'
EBRASKA'ADVERTISER
RATES OF ADVERTISING.
J One iians (ten Vtti at fy.soea Izitnloa i
Uuine cards,six lines or o& jr 13
Due column one year -' - - 3
it
c
c?
rriMSUKD BTIKT THf?Di.T BT
GEO. W. HILL &. CO,,
iTrtier Bloc. Ll&In S't Between lt A 3d,
j-.rowzivillo t 3?sJ. I
One half evnma oca year - 63 CS
Due fourth I eolotnnono year - ii ti
Oua eighth ccluiaaone jear - 21 Ct
One CiiyniB six m nth s - . 51 CI
One half column six moata - 29 t
Oce fourth clutaa ix uonths 21 C
One eighth eolumn six uioti'as 15 6 j
One coluuia three m nth - - I )
One half oolucin n six moath - !l CI
One f'jurih coiumntbrea months 14 05
Oae eighth o?utcn three nioElha ' 19 I
Aiii7jancin car.u:I.ites tt oc - C3
All transient adTcrtiaemetts ejus, ta pa!J ia si
aooe. Yearly advertisements c,nrter!v in alvaxc.
All kinds of Job, I'.oi k ami Car 1 prislirj, Jone ia
Ay Ay
Ctpy, one jtar, In advance, . - - 5u
Subi:rii.tion, Must irivariaVj, be f5d inAdvancc
jj- B k Work, and Fl'ain and Fancy Job Work
tt ia llit best lJlc. n' CB h'"t notice, j
vOL. IX.
BROWNVILLE, NEBRASKA, TBLURSDAY, JANUARY 12, 1865.
NO. 17.
AM
1 I Fr
i i V i
1
0 yyAyyxy
'y $y ax ax-
, : : : : '
I . ,
j .''LIBERTY AND UNION, ONE AND INSEPARABLE, NOW AND FOREVER."
TiN:bb OAK oa.
11. C. TUUKMAN,
2 0 WXl'IL L E, XEBRJ1SKA.
Tol9-n2-Iy-r4
llmrj & Dress-makini
3IISS C l!. HARRIS,
inform tha lajiai of BrowaTille arJ
, .,j it he b jat comincnceJ a first claji
XLINEllY DRESS MAKING
rri work bfl d'.na wUh jrrett "ra ani
n.(i.,mid afier the latest Eataru tjUi.
M-'hin n'l r? j rir:ng dune in the Tery best
t and n short, colics. I'lf Me call at tba re;i-
e f riii rly vcriif.iei by J. W . t-oleuian
-.wiivitle, Mty 4th. i Hrti.
I "STITcIIIN THIS SAYE3 KIKE!'
i.orss v Af.iiTi:R,
r.t hif y. t.rhdy lopertorin all work, par
sum" mid ;zii !miiitinir,pl)i7.inff,and paper haDir
'(.. At iiort nitiic, and the moot approved
T'-rni cah. iire r.ru a cull.
i. j Min Siret, east of Atkinson' Cloth
, ni!l", April 7, ly.
B. 0. HARE'S
lYLKJHT GALLERY
t -r frt y.ur Pictu'-fe. Tie It prepared to
ii kn ) f ivtm- large kiiea rnoiograpni,
k-i.. :.n ind a wcll-Felecte-' htock ct Albania
!:.- .lry i iur! of main Street oppc
J .i.ii A. fMn' 8tro. Tei-'HB will do well ta
,i, .'i !!!! I'fitira wrk il'ine eluewhere.
' ; ii, li.krii witliVhilJrnn, alro in coprinc
t uns. Di'W '"l, Mack, green, or pia;ut are
tel., i s Tor Ctiiiiii eu dresses.
J(tSi:i'E2 L. ROY,
A;jl!i:ii AND I1.U..-D3E.SS9R.
1 M.,-p.oite I 0. lluilJing bet. l?tani 2d.
n-rna t'rils t0 bi I'iitrons for former liberal
and is still on hand reiuly to shave,
i oon aid J-.;.s hair in the host style.
i.,wu., April 21, '64. n33-8-ly.
