1 1
7
.JflASKA ADVERTISER
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fe.:'.'S.
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Cskilf eoosaa csjesr
Cca Xiixtil ct'laczea jaf '
0a nciusaiix tccata -Oa
hLfetlima six saoatll
Oafootao2affiJ iLzinoati
Oa ejjbta coiazna lixmc-.-ii
0e colaaa tar iccft'.a
Oaehklfoolssanniix E&atia
Oat fourta co!catare n.i-J
A Hfl(Mininr ! 1st T rT t
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Block, tfin 8t Betwesalgt it 2d.
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Alltraaiieatd?tni3aati tixtiijIJU 4
r - prion HSU""
tork. end 'lln nd rncT Work,
aCoTT''" ' . i.rilUf. bl Mil lBlfllM
rnc. - - . f
Allkiadi of Job, DfKk and C.fd pnalir.j.tfcn 1
be bsi tj2 oa hort aoti a4 rtflBbl uraj
LIBERTY AND UNION, ONE..AND
INSEPARABLE
NOW AND FOItEVE R."
BROWNVILLE, -NEBRASKA, -THURSDAY, MAY 11, 1865.
NO. 34.
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v ; 1 '.. i i : i - "
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- . s ' . . - V i
3'.
q t N B S S C A It D ; .
Tas. G. DO KS BY.
FORNEY AT M'
rpr XVILLE, NEBRASKA.
T.;.tl 1S64. . niar8yly
WARD W. -THOMAS,
IJirOHHtlAl LAW,,
Itf ITOB;' MC'HANCERr,
(' .., .rre- of Kti and First Stret. -.VANVIM.B;
NEBRASKA.
m mmm w
.1 . A. ii :V Ij.
ATTORRtY AT-LAW
-
'olicitbr iu Chancery.
J3 0D COLLECTING AGENT.
( ,pBOWKVlIiLE N. T." , - ,
JL C. TIIURMAN, '
"ROlfATiLLE, NEBRASKA.
Tol9-o2-Ij-pd
If
. STEWART, M. D.,
KYSiCiAH AIJD SUF.GEOIi.
j Lut fornei' of Uio ixis Fiwt Street
:roit.tilli:, kediiaska.
Eoras-7 to 9 a. K.and 1 to 2 aci to
Vwin,Strajk, May Sti, 1864- No 35, 1 j.
j E.-S, BURNS, M. D.,
WSICIAH k SURGEON !
ZcxsxtitLSKf City, 1N3". I.
I OFFICE AT HIS RESIDENCE.
!jJ8ta,184.
JAMES MEDFOItD,
1B1HET - MAKER
. ' , AND
'CoruttSod and Main Streett,
frrptred to do all kinds of work In bU line on
tsetie and rcaaoo&ble termi. 21-6m
. c. w. wueeler; '
ABINET'MAKER
AND
CARPENTER.
rncj cpened np permanently on . . . , . , ; ,
oTa1zx Otroot,
'dckVrf the Baltimore Clothing Store, ia
trtdip c;iV, k.cis f work in bia line in the
7 v. s'.j t. l'articular attentione given to
uvw. T-nl4 6m p'd
ATIAG HOUSE!
WIRED. AUGUST,
BET. TIEST AND SECOND STS.
r
f'iMrt, Ctkfi, I'k-n, '.....;',
Otnrcr Bre&d, etc
I !1 dcni..T,:; tT-4i. 'V ft) hrl.
K)I KKALS cti5 ;ji )p tel style an1 on short
-l.lUrriiortnifnt8:
3ao, Ctar. A uits, , Candies,
. Canxtil Fruit, Oysltrs, Sovpt .
Crackers, Raiens, Cur
" rants, aud a supply of
C0JFCCTIOISARIC8.
i "miCH IN TIKE 8AVZ8 NINZr
LOl tS WALDTER,
"M bit ruiit TFt.re&dv to nerform aJt work.Tar-
CJ'HtoliabaaiBeea.
and ,in p!Dting, glaring, and paper bang
J,'"cltihort notice, and tbe moat approved
Ttnn,c"h. Give him a call.
