J 00
50
-' I III N (SHATTER OX EVERY PAHE
3TJSINESS CATiDS.
ATTOIIXEYS.
T.
II. IJronily,
ani cocnselop. at law.-
,or state Hank. i;rwiivlll .M-b.
K. IV. Tliomnk,
SKY AT LAW. Office, front room over
i- n Jt CrMfc's Hardware Store. Ilrown-
Stdney French,
' SKY ANIJ COUNSELOR AT LAW.
.r I'oit Ottice. llruwiivllk. Neb. 13yl
St till &. Schick.
cvns AND CT)UNSi;i.OILS AT LAW.
roNimwa in me i.iik'"" "' ' "-
.. otticr, No.TO lin str-ot.nii
nvltle.Nfb. 4'-ly
AV. T. UoRrrii,
STY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW -
illllnt Mttfiitkiii to a:iy li-siil
r i l-4 1 hUcHre. Ollice In Court Iluuie
i". tixille. Neb.
Ileivelt fc XriVi'iaii!
MY-. AND COUNSELORS AT LAW.
;. Nb.
i i. .s AtturnoytU Law and Lund Agent,
r :B Oowaiy. Nebraska.
nr T '
IIYSIC1AN3.
, n .I.I.AHAV.M.I).. I'Jiyrfclan. airpeon
( , -'lurid!!. OraduHted inloSl. Loca-
.j mile IVA Ollice, I.i-lt fc Crfih s
l I'lu-mon Hlock. SjH'Cial attention
.r,-.. trka and diseH-es ot Women and
in Mn
1 A'KT,M. IK, 1'li.vhWHH and Surgeon,
. iltt Neb. (Mice hours from 7 loHa m.
,l ', to 7', p. m. Oltice in II. C Lett j
. iihWS. Physician ami SHrc'i'ii- (lilic
iru store. No. XI Mhiii strict, I5rov.ii-
SOTAniES.
L. A. ll-rgliiniin,
, I'l BLI AMI (1lXVi:YVITK.
..,.: Mali sm-'t. Itmt..iU- N"-
I .P.HT No!.rv rubl!c:iiid'iineaiirr,
'lain vtPH 'swmhI lljor. ilrowir. ill'",
,! L.rttie l.niitnble iiiid A nierican 'I oii-
V
i rano companies.
in rn -
UKIGGISTS.
Lett fc Crclgli,
t, .!-T d dealers in I'aints. Oils. Wail
I ) i- i r Mcpherson Block. No. oi Main
r- i.r viuvtU . Neb.
, mm, KHIII.HHII ii I ! m.i biit-m - --. j
FICKIJ STA31JJ.
I nl u IIoue I-fi! &. Trnliitni; Stalile.
i ! n I'rvrli'inr. Hor-ebrpaVlnR and
. r 'u;m-RflKCl:tJ. Horses boarded
at . icrnis.
1. NI ACKXTs.
, ...sWl.LL. l'.al l-.tateand Tas rajiiiR
n!ie' ia t s.eH illoek. corner hirst
, -,;n-e!H. Will Rive prompt altentionto
1! .. Ktale nd the 1M uieut or '! aen
, t , N. maha Laud DiMricU .If
,. . i k,. V. HUGHKH, Heal Kstate Agent and
l ,-, ciiiiii'. ortii e in iiortha-t corner Jlc-
I ,. upstairs, Itrow ii viile. Neb.
u ii M IT. HO)VKR. Ileal IN'ate and Tax
V V i . , --nt ottic-in District t'oiirt KiM.m.
. .r.t!nptjatentH:i to the sale ol IJenl liv
, r : i.-i.t of faxes tfcrousoul the Nemalia
;H4IX DEAI.EIIS.
eo. C5. Stnrt,
, n ni'MxniN t;uiN and Aiatirri
.'..i i miilHieiiU, and Mlorace. 1 oruarUing
.. 1 . i ii-m.ii Merchant, A!:iull.Ntb.
SADBLEKY.
I'M r .C. llanies. l'.rldles. follairs. r.tc. No
'l'n ,ir.el.Itriiii'.ille.Nb. Melidinrfdoui
r - ii'-i:c:i'ii ''U inmnsS.
1 . .
f - I
IIXCIOnE 1511L1N.
Will I LKIt llrHlse'J'ii'dera'idt'oiitricttir,
V..M.. N Ii ..l-M--rilllr It W lllltll h
I mis BridH. fin slronRfsl and be-st wooden
V . U-sl".
('.
WMil
HOTELS.
i Ml Itll'AN HOl'M I- D. Uobi-son. lTojinctor.
V 1 m s;psl, I.Wween Main alHl IVilieKO. (.oud
t ml LUery rtble in connection Willi this
11
fil'.Tf SMITH.
I'M I" UAIiIMM"K.:t:ii Sniitli t Lock Sniitli.
i .... i N'rt .- Ma:n vtreet. Hr'iwnville,
s 'i-t (.i:iiMii:iletoonhr.aiulrejairinoi':ie
4r , i i l cheap rates. "-"
liLACKSXITHS.
t W .v J i". !I!IMN. BIj. koitilllis and Ilor-e
' . - i . r First street la-tween Maui..nd MlanliC.
i. . Mil.- eb. VYorkdoiietoorderandsutishu-
. 'i luraiili l. ....r
1UIOTS AXD SHOES.
4 ! I K'lKINSON. lIMt and hoe Maker. No.
"I tin street. ISr.wuville,Neh Hascoiistant
1 . iM'l a cood assortment of Uent's. Io!'s,
' i i I i Inlilren s I5Mits and hoes. fnstoiii
-.. 1 i with n.-atness and dispatch. Ilepairlng
1 .ii sl.urt notice.