CHAS. G. DORSEY.
milMY AT LAW
nr.OWNYILLE, NEBRASKA. ,
1 Uih. r;U n32v8yly
F. STEWART, M. D.,
. HYSiCiAHlAtiD SUP.GEOH.
o?Picn
h East ernr of NUin and First Streets
IROWXV1LI.E, KCBR4SKA.
The Soldier's Christmas Fete.
To tU BoS of Co. u C." 1st Cat. yth. Vtt. Vol.
BT CAFT. TH08. M. QHITT1S.
BraTeboysf be merry and gay to-night,
''Fall in" for the waiting cheer,
While boors are winging in silent flight ;
For this comes but once a year.
Eoiae years cavegon? aince many at borne,
Baw gjidethia holiday hour,
And others may pass fyhile yet we roam,
Wide ppreading the nation power".
Let care be banished and joy abound,
Let winter winds rnge abroad,
Let hearts be hup .y, as 'bova the ground,
Brave spirits are on the road,
The .iptitjing road, to fields of fatto,
Where the warriors lot is cast,
To sabre bis way to a glorious name,
To glow when time is past.
For the boreal land or theaustrial clime,
Ye gathered from nesr and far,
Andneeking fuldd ef the brave subline,
Ilive stood in the ranks ef war!
Ye'll seek again, il the country calls,
Brave death in a thousand ways;
And fill the gap where the comrade falls
Wtuje gratping his glory baji J
Fill p the glasses, and quaff tbe'toast,
Remember your old career ;
Uurrab for the fields our foemcn lost ;
Dare's a glass to the glowing year.
Fill them again: to the midnight scout,
When the silent clouds did chase,
Each other above our onward route ;
Ilere's a glass to the tbiillig race.
Make happy the times, 'tis Chrisftnas night,
IIave thought of sorrow the least ;
Be g!d of Fpirit, of heart "be light,
For this i$ the Christmas feast.
A thought for Ihe absent a health for those
Whoso images e'er be bright,
V. fading a ay like the summer rose
litre's joy to tkeloteJto-vight.
Ilr. Petk's Epitaph.
Here lies a Peck who somo men say,
Was first of all a peck of clay ;
This wrought with skill divine while fresh,
Became a curious peck of flesh.
Through various torms its maker ran,
Then adding braath made I'ock a man ;
Through fifty years Pack felt Ufa's bubbles
Till death relierei a Peck of troubles;
Theu fell p or Peck, as all men must,
And here he lies, a peck of dust.
iCK IIofKS 7 to 9 a. M.and 1 to 2 ar.4 6Vf ta
JliT.H .
-ownrille, Kebra-k., Idsy 5th, 18'54- No 15, ly.
K. S.--HU11NS, M. D.,
IYSICIAN & SURGEON!
.OFFICE AT HIS RESIDENCE.
V 2:h.H.l4. ri!7-vS-pdlv
U'. M. O.rEliKINS,
eat Western PMograph
irt 1)5- :VKt Tr Bro-jeaviHe TIous,
UKOWNVII.Vlv N. T.
t '' rpj P, (fiiMv snnoimce tothe public that tie
v,i!:, sk- I.ifht Gallery, aud is now oreparetl
if (very k ii d (-ire Nn1 ityie or pictures tnnwu t
'' u. a 1 the la'e-t aji'1 most approvel Ktylea,
t Iiiw'fv prir tJmu nny oit.pr artist wet of St.
Ii. Th' ff wisbiiii: piotnrex will Ami tt Kreatly to
Interpol to ct!i .iii1 t-xHuiiue bis speiuiens aud
t before guiiij 'i(.e liere.
kmJsof Pictures copied into Photo
grcpLs. )WARD W. THOMAS,
TT0nNEY AT LAW,
AND
OUeiTOll IN CHANCERY, -
Stint Htcro
i . '. r ..;i,dr of Mailt aud Ftrst Streets. .
Vv N VIJ.LE, NEURASKA.
