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About Nebraska advertiser. (Brownville, Nemaha County, N.T. [Neb.]) 1856-1882 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 7, 1858)
If 01 8 Ay Ay DEVOTED TO ART, SCIENCE, AGRICULTURE, COMMERCE, KEWS, POLITICS, GENERAL INTELLIGENCE AND THE INTERESTS OF NEBRASKA. CITY OF BKOWNVILLE, NEMAHA COUNTY, N. T., THURSDAY, OCTOBER 7, 1858. NO. 15. VOL. HI. w 1 1 " Ay Ay Ay Ay Ay Nebraska QUmciUscr :-:BLl-.lKI SVEKV fHl'RSD BY R. W. FUKNAS, Second Su.ry Hoadb-yiv Mnr's Building, (Corner .f Miin J '"' --treet..) 1JK )WNVI I.I.i:, N. T. TERMS i . ,1 1 III I'lv.lfl'e, u For :l!."i -. .:.:' '..nil a !.-' ;i r Cl.l- apau n. not U. r 1 r. !. 1 I ' Oni i "-" ' '' K 1) . .... rl iuQ, i .i.h. (i, .n 2..'i" 4 ,i (i.iiti 12.tMt ;,( till.lMI 3 j.lHI 2l.(!l lrt,UO Udi friar .ni m n. ii i hi- ui ti lis, u si ui nj, t " nue v-ar, BnH!i1.C.ird-..f -liLe-..r less.one year 'J at ' .luiim one year, Oa-iil! Cla im, one year, - rth ' einth " C .i i'nn.-ii -n inth". h i!t " .lu.un. -ix lU'.nth", f..ui:h " "' ei-i.'ti ' " " C iIjio i three month", m h ilf ilU'U'i. I lire in mtlis, foarth 20.00 10,110 8.00 20.00 13,00 10,00 pi-nth " jLnioun -in' in 1 Cash ' l",n tB"nt el -eot w !e' Ten p'T -e H above rte. X., .-ert:i'iu 1eJ- .11 liffil . 6,00 Ut- for uTice i i lv nee.) 5,00 , will li-re jiiir-lf'T il! a.lvertise jwtu.il re.Mnihility i known. e. h -haagewill 'o added to the will be-onsid'-red by the year, hs miuii-;ript, or previously rrr.l t n tetw.-fn the irti-s. A lv-ti- 'n ;titsn .t n irkl ..n the"nry for J)ee Uei n.i'nSerof irn-rti ,n", will he ntinued until 3r.lerel i.ut.und .-haryd arcirdingly All lv.-rtn- n-ntstr.u tr.inger ir.ransicnt per 4rm.t.. lierid ti lvn?. T, privilege ..f yirlv lvortierwillbeconnn-iri-ired'y t "tr r i-'n:rid all a lvrtise ntn.ii ji-if-uining tbcrcto, t i oc paid f'T ei- v'iirlyndvrrtirs Lave the privilrp of changing tbeir.lvrli--tiieiitjnarterly. AH lt l'd adverti-eui-Jiits ohirged double the Clx.ve rat-. A h- Tf"-n -nt "u the in-M exclusively wilj be Cliard ex'ia. BOO AND FANCY JOB PRINTING!! iniii,- H-ImiSi- Iv.-rtiser Offi-e Card and J, 1. "r.- N- r.vp- : 'li- b;-st nt.rlo". Ink "f 'il .1 .r.-i. t. ! -. me Cao'-r. I'.ux 1 'ii'-s-, 4c. : we rr i. ur -o ir -I t '".niiH lob Work f every de ri.ti.H! in i -!!( i.i-urpasscil by any other office iu th' t'uiti'd 't's. f irti -ul ir .ti.-u! ion i'.l be ci v.-n t order? from A di-t in.-'. - m h :ivin: ''i-m r un 1 1 v attended to. Tin; I'r.itinot .r-, bavin had i I -xten-ive expe rience, will c've their personal attention t thi? tranch of buines. an l h.ijif, in their en'eavoi- to lesf. hithin the eveilenee "f their wors. and rci-onilde chara-;.- to receive a abate ' the (.nllie i- oi ii-.. 11 i;siN E S S CARDS. MISS MARY TURNER, MILLINER AND D.ESS MAKER. Mam Street, cue do-T above Cursons E IJItOWNVlLLi:, X. T. ... t Rnmift-i tint! I fill HI I HITS IUVVV Oil flfthl, i r m mums iilivaus on u. C. JOHNSON, ATTORNEY AT LAW, SOLICITOR IN CHANCERY A X l Real Citato Apo.it, nuowxviLLE, :. t. RF.IKKKM.KS. -Hon. Wm..Ie?up, Montrose, Fa. H. S. llentlv. " - " John V. MiV-r, Cbifo, 111. Wm. K. McAllister. Charlen K. Kowltr, " " " K. V. Fu'qjs, Drownville, a. T . F I, t, " " May 7. 1' 47-ly NEW ?AIXT SHOP. T:e tin. pr"Ciiei'. trfvs "eave to inform the citizens of tin. piace and vn iniiy ihat be has stat "ed a new Paint Mi... in Hrownwi:e and willat'endtn all woik in ttr J'aiiiuin: IVpartniriit. that be uiav be favored with. HOUSE, SIGN, SCENIC, 33A3MIVri:il. O II AI i: T 4 I. rAIXTI.AC.: GUALMXG, G1LDIXG, AND PAPER HANGING, Imitator of all Kinds of WOODS AXD MARBLES, lnMr n. t ;..n- cuen ir. the GRECIAN OIL, CRAYON. ORIENTAL, OR GLASS PAIXTIXC, On rc i i.,t.:e terin. Carriage- j j.nte l no il iy and uli di at. h. Ilaviiic had a iiuni'.or ot ears' praiual evperu nt e in f-oine t the iaret K.iteni cit.es he cli ii Ionize cotn- Iei 1 1 ion e-t .1 i lie V i"iip.i. an.! tens oi .dent that bet inc. vi) 'i (eel saiiIut U..I. to al I tb.it in..v tavurbim i h t i.ei : i a: r..n ice 'l and -ee f..r vonelves that T? is-h" can pertortn all i' .elterrie Cll KLKS R 31 INMSG. Br.iwnviHe Set . :G KViiin ftl.l V f K C.K T. JAMKS e I ISKT. VY. A Cli I B . I