- ..4--.. .. .---. -, -
SAJiOUXS.
I s. "II lirHDVHT st I'll .IVace and tjniet Sa
il . , i ,1 Mi street, ItrnwiJMlte, Neb. The
"i hiiI Lniunrskcj.j "ii hand
B. E.SOHDES,
Mannfactnrer ard DotWln
W''u
r.
cci Q&rm see
t
a:
C5
"WHIPS, CAXYAS COLLARS, ROBES,
.INK PADS. IlltUSlllis, ItLANKLT-s.
BKOWNVILLE, NEB.
JACOB MAR0IIN,
3MERCHANT TAIJLOR,
o
W 5
ft
I Cl
S 2
51
3 v, 2
H M
eFI
S a
5
a
ta -
tew
ft
CLOCKS, WATCHES, JEWELRY,
liepalred, and Jav.-elry ilanufactured to order.
ALL WORK WAItllANTED.
Clocks, Watches, Jewelry
JOSEPH SHUTZ,
No. 59 Main Str-t, Brotjrnville.
QjL Keeps constantly on hand a lanje and well
t L R?'or'eJ1 Btock of Konuine article, in ids line.
i..3S.KimiriMg of Clocks, Watclies and Jewelry
done on short notice, at reasonable rates
ALL WORK WAItRAXTED.
f f a t'A tTdTl rtitivmnlisllAncliitiverwprklBciwn.1
v 1.-1 J vl ilt,o(tItUcrifi.Toi;n;orJ.mil.trioreli.)iK-rU
riai tirrpara monvnfa oraiuiH-timetbt:titaii)-iulxi
s l'rtlcuUi frea. JlJ4iHi0.btlii.oni Csi.,roillu4,iLlii.
5 ? J I
Pu itos. n i mi i ijnr.il w w
ESTABLISHED 1856. i
Oldest Paper in the State. )
PERU ADVERTISEMENTS.
Insurance not n Privilege but n Duty.
Continental Insurance Company
OF XsTBts 1TOH.E.
Ancom mcr ......
Losmth pniil in Chicitcn.
Losses paid In Kostoit, .
$2,000,000
1,500,000
.100,0(10 ,
Coi-'rv-i ,na,' a sIfcialt.v, tipon tlielnsisil
r d I 111 inent or Aniui'il I'romium plan,
Oirlrrs fr live vears; less than live yeans,
ItlbrVb stoek plan.
Insure I'K'iinst loss or lamnje by Fire and
LiIitnlni; bisildinsand contents, lny.rain
and .stock. OIIO. T. HOI'K, I'res.
Pvitl's l'J-CK. Sec.
C. .T. IiAinifK, General Af;ent, Omaha.
P. M. MAKTIN,
AGKNT KOIl NEMAHA COUNTY.
BARNES fc 3IOODEY,
DAVID ItAItNKS. .S. S. M00DKY.
DKALEItS IN
GENEEAL
GROCERIES
E3323S
( 1
K.
BOOTS,
Queensware,
SHOES,
Glasswaro,
CIOT -s HING,
HATS, ' i I CARS,
LAHPSofflic J Latest Styles,
In great rTs. varletj.
Hi 1 1 , Z I U H t
y
A FULL
LINE OF
. ror lrjj ror
Picture Frames.
HIGHEST MARKET PRICE
3- 3aA!Ia!! x 2?ar'
For Prcbcttt or Spring lltllvery. .
Wo are constantly fillliiK up with ne'.v goods
which wo
SSLjl LOW DOK"
to Jiilt purchasers.
WE REFER TO OUR CUSTOMERS.
S. R. DAILY,
I)RU(JS, MEDICINES,
CHEMICALS,
FINK TOILET SOAPS,
Fancj Hair A Tooth llrnshcs.
Perfumer;',
Toilet Articles,
TIli'SSKS, SKOriiOKK RKACIS,
llrnti iin-l Ur Irn s(7t,
PURE VIXES ASI) I.ii;'ORS FOR
MEUICI.VAL PURPOSES,
Faints, Oils, Varnil!0ssnul Dye StufTs,
Leltcr Paper. Pen". Ink, Envelopes,
GLASS PUTTY,
Carbon Oil L-imps and Chimneys.
I'hysirinn's Prescription' Carefull) Coir.ponmlcil
If BP TP (II
i bum).
i muii
FEED, LIVSRY
AND EXCHANGE STABLE
J. A.. arJLJL,$LA.l$
Would respect fnl I v announce to the citlrens
of l'eru and icinity, thai he has opened out
.A.T SKyTJ
with a li.ie array of
Slock, Carriages & Teams
AND
A Xo. I Saddle Horses.
OPSS AT ALL H0UE3, DAY OR NIGHT,
to accommodate the pleasure seeking
public.
Mo. 1 GALLAHTS
to drive teams if desired.
I solicit a liberal t-hare of the public patron
iJ,o. Very respectfully yours,
"JA0X."
THOMPSON'S
U, S, Mail and Transfer Hacks,
lll'N DAILY FROM
PERU, NEBRASKA,
Jo the following points:
Nobrasiia naklnc connection with trains
City, o ho Muiiaii.l P.u-itlc 11. K,
Brovnvillc " ' u daily.
Watson Sin- making connections with all
tion. Mo., trains on the K. C, .St. Joe. &
C. 15. It. It.
PASSENGERS AT iOIV RATE?.
FREIGHT VNDEXPRSSof fl U 7rc
transferred on the-,e routes i Ivlllub
at roasonablo rittei-.
C5- VII orders left with GEO. A I5ROWN,
mt, at the P. O. in Peru, Neb., will be
promptly attended to.
k Trlose" Tiiompson.