I Mspoa Main Street, east of Atkinaon'a aotb-,-tNto.i,
,
yy.' He Is prepared to do all ' ,
AND
C O L O R I N O
, umt.t cteapekt etyle for cah.
Mrs m w-a
1 '.'r. ay e AyvvMvt
.JHliiiery & Fancy Goods
OTOR23.
tetet one door weat of the Poat Offlc
OlTXTILLi:, ICEnRASILA.
'Iv0' ,tock of Png n4 Summer Gooda
i,D.Vc,1TPa. Ererything in the Millinery line
BT6,1nt,T a bend. Drew-Making, Bonnet
'RSCW. WILLI ALISON,
JlGE.F FOR
Florence Sewing HacKnes
-FPoeita Hi-, He wetfa Kiliic er S tore.
VinM JU,l,eeiTea a good assortment of these
-l&etoVtTPTfun3r inT ber friends and the
Uki Tr "dta,em,aa they need only te be
M aak. i .?llne aaaadTaetacea over all others
lUrii.ill h nhl lb operator, by
f riftt.:, . umbtcr"T to bare tbe work run
Tklat St. ... u l1not boisaless, very rapid
u ' E.r "f1 wlth 'u1 'VrlUT- A supe-
Br - . boa. h-i.v ...l u--k.i.r- .:.. in
Kscq Vacttue has
era, w,tlhjroJdee tbe
rlu?1 CMf'"' Meat,
la
1 '
Car Eojg ere Ccnlns LTonc.
from tb Satardaj Ert&Isg PoatJ
TUak God , tb tkj la .I.irlcj I
Tha clonda art barrjicg pf t ;
Tbank Gd , U day U netrinj 1
Tk. dawa Uocming fact.
And when (lad berald Toieea
libaU tall aa peaoa baa eoaa,
Tbia tbonjbt aball most rejoictaa t
Oar boja art comiaj bona I "
'i . -
Boon ibsll the roioe cf eicj'ot;
Drown war 'a tremendoas d:'a :
Sooa aball tba joj-bella' ringicj
Bri&s peaea and freedom ia.
Tba Jabilea bonfires lumiaj, . v
Shall aooa lifbt op tba de mt,
' And aooa, to rootba our jiaruiaj,
Oar boja art coaitg borne.
i .
Tba raeaal treiide flwea
Eara waited for Ibemleag!
Tba lota light laeka tbeir faaea,
Tbe cborai waita tbeir aoag;
A abadowj fear baa baaatai
Tbe loijg deaertad room ;
Bat new our pray era are granted,
Oar boya aie coming bme I
O, mother, calmly waiting
For that belored aon I
0 ,alater, proudly dating
Tbe Tict'ri.s be haa woa I
0, maiden, aoftly bumming
Tbe lore-fong while you roam
Jey, joy,tbeboya are eomirjg
Oar boy a are coming borne 1
And yet ob, keenest Borrow I
They're coming , bat aot aJl ;
Fall may a dark to-morrow
faball I wear ita aable pall
. For tbonsanda who are aleepiag
Beneath the empurpled loam ;
Woe 1 woe 1 far tboaa we're weeplag,
"Who B.rer will eome borne. -
O sad heart, bait ibelr gTleriog ;
Wait bat a little while 1
With h.ping and be'.ieving
Thy woe and fear beguile. ' ,
Wait for tbe joyoua meeting
Beyond tbe i tarry dome,
For there oar boya ae waiting
To bid oa welcome heme.
Mo beisama, April 8, 1885. .
W.G.
A Sons San? In Richmond.
A correspondent of tbe New York Times, wrl-
ting from Richmond a few daya ago, aays :
'Imagine sitting in a theatre, ia Richmond, Ta-
eatedby JeffUaria only fire daya ago, and listen
ing to tbe following ditty," composed by Harry Hail,
and sung by Billy Lewia, of Buckley & Dadd'a Op-
era House, here, with rociferoua applause :
"To Richmond t own the Yaakeea came,
To whip the Southern rebel; .