A KKIT. STt S N'llj HT. OLIVER liKXNETT & CO., M.imifa -turercan.l .Vhalosiib Ocnler.in BOOTS AND SHOES, Tio. 87 Ma-n Street. I'lKHKt Y.N... Lll.Ct.KMloF M A . AMI LoCCST.'i NT. LO7.V. .MO. E. KATIHETJ, Cabinet & Wagon-Haker Urin Steet.ht Sixth nnl Seventh. Rkowwii.m:. x.t. d cil.itipt w,,rlc rn-ti iy executed. '!;'i.r.,Jj"tvlt.j,u,itoj p-ouii'tly Joce. s (ft f V O DANIEL L. McGARY, mn ii af !V Mi I H ITT n ill iin vi, AND SOLICITOR LV CIUXCERY. Brownville. Nebraska. Will practice iu ihe Court-, of Nebraska, and Xorth weal Mism'Uu. UKFKiiF.NCEsj. Messrs Crow, JlcOoary II .ti Jame- M. Hiuhs lion J lni R Sheply II hi J nne Cram, II .ii hiiu- Wood- n J mice A A . Uradio d S F. Nuckolls K -n . &. Co., St. Louis, Mo. Do Do St. Joseph, Mo. U.i Nebraska City K.T. Do T. E. IIAYCOOK. Attrney at Law REAL ESTATE AGENT. Mount Vernon, Xemaha Co., P.ir i.nlar atipnii.in paid t" the practice of law andcol le. ii.. n ..l ilfl.t- in tbe c. initios ok N'emaLa. Pawuoe, SiIiiimiii imI KuLardson Nebraska Territory. Re.ii e-t-tte bouubt ami shM on ComniiM-ion. Land warrauts lK-aiel for distant dealrrg Pre-emp-tiou papers civefully prepared. REFERS TO Sam II. Elbert, Plaitstii 'iith N. T. II P Heimi-t Xehiaska city X T O I) Ki' baids.in Oinaba city. X T Fetmer Fer!riis.iii MC Bel'evue, NT Cassady K Test II inkers, Council Bluff, Iowa C-.k, Sert'emt 6. Ck. Fort Uesmoiues, Iowa. Pecenit r 3. 1867 n231y R. L. DODGE, ATTORN E Y AT L AW SOLICITOR fiT CHANCERY, ItllOHWILLC, CDRASKA. Iand Warrants uotiKbt and Kold. Pre-emption papers careruily ami correct ly p epared. (IKF1C E on Main street, iu Bruwn and Bennsit'c Bank ing House. REFKRKNCES Hon Fenner Fereuson, Bellevne Xebraska. Biownviile. " " R W. Furnas " K B.wn Kimiev &. II Hey ll-iu. Jamvs Crii:, X.,ve MoCord Co. Cl.irk t Conrad July b, Il5s-v3n2-ly rl. Si . w -Va City NEW GROCERY PROVISION HOIISTC J. II. JIORRISON, AT Till 01.1 Stand of M. F. CLARK, BKOWNVILLE, N. T, Wbore c m I found a l ull supply of Family (iroceries II mi and lt.icoii M.okrel and Cod Fish Teas. Sugar, O riv-e Ciidic-, No' WiueCrackersandCbeese Liquors and Willi"- Svditifs, Ci'.'ars and Tobacco. Oysters and l..'l'ers IV.irhes. Prunes, Blackber;ien and Wnortle liervie and .i I articles usi al.y kept in a Fa my tire'y Sto e Inch ' e il i Cl I to' ca-b or pi. duce as cheap is the cbe.ipa-t. Win you pive me a t-hare of your couiiuuod pat roil n;e. Br..winui IP July 15 h IBoS V3n3 ATT0RHEY AT LAW, BliOWXVILlK, X. T. Will wi i'e deeds of evp-y kind and c..ifats tT every purs.e wi ti warranied leua. accuracy. Ottiie iu the Bjiikni!-' Il..ue .f L,usbbau;h is. Carson. REFER TO n.m J hn A liinplum Cadiz, Ohio. ' W K Carter Cleveland, " ' H P Sp-tldine " " " K F Loiter Canton, " S Lalim " ' WniRS.ipp Mt Vern.n, " " S PCh.i-e Coliinitius. " " Tbos Ford M.instield. " " Jas. Ci.nsr S' Joseph. Mo. Brownville. Oct. 22d V" vSnll-ty O. B. HEWETT, ATTORNEY AT LAW REAL ESTATE AGENT, Rrownvllle, Nebraska. Will attend t business in all departments of his pro fession. e emotovs R;ghts Secured. Land Warrant for Kale. Office on 1'ir. t St., l et. Main and Water. REKKRRErfEl : Kinney &. H .iley Nebraska City. Clieever Sweet &. Co., do J -S:erlitiL' Morton do Brown Bennett, Brownville R. W. Furnas do Brownville. X. T. May 13, 1S5S. v2n46tf A. L. OO ATE NEMAHA LAND AGENT, SURVEYOR it NOTARY ITRIalC, Will select lands, invpstisate titles, pay taxes, itc, fittier iu Kansas or Nebruska; buy, tell, and enter lauds on commission: invest in town property, buy or sell the same and will always ha.e ou liand c rrect plats ol townships count ips. .c. . Khnwitig all lands sub let:! to entry and w he o dpsirpt! will furni-h parties liv- inc in the Mates wuh the same. Beinc the oble-t -eitler in the county will in all cases be able to give full ind reliable information. Addre A L Coaie either at Brownville or Nemaha City. Nebra-ka Territory. 6m-4?