7ill Paper V7all Paper!!
t i:i.;; t,.u.) t JJarotin's Tailor Shop, by
L4JITS VALDTER,
--hT,K':i(r ne in tlie m t approved atyla, and
M rs.-h t. ruis
s.wnvil!a Neh Jims 3 ISG4. 6w -
is i mmm
IILLINERY GOODS !
I 3i:iS. 3IARY HEWETT,
Anii-..nocei to the ladies of Brownvilla and vl
.i citiity, that i-he bas just lecoiyed froia tba
W Ka.t a magnificent .tock ot
1 UfD WIXTLR HILLINZHT GOODS,
Cousistitig of
-es' and irifsci' Bonnets nd TlatB.Ilib
bons, Flowers, &c
.v. .v- .f.r.fir.n nf the ladies, f1"
MureJ they cannot be better salted In style, a-
' price.
8UA3lREriS,
iTTdRiSTEY AT LAW,
FALLS CITY, NEBRAKKA.
1 111 practice In all tat Court yf Keb. "
ITew Heme dies lor
SPERMAT ORRHffiA.
OWARD ASSOCIATION
PniliADF.IiPHIA.
'neeofenf Inttiiution tttaohthed by tpecial En-'J-mtnl.for
tr.t Rrlitf of the Sick ana Dittrtttti
icttd vffa fir til mi end Chronic Diteattt. and
rrctot g for the Cure of Di$ee$ of the Sexual
EDICATj ADVICE tiven gratis, tviba Acting
on.
luVble Reports on Spermatorrbwa, and other Jis-
of tha Saxaal Orrans, and on the NEW REME
1 employed in the Diapeimary, sent In sealed lettei
'opes, free of cbarga. Two or ibieeStamps accepU
Iraas DH. J. SsTtLt.TX noUGHTOS. Howard As
Ko. a, South Kiiith s.ret, P'Jadelpbia. F.
r:ar U, iei. nia-ly
Will Woodhonsc's Courtship.
Mr. William Woodhouse was natural
ly a very, timid man. Not that he was
tacking in moral tir physical courage, but
he was afraid of ihe women. On all
other occasions he was usually equal to
the emergency, be it whatever it might;
but place him tete-a-tete with a woman,
and, to use a vulgar but expressive phrase,
he up. done for.
Ilii mother had long ago settled down
to the uncomfortable conviction that Wil
liam would never marry; and the girls
had arrived at the same conclusion j it
had become quite the thing to fay, in
making comparisons, "as great a fool as
Will Woodhogse !"
For take not, bashful young gentle
men however much ladies may admire
modesty in the other sex, they invaria
bly despise a man who has not heart
enough to say to the girl of hi$ choice
'I love you."
W'U admired all the girls in his way.
but he looked upon ihem very much as
sensible people jdo upon a hornets nest,
a a curious piece of architecture but not
safe to be familiar with.
So he kept his distance, and in the
meantime arrived at ihe mature age of
iwen'.y-tbj-ee. Then he met, for the
fltsi ilfue, ai st piu-uiC party, VUeiulUc
Brewne. We believe people with the
stoniest hearts fall in love at pic-nics,
and from that hour poor Will had no com
fort of his life. Sleeping or waking, his
dreams were full of the beautiful Miss
Browne. Surely there never was anoth
er of the numerous Browne family like
her ! Elue eyes, white mutlin dress,
and knots of pink ribbon brown hair,
red lips, pearly teeth, snowy hands all
danced together in a miscellaneous "all
hands round," before his distorted visioD.
Adelaide, all unconscious of the
trouble she had caused, went her way,
breaking the hearts of most of the young
gentlemen in Highbridger and trying
hard to fracture the few that remained
whole. ' .
She was visiting her aunt Hooper, and
it is an undeniable fact that ladies always
take best where they are not known.
This is no lible on the sex no indeed!
for with gentlemen this truth is still
more applicable.
Mrs. Hooper was a widow of no small
personal attractions in her own estima
tion, and if she was not so young as she
might have been, she thought 6he was,
and behaved accordingly. She still af
fected short sleeves, and profuse ringlets
of glossiest black though envious indi
viduals persis ed in it that her curls were
mode at the hair-dressers, These same
pernons.'ahso, believed that she was anxi
ous to supply the place of the dear de
ceased as soon as possible.