There old Bob Lee did make a stand,
And got whipped like the devil ;
Tbeir handbill tbey distributed,
Tbeir beads were full of fun;
Of coarse they eay the ball commenced
Witb rturid fbot, graje atd bum bomb).
Ceobc-Let 'embnm, let 'em bum
The way ia always clear ; "
- And while 'bey are a b tmniirjg
Wall take m in tbe rear.
-"You
talk about your horseB fr.st ,
Or take a two-mile beater,
But if you ium a rebel loose, ' .
lie's much the fittest crtatare ; -Now,
we would to tbe rebtls say.
To one and ail i&ir Kir&ing,
' If onoe the Yankee tt.le
The Lord bare mercy on 'em.
Now, here's a health to Gecial Grant I .
Who wli hia words fulfill ;
And alwaya to the rebels gire
Bia lead and iron pill ;
And when Phil Sheridan catches them,
Oh Lord hew bad tbey fare; .
Be flanks them on the right and left,
And begs them in tbe rear.
Twu neck and neck on either aide,
. And neither thought tbe beat;
Tbt Yankeeaand therebela then :
Wore fighting breast to breast;
Twaa then Bob Lee rode up bia Usee,
nd rising in bis aaddle, . .. , .
Be w ared bia aword aod gara command
To right faea and skedaddle. , "
The Frogtown Dss FlsnU 1 . v
A Comic alictclx. -
j -
" .BB.Basa
m eas...""."
... r
There is an excellent moral to the fol
lowing story' which is told with great
fkill. It show's how a whole Tillage is
sometimes torn to pieces by a fight be
tween two puppies.
The most remarkable dog fight on rec
ord come off at Frogtown, od the f rent,
ier of Maine, eome years ego. It en
grossed the entire community in one in
discriminate melee interminable law
suits or suits at law diEtracUon cf the
town, its down-fall and ruin.
A fansiful genius, named Joe Tucker
a man about town, a lounger, without
visible means of support a do-nothing
loafing, cigar-amcker, good natured' fel
low, owned a dog; a sleek, intelligible,
and rather pretty least, always at Joe's
heels.fand known as townees. One day
Joe and his. dog were passing Bunion'
crocerr iters, when a pie-bald," ugly.
looking dog, standing alongside a wood
wtron.bonnded en to .Jee 4?S !
knocked him hels over bead, arid so
frightened BcV Carter' wife,! who Wa
passing towarda her husband's black
trnith shop with dinner, that she 6tum
bled backward; and her old sun bonnet
flopped off", and scarred the Horses at
teched to the wagon. He : started, hit
Latherem'a barber pole, opsst a load of
wood, all of which falling down Gumbo's
refreshment cellar, struck one of Gum
bo's children on the tead, killed it for a
short time stone deed, and. so alarmed
a r i .
mrs. uutnbo, mat sne drorpea. a stew
pan cf boiling hot sters 'into' the lap
instead of the dish of the customer who
sat waiting for the savory concoction by
a table in the corner. Mrs. Gumbo
screamed, tht child screamed, and -the
customer yelled ! . - -::
! "Oh, oh ! ch-oh-oh, my poor child 1
i
cried Mrs. Gumbo.
-. d i i
' "Eh, e-he-e-e," screamed the ' poor
child!
;'. r
f,0h, murder-w !" "Murder, mur
der!" roared .'the poor customer.'
Th horse, Ihe.pirt. of theagca,and
some wood were in their mad career.'
The owner of the strange dog came out
of the store just in time to ie Joe Tuck
er seize a rock to demolish the sarage
dog ; and; tct waiting - to tee,) Joe let,
drire, gare him such a pop on the back,
that poor Joe fell forty rods up the street
and striking a long ladder upon which
Jim Ederby was perched, paint pot in
hand, some thirty fext from terra firm,
brought ladder,. Jim, and paint-pot
sprawling to the : earth, crippliag poor
Jim for life, and sprinkling blue paint
over the broadcloths, satinets, and cali
coes of Abraham Miller, a'formal and
eren tempered Quaker, ran out to lb
door just as the two dogs had gfine fairly
at it hip and thigh, nip and catch. A
glance at matters seemed to convince
Abraham of the true state of tht cast ;
and in an unusually elevated roice, Abra
ham called out to Joe Tucker, who had
righted up:
Joseph Tucker, thy dog's afight-
ins
Let 'em fight it out," yelled the pug
nacious owner of the strange "dog.. "Let
them fight it out; "I'll bet a log of
wood my dog can eat any dog in' town,
and l ean eat the owner."