-v2 T. W. BF.HFORD, County SurvevitT HVPStIN GEORf '". Notary Public BEDFORD & GEORGE nunTTr.jnr.n ti.n n ALSO REAL ESTATE AGENTS, BROWNVILLE NEBRASKA. Office on Main Street. WILL attend promptly to all business entrusted to thetu in the line ot their p'o ession. Will buy and sell Land w arrains. make tune entries attend to tbe selec- ! ti..iail hicatii.u if i.o "riMiiei.: Lands. S :rvey Town m'p-. sulslivnle Lands, make out City Plats &c., fcc, , II it mi: been l. itetl in the Territory tor the past year, we. ire pi epared t make the ni.ist choice se'.ectmus for I actual sett lers. Will pay taxes investigate titles, and render assistance in contested ca.es at the I". S. Laud offl'-e. ! Letters of iiniuiry promptly ansmered. j I n w t REt ER TO n. W C Reynolds. Kincston Ponn. J. tin J Pendleton. Ksq. II ti (iaiiri t A tirow II n Joseph (i. C'ane Ryal. . Clia- IPs. Lull. I A cent s. B .ter At Hedtes H unkers L'l-htiaiiKh Ji Carson Baukers R W. Fnrnas Esq. Cincinnati, Ohio Washington City. D. C. P iyt. n. ()hio Sioux City, It.wa. do do Brownville, N. T. do do I W C. Cleaver tieol.igical Engineer. Scranton. Pa. Rnru? R Edwards. Esq. St. Joseph Mo. Col. J. hn ;. Fell Waverley Pa W. ii lie rre. Real Estate Aceut, Llaytou Ohio Apri! 8. 1S5S vin4I-y)y LOUI W ALDTER, House, J'ri ond Orn-imtiiitnl I)o U.llj ' '1 liGUU" II. 1 GLAZIER, Q2AINER, r PiPCR II A S R R , BROWNVTIjLE. n. t. Tatesthi method id informin? the public thatlietas renn vel Ins pn'.nt sh-p from Nemaha C' . to this place He think- himself qualified to undertake any w.-rk per tamiiic t.i Ins line or business, and re-pecifully invites the public to tive him a call. Please leave orders at liie 'Advertiser'' cifflce." 'ov. i. 1S57. iSUH am ftllUttli u'iiivr,iur.u a n u ii u niau uiviL, Hiscellaneons. -f s -r j now a non-paying Boarder got Done. While General Jackson was President of the United States, he was tormented day after day, ly importunate visitors (as most Chief Magistrates of this "green country" are), whom he did not care to see, and, in consequence, he gave strict directions to the messengers at the door to admit only certain persons on a parti cular day. In spite of this peremptory order, how ever, the attendart bolted into his apart ment, during the forenoon, and informed the General that a person was outside whom he could not control, who claimed to see him, orders or no orders. 'By the Eternal !' exclaimed man, nervously. "I won't submit the old to this annoyance. Who is it?' 4D uft know, sir.' 'D.m't know ! What's his name ?' Beg pardon, sir; it's a woman.' 4 A woman ! Show her in, James; show her in," said the President, wiping his face; and the next moment there entered the General's apartment a neatly clad female of p.u-t the 'middle age,' who ad vanced courteously towards the old man, and acr ted the chair proffered her. 'Be seated, madam,' he said. 'Thank you,' responded the lady throw ing aside her veil, and revealing a hand some face to her entertainer. 'My mission hither to day, General,' i continued il" f iir speaker, is a novel one j and you can aid me, pe:aps.' I '"ifadam,' said the General, command I'our are very ki': :', . !i , t am a poor woman, General ' 'Poverty is n ) criinc, madam.' 'No, sir; but I have little family to care for I am a widow sir, and a clerk employed in one of the departments of your adiiiiiiitraiiu;i, is indebted to me for board to a ctnsiderrMe amount, which I cannot collect. I need the money sadly, and ccnie to ask if a portion of his pay cannot be stopped, from time to time, un til the claim of mine an honest one. General, of which he had the full value shall be canceled ?' 'I really madam that is, I have no control in that way how much is the bill ?' 'Seventy dollars, sir; here it is.' f 'Exactly, I see. And his salary, nia Sam ?' 'Is said to be $1:200 a year.' 'And not pay his board bill ?' 'As you ee,s.ir. this has been standing five months unpaid. Three days hence he will draw his month'y pay, and I thought, sir, if you would be kind enough to' 'Yes, I have it; go to him again, and get his note to-day for thirty days.' 'His note, sir! It wouldn't be worth the paper on which it is written; li pays no one a dollar, voluntarily.' 'Uut he will give you his note, madam, will he not ?' 'Oh, yes; he would be clad to have a respite in that way for a month, no doubt.' 'That's right, then. Go to him ob tain his note at thirty days from to-day, give him a receipt in full, and come to me this evening.' The lady departed, called upon young clerk, dunned him for the amount, at which he smiled, and she finally asked him to give her his note for it. 