For a week after meeting with Ade
laide, he bore up bravely. The second
meeting destrojed all the stock of com
posure he bed been hoarding up. He
took desperately toth Muses, and walk
ed the whole night away to the infinite
destruction of ahoe-leather, and the infi
nite disgust of hii practical papa.
He met Adelaiae now quite frequent
ly. Highbridge was very gay. There
xts a singing-school, a Ijceum, a "socie
ty," and ik.n the young folks got up ex
cursion to the surronnding hills for it
was yet early autumn, and Nature was
in her robes of siaie.
There was an excursion to Mount Gib
lo, one fine day, and there Wni had the
ecstatic pleature of treading oa Ade
laide's dress, thereb'y throwing her head
long into a pile of brush, and while Laura
Blake picked her up and helped her pin
on her flounces, fie stood by frightened
half out of his wits, and momentarily
expecting the mountain to open and swal
low him up.
From that time he pined rapidly. His
arnetite was a thin? of the Da'st. "His
-f fr -. -
mother thought him in a quick decline
and dosed him with hoarhound and, Dr
Parkins' natent Dacihc Dills, ile grew
r f j
worse and worse.
At last thinking himself tear hisjend,
hp rrtnfosspd to his mother, bhe was
thunderstruck, at first; bu afterwards,
like a sensible woman, she advised him
io put on his "totner domes, ann go
right over and lay ihe case before Miss
... ....... i
Browne. It couldn't kill him, sne said,
and then if she refused why, there was
as good fisb in the sea, etc.a
Will took three days to consider, and
at the end or mat time nis mmu was
made up. He swallowed a double dose
of blackbeiry cordial, donned his flame
colorei rest, and black and blue plaids
brushed his hair till it shone like ebony,
covered his head with his ten dollar
beaver, and made the best of his way to
Mrs. Hooper's.
Not that he intended tq ask Adelaide
hut Mrs 'Hooper. If he could only
get the aunt won over to his cause, and
employ her to state the coudition of his
heart to her niece, he thould be happy.
He felt assured that he could never live
through confessing himself to Adelaide;
and, if he did, and she should say no
he was satisfied he should faint away
right pn the spot ! . .
As good fortune would have, he found
Mrs. Hooper alone, in her best humor.
She was charmed, to see him, aud treat
ed him to nuts and cider, and a seat on
the sofa so near herself, that poor Will
was at. his wits' end to frame the first
word of his errand.
They talked of the weather and the
crops till the clock struck ten. -The wid
ow tried to make him think it was only
nine ; but he was not so far gone but that
he could count. He felt that the terrible
moment could no longer b delayed. He
must make a beginning.
"Mrs. Hooper," said he, come over
this evening " he hesitated.
"Yes, Will," said the, encouragingly.
"Icame over -"
"Yes, I know you did," still more en
couragingly.
vou
I"
"Well, ycu couldn't have come to any
body that would be readier to do you a
kindness, William."
. "Thank you." The sweat stood on
hi forehead in great drops. "But this
is a very delicate business, very! I come
0 ask you to to to "
"Go on. Don-'t be afraid. I am list-
"The fact of it is, Em in love !" des
perately. "There, I've done it !"
Mercy on me ! Why, William ! and
1 never mistrusted it never ! Well, of
all things!" And the widow, edged a
little closer, an( put her fat hand in hit."
"Yes I'm in love, and I come to ask
you if you would"
"Willi? To be sure I will! How
could you think otherwise? I have al
ways thought so much of you! But it ia
so sudden I What will folks' say ?"
"Deuced if I care !" cried Will, elat
ed at the prospect before hmi ; "it's no
body's business ! Am I to be wretched on
account of what people will say ? Don't
hug me so, Mrs. Hooper I beg I I
ain't used to it ; and and, what was that
noise ?
"The mice, I guest. Dear William
how glad I am you told me."