C. W. CI LBERTSOX
PEHTEB and BDIL
CONTRACTS TAKEN.
Material Furnislied wlien Desired,
at terms and rates which defy competition.
Address, or call at shop, corner Filth and
Park btreeLs, Peru. Neb.
Refers to , tV " V.i.lii,.11.
lit. M. V
VILKS.
Syl
CHARLES GAEDE
PROPItrETOIt.
Guests received at nil hours. DAY
1 and NIGHT. Connects with
! LiA-ciy Stul)le
' under same management.
' -Careful attention given to the
a- wants of guest. We refer to the
JJ traveling public.
WELLfs
. TV. ELLIS
SOLE PEOrEIETOU,
e exclusive rijiht
putting in RORED
WELLS in NEMAHA
ORINO.
COUNTY. Calls by
letter receive prompt
attention. Parties nuiv
make choice of PINE, GAI.YEXIZED
1ROXORCEMESTTUBIXG. We make
wells through KOCK, as we are provided
with a thousand pound horse-power drill.
Drill same size sis Auger. Guarantee water
or no par. Postofilce address. PERU. Neb
Boring done in Winter s well cm Summer.
nnvRnniiY t
if ii I UvJUtJu
H
n 11
.Hi 8 ills
caiic&a iOUsPiisi W&
PERU ADVERTISEMENTS.
i ' G. -W. PKTETSOjST i TSl
JrA I will make to order '
62?AI31SG D0N2 PHOIIPTLY. '
Call and see Samples. hpsl
1STO FIT ISTO SALE. 2
A I JOB1K BRtTXSBOrt, !
1 Fashionable Boot and Shoe '
S isyar-EiEi?.. ' i
CUSTOM WORK ALWAYS OX HANI).
Repairs executed with neatness. ji
W CALL AND EXAMINE MY STOCK i
R. H. S.1ISTII,
Justice of thePeace & Collection
AGENT.
Special attention given to collection of notes
and accounts for non-rcRldents.
Address Box 00, PERU, Nemaha Co., Neb.
HATS. RRYAXT,
-Barber a,nd Hair Dresser,
PETERSON'S OLD STAND,
Fifth Street, ... Peru, Neb.
Particular attention given to Ladles' Hair
Dreeing. Switches and Curl& made to older.
I guarantee good work. Syl
t1. J-t MljrWMIs-r?','"'
'jtiiMjr iJL.'-J'gs.'.r. J At
BATfKS.
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13 pj
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C1-;.
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a-
FURNITURE.
J". Xj. K.03T,
Dealer In
-t 1 I wl3 Ife? H B ft 6
JS IiO&mJI2ft
Undertaking a Specialty.
Keeps a full line of
MET ALIO AiNrf WOOD
BURIAL CASES.
50 jrain Street, BROWXTILLE, XEB.
fixasESs:
iP 7. C?. J? USSELL.
Dealer in
WINES. UQUORS & CIGARS
WHOLESALE AXD RETAIL.
42 Main. Street,
LIiIA
A PULL LIXE OP
POCKET
CDTLEBT
1UALITY'.
ZI TABLE
OF THE BEST QUALITY",
For sale by
Tisdel & Richards.
O - -i r
' - its r
E.35HL' 5 Kt
; p ss ? s. 77-s r' is
? rr Si J VJ-i " . ..si
-3 I 5s 2. " LJ ; ; S
S- 5 KP s ih "ti - C?!2
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2 s s,,5'. ,JLJ.R' sss-
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BROWNVILLE, NEBRASKA,
GOING AAV AY,
BY THE AUTIIOK OF JOUK HALIFAX.
Do not be angry with me
For an idle word I bay;
Do not be angry, father4
Because I am going away.
Have patience with me, my mother.
Though I may have none with you 5
Brit I love you, I love you, mother,
Whatever I bay or do.
Look kindly upon me, sister,
You are beautiiul uud gay;
Y'our dajs will be long and happy,
But I am going away.
With me, il you could but read it.
Clear written on cheek and brow,
There is no piust, no future,
Only a brier, calm Now :
A little .space to be glad in
A lesser space to grieve ;
And liie'.s whole scene lades from me.
As the landscape lades at eve.
Except that eve I shall see not,
My day is ended at noon;
And the saddest bit of the story
Is it does not end too soon.
I am so weary, weary !
I could turn my face to the wall;
Like a sick child, long before bed-time,
Drop nsleep among you all :
So glad that lessonsare over;
Still gladder that piny is done j
And a dusky curtain stretches
Between me and the gun.
Good-bye, my father and mother J
Two of you and but one of me !
And sister, you'll Mud some stranger
Much closer than I could be;
One more but death's quiet teaching
Is making me slowly wise ;
My heart, too poorior his keeping
Thou, God, Thou wilt not despise:
My .soul, too weak for earth's battle,
Thou wilt gird up anew '
And the angels shall si e me doing
The work I was meant to do ;
The work that I ever tailed in.
And wept o'er and tried again,
Till brain and body and spirit
Snapped under the cruel strain.
That is over. So, none need he sorry ;
You rather ought to rejoice.
And sing my mie in pueem
Without a break ni your voice;
And let me depart contented.
Before the heatof the dav;
For I shall be still God's servant,
Although I have gone away I
CAUSES OP LAUGHTER.
National TraitM of Humor Q.unli!ict
of Wit Illustrated.
X. V.
Tribune's report of a Lecture by Itev. John
weiss.j
The subject of this lecture is best
reached by me from the point of re
lieving thut of sill the animals man
alone seems to be capable of laughter.