Wehave said Abraham Miller was a
quiet man ; Quakers are proverbially
ao. But the gauntlet thrown down by
tbe stranger from the cou.ntry,stirred the
gall of Abarham, and he. rushed into the
store ;-frcro the back yard, haying slip
ped his collar, Abraham brought forth a
brindle cur, strong, low and powerful.
'Friend," said the excited Quaker,
"thy dcgihall be well beaten, I promise
thee!. Hyke, seize upon him!" ,
'-Ttirk, here, boy.' ' ' - ' '
And the jlogs went at it. . -Bob
Carter, uie smith, comirg up in
time to hear the- stratger's defiance to
the town,and bent ipn a fight with some
body for the insult and damage done to
his wife, clapped the collar of the stran
ger, and by a seriesofMen-pound-ten
upon the face, back and sides of his buU
ly antagonist, with his, natural sledge
hammers, Bob stirred up tbe strength
and ire of tbe bully stranger to the tob
of his compass',, .and ' they -made, t the
sprarks flf ttttdtiM?. (I y'l ) f;l Q ,
Joe Tucker's dog, reinforced by Abra
ham Miller'stook a' fresh atkrtl ( an3 oe
tween the twp,th strange' dog. was being
cruelly put to bis' tramps. Deacon Pugh
one of the most", pious : and , substantial
men in frogtown, came upF-and indeed
the whole town wjjs assembling, and
Deacon Pugh armed with a heavy walk-ing-sCicVj'antf
ihocie'd at the jpecacfs be
fore him, marched up;to tht ,dogg'-e.
claiming, as he did liYjc
"Fie fie", for shame ! disgraceful ! "
-Don't thee, doo't strike my dog,
Deacon Pugh !" cried Abraham Miller,
advancing to the Deacon, who was about
to cut ought and let among the dogs with
his cane.
Your bogs 1" shouted the deacon.with
evident fervor.'
; "Not my dogs, Deacon Pua, taid
the Quaker.
"What did you say to for, tfafen 'y
shouted the Deacon.
"I never said dogs. Deacon, Pugh.
"You did!" responded the Dvacon,
with exeitement. .
"Deacon Pugh. thee speaks ground
lessly," said the Quaker.
"You tell a falsehood, Abraham Mil-
lerl'V . ' y' -"Thee
utters a mendacious assertion,"
reiterated Abraham.
You vou vou tell a lie!" bawled
the descoQ.
1 -i.
"
"Thee has provoked my evil passion,
Deacon Pugh," shouted the stalwart Qua -
ker, "and I will chastts'e thte."
! And into the Deacon's wcol "went the
Quaker. " Th Deaccn, nothing loth,1 en-
lered inlo the thing, ci:Q we
leave them
thus t6 ''nip and .tuck, to 'leal
to : the
stranger and Bob Carter, who fought and
fit, and fit and fought, until Squire Catch
em and the constable came up, and in
the attempt to f serve the peace and
arresf the ofTerjder". the' Squire, was
thrusr through the window nf r neigh -
boring watchmaker, doing a heap of dam -
age, wnue lawyerUooker, .in- attempt -
ing to aid the constable
mistake by the furious hlack
snort ribs, and went reeling down Uum -
bo's cellar with 'frightful velocity. The
friends and fellow diurclmen of Deacon
Pugh took sides against the -Quaker an -
tagonist, and the shop boys of Abraham
seeing their employer, thus beset; came
to the rescue, while two Irishmen,, full
of fun i and. frolic belie vine it to be a
"free fight, tried, their hands;and sticks
unon the combatants indiscriminately, so
i
that in less than half an; hour the happy
village, of Frogtown was shaken from-its
propriety, by one grand, sublimely, iidic-
ulous and most terrific - batUe. ' l
Heads and windows were smashed,
and women screamed, dogs barked, dust
flew, labor ceased, and so furious, mad
and ezcided became the whole commu
nity, that a quiet. looker on, if there hd
been any, would, have sworn r the evil
were all in i rogtown. i
A heavy thunder sterna finally put an
end to the row, tht dogs were all more
or less killed, & childteverely wcunded.