And vou'ilask Adelaide, and make it
ill right with her ?"
"Adelaide ? Oh, she'll have no earth
ly objections. Of course not 1"
"Are you sure? If I was only certain
of itj Oh Mrs. Hooper, I loved her
the moment I saw her."
"Who? What?"
"Why, your niece, Adelaide Browne.
She i the only woman on earth that I
could ever be happy with! I shall die
if I don't get her !?
Mrs. Hooper turned purple. She
caught up- th poker and flew at our hero
like a maniac. He made for the door,
he following close.
"I'll show you how to inult a respect
able woman," she cried, "Ell show you
how to steal the aflections of a guileless
heart, and then' prove .falae" each
"showing" accompanied by a thump from
the poker.
Will had at last succeeded in pur.mg
the door between him and his antagonist,
i i
.and, in frantic haste, he divea aown over
the ste'ps, and at the bottom reeled full
into the arms of Adelaide Browne her
self, who was just returning frcra a
friend1.
;Don't let her get at me !" he cried;
-I'd rather die jhan she shouid hug me
again ! It's you I love, not her, and she's
madder than a batter !"
It was not a jery elegant propo.-al,but
Miss Browne's self-possession insured
Will's everlasting weal. She accept
hira ou tl e spot, for she had liked him
all along, and nothing but his abominable
bashfulness had stood between them.
ill is a happy husband and father
now, but even to this day the sight of a
widow will make him tremble ; they are
so intimately associated in his mind with
pokers.
A yuung mau stood listlessly watching
some anglers on a bridge. He wa3 poor
and dejected. At length, approaching a
baket;well filled with wholesome-looking
fhht he sighed, "If, now, I had
these, I would be happy. I could sell
:hem at a fair price and buy me food and
lodging !
"I will give you just as piarjy and jusi
as good fish." said the owner, who
chonced to overhear hij conversation'
"if you wUl do me a trifling favor,
"And what is that?- asked the other
eagerly.
"Only to tend the line till I come back.
I wish to go on a short errand."
The proposal was gladly accepted. :
The old fisherman was gone so hng
that the young man began to grow impa-
-a .11
uent. Mean, while, however, tne nun
crv fish snacred crreedilv at the baitpd
c: j a
hook, and the young mari lost his depres
sion in the excitement of pulling them in
and whpn the owner of the line returned
he had caught a larce number. Count
ing out pf them a many as were in the
basket, and presenting ihem to the young quent aentence.
man. the old fisherman said : "I fulfill
A bombastic lawyer was making an
argument before a jury, in th course jf
which he delivered himself of the follow-ing-
specimen of mock eloquence: "But.
gentlemen ef the Jury, the whole sub
ject is in the dark, entirely, till we come
to the testimony of Mr. B . then it is
that the cloud of doubt begins to crack,
I . . 1 . f .1. 1 rll)
ana tne cat is tet out oi me otg;
waggiih brother lawyer sitting by. and
who was good at sketchmg,caught up his
pencil and a slip of paper, and with an
eye to the rules of testing the correctness
of rhetorical figure by painting it, drew
the picture, exhibiting a cloud, a crack
in the cloud, the mouth of a bag hanging
down out of the crack, a cat's tail hang
ing out ef the bag, and to complete the
picture, the said lawyer graspir.g the
c.tt'a tail, and holding on, then slily slid
ing the picture along the table to the
next brother lawyer, it passed around
till it had made finishing work of over
setting what little gravity had been lef1
among the members of the bar, by Sir
Bombastic's delivery.of his most .e'o-
armv,
my promise fmm the fish' that you caught Hr'e is avery?ood anecdote, remind-
to teach you that whenever you &ee oth- ing one somewhat of Mrs. StoweV'Top-
ors earning what you need, to waste, no 8y."
time in fruitless wishing, but to cas a During the last winter, a ccnirafcand
line for yourself. ' came into the Federal lines in isorth
Carolina, and was marched to the officer
Idaho-has elected a Democratic Dele- 0f lne day, to give an account of himaelf,
gate to Congress by over 1.000 majority whereupon the following amusing .cello-
wi
thi
Strasburg Clock.