It, as so many naturalists now claim,
man has ascended by successive evo
lutions of varieties from a lower ani
mal type, we ought to be able to find
some germs of the laughing propensi
ty among our ance.-stors, but the mus
cles which correspond to this propen
sity happen not to be developed in
the animals. When dogs are fondly
gamboling about you there is a Blight
eversion of the lips, which is just a
rudimentary hint of man's facial ex
pression in the actof mirth. The dog
has been the associate of human
moods in all countries, and for thous
ands of years ; yet, although we are
told that "the dog laughed to see the
sport," he has not yet made un his
mouth for anything more emphatic
than a simper. Sometimes monkeys
have a facial expression accompanied
by a laughing noise, which is so like
human eachination that we immedi
ately imagine them to be esiteitained
by kQmelhiug. There are many well
attested cases of absolute enjoyment
among animals, which sometimes ris
es to the picture of mirthfulne-s Dr.
Kane, one day, came across a long icj
inclined shoot, like the artificial coast
ing places made by the Russians,
down wich a long line of white bears
were seen sliding on their hands, evi
dently in great delight, and at the
bottom of the hill they would caper
about and then run up the hill again,
in great glee, carrying theirsleds with
them. Laughter. He says the
signs of the pleasure among them
were unmistakable. If the Siberian
sea-otter escapes into the water from
the hunter it shows its joy by marked
gestures. It raise- its paw to its face.
It is a very simple, natural gesture,
and maj' be the origin of the motion
so much liked by boys, when the
thumb ie placed to the nose and the
fingers extended. If animals can
show grief, as man' do, then mirth
but endows them with a compensa
tion. When you consider that the
higher animals can compare objects
and have associations of ideas, you
instantly tread very closely uponthe
human function of laughter.
The power to combine two or more
objects, to experience the feeling that
two objects are associated, leads to the
highest form of wit. With this fac
ulty you make a very good shift with
existence, with its toil, becomes in
supportable. Laughter loosens the
handcuils and lets the prisoner have
a little run. Multitudes of our brains
are badly drained in consequence of
the settleage of the wastage of street
work into a moral moras. One Hash
of the smile shows oil' Medusa's head
with impunity. The more we smile,
the less chance- of that misfortune of
ennui. You can imagine that a toad
imprisoned in a rock or tree should
at length begin to be a little tired of
his close confinement. When he is
at last released, you will notice that
he will hop awa with as much alert
ness, or catch the nearest ity with as
great an appetite, as before his impris
onment. As the brain becomes more
complicated than in the lower forms
of life, you may expect to observe a
liability to sutler tedium A good dog
will show his disappointment when
he gets out with a bad sportsman. The
whole action of that dog shows that
he will not tolerate such an irieligiou
of property. If an animal is capable
of liaving a consecutive dream, like
Miss Mitford's dog, such an animal
can feel the torments of ennui.
INCONGRUITY' THE ROOT OF A LAUGH.
The Alpine ilower sticks close to
the snow line, from which it takes its
color, but close to It are spring ilow
cfs. It is only a step Irom one to the
other. That step is taken, in the
gravity of life, when things that are
incongruous are forced to touch. San
ity depends on this. Such a result
can be soberly contemplated. My
point is this, that if a thing cannot
be done, and yet is done, the result is
fatal to sobriety. That is the root of
every laugh. Why do you laugh
when a person tumbles upstairs, or
when j'our revered aunt struggles
with an umbrella which turns its ribs
the wrong way, and perhaps throws
her upon the ground ? It is because
an -rect position is the normal one mr
a man, and an umbrella is a protec
tion for a helpless woman. When a
man Is in full hue and cry after his
hat you laugh. It is because the hat
is inseperable from the head in prin
ciple, but separable in fact. If we were
sure of our own scalps we should like
to be near by when an Indian at
tempted to scalp the first man he met
who wore a wig.
I must show you my point by tell
ing you anecdotes. Ge.n. Sherman
had a body servant, a Geiman, who
went with him through the war, but
who could never realize the idea that
the war was over. Going North, he
came to Chicago, and when he was
going to leave, ortjereq his valise
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 20 1873
rcasscrv
ii in
packed. The General remonstrated
at tne size of the one selected, and up-
un s.'Aiuiuuuon iounu it niletl with
": " spoons iaKen irom tne Ho
tels they had visited. The servant
still pillaged as if going through Geor
gia. That has the effect of the ludi
crous simpiy oecause it is incongru
ours behavior.
When Mr. Pickwick is left slum
bering benignly in his wheelbarrow,
I think we should laugh even though
the Brick Lane Branch of the Ebe
nezer Temperance Society werestand
ing by in tears. He was in a tight
fix that respectability does not know.
When the obese lover, encased in
corset and tightly strapped panta
loons, fell on his knees before his la
dy to make his declaration, she was
amazed and asked him to rise. He
answered: "I cannot, Madam," and
she had to ring for theservant. That
was ludicrous. If I had said that the
suit was rejected it would have the
first element of a pun
A PUN SOMETIMES WITTY'.
A pun only raises a smile. It forces
two things into incongruity, and we
admire the skill displayed. Some one
asked Foote, the comedian, if he had
ever been in Cork. No, he answered,
but I have seen a great many draw
ings of it. When Lincoln was taken
sick with the small pox, he said he
was very glad of it, because now he
had something he could give to every
office seeker who came to him. i
think I know why you laughed then.
It was because the play upon the
word "give" betrays, and you realize
the moral annoyance of that class of
beggars. Laughter Thackeray
made one ot his best puns once when
some one, in telling him that a cer
tain man who had been prodigunusly
addicted to beer was dead. said. "Wo
hardly know his equal."
replied Thackeray, "take
half-and-half we ne'er
"All, yes,"
him in all
shall look
upon his like again."