a man scalded, a wagon broke, the horse
ran himself to death, his owner badly
beaten by Bob Carter, whose wife and
the wives of many others, were danger-
ously scared, the painter was crippled,
dry goods ruined; a Quaker and a De a liked a mattress stuffed with rats made looking from one to the oiher, in most
con, two Irishmen Joe Tucker, town, it lively he thought. But one night every unprincely confusion, No. 1 , again ral
constable, lawyer Hooker,'. Squire Catch- particle of Captain Mason's love for the lied
em, and some fifty others most shame -
ullv wbinDed. .Lawsuits ensued, feuds
followed, and the, entire peace and good
repute of Frogtown annihilated all by a
remarkable doif fight. American Mis-1
cellany. .... ...... . .... v,.
WllSOG'S Ka 1(3.
The Herald's Savannah correspond-1
ence, dated tne yin, ult., says Gen.
dated
Wilson's famous raiding expedition ar
rivt-d Le're yesterday from Macon.
The following is -a"' coadeLstd history
of the trip :
a.- . a t - 4 A.. -
J-eit Lnickasaw Ala., on tne .a. oi
March. "It is not v proper to stale the
number of, his force. . Edevangh. neaj j
Plantersville, Ala., was taken alter a I
short engajgement .wiih 'cavalry, capturvJ
ing 3,000 prisoners and three guns.
Forrest's forces were driven to the west j
of :Cha,waba and separated A: xoluiaD j
,was sent to Tuscaloosa which they cap-
a " I
.tured and destroyed much 'Government!
property. Selraa, 241 miles from the
base was captured "on the 2d of April,
with 2,500 prisoners and 32 guns in po
sition and 75 in" the atse hall 'We de
stroyed three rolling mills and fixtures,
a very large naval foundry, an arsenal J
secona in importance ia tne.lonieaeracy i
powder work and, magazines.. We re -
mained at Selma eight days The Ala., j
river was bridged 84 feet the; operation J
occupying five days. The next place at-
tacKea was monigomerv.ou. miica ua i
dant, destroying all the bridges on the!
Alabama and Tennessee rivers. The
tailroad to Columbia was destroyed.-
about 2o,000 bales of Cut ton. Montgom
ery surrendered .without en -assail.
- " a ew
Five runs fell into our nands; ryi
de-
stroyed two roling mills, a foundry, two
magazines, one locomotive, 53 cars and
five steamboats. Tfie rebels burned 65-
000 bales of cotton before evacuating
Columbus, Ge. was taken by assault
capturing prisoners, guns aoa aiso ira-
mense quantities of Commissary stores,
a large arsenal and pistol factory, ad ac-
couterment factory, a naval foundry, a
rolling mail1 and foundiy, an arsenal,'
thirteen locomotives, over ou9 hundred
cars' depots, machine shops, &c. were
Captured and destroyed.
A gunboat, mounting six 7-inch rifled
guns, now called the Jackson, but the
name of which has been recently changed
was captured here. I
A detour to West point was made by
Lagrange's, brigade, attacked the works.
and carried them by storm capturing tne
- e" I
garreson, three hurdred and fifty men, tne wnoie snip e company cad been at
and four guns,- and killling the rebel taeked with a sudden fit of delirium tru
Gentral Taylor in command. FifteenlcmgVT
locomotives 4were destroyedt 200 cars,
Itwoihridgesandtwolarce factoritSjlirgipht cook'e big eoppers burst up like
quantities of quartermaster and com'mis-
1 sary stores at GrifBn and ; the railroad
bridge on the selma and "Montgomery
Railroad. We captured along the rest
Hire guns.- ' l ?!' ;
Macon was captured with no opposi-
uon.