'To be sure,' said he, -give a note, sart'n, and much good may it do you, m'm.' 'You'll pay it, when it falls due, won't I you, tir; thirty days hence V Oh, yes, sart'n; of course I will; I al-1 ways pay m. aotes, m'm, I d.;' and as the lady departed, the knowing young j gent believed he had accomplished a neat trick once more. 'I wonder what the deuce she'll do with the no" . Egad! I'd like to settle some of tht her accounts in the same way. Hope she ll have a good time gei ng the money on that bit of paper. John Simp kins is rather too well known for that.' And he turn I witL a chuckle to his books again. The poo oi aHg-bcince keeper called p";ain upc .hgener-'. a few hours af ttrvards. 'Did you net v net". :. (L; n ' 'Yes, sir; here l ; ' The Presl ! nt q and, with a u:ih of :urned it o:er. pen, wrote the his name of Andrew Jackson upon the back of it. Take this ti thlunk to-morrow morn- I ing. maJa n, ami you can get the money j I for it,' he said h-jr..edly. Th? lady act- d a cordinaly, and found I no diffi.-uity in cltaining the cash for it i atsiht. A week before that month's termina-! tion. Mr. John Simpkins received a note to the following effect: Bank of Washington, . 1S.T2, 'Sir Your note for seventy dollars is due on the :27th inst. at this Bank, and you are reijuested to call and pay the tame. , Cahier.' 'Ha! ha !' screamed John, after read ing this brief note. 'A capital joke, lhat. Can't come it, in'm can't nohow ! Scare crow U ft tor collection 1 un stand- won't do no go ! and John very soon for- j and in the course ot a few weeks it was cr0t it. " j satisfactorily arranged with the widow- Bat 'pay-day' came round again, and and daughter, and the parties were mar John took his 'ninthly stipend once mo:e, j ried. S100. from tbe cashier of the department ! Very soon after the marriage was con- as usual. As ie passed down e, ave- ntie. the unpaid bul'suddenly e.: head. ed his 'Who the deuce now has been fool enough to help the old woman in this bu siness, I wonder V said John to himself. 'Egad. I'll go and see. It's all a hum' I know; but I'd like to see if she really fooled anybody with that bit of paper,' a"nd entering the bank, he asked for the note, 'left there for collection against him.' 'It was discounted,' said the teller. Discounted ! Why, who in this world will discount my note?' asked John, amazed. 'Anybody, with such a backer asj'you have got on'this.' 'Backer ! me backer, who ?' 'Here is the note, you can see,' said the teller, handing him the document, on which John instantly recognized as the bold signature of the then President of the United States. 'Sold by Moses !' exclaimed John, drawing forth the money with a hysteri cal grasp for he saw through the mana gement at a glance. The note was of course paid, and jus tice was awarded to the spendthrift at once. On the next morning he found upon his desk a note, which contained the fol lowing entertaining bit of personal intel ligence : To John Simpliins, Esq. Sir: A change having been made in your office, I am directed by the President to inform you that your services will be no longer needed by this Department. Yours, , Secretary. John Simpkins retired to private life at once, and thence-forward found it con venient to live on a much smaller allow ance than twelve hundred a year ! I Double Divorce. vr lis Journ sl is responsible for i:!r. Thai paper is remarkably The Ii the - ollyv rich i . lally it i to order v e.- f this character. Pro- person to get them up !;ien ii might have hap the most important consi- ii": pened whicii i deration in tl.t premises: In one of ti. townships of this county, a little nort!i of Bucyrus. dwelt a well-to-do man, a widower of about fifty, with an only son of twenty-two or three. Mr. (we withhold the name for obvious reasons'! had been a widower for mauv y,-ars, and became weary of that mode of iivinil, and accordingly determined to marry again. The determination once formed, the next thing was to find the woman necessary, which in this country is not at all difficult. Fortunately for him, a widow lady resided near him, who had