This sporting with words threw
aside a little the powdered smoke of
the battlefield of Shiloh, and ether
ized the pain of one of your soldiers
whose cheek and chin had b'een car
ried away by a shot. "What can we
do for him, boys?" cried one. Said
he: "I should like a drink of water
mighty well if I had the face to ask
for it." Laughter. A verj' good
pun can be made unconsciously, as in
the case of Lord Dundreary in the
play, because that character can only
comprehend one use for one word at a
time, and if the most obvious use
strikes him first he is incapable of
predicating any transfer of it. So he
says to Lieut. Vernon : "Of course
you can pass your examination, but
what I want to knowis can you go
through it?"
Punning approaches the character
of wit when the identity of sound
not only covers two ideas, but carries
also an allusion to still another. That
is the transition point where we com
pass over the boundary of punning
into wit. Punning is a constraint of
two different ideas to be expressed by
one word. Wit is the constraint of
two different objects to be expressed
by one idea. Wit depends for its ef
fect upon ideas alone, and it is reach
ed whenever the mind suffers an idea
suggested to it to appear fora moment
likesomething which belongs to an
other idea. The latter really resem
bles the first idea, and the two a-e
compelled to seem to be united when
they ought really to be kept assunder;
and though the allusion can last only
fora moment, that is time enough to
express a delight with the mental
stratagem. Perhaps the secontl idea
so far from liaving any natural rela
tion with the first is violei tly oppos
ed to it in every sense so that nobody
can suppose it possible for them to
communicate. Still the mind by its
imagination contrives this momenta
ry rendezvous, and the lightning flash
betrays two heterogeneous things ap
parently in close communion.
THE SOUL OF WIT.
And although this is the metaphys
ical basis of all wit, we must notice
the distinction in its quality accord
ing as it draws upon more or less of
the imagination, and is more or less
infused with good nature. Douglas
.lerroiti gives us most ot tne caustic
kind, lorn Hood furnishes most of
the jolity, and Charles Lamb gives us
its clear north light Riehter, Syd
ney Smith and Shakespeare its broad
humanity. Douglass Jerrold, meet
ing a man who was such an abject
toady that if his friend Jones had the
influenza he would contrive in some
way or at her to get up a cold, said to
him, "Brown, have you heard theru
mor flying 'round town? They say
Jones paj'.s the dog tax for you."
That is bitter. But when one gentle
man, during a supper of sheepshe ids,
throws down his knife and says,
"Sh-epuheads forever," Jerrold re
marks, with still more biting satire,
"What egotism !" So, too, when a
member of his club, hearing an air
mentioned, said, "that always car
ros me away when I hear it." Jer
rold, merely to seize an opportunity,
said : "Will somebody please whistle
it?" This easily rankles us if there
lie a drop of iispicion in our nature.
For instance, when Sheridan, solicit
ing the votes of the shoemakers of
Stamford, exclaims, "May the trade
of Stamford be trampled under the
foot of all the world." he was misun
derstood and the shoemakers were
mortally offended.
The French abound in the kind of
wit which penetrans like the color
less north-light into your studio, and
sets a contrast in clearness so that
you admire its outlines, serenely smil
ing, as when, for instance, a French
man exclaimed: "An Englishman
would be extremely mortified if he
had no faith in another life." And
here is another. When a certain
duke came to London to negotiate a
peace. Charles Townsend being asked
if the French Government had sent
the preliminaries of a treay. answer
ed that he did not know, but they had
sent the outline of an Ambassador.
Among the announcements in a
French paper. I notice one that "a
young man about to marry wants to
meet a man of experience who will
dissuade him " Abraham Lincoln
once concluded not to think of mar
rying, because, he said, "I can never
be satisfied with any one who will be
blockhead enough to have me "
It is s.iid to be imposs ble to dis
criminate between the wit that pro
duces pleasure of thought and that
which produces pleasure of laughter.
It does not seem to me so hopeless a
task to discriminate between the two.
When reflection predominates and
the act of wit approaches a statement
of truth, so that the surprise does not
borrow any tinge from any human
sentiment, the pleasure will he inordi
nate, and if we produce a smile at all,
it will be where the German con
structed the idea of the camel in the
depths of his consciousness. When,
for instance. Mr. Lowell, the
meri-
can poet, whose Pegasus had stepped,
upon his foot, said to him, "What a '
ii jj jfcn
! pity it is my grandfather left to me
, his gout, and nothii.g in the cellar to
' keep it up with." A 'f
fellow feeling
makes us wondrous
kind ;" it is so
nfirmities.
human to nurse our
THE SOBER AFTER-THOUGHT.
It does not follow that the wit that
produces laughter can be analyzed
without a mental process, but that is
an after-thought, and laughter antici
pates it, as when Mark Twain, writ
ing upon Benjamin Franklin, says :
"He was twins, having been born si
multaneously in two houses in Bost
on." Let us analyze it. Mark Twain
assumes that both houses, since peo
ple insist upon both, must have been
the spots of his birth, and if so, the
births in both houses must have been
simultaneously. But still, the two
Franklins were not identical, and of
course they must have been twins.
At least, that is the best 3ou can do
with the historical material. Laugh
ter. L 6
If wit ever unmasks moral feeling
it performs its noblest function, and
imparts a very rare pleasure to the
mind. Abraham Lincoln was the
man to do that thing, as when, for in
stance, out in Illinois, defending a fu
gitive slave, he said : "Gentlemen, it
is very singular that the courts of
this State will hold that a man never
loses his right to his property that has
been stolen from him, but that he in
stantly loses the right to himself if he
is stolen." It has sometimes seemed
to me that this accidental congruity
of wit is sometimes enhanced by a
droll incompetence of understanding,
as shown in the behav.or of the one
who hears it. For instance, on a
very hot -'ay Sydney Smith answered
the complaint of a lady about the
weather by saying, "Yes, hot, indeed
For my part, I wish I could take oil
my llesh and sit in my bones." That
is something more than a ludicrous
extravagance. The wit extends to
the congruitv of taking the clothes
oil' of (.he llesh, and there is just one
electric instant when thi.s seemed not
only possible, but rather desirable.
