Nebraska advertiser. (Brownville, Nemaha County, N.T. [Neb.]) 1856-1882, August 26, 1858, Image 1

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DEV0TK1) TO ART, SCIENCE, AGRICULTURE, COMMERCE, NEWS, POLITICS, GENERAL INTELLIGENCE AND THE INTERESTS OF NEBRASKA.
vol. nr.
CITY OF BliOWNVILLE, NEMAHA COUNTY, N. T., THURSDAY, AUGUST 26, 1858.
NO. 9.
VtV If r
Ihrip
Ay
Nebraska SVDucrliscr
t, VI Kl.l-liKI- EVERY TIM RSPAY BT
R. W. FURNAS,
t
' Second St.ry lloadh-y k Muir's Building,
t (Corn, r ff Main and First .-treats.)
UllOWNVI I.I.I'm N-T-
f i.nid m u.lv Jt"-'
- 12
CuIh ..f 12 .r m-re iV. he fun.M.cl at ,kt
-.num. provide 1 tlo cah ao-owpames the truer,
E--.I ether iw.
KATES OF ADVEUTISINO:
n8'iff;H iirorlessno insertion,
I Mh additional iasertioa,
i,;0
2.oi)
4,(i.i
f,,IM
Ir.a siuaf-f. one ui uiu,
three mouth?,
" i " pix in inlli-,
i "i one year,
Tnw cr.l of fix line or lc?s one year,
UocOolnmn on year,
Os-half Column, ..lie year,
f,.urth "
- righto "
. Cimnn. six nviith.
half Column, six month?,
fourth "
J-."" '
i .no
:;.'.ii(
20.IHI
1 .-..no
20.IM1
10.no
8.tn
Co.oo
l-"..no
10,00
t'.co
i ,ri.iO
rt i.-e-
i ti,ftith
C .lutnn thr? nv
th.
in .Tith-
- o
l.Vf Column. t!ir
fourtb "
eighth "
Anti'iun
, -mild''" Ir 'i. '? m iwvr.-
4.'h in
,.lv ltjfn will If r-5 imre l ; r a. . a n
mentaex.-ep
!.... ..iiia ri--i.o!'liii.n V iskii
n.
Ten per i
nt for eai-li.-tiaa,;-; will l.e julied tome
ah'.ve rates.
No a'Jrer;i"-m"nt wi'.Ui" "..nsi l
mips. i- ifn-.l m the tinn ts.-ri
red by the yer.r.
t, or previously
?reej ui.H. t."tweetl the ,,:ir!l.-.
A-lverti-rtui nt- not in irk-1 . n tne'-py f ,r s-per-ifie.i
nura'.cr..f in--niotis. will i... .-..utinueil until
ril.-re.l ..ut.anl rlmri'd :i.ir.liny
. AlUiU-erii-ta-iiistr ,:n -tr.m-crs., transient t-r-on.to
HeiaiJ in aJnu.c
. . The ,,rivil-- of yesrly a.lver'iri willbp ennfin-
...I I t.fth .-r .wi;"t.usii s;:,n l lU a lvrrtise-
ntTliol irt.ii!iing thereto, to he pai
f..r ex-
tra. .
Vcarlv a lv-rtis.-ri Inve th privih
:e of L-'a:
tkeir .ivertienient .iuart-ny.
Ail l.jii.k"l lvrtiem,-iit charged .lotihlc the
lb ivc rat.w. , . , -,, ,
A Uer'is -m-nl; on the insiJa exelusivjiy will bo
tkajr"'! extra.
BOOKAND FANCY
JOli PRINTING!
Having abided to tho
Job 1'res.es. New Tvpe
Advertiser Ofiiec Card and
of T tie latest styles. Inks of
I'.iper, Envelop", &e. : we
ite .l..h Work of evtrv de-
ail - il ires. Hroii7.-s, Ktn
are now pr. i;.re.l to ee
rp'ion in a s'y'.e r.n-u
i'd hy any other ofiiv-e
IB tlie l'iiit-.l Slates.
I'.ir'.ieul.ir at; -n: ion will heaven to orders from
Adi-Utii-- in !i iviie' thei.i promptly attended to.
The l'r..:r: .r-, hiving had all etM,ive expe
rifin'c, will ie their t- :i:il ait.ji.lion to this
bran.h c.f l.u in. --. a nd h p ,:.n their ei..leav..rs to
phtasc, l.oth in the e -c.l. nee of th -ir work, and
re.isoiiaMo i-Larjes tu reeeive a share of the puhlie
11 U S I X ESS C A It 1) S .
3IISS MAltY TUUNl'.n,
Milliner and dress maker,
Main Street, one door above C;v; cns EcLk.
llUOWNVIIJ.i:, X. T.