a daughter possessing all the requi rements. he was a beautiful girl of twenty years, accomplished and sprightly, just the one wanted. To be sure she was rather young, but Mr. was young looking also. Sometimes his mind would wander to the mother, who was quite as handsome as the daughter, and almost as young in appearance, but he had made up his mind to marry the daughter, and he set about it with a good will. He did not mention his determination to his son, fearing that the idea of marrying one so much younger than himself might expose him to his ridicule. In the meantime, his son had become desperately enamored of the widow, and had likewise determined upon marrying h?r. He did not communicate the fact to his father for the same reason that ac tuated the old gentleman fear of excit ing ridicule by marrying a woman so much older than himself. They both commenced calling at the house of the widow, and very frequently met each other there. The old gentle man thought, very naturally, that the L r ; 1 l.t 1 young man was meie 101 me juuu" ia n , and the young gentleman, quite as natu rally supposed that the old oi e was there for the widow, lhe circumstance annoy ed them both immensely. As the matter progressed, the meeting of the father and son at that one place btftSune frequent, and the more often it occurred, the more intolerale it became. Finally, Mr. detern .ned to speak to his son on the sub ject. Charles,' said he, 'I have determined, after much consideration, to marry again.' Il'm,' thought Charles, .'now there'll be a fight about the widow.' 'I thought it but right and proper ti make you acquainted vith the determi nation.' 'Yeiy .od,' replied Charles. 'I con sider it 1 ry pr. pe r lhat you should do so. And, M ' nkirrr of marrying, I have con cluded to marry, nn.-elf.' j 'I approve of the idea,' returnedthe j old gentli man; 'you are of suitable ago ; to settle down. May I ask the name of j your intend, d V J 'Mrs. replied Charles, bracing! up and assuming a defiant look. ; 'Phe w,' whistled the old gentleman.: 'fine woman, Charles, but isn't shea trifle too far advanced in years ?' 'I th nk not,' said Charles, 'but who have you decided upon ?' 'Why, Charles, it is a very curious cir cumstance, but I had determined to mar ry her daughter.' 'Daughter?' exclaimed Charles, 'why y. u are at least twice as old as she is, but 1 don't object.' The matter was thus happily settled, sitmmated, ttUjy all discovered they had ; made a grandT mistake. Tbe son foui d that the widow was altogether too moth- erly for the wife of a young man of twen ty-three, and the old gentleman found that a young lady of twenty was too vola tile for a sober minded man of fifty. Dis agreements followed, then neglect, and finally the thousands little quarrels and snubbings, and -bickerings, simmered down into a grand fight, which was kept up with slight variations for three months. Finally they agreed permanently to dis agree, and availing themselves of the ease with which divorces are obtained in Indiana, the whole four removed to Indi- j anapoiis, wnere, in due time, the divorces were obtained The four came as they went, together, the son taking the daughter under his especial charge, and the father doin? the agreeable to the widow. Long before they had arrived at Bucyrus, they had arranged matrimonial matters on an enti rely different basis just as it should have been done to begin with, to wit . the father and the widow made up a match, and the son and daughter ditto. The re-marrying was performed imme diately on their arrival at Bucyrus. Up to date they all appear well satisfied with each other, and it is to be hoped they will long continue so. A Kentucky Esg-Eater. Among the prisoners ushered before Judge Pruden this morning, was a tall, robust big-boned Kentuckian, from the vicinity of Casseyville. He is evidently a descendant of the pure old Kentucky stock stout as a lion, fearless as a knight, and as independent as a freeman dare be. He was charged with disorder ly conduct. The arresting officer stated that he found him 'slashing around' in an eating and drinking house, and arrested him to preserve the peace. 'What have you to say to this charge?' asked the Court. 