But it is enhanced to Us when we re
member the puzzled look of the lady
who only saw an indelicacy in that
which was delicate to the pitch of
ghastliness. It is stripped, for that
matter, to the very last, rag of that
thing prudery. So Charles Lamb
said, when a gentleman remarked that
he was a matter of fact man, "Far
my part. I am a matter of lie man."
The effect of the surprise was increas
ed by seeing that one of the hearers
put on the proper shockod expression.
Thus I think you will notice that
the raillery of Falstaff owes half its
excellency to Dime Quicky's constant
misrepresentation, for this reflects
back upon it the only wit which it
did not have before. Thus the grim
irony of Hamlet, after killing Polo
nies, in replying to the King, "The
old man has gone to supper." The
courtiers know he is killed, but they
cannot take the point of Hamlet's
answer. In a play of Douglass Jer
rold, an old sailor, trying to snatch a
kiss from a maid, received a box on
the ear. "There," said he, "that is
my luck ; always wrecked on the cor
al reefs;" and good as it is, the joke
is greatly enhanced when we learn
that the manager, when the play was
read to him in the green-room, could
not see the pun, and insisted upon
Jerrold's striking it out.
This unconsciousness of being a
source of wit in others may become a
source of wit itself. There must al
most be a complete unconsciousness
of the perpetration of a "bull." Syd
ney Smith says that our pleasure aris
ing Irom a "bull" proceeds from our
surprise at suddenly discovering
things to be dissimilar which we had
thought to be similar. A gentleman,
in speaking of a nobleman, lamented
very much that he had no children.
A medical gentleman said that to
have no children was perhaps a great
misfortune, but he had remarked that
it was hereditary in some families. I
think that the palm for this involun
tary wit must be given to that old
lady in New Bedford who heard of
the cheapness of the manufacture of
oils and the great increase in the use
of them, which threatened to drivo
sperm oil out of the market. "Dear
me," she cried, "the poor whales
what will they do?"
When wit creates a ter-nporary ex
citement, the shock dissolves in en
joyment and gives a spring to life.
We suddenly open to an escape from
the drudgery of our daily struggles.
We find a way to elude, fora moment
our tasks and find a smile. It is a
tonic createtl for us and saves ua from
despair.
A retired man sends"lliorDanbury
AcH'.s an account of a little affair that
happened in his place. It appears
that there was a young woman, a fine
spirited girl, engaged at a wash tub,
opposite an open door. Just behind
her was a young man, as in generally
the case, and in the yard was an (.Id
buck that was allowed the fieedom of
the premises, which is not always the
case, we are glad to say. Well, this
buck came up to the door and looked
in. and the young man L-ing close be
hind the young woman, pointed his
finger straight at the buck, and the
old fellow recognizing at once the
pressing character of the mute invi
tation, put down his head and dashed
forward, and the miserable man step
ped to one side ami tied, and the
young woman, all unconsc ous of the
arrangements, received the awful
shock without warning and passed
over the tub, and the air for an in
stant appeared to be fell of slippers,
and wet clothes, and hot water and
suds. And the next minute that goat
cume flying out of that door at a
dreadful speed, bald the whole length
of his spine, and with a wild look in
his eye. And for an hour afterwards
he stood behind the barn, scratching
his chin, and trying to recall all the
circumstances connected with the un
fortunate affair.
Drootli mid FnUehoot.
One tay in der summer dimes ven
all nadure was looking beautiful like
der deuce, Drooth and Falsehoot vas
run avay from der shoolhause, and
vent in shwimmin.All of a gwick.
Falsehoot comes der waser out, und
shteals all der glnten on der beach of
der canal, und runs away mit em.
Drooth he saw dot, und so gwick you
cood said Hob Jackinson, he ma'kes
afderhim. Falsehoot vas got a goot
shtart, und ofer Drooth. like der leed
le tog, hadn't shprained his ankle, he
vood caught him. But Drooth he got
much nerfy, and he dond vas asham
ed vort a cent pieces of his efey con
dition, butshtill vaschasin old False-
hoot, und I hobe dot he vood caught
him somedime during der tav, und ei or appointed, shall execute a like
lick his outsites in. But I vas sorry ' bond in addition to the other qualifi
dot der peobles vai gif Drooth a nick-! cation- required by law, before being
names like dose, Naked Drooth. He i qualified to enter upon the discharge
cond help it. und so long vat he shall
lif, he vill hafe mine sympadv, ofer
he can use dot Carl Prctzc'. ' 1
VOL. 17 NO. 19.
A II ILL
For An Act to Apportion itnd Distrib
ute tlir Pmnniirnt School Kniul to
the Several Counties of the State.
The following bill was introduced
by Mr. Wheeler, read first and second
time, and referred to Committee on
Judiciary :
Section 1. Be it enacted 0y the Leg
islature of the State of Nebraska, That
the Governor, Auditor and Treasurer,
be and they are herebv authorised
and required, on or before the first day J
01 June, ibia, to otter for sale, and sell
to the highest and best bidder, for
cash, all bonds, securities and eviden
ces of indebtedness, belonging to the
permanent school fund of the State,
except general fund warrants and oth
er obligations of the State.
Sec. 2. That so soon as said bonds,
securities and evidences of indebted
ness, shall have been sold as aforesaid,
the proceeds thereof, together with
all money in the treasury derived
from other sources and belonging to
the permanent school fund, shall be
apportioned and distributed by the of
tieers aforesaid, to the several coun
ties of the State, in proportion to the
amount of money derived from each,
arising from the sale of school lands
in the same.