We captured Generals Howell Cobb,
Go Smith; formerly Street Inspector of
New York city ; Robinson. Mercer and
McCall., The captures are , 132 guns in
I arsenals and .in store, with immense
1 amounts of ordinance, quartermaster and
J commissary stores, cotton and machinery
ana railroad stock.,
l Union soldiers, tormerly impr
I Andersonsville, were on the mornirag
lo" th? 28th ult., transported by the reb
1 els down the Florida Central- Railroad,
I within ten' miles -of Jacksonville Here
they were unconditionally released and
left to make their way into the Federal
lines.-which several hundred of theml
did before night. . All pmented a piti
! ful ti?ht. and many i were barelv able to
I ' .
walk. ..-' - ; -
We had in the Metoka, when we
sailed from New Orleans for Messina,
upon a moderate; computation, I should
say, a cord and a quarter of rats ; snd the
increase during' the voyage was so- rapid
that by the time we got back to ; Gibral-
tar, 'tween decks, lower hold, forecastle,
cabin, and store-room, literally swarmed
with the obnoxious sodtnts obnoxious
to everybody fore and aft, except Cap
tain Mason. . He was on the best possi -
ble terms with the vermin. . A dozen of
thebigest blueskini in the ship hsd se
cured homesteads in the "old man's mat
ters, and a great 'motherly old rat was
actually rearing her family under his
pillow. Captain Mason said he rather!
1 rodents was changed to inveterate hate,
I and be swore to exterminate the whole!
I race. Somehow in his dreams, or only
I half awake, the old man had managed
to smash into utter worthlessness his gold
! watch; and he swore that a big rat got!
it down from the hook to see what time
I it was. and when he veiled at him 'the
bloody lubber dropped it oa the floor,
I.m..v:nrr .n tn
The old man stuttered a string as long
0 . i , .
as the mizzen topsail halyards when he
got his salt water up, and the next mor
ning, it took him nearly a whole watch
to get out clearly the following bid:
"Mr. R.r.r eef-t-t-t-acle ! I'll g-g-
iye ye ar-r-ial a-p-p-iece for ev-ev-eve
ry d-d-d d-nm'd r-r-at you'll ke-ke-ke-
I w
catch !"
"Acreed. Captain! I'll 'xo in.' and
own the ship before she leaves Gibral
tar ! ' So that every day I went ashore,
get a: bis wire trap,' an ounce of oil of
rhodium and a lot of sardines for bait.
At night I set my trap in the store room
und after breakfast don't believe there
was less than five dozen" of 'em, though
I never counted noses. 1
1 was bending a spare line to-the trap,
thinking to hang it over the side, down
my game, ana inen count neaas tor
jtials.
But Captain Mason interf erred with
that intention most disastrously. ' Com
iCg out of the cabin, his collar and shirt-
oosoni an open, ana armea witn a
rat
tan that; the steward beat the dust out of
his clothes with '
"Ho-ho-hold on, Mr. R-r.reef-t.t-tack
le ! I'll n-n-ick 'em ! You M-Ie-let 'em
out, and I'll r-r-ra-t-t-tan 'em !" and he
stood by to "nick" the first one that
should escape,
Out popped a thundering big rat, slap
into the old man's bare 'bosom scooted
in under hes shirt, and in a second du?
rund on his back. .
Hah : Bl aa-oo-ah j Ke-ke-kiii the
d-dam'd thing! .T L
, Down went the trap, and . out bolted
the whole rat brigade, scampering and
dodging under every thing that would
cover a rat Grabbing the carpenter's
mullet I took after the old man, and
hit him a blow in the back that sent him
Sprawiinff imo lne scuppers. J' '
ja len Be'co'n(jg the"old Metoka's deck
. universal hurrah. All hands' and
tlxe cook, armed with belaying-pinr.