'A might, that's sartin,' replied the prisoner. 'You see, Squire, I'm a stran ger here, from away down of old Ken tucky, an' I haint lamed yer ways. Shall I teli you how I was cotched ?' 'We will listen to you, remarked the Judge, who saw he hud a character be fore him, and disposed to let him have vent. I go five that you're a trump,' replied Kentucky. -But that's neither here nor thar. I'm to tell you how I was cotch ed.' 'That's it.' 'Wall, Squire, I cum to town yester day. I "peeled not to stop long, so I didn' go to nary a tavern. I got kind a hungry though, so I made a lunge for a eatin'-house. I sot down to the table, an' 1 axed for a dozen an a half of egs, an' the critter who waited on the custom ers opened his eyes, grinned, and then fotched 'em to me. They was good, but I wanted a little mixture. I called for a cold breakfast cold. Squire, kase it's agin my constitutional principles to eat meat hot. 'The fellow grinned an' said they had got none. That kind a riled me, but I kept my temper, an' ordered another doz en an' a halt of eggs. The chap snick ered and said, ' eaint got no more eggs old KainUick you've eat 'em all up.' That set me to hilitf, and I just squashed things for a while. That's the hull on it, Squire, sure as I'm from old Kain tuck.' 'Then you considered yourself aggriev ed by the last remark of the waiter ?' 'Just so.' 'How do you take your eggs boiled or fried ?' 'Fried, Squire, all the time fried. Bil ed eggs, 'specially when they're hard, don't set well on a feller's stomach.' 'Can you eat three dozen of ces at one meai ?' 'Just like a knife, an' throw the shells in. All I ax is to have "em fried.' 'You must be fond of eggs V Now hush, Squire, you're techin' me on a tender pint.' 'Is it your practice to 'squash' things when you get riled V 'Not commonly. I'll tell you -what it are, Inquire, this is the first time in - i i .y . w t i :n monai uays tuat i was ever locked in. Let me off", and I'm of for old Kamtuck like a streak.' 'You are. eh ?' 'Sartin, as Em from, old Kaintuck.' 'And you will cat r.o more oi our orrnps ?' 'Parn the one, Squire.' Then take your hat and leave.' You're a hoss old Kaintuck forever!' y lied the Kentucky egg-eater, as he trutttd out of the courtroom with the air of a prince, and amidst the hearty laugh- ter of a who had witnessed his trial. Cihiinncti Times. A little girl, about five years of age, was equally fond of her mother ami grand-mother. On the 1 irth-day of the latter, ht-r mouV-r said to her : 'Mv dear, you must pray t'i God to bless your grand-mother, and that she may live to be very old.' The child looked with some surprise at her mother, who, perceiving it, said : 'Well, will you na pray to God to bless your grand-mother, and that she may live to become very old ?' 'Ah, inamva,' said the child, 'she is very old already; i wor.hl r:;ther pray that she may become voting. ' A ..... 1. .. It is the heart out. little troubles that wear the j A lady correspondent of the Ohio Cvl It is easier to throw u bomb- tivator makes hojps of ratans, a little lar- shell a mile, than a feather even with artillery. Forty little debts of a uoiIar each, will cause you more trouble and dunning than one big oc.e of one thous - and. Farm and Garden. Farming and Half Farmln? We have known people ambitious to make money, who would spare no 'abors to increase their income, and when they had secured it, would spend il to no pur pose; waste it, get rid of it they scarcely knew how, and have nothing to show for it. They were cood to make money, but l i-iii .li! ,i , .t .