Bonnets anil Trimmings nla'ays n fiawl.
TJ. C. JOHNSON,
.ATTORNEY AT LAW,
SOLICITOR IX CHANCERY
AN h
Real INtate Ajrcnt,
BROWN VILLI', X. T.
KEFEKENCKS.
.Tessut., Mot.trosc, Ta.
Hon. Win
R. S. l'.entlv.
.Mm C. Miller. Chi--a-., 111.
Wm. K. McAllister,
Charles F. Fowler. " "
R. W. Furnas, Krownvil'.e, N. T.
O. F. Lake, '
Mar 7, ISoT.
47-ly
J. 1IAKT & SOX,
MM-k
A3
i Oregon, Holt County, Missouri.
Kereonstantlvonhandali Ieseriptiou.
fllaracss.
Saddles Rridles. Ac. Ac
. N. R. Ever.vartieleinourshopism imifacturcd
jiy ourselves.atid warranted to give.at i.-faetien.
E. S. DUNDY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW7,
AKC11FR, RUIIARPSON CO. N. T.
Til l, i - v'1 v in tlie i-eeer.il Courts f ti e 2.1 Judicial
rT.Mr;ct, attJ a'toti.i i ..i:l ira"ers tonne-le t wiili tie
JrofesMou. V. M I.i.nnak. .Ksq . of Nehriik,t City,
viti ":-t top in t'.ie pr,.e. nuon of importai.t Sails.
Sept. io, "st-ii-tr
MVEk PEVNFT. M. B. ARR1T.
J IMF P. rtSKE. AtulSTrS KXUtHT.
OLIVER BENNETT & CO.,
Manufacturer? and Whalcsale PcalerMn
BOOTS AND SHOES.
' No. 87 Main Street.
(Fomrlt,No.101,Corsrof Mais asdLoccst.)
ST. LOCIS, MO.
' C. V7. WHEELER,
Architect and Builder.
Brownxrillo, Ttf. 1.
A. D
KIRK,
I 4 4
c
i
f'
i
i
i
HARNESS
: 'e.. A. 7.
''' . .
NEMAHA LAND AGENT,
Sl'RYEYOR & A OTA 11 V ri'IILIC,
Will select a;ns, investigate titles, piy taxes. &c,
either m Kansas r Nelirnka; buy. sell, ani enter
i:ni ii cviiitnis Mi,; nr. ft in town property, buy r
ril ti e mine. r.. will always li ive tti h.mi correct
plats I townships, count ips. Ate. show hir all lamls sublet-:
to entry, ;,n.l wlirre loired will fumili jjurties Uv
iiil" in the -.liitp-i with tle .Hine
ltemu the olil-t settler m tliprm:ity will iu all
( ,ic- in' jU;r hi l-ic tun ana rcn.i,.,i mivnium
AMr'- A. I.. (.'.te, eitlier at Brownvi. le or Netnah
fiiy. Nc-t.ra-lia Territ..ry. 6m-1-.'--2
DANIEL L. McGARY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
AND
SOLICITOR IX CIUXCERY.
Urownvillp, Nt-Lra.-ka.
Will pracMoc ia tlie Courts vt Xeiirska,ainl Xortli
west Xi-v
REFERENCES.
j'p.rs. Cri.w. SI.Xroary & Co
11 .li. J .line M . H'l-tis,
11..:, J tin K. Sl.ei'iy,
II. .n. J line- 'u:.
St. I.nni. Mo.
Do
Do
St. Joseph, Mo.
Do
Nebraska City, K. T.
Do
11. in. S in i.il.-n.
JnOt-e A . A . Hra.lt. .rJ,
S. I'. Xnik.iils. K-.,
J. D.N.&B. B.THOAIPSON
i Ileal Estaiefc (Jeneral (ol!ecling Agents,
BROWIJ'VILI.E, N. T.