Sec. 3. As soon as the apportion
ment 19 made, and the amount that
each county is entitled to receive un
der the p ovisions of this act is ascer
tained, the State Treasurer shall noti
fy the several County Clerks of the
respective counties, and upon compli
ance with the condition!! hereinafter
named, said counties shall be entitled
to receive the amount of money so ap
portioned to each, the State Treasurer
being required to pay the several
amounts over to the County Treasur
ers of the respective counties, to be
belt! and managed by said counties
under the direction of the County
Commissioners of the same, under the
restrictions herein, for the use and
benefit of the permanent school fund
of the State.
Sec 4. Before receiving any portion
of the money so apportioned and to
be distributed, the County Treasurers
aforesaid shall eaeb givo special
bond to the State of Nebraska, to be
approved by the State Treasurer, and
filed and kept in his office, in a sum
at least double the amount of money
to be received, conditioned, for the
safe keeping of said money, the prop
er application and disposition of the
same, and the accounting therefore
according to law. And every County
Treasurer hereafter elected or appoint
ed, before being qualified to enter up
on the discbarge of the duties of the
office, shall give a like special bond,
which shall be approved, filed and
kept as aforesaid.
Sec. 0. Any county receiving mon
ey distributed under the provisions of
this act, or that has or may receive
any other money belonging to the per
manent school fund of the State,
from whatever source derived, shall
bo charged with the full amonn
of the same bj' the State Treas
urer, and held liable to the State
to make good the amount thereof,
against any loss or diminuation of
principal or interest. And whenever
any loss or diminuation shall occur,
or whenever any loan or investment
of said money or any part thereof,
shall fail to produce the legal rate of
interest per annum, the County Com
missioners shall levy and cause to be
collected a special tax upon the taxa
ble property of the county, to make
good any such loss, diminuation or
deficiency; and the county shall not
be entitled to a distribution of school
money for the support of common
schools therein, in. til the loss, dimin
uation or deficiency shall be made
good as aforesaid.
Sec. G. Whenever (ho general fund
warrants, and other State obligation?
now in the State Treasury, and be
longing to the permanentsehoolfund.
shall be cashed by the State, tho mon
ey shall be apportioned and distribu
ted to the several ccuntiis. according
to the provi-ions of section two of
this act; and any other money that
may come into'the State Treasury,
belonging to, or to become a part of
the permanent Bchool fund shall be
.distributed in like manner.
Sec. 7. The proceeds arising from
the sale and leasing of school lands,
shall remain in and he charged to the
respective counties in which said land
is situated, and shall be managed and
used by said counties in ihe same
manner and under tho same restrict
ions as other funds belonging to the
permanent school fund of the State.
Sec. s. All County Treasurers shall
report annually in the month of
to the State Treasurer, and also the
Auditor of State, the condition of
said fund in their respective counties,
giving a full exhibit thereof, and
showing the amount of the principal
and interest of the same, the amount
of each in cash on hand, and the
amount of each due. and also the
amount of each to become due, and
the time when payable.
Sec. 9. The interest on the perma
nent school fund managed by the
counties as aforesaid, and also an- in
terest on any part of said fund in the
hands of the State Treasurer, shall be
apportioned by the State Superintend
ent 01 I'ubltc Instruction to the sev
eral counties of the State, for the sup
port of common schools therein in the
manner provided by law. And if the
amount apportioned to any county
shall exceed the interest on the per
manent school fund in said county,
such county shall be entitled to draw
from the State Treasury the differ
ence, but if the amount apportioned
shall be less than such interest, the
Treasurer of such county h all forth
with pay the difference into the State
Treasury.
Sec. 10. In order to secure counties
against loss by acts of County Com
missioners in uirectingand managing
for their respective counties, the in
vestment and disposition of the school
moneys aforesaid, each County Com
missioner now in office shall, within
thirty days from the passage of this
act, execute a special bond to the
county in which he was elected or
appointed, in a sura of not less than
fie thousand dollars, nor more than
fifty thousand dollars, to be fixed by
the probate judge of such counfy,
conditioned that he will honestly and
faithfully endeavor to preserve the
school moneys from lo-a and diminu
ation, that the same shall be managed
and invested according to law, and
that the money so invested shall be
secured from loss by good and suffi
cient securities; and the bond so exe
cuted shall be approved by the pro
bate judge of the county, and filed
and preserved in his ofiice. Any
county commissioner hereafter elect-
oi tne uuties ot tne onice; the bond
to be approved, filed and preserved as
aforesaid. -
Wfl.COt.'iOi2.003J50fWfS.OO
t t.(W IJM iOOl Z5U 5.00 7.00 10.WI
2.01) 2.75 3 5 .00 7.00 10.00 15J0
3.P0 4.00 5.00 fi.00 10.00 15.00 C0.O)
5.00 7.00' 8.00 10.00 15.00 saoo ie.io
9.00 10.00 12.00 15.00 20.0C 36.00 60.f it
1'..00 13.00 20.00 25.00 .oo 6aoo 100.W
LKaIadvertlsements at lejtnl rates: One squata
(lOlIncef Nonpareil ipace.or les,)flrst Insertion
H,e : BC subefinent iniertion. 50c
6?"AlltranicIent advertLsements most bz paid
fori n advance
OFFICIALPAPEK OF THE C0UXTY.
coosaa
Sec. II. The school moneys afore
said, shall be invested as follows:
First. To school districts to aid in the
erection of school bouses. Second,
To persons to be used as business cap
ital within the comity in which the
loan is made.. No school district,
however, shall be allowed a loan until
it has a cash fund of its own for
building purposes equal to the amount;
of the loan applied for, nor until a
majority of the legal voters of thq
district shall have voted to apply for
a loan, and specified the amount of
the same; and no school district
shall have at any one time more than
one thousand d. liars of said school
moneys. Such loan shall be a Hen
upon all the taxable property within
the school district, and the county
commissioners shall levy a tax annu
ally upon said property sufficient to
pay the interest and create a sinking
fund to pay the principal of the loan
in ten years.