The priests and military have, retired
and I am now titling in a chaihcicg the
o-io-antic clock: irom tne nottoia to
o
the top not less than one hundred feet,
acd about thirty feet wide and fifie;a feet
deep. Around me are many strangers
waiting to see the working of this clock.
O "
as it strikes the hour of noon. Every eye
the clock. It wants five minutes
to twelve. The clock has struck, add the
people are gone, except a few whom the
1 J . l A n A
iTinn nr rtftaa man. w u a wauu uu
sword, is conductingjround the building
Tl e clock has struck in this way
Tte dial is some twenty feettromme
rjor,and on each side of which is a cherub.
or a little boy with a mallet, and over the
dial is a small bell. The cherub on the
eft strikes the first quarterthat on the
rirht the second quarter, borne nny
eet above the dial, in a large niche, is a
iure hjiure or lime, a oeu m ma icti
scythe in his right. In front stands a
figure "Of a young man with a mallet, who
strikes the third quarter on the bA in the
hand of Time, and then turns and glides
with a slow step-, round behind lime;
and then comes out an old man
mallet and places himself in front
As he hour of twelve comes,
1 I I 1 a-!--
man raises nis maiietana aenonrajeiy
strikes twelve times on the bell, that ech
oes through the building, and is heard all
round through the region of the church.
The old man glides behind father Time,
and the young man comes round again.
As soon as the old man has struck
twelve and disapeared, another set of
eet higher still. It is thus: There is a
high cross with the image of Christ.
The instant twelve is struck, one of the
Apostles walks out from behind, comes in
ront, turns lacing the cross, bows, yad
walks on around to his place.
As he does so another comes in front,
l
turns, bows, and passes in. ?o iweive
apostles, figure large as life,wali ;irounJ ,
bow.and pass on. As the last appears.an
enormous cock, perched on the piunacie
of the, clock slowly flaps itE wings, puts
forth its neck, and crows three time so
loud as to be heard outside of the church
some distance, and so natural ai to be
mistaken for a cock. - Then all ii silent
at death. No wonder this clock is the
admiration of Europe. It was made in
1571, and has performeo! thee mechan
ical powers ever tince, except fifi.y years,
wnen it stood for repairs.
thd old
The Virginia Enterprise says:
Idahd is over run with thieves, gamb
lers, highwavmen, guerrillas , and mur-
rlprPt-Q Tt is the home of the outlaw,
the paradise of crime, the lair, of the es
caped, convicts of every State. Outside
,i,a ..r.fino. nf triA W'Pr recrions. better
A lit? LVJlAlaaJt- va a w O ' ,
materials for the formation of a Peace
Democracy cannot be fonnd than in Idaho.
The lines were fairly drawn between the
honest men and rogues of the Territory,
iud the latter were found to outnumber
the othprs. Hence we are bv no means
surprised to learn that Idaho has gone
Democratic.
quy ensued :
"What's your name ?"
"My name Sam."
"Sam what !"
"No sah : not Sam Watt, I'se just oply
Sam."
What's your other name ?"
"I hasn't got no other name, iah, I'se
Sam dat's all."
"What's your master's name ?"
"I'se got no massa, now, sah; masta
runned away yah ! Ese a free nigfa
"Well what't your father and moth-
"It is clear," says the British
and Navy Gazette, reviewing the situa-
tion in the United States, acd e5pecial-
ly Sherman move beyond Atlanta, at
the time somewhat my,.eriaus in Eng
land, "that so long as he roams about
with his r.rmy insfJa the Confederate
States, he is more deadly than twenty.
Grant, and that he must be destroyed if
Richmond or anything is to be aava -
Lee will protabiy to forced by this con
dition of aCairs to assume the cTeasive,
because ne cannot aford to let Grant
hold his hands whilst Sherman is corn:
mining burglary ia tho Southern man
sion
They have a sharp scent for Rel'.cs a:
Burlington, Vt. Thy sav acme sig
nals the other day, knew they did, ar.d a
steamer was cleared for action and run
to the spot, where the "signals" were
found to be two innocent
njng themselves.
sea-gulls sun-
The rebel General Tage, captured
near Fort Morgan, applied by letter,
lately, to his old classmate, Commodore
Rogers.for assistance in getting exchang
ed. The reply was: "I can do nothing
for you. You neither defended your
post like a man nor surrendered like an
ofBcer."