I Ascnis for Iowa Ins. ro.0skaloosa,
i A I.I. I.n-inesi ei.: ni-iei! to .n;r e.ire will meet wiih
pri.iiipt atifii'i.'ii .ii. 0 w arr3iitel "orrei f Paperi prepar
jelf .r jrrM.iis wi-hi:is to prc-cmp;, Declaratory slate
i meiit - m.i'ie w t. e..., etc.
i it!K e on Tirst street, north -fl. T. WfcirtC & Co C3
KF.FKKRENTns :
J. W. (".rimes, Y.x-i ..vein .r I hj
T. I.. P.i. e do ili-situl
Ansii:i A Kinc do do
;. s. Eayte s. Co., Oieiiwii-Hi. l-wa
(J D.iiikIi'j- CjUIiciI HhiDs,
-Ap'
s lVrt. viiJl-1y
H. M. ATKINSON,
Surveyor and Land Aprcnt,
EAXN" STREET,
BUUW NVILLi:, N. T.,
Will attend promptly to the selection nrid k?n-
tivtl .1' .'..vriu'.Urlil lilll'lS lu lliv Nclll.llll lan'lilis-
tri'-: surveying toii-ites, at). I stl.lu iJin' laiids;
drafting eity pi it., and all other liusine.-i of udener
al Surveyor. He w ill liwate variants on time for
distant denUrs: file d e,iratory statetenients of in
tention to pre-empt : make out pre-eut) tion paiers:
and always m hand to lookout claims for actual set
tlers. REFER TO
V. W. Smcrer. M. 1.,
S'w:il .V Withinton,
Kev. T. W. Howe,
New Vorli City,
Roston, Mass.
Pataska'.a Ohio,
Col. W. K. Atkinson.
;eore H.Nixi u. Register Lan 1 OfTi -e. Rrownville,
l.u-lil'.niirh it Carson, ltaiikers, Urownville, N. T.
R. W. Furnas " "
W. ITF.TT.
PUETT
M. a. WILKINSON.
& WILKINSON,
seats
A N T
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
OMADI, N. T.
Will attend to all httjt;es? entmsted to their earo
RKFKKEM'ES
Col. Jeaso Williams, Fairfield, lo-wa.
(5..V. Jos. A. Wright, Indiar.apoiis, Ind,
Mr. F. N. l; .k, aslnnston City,
lion. John tl. Ihtvis, lim-kville, Ind.
llou. Geo. !.. M:'ier, Diii.iha City, N. T.
JAMES W. GIBSON,
BLACKSMITH
Second Street. between Main and Nehra-ka,
r.nowxviLLi:, x. t. .
K. E. 1IARIMV.;. C. KlUr.'iVolI K. F. TOOMER.
HARDING, KiMBQUGH & GO,,
Jf.twfiirti'nrfi-.t'l tn-of.W. . ah r t
HATS. CAPS & STRAW7 GOODS.
Ko 49 Mam street, bet. Olive and Pine,
LUC IS. .V(.
Particular attention pai l to manufacturing cur
finest Mole Hats.
REAL ESTATE AGENCY.
iEjKuE Ct.AVES. J. V. I.EE.
Cloycs t- Hioo.
Real Estate and General Agency,
OMAHA CITY. N. T.
REFER TO
Jamce Wright, liroker, New York,
Wm. A. Woodwcrd. Esq. "
Hon. K. Wood, Ex-Im-v. of Ohio, Cleveland,
Wieks.Otie and i;rovnell,liankcrs, '
Al-ott Horton, ,'
Col.K iliert Camphell, Ft. Loui?,
James Kidway, Esq. " '
Crawf...m and S.ukett, Chicago.
Omaha City, Aug.r0,lS5S. v1nl"-1y
T . E .11 A YCOOK.
Attrney at Law
REAL ESTATE AGENT.
Mount Vernon, rmaha Co.,
Vat: ictilar attention i. ii.l to 0 e rr:irt ice of hw au.'.col-
i,M.,.n of iIpI.i- m the c- nnt;. s em ilia, Pawnoe,
i Solins.iii. an.l Kieliard-n. Nel.. aK i Territory.
Re.il date lionl.t .i ; o 1 s .1 1 1 1 . i .i ui i --i. .ti . I.ana
warrants l.K.ite.l for .r.it le.ilrrs. Pre-emption
paper e,ret'.i:'.v j.-on.irc.l.
liri tus to
S.im.H. F.il.ert, Poitisinotiei. N. T.
11 1 Keiinet. Net' .i-k i eity N T
o I Kuli.ir.ison. Om.ilia niy. X T
Kenner rVrj-'u-.n. Ml'. Pellevue. XI
( af-i-aov At Test. Bankers. Council liiiul', Iowa
Co. k. sc'i;o.uit is. 1'j.ik, t'ort Desnn n.e.-. I.
Perouilier 3. 1S57 i.2:ily
JEEKEKSliX I CAS.VPY, ) MARTIN W. KI1ES.)