Sec. 12 No loan shall be made to
exceed one thousand dollars to any
person; nor shall any person be al
lowed, at any one time, to have moro
than one thousand dollars of the said
school moneys. All loans other than
loans to school districts shall be se
cured by mortgage on unincumbered
real estate situated in the county in
Which the loan is made, and of a$
least double the value of the amount
of the loan, exclusive of the Improve
ments thereon.
Sec. 13. Whenever any person do
sires to obtain a loan of the school
moneys, he shall file his application
therefor in writing, together with the
description and estimated value of tho
real estate offered as security, with
the county clerk of the proper coun
ty, who shall keep a list of the same;
in the order of their dates, and 'av
the same before the county coratrl
sioners, who shall examine into tKcT
condition and value of the real estate
offered as security, and if found unin
cumbered and of sufficient value,
they may approve of the application
and proceed to make tho loan in ac
cordance with law, and tho county
clerk shall keep a record of the satm.
Applications shall be considered U
the order of their tiling; and appli
cations oldest in date, tlill have tne
preference in all cases where tho se
curity offered is such as tho law re-
quires and tho commissioners oxer
cisingasound discretion shall deem
adequate security.
Sec. 14. This act shall take effeefc
and be in force on and after its pas-
A Lively Young Mini Plnyn an $951
Joke on u Maiden Aunt.
From tho Cincinnati Commercial.
About 7 o'clock on Tuesday evea
lug the discovery was made at tho res
idence of Michael Eckert, tho well
known tanner, that a room in tlfa
house, occupied by a maiden sister,
had been entered and robbed of $850
in government bonds, which the la
dy had secreted under a corner of the
carpet only a few days befoie. Of
course, theordinary confusion usually
attending such occasions was tho nat
ural result. Everything in the room
had been left in a remarkable state of
disorder bureau drawers turned in
side out and the contents scattered all
over the room. This also led to tho
discovery that another room, occupi
ed by Mr. Eckert's hoh Robert, had
been "entered" and that a "thorough
search" had been made for valuables,
but a hasty glance failed to show that
anything eise was missing.
Word was left at the First DIstricfc
Station of tho "robbery," and Detec
tive Frank Mitchell and Sergeant
Fred Amthauer were detailed to look
into the matter. After making au
examination of the premises, the offi
cers came to the conclusion that tho
perpetrator of the "robbery" resided
in the house. They were "confirmed
in this view of the case by comparing
indentations made on the sides of tho
door with an old hatchet found in tho
room occupied by Robert Eckert, tho
son before mentioned, tho marks, in
tho opinion of tho officers, having
been purposely made to convey tho
idea that a burglar had first attempt
ed to force the door open, and then
he had finally entered by means of a
skeleton ke'. They were further
confirmed in their opinions on receiv
ing the informetion that Robert had
In his possession during the day a
store-room key which unlocked thu
door of his aunt's room.
The officers then left the house to
look for Robert, and visited all tho
places of amusement, billiard saloons,
&c, without meeting with the object
oi tneir searcn. Uelore leaving tho
house, however, they placed a patrol
man on watch to see if he went homo
during the night. At a late hour
Robert returned, and shortly after tho
officers again called at the house, and
meeting him there accused him of tho
robbery. This he stoutly denied, in
dignantly protesting his Innocence.
He was at once taken into custodv
and locked up in the First District;
siauon.
Yesterday morning, however, with
a prospect before him of going to com 6
he confessed his guilt to Detective
Mitchell and informed him the mon
ey was concealed under the carpet in
his room. Mitchell then went to tho
house and found the money all right,
and taking possession of It handed it
over to Chief Bleaks.
Tho father of the young man is ab
sent from the city, and his aunt de
clines to take any action In the matter
until he returns. LTp to a late hour
last night Robert was Btill locked up
in the station-house.
The respectability of the parties
concerned gives the transaction an air
of mystery, and it is certainly a very
unfortunate affair to say the least, tho
father being possessed of ample means
and peahaps being ready and willing
to supply every want of hie erring
son.
Roola to Keep Heldy.
Y'oost eat when you feel liked. To
eat vas hooman. To eat when you
dond cood got something to eat Vaa
brootal Broots got more manners
like dot.
Dond vhent into a sick chamber on
an empdy shtomack. Dond gone in
to an empdy chamberon a sick shtom
ack too.
Vhen you go oud in der cold freesy"
vind, shut out your mouth ub ; at del?
same time talk oud lout mit rapidly to
keep off der shilliness oud.
Dond trink more a3 a quart of water
dnriug a meal. Efen chickens dond
I do dot.
Nefershwallow some hash dill you
got shwallowed your mad. Dogs
vood n 'd do it. Did you efer in mine
life saw a dog grov.l vhile enchoyin a
schweed piece of bone. Dhey vas so
calm like a summer dream, exspecial
ly afore dhey vas surrounded by odder
shtarfing kanines. Carl Pretzel.
i 6i
I. . ..I . ' -.. . . c
paragraph of the Greeusbur ip!i
Eembltvan.
"touut tnac door!" is the opening
Hall Inch
Onelnrhj
TAolnch
Three inches
Sii Inches
Twelveinchert.
Onecolurnn
H
M
1