A contraband undertaking to f, nl a sit
uation for her daughter, in Cincinnati,
insisted upon said daughter's being in
structed. Upon being requested to indi
cate what kind of accomplishments she
was' detirous of hariug her hopeful
daughter pcasestes, she said, "de gal
mu?t be larned de piano and painting
anyhow, and mebbe arter while readxa'
and writin'."
now.
er's names
An Irishman -entering the fair at Bal-linao-one,
saw the well defined form of
r laro-fi head bulffinsr out of a tent.
o o fc
The temptation was irresistable; up .went
his thillaleh. down went the man.-
Forth rushed from the tent a host'of an
gry fellows to avenge the onslaught.-
Judfre of their surprise when they found
the assailant to be ons of their own faction.
Och. Nicholas, said they, and did
ye not know that it was Brady O Brien
yeht?
"Trntn. T did not. sav he: bad . luck to
.
me for the same; but sure if my own fath
er had been there, and his head looking!
I'se got none, sah neber had none
sah: I'se jist Sam aint tnybody else.
,Two youpg lawyert, Archy Brcjwn.
and Thomas Jones, were fond ofJJrop
pmg into Mr. Smith's parlor and spen.
diog ri hour or two with hia unljr daugh
ter, Mary. One evening, vrhen Browa
was there, and he and Mary had dis
cussed almost every topic, Brown sud
denly inhis swesl tenia, struckoat as fol
vHave you got any brothers and sis- lows:
... I tiTY-. .t m r ...
tera f" UJ iuiuk, i.iary, you could leave
"No sah, neber had none. No brud- father and mother, this pleasant homa
a a I....
der no sisiers, no fadder no raudder, no with all its ease and comforts, and emi-
massa nothing but Sara- When you grate to the Far West with a young law-
see'Sam you see all there is of us yer, who had but IittU besides hi pro
fession to depend upon, and with him
Fun should be cultivated as a fine art. search ou. a new home, which it should-
for it is altogether a fine thing. ho be your joint duty to beautiiy, and maku
to be a bad delightful and harpv. like this?''
i -
ever knew a "funny man
one ? On the contrary, is he not, nine
times out of ten, generout, humane, so
rial and rrood ? To be sure he is. xun
V
it is a
Dropping her head softly on his shoul
der, she whispered:
'I think I could, Archy.''
It smooths the "Well," said he, "there's Tom Jones,
rough places of life, makes the disposi- who's going tq emigrate, and wants tq
great
thing.
so nice and convenient, I could not have tjon as fresh and rosy as a maiden's kiss, get a wife; J'il mention it to hia "
helped myself.
A pro-slavery clergyman was recently
travelling from New York to Boston.
Being told that one of his fellow passen
gers was Wendell Phillips, the noted
abolitionist, he determined to enter inu
conversation. After afew moments ar-
2ument, he sau. isai u you are to up-
posed to slavery, Mr. Phillips, why do
you not go down South and preach' to the
rebels ? Fer the same reason, sir, was
the reply, that you do not go to halt to
nreach relieion to sinners. Tbe inter-
i "
locutor sloped.
sratters sunshine and flowers wherever
jt goes; makas'all girls as pretty as June
roses. We eo in for fun. The man
who won't cultivate it must keep a good
sized half rod between us.
At the Hotel, in Cairo, they are
not noted for di?patch in fillinj orders
for meals. If a dinner is ordered some
time is taken to cook it. Not long since
I stoped there, and sat down at a table
with an elderly gentleman, who ordered
squirrel. I waited some time for my
dinner, but was almost through, and the
old gentleman was still waiting for hia
is just before the "Has the man got a good gun ?"