handspikes, heavers, sheath-knives, and
haU5hets..weni into the rat hunt, yelliog
wnooping. aancmg, ana leaping, as u
t S I A I
. The result of the rat foray was, ene
. wat hit-in a ! The Herald's Jacksonville (Florida) lorcea to suppiy wi ptsco as cest
smith ia the correspondent saya about 15,000 of the could. Ia due time the play went ca ;
bomb-shell; a scalded leg for tht VoX
mab," that laid him up for a month ; ths
heads of three water-casks stove in ; the
loss of the second mate's little firmer
from a clip of a hatchet ; a dozen black
eyes and bloody noses; and--ry:p rats I
Some few years ago. at a benefit giv
ea to a Fire Company' ia Philadelphia, a
C9W aspirant tor nircnic oonors ap
peared on ' the boards of tbe Walnut
Street Theatrei The play was vHsxn
let." Just before the curtain rose, the
gentleman engaged to play the "Ghott,"
struck for fwsges," and . the manager
saying in his usual lugabrious tone
: "Hamlet, 1 aril thy father's Ghcst !"
' When.even as the Prince of Denmark
was contemplating the image cf his f&th-
I er's ghost, a voice "was heard .from an
otner wing
"Don't you believe him, Hamlet: I
- 1 am father's ghostthii f ell ow under bid
I tae. And with the word, another
I ' 4 ''
"Ghost" in blue armor, of course, step
ped oa the stage. The embarrassment
I of Hamlet was extreme. -Two ghosts of
I one father, both dressed ia'blue armor.
I speaking at once, each, .claiming to be
the Simon Purs, as thus . ' n
"Hamlet, I am' thy father's ghost,"
began No. 1. f
"No, Hamlet, I'm ybsr fsther's ghost,'
cried No. 2.
I "Doomed for a eertsia time te walk
l ihe earth," continued No. 1.
l' "No, Hamlet," continued Ghost No.
1 2, insinuatingly, "it's me that's doomed
to walk the earth not him. You see
he plays for five dollars a week ; and I
would not do it under six. I'm your fath-
I er's ghost, Hamlet."
At this juncture, while Hamlet stood
I "I could a tale unfold," he said.
"All fudge, Hamlet; it's me that
could a. tale unfold," cried Ghost No. 2
j'-This fellow aint got aay tare to unfold
I I'm your father's Ghost, my boy. 3
At this crisis the curtain fell, leaving
1 in? Hamlet to settle the matter with the
I Ghosts, behind the scenes." while the
audience were shedding tears, cot of
sorrow.
Artenus 7crd Insures Eh Life.
I ' kum to the conclusion lately, that
life waz so onsartain, that the only way
for me tu stand a fair chance with other
folks, wuz to git my life insured, and so
I ka'ld on the Agent ov the ' Garden
Life Insurance Company 'rnd ansered
the following questions, which vwux put
to me over the top ov a pair ov gold (
specks, by a slick little fat old feller,
with a little round grey beard as enny
man ever owned :
1st. Are you male er f email? If so.
state how long you have been so. "
2d. Are you subject to fits, if so, do
you have more than one at a time! ..'j
3d. What is your precise fiteing
weight?
. 4th. Did you ever have enny ances
tors, and if eojbow much ?
5th- What is your opinion ov the con
stitutionality ov the 10 commandments?
. 6ih. Did you ever have enny nite
mares ? '
7th. Are you married and single, or
are you a bachelor ? - ' :
8th. Du yu believe in a future state ?
If yu du, state it.
9th. What is your private sentiments
about a rush of rats tu the head ; e&a it
be did successfully I . ,
10th Have you ever committed sui
cide, and if to; how did it seem to ef
feet yu ? . .
After answering the above questions
like a man, in the confirmatif,' the slick
little fat old fellow with geld specks on
CpfLI wuz insured for life, and probably
wothd remain so for a term or years
I thanked him and .sailed one ov my
most pensive smiles.
An English paper contains an adver
tisement : "A piano for salt by a ladv
about to cross the Channel in an cak case
with carved legs. 1
A clergyman lately travelisr in the
0l rCgion. saw a child in the road stum-
tling and failing. He kindly picked her
. - -
0p, saying, "poor, dear ! are you hart 1"
when she cried out, I ain't poor !