-1 ti r 1 1 f iwa if 1 1-1, 1 1 TKu rtnltt cood they could et &f their 'money was lhe doubtful good of ha-ing it pass i pass thro their hands. There are many people of this stamp. They can get business and do it, can earn great wages, drive and push through any amount of toil, make long and close calculations, talk largely and well enough about business, but can not increase their own capital. Their purse .vill not hold money. It leaks. It seems like the fabled pit, without a bot tom, or like the miller's dam, whether it rained much or little, would hold no wa ter. Or, more likely, they have no purse. Their mon -y burns their pockets and hands. They have it spent before it is got, or plans on hand for its disposal. Much like this class of people are many farmers. They can raise good crops, but cannot make them pay. They neglect their fences, and the cattle break in just before harvest; or if they have a good crop, they have no place to secure it. Fine fields of hay and grain are gather ed, but there are no barns and granaries to keep them. The fruit trees yield well, but there are no means for preserving the fruit, and it goes to waste. The root crops are good, but the frost and the win ter destroy them, because they cannot bear everything. The farming imple ments rot more than they wear, because the rain and sun are ever pelting and scorching them. The cows give good milk, but the want of dairy appliances makes the milk of but little value. The pigs are in the corn-crib ; the sheep .i i .i i-i i are in me garaen; me kitcnen has no wood, but lives from hand to mouth; the house has no cellar; the water is far away. Everything works the hard way. There is much done but little saved. When spring comes everything is gone. Seeds of all kinds must be bought ; the rotten utensils replaced by new; the bro- I. ... .1 r 1 . .1 i l ken now ii lences maue over; tne peaieu and browsed fruit trees replaced by new and young ones, and a world of labor i spent to get the farm into working order : again. So it goes year after year. Much is done, but little improvement made. I And all the difficulty lies in a want of order and taste in the style of farming. No man of order or taste will see gates hanging on one hinge, fences reeling, everything looking like old chaos of young ruins. Men of taste will husband well their farms. And men of real farming skill will have arrangements for making the most of all they get, for saving or marketing, that nothing be lost. It is farmers' losses that keeps them back. And the most of their losses are by their own negligence or want of skill. There is much half-farming. They waste a great deal of labor and time, i he art of keeping everything in order lies in hav ing a place for everything, and putting everything in its place when used ; in making repairs when needed ; in always putting in all odd moments of time, rainy days, ice, in making improvements, ar ranging conveniences, and in getting ready for the seasons of active labor. Let all half farmers mend their ways as fast as possible, so they will mend their fortunes Mid all 'heir temporal interests. Valley Farmer. Perfection or the Sorghum. In proof that cane which produces rij.. seed loses its sweetness and juice, and becomes dry and pithy, I would simply say that I made it my particular business, while my cane was growing, to deter mine its peculiarities, so far as I could, that I might know how to cultivate it pro fitably. I cut stalks every few days, af ter it tnisoloil nut lint 1 rlpml rmp si nil I found thit before the seed wa. full in the i ,nilt the j'!u,'e ha.d a Sre'llith' unpleas. ant taste, although very sweet ; when it was full aize, it had no unpleasant taste, and the inner portion of the stalk was about as sweet as sugar candy, and the stalk perfect. When the seed began to turn dark on the tip of the heads, I found a small hollow forming in the center of the stalk next to the head, and as the seed ripened, this extended down th alk from one half to two-thirds its entire t and the stalk had a pithy appear- ! llir JU1": -Ul 1 UikSli nat and insipid, anu tasted very .-I i l much like the last run of maple ap, after the buds have started. The lower joints of this same stalk would usually remain sound and very sweet, white the upper portion, as the seed ripened, became nearly dry, and very much resembled the inside of a ripe corn-stalk. From these ; observations I came to the conclusion that ; "hen the seed is fully formed and about to turn dark, then the stalk is at the high- ; est state of perfection for use, and will raake either sugar or syrup, as you desire ! 