Dm nf tha rfthel officer prisoners at
- w w - - a i
InKnortn' Inland ha trirpn hirih tn
iy- Ea says the Sandusky
fur. Thp Hnriki?r informs us that
grief?
"What man?" asked the steward.
"The man that's
rone
ehcot the
old
gea-
Kezisier.
the "oSicer is undoubtedly a woman.'
"Father," said a little fellow, appar;
ently reflecting intently on something, "I
shan't send you any of my wedding
cake when I get married." -Why not,
my son ?" waa the fond father'n inquiry.
"Because," said the young hopeful, "you
didn,t send me any of yours."
The" military at Nashville have just
turned oui a sort of hermaphrodite affair,
which is called a gunboat car," It will
accorcmodate twenty men inside, who.
can kjep off with the Mineie rifle two
hundred of an at!.ackinar party without
fear o inju ry. Armed with the Spen-
cer rue a mucn greater oocy or men
could pe driven oflfby the twenty soldiers
inside, Upon the lop of the car may be
placed a six pounder, which could be
used with effect upon a retiring party.
Why is the devil a gentleman ? Be
cause the imp of darkntss ceuld not be
imp o-lite.
Why is a tour-quart measure like a
A on 4rI1ss ? TV-, fa na il knl.la -ntLnn 1 t .
siuc--auuic . uctaua uuius o Sau-uu. jquirrei. uut in patience wa3 at last
What 14 ine sun by trade? A tanner, exhausted, and ha beckoned the steward
Why is the first'chicken like'a fore- t0 hm aLd said
mast f iiecause it
s
main natcn.
Why is a washerwoman like
Becaus she wrings men's bosoms.
wnai is tne uinerence Detweeii a town
and its people ? It is laid out at the be
ginning of .its existence, and they at the
end of theirs.
What was Pharoah's objection to Mos
es? He fqucd him more plague than
prophet.
. When did prophanity begin ? When
tbe first pair was cursed by the first ap
ple.
What did Adam plant first ? Hi
foot.
to
squirrel I ordered," said tha
tleman, wi;h great gravity.
Juat then I choked, and did not hear
the steward's answer, I saw him disap
pear, and in a few seconds the old gen
tleman was devouring his squirrel with
apparrent relish.
Wrilla.m Seward was elected United
States St,at9r on the first ballot by the (Explanatory : this has reference to our
Legislaturi0f Nevada. He is a son-in- I president.)
A modest young man, at a dinner par-.
y, the other evening, put the following
conundrum; Why are most people who
eat turkey like. babies ?" No reply. Ths
modest man blushed and would have tack.
What is worse than raiping pitchforks? ed out, b it finally gave the r?a3oa : "Be
cause they are fond of the breast "Two
miVdle-aged ladies here fainted, and the
remains of the joung man were carried
cut by the corqnor on a shutter.
;ing omnibuses.
TT
iiai
Why is a dog's tail like an express
man f iiecause it keeps a wap-frin .
Why is an owl like the American
people ? Because it keeps a blinkin'.
! P ,Vrt OX T. t
iaw ui "-governor r oote, dui is a
strong Union if. Tne olner Senator is
the late Governof the Territory. ,
Judge Kook-s, vg0ico;lhe Western
Circuit, had a greatne lnrovyo at
head; but from the cimslance of hh
stooping very much, it p$sed Qver hJm
You see." said he,vhad eeQ A up.
right judge, might W bQ k;ne(j.
The people of Philadelphia have col
lected the sum of 30,000, with which
they propose to purchase a residence for
Gen. Grant. Including this, the pres
ents thi3 favorite has received durinsr the
war have not cost less than 660,000,
which fact, perhaps, as well as any oth
er, shows the estimation in which he - is
held by the American people.
Sherman's soldiers lived sj extensive
ly upon turkeys during thair late prome
nade through Georgia, that every one cf
them became a gobbler.
Gen. McClellan. it is rap-rtn.l trill
sail for Europe in February; h;3 wife and
child will accompany him.
Ccmmaoder Coliips h;5 been detach
ed from the Wachusetts and ordered to
report at Washington,