Dad
struck a ile well yesterday T' 1
1 The human hem gives 60,000 t.iokt 3
every 21 hear?. "'
isoned at sou. ice uauat in uiua miuivi acsiau,
Gaxly's Pacific Munthly ttllaa pretiy
good story cf a scrub-head Icy fcavir
been brought befora the court a a. wit
ness, when tha following colloquy., en
Where do you live V said thi Jsi;t.
Lite with my mother.' , . .
Wberedoes your mother live V t , ,
'She lives . with father.' ' .
Where doea he lie?'. . r ... . 1
He lives' with the old folks.
'Where do they lire?' says ths Jud;99
getting very 'red, as an audible suicks;
goes' rousd the rccn. , '
They lire t home.' ' '. .. .
Where in thunder is their hcsl'rcua
'ha Judge. ' . t .' . t , .
That's where I'rafrcm, isid the bsy.r
sticking his tongue ia a .ecrser cf tl
cheek,' and slowly dosing one eye cs tht
Judge. r
Here, Mr. Constablesays tht. court,"
take the witness out and tell him. lo,
-
travel; he evidently doss not csdsrstasd
iie nature of an oath. y
Yoa' would think differnt,'. says the -
boy, going toward the doorway, if 'I was ,
mce te give you a cussia'l'
If a man talks insolently .!tt you uaier
the plea of candor, you may knock bin
down under a pies of an infirmity cf tsm
MA- )
Somebody says that "ensricg is th
spontaneous' escspe' cf 'these cailgsr
feelings which the sleeper has not that 13 .
vent when a wake." t
Many men's praying and swearing art-3
pretty much the same; whin they tray :
tney tnink of nt good, and when thsy
swear, they think cf no harm. -
Mrs. Partinztsa sars that Ike who has
w
Just returned from Franee, "spealcs hkt
aPariihioner." : 'v '.
e - . w
Sambo says : "Dese folks make a gocl
many cf dees patches frornde seato! war
out of whole clof." - "
Some harts, like primroses, cpta czz
Kienf ifulltr in tfta iV.n. r.$ t:tm
A bonny bride is socndresssi, a shtrt
horse is quickly carried.
, At the gate which suipicica e&ttrs,isr '
steps out.
A maid that laoghi is half takes. 1
a emit a viocK, ana a woman, aiwsys
want mending." v"
As the good can saith, so ssy w; tit
as the gtod woman saith, ss-it must It- '
small in the waiju
A little house well filled, a '.little' lasi
well tilled and a little wife well wills J.
Young women married tt old men, '
must be like 6ld women.
Women are all good good for ssss
thing or nothing.
Women are known by their walk, their'
dress, and their talk.
A virtuous woman, though ely, is th
ornament cf the house. - .
Obedient wives command tht ir hit
bands. . .
Woman and cherries are paintic tsi , .
their own harm. : ' . . -
A good wife is the workmanship cf a
good husband.
The best or worst fsrtuns a man ,taa
have is his wife.' '
Men would cot be alone even ia Para-
dise.
A lewd batchelor makesa jealsus hri
band. f ; . - 1 '
A groaning wife and a grunting horw
never fail their master. ,
Fair woman, without virtue, are . like
A handsome courtezan is the hell !
the soul and tht scourer ef i. rt-rt
a - mt
Very great beauties are apt tobertry :
foolish or very proud.
A barren sow is nsver good u pigs.
A friend that yea buy with prmz'J
will be bought from yea.
Enemies to bfiiuty are foes to natsrs,
A dor's cose and a maid's knsaa ar
alwsys cold. ....
The msid that talketh yieldeii.
Women conceal what they know ast, '
Lasses that have many wooers eft fail
the worst.
Men must ask their wives texf b
thrive.
It is good occasion for "courtship whra'
Bare walls make gsdding housswivij.
Beau ty will buy no be ef. "
' i!?;i 1 . - - :
The following note was lately recsiy
ed by a gentleman from his raach-kssp-
"Please sssd me.'by tha boy, a pair
cftJatt chains and two door hinges.
v,-
1. twins list, nijht also, :w ,
J.-L
r - .
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