'bat after the seed ripens it becomes ; ""fit for syrup or sugar. S. E. Chaf.mav j ... ' ' I Milk Tan Covers. ger than the tops of the p.ii;?, and stretches over tnem very thin cotton stuff". I making a nice cover to keen du-t and the- - ' from the milk. A food use of hoops to our notion. Oar Chip Basket A paragraph has been going the rounds about a lady who has a moustache on her lip. It is not uncommon for younjj ladies to have moustaches on their lips, but they usually grow on the lips of some one else. Rather odd, but true. The young gentleman who flew into a passion has had his w ings clipped. In what ship have the greatest number of men been wrecked ? Courtship. A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain. It is a seed which, even when dropped by chance, springs up a flower. Give your children an education, and no tyrant will trample on your liberties. A lady, who was a strict observer of etiquette, being unable to go to church one Sunday, sent her card. The thread of conversation is sustained nmongs several persons by each knowing when to take a stitch in time. A fop in company, wanting his servant called out 'Where's that blockhead of mine?' A lady present answered, 'On your shoulders, sir.' 'Mister, I say, I suppose you don't know of nobody who don't want to hire nobody to do nothing, don't you ?' The answer was. 'Yes, I don't.' An Irishman caught a hornet in hia hand, but dropping it, exclaimed, 'Be jab ers, what kind of teeth your birds have in Ameriky.' Why is it easy to break into an old man's house- ? Because his gait is broken and his locks are few. Why is a lean dog like a man in medi tation ? Because he is a thin cur. The 'light of other days' is now sup posed to have been a tallow candle. A lazy fellow, lying down on the grass said, 'Oh, how I do wish this was called work, and well paid for !' 'Eve,' Jerrold said, 'ate the apple that she might dress.' I say, Bill, then you're getting So a week now: 'ell, you might a known r that Iy seeing all the fellers come sua pin' around me, that wouldn't notice me when. I was poor." A question for the Spike Society. 'Would the devil beat his wife if he had one? Guess not for the ally beat the devil.' women gener- It ain't them that stares the most that sees the best, I guess. It is better never to wipe a child's nose than to wring it off". When a fellow winks till hia gal gets married, it's a little too late to pop the question. The ladies of Schenectady are quite sentimental, and quote poetry. Hear one of them say 'good evening' to her friend: 'Good evening ! Pleasant dreams, Sweet repose ; Half the bed, All the clothes !' It is unhealthy to fall in love with an other man's wife. In Arkansas, this kind of thing usually terminates in 'death' the first vear. 'What is dat, Sambo, what Boating to New York widout goes from movm ? 'Me guvs dat up, it's a railroad !' Pomp.' ' Why, nia;er There 13 a young woman in town so modest, that she had a young man turned out of doors for saying that the wiud Lad shifted. Wedlock is like wine not to be pro perly judged of till the iecoad glass. A kiss, says an ingenious authority, is like the Creation, because it is made of nothing, and is very good. A French comedian has brought out a new farce, entitled, 'A journey round my wife.' A horse-dealer, in describing a used up horse, said he looked as if he had been editing a daily newspaper. Judge Hun', of New Orleans, told the grand jury to find indictments against the Yigilants. The leading papers told the jury to do no such thing and they didn't. 'Do you retail things We?' asked a green-looking specimen of humanity, as he poked his head into a store-door. 'Yes sir,' replied the clerk thinking he had a customer. 'Then I wish you would re tail my dog, hf had his bitten off" about a month ago.' The greeny travelled down the street with one eye closed. I A person who was recently called in ! court for the purpose of proving the cor j redness of a doctor's bill was asked by i the lawyer whether the doctor did not i make several visits after th patient was ' out of dar:g-r ? 'No.' replied the wit ness, 'I considered the patient Li dun i Ter as long as the doctor continued his j visits!' No life can be well ended that has not teen well spent; and what life has been well spe nt that has had no purpose, that has accompiished.no object, that has real ized r.c hope f