JAS. P. TEST, JAS. P. WHITE.
ConneilP.lufTs.lowa. ) Nehraska City NT)
CASSADY, TEST, KIDEN & CO.,
(Successors to KiJen White.)
LAND AGENTS.
NEBRASKA CITY,
Hi
receive accurate copies of ad the lownsjips
ernhraeed in the Eastern port ioa of Nehraska, we
are now prparcd to offer our service" to the
" Squatters of braska Territory."
In Filling Declaratory Statements of Inten
tion to Pre-empt. Secnrine; Pre-emptions,
Locating Land Warrants-
AND ENTERING LAND.
Land lVarranls llnu&ilit and Sold.
LAND ENTERED ON TIME.
Particu'ar attention paid to Buying and Selling
Property on eomniisfion: Alo, to making Collections
and forwarding remittances t anv p-irt if the Union.
IVanVi' f r.V Kinds n'wiv
' K'TEUEM'
hnnd.
:l i.
. V.l.M.lf- r-i.
Ne'T
k.. Ci:
We t.
M.
W:.
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Miscellaneous.
A Wife's Dorcer.
BY A RETIRED ATTORNEY.
Everybody who know John Gordon
kn?w hun to be one of the meanest and
mo?t contcinruiLle men that ever was per
mitted to walk "the earth. His brother
Peter was not a whit better so that it
would appear that meanness ran in the
blood of the family.
John was pretty well off, so far as this
world's goods were concerned. His pro
perty was all invested in a building which
had cost him about thirty thousand dollars.
He did not marry until he was forty
probably from the fear of incurring un
necessary expense, and when finally he
did take a wife, it was only as he would
have taken hitn a housekeeper, a ser
vant. Mrs. Gordon was a poor woman, and
had been obliged to work very hard for a
living. Probably she married oi purely
prudential considerations, for she could
not possibly have loved such an abortion
of a man as John Gordon. She took a
good care of her husband, treated him
beuer than he deserved, and was in every
respect an obedient and faithful wife. All
she received in return was the meager
support which her husband's house afford
ed her.
When they had been married some
three years John was taken sick, and
iingercd along fur a year, during which
tim ? his wife was an excellent and devot
ed nurse. Her whole aim seemed to be
to discharge her duties to her lord with
fidelity. She had made a bargain with
him, and .-he performed her part of the
contract with scrupulous exactness.
One day I heard that John Gordon was
dead. It was a small loss to the commu
nity, and I could not think of pitying his
wife, for her lot would certainly be ame
liorated by his departure. She would be
entitled to one-third of the income of his
real-estate, which for a poor woman, as
Aiv had been, and having no luxurious
taste to gratify, would be a princely sti
penl. I never thought nor heard any more of
John Gordon or his wife for two months,
when a woman appeared. at my office,
and introduced herself as the latter.
I mo i-; n ivrv bn.i rasp Mr TWL-Pt ' i
said she, seating herself by my side.
'Indeed,' madame, I thought you were
very comfortably provided for. You have
one third of the income of your husband's
estate,
or about a thousand dollars a
year.'
'ltseems I am not
replied gloomily.
to have this,' she
'Not to have it?'
'Teter Gordon has taken possession of
the estate, declaring it belongs to him.
lie says my husband sold it to him a few
weeks before he died.'
'How could that be ?'
I tor sVi.v.v.mI ir,r tbo deed, mid snv?
it has be refolded.' "
'Does he ? So much the better for you
madame. The law gives you one half of
is P'-isoual fiat
'But he M.'ld it fur one dollar,' iiiter
rupled Mrs.' Ge.rdon.
'Hi cuiili.i t sell without your concur
reu .e. Did you release
l.HVlM- 1 1 tVlf t .I"!' II! 1 S.' "
your
ri
t to
'No, sir ; l'eter says I did, though; and
shows me my name, duly witnessed, on
the d-.-d.'
'Didn't you si
rn it
2'
'No sir.'
'Then it is a for
rery.
'I suppose it is.'
'You are confident you did not sign
your name to the deed ?'
'I am sure I did not, and for a very good
reason.'
'How's that ?'
'I cannot write; I never even wrote my
name. I was brought up in the country, !
where girls did not tret so much schooling
as now. My folks were very poor, and I
never had a chance to go to school,' re
plied Mrs. Gordon, with some confu
si. n.
i ' Did your husband know that yo could
not write.'
'.:o, 1 never told him.
I dismissed her with the request that
she would call next day. I went at once
to the Registry of Deeds, and found that
Mrs. Gordon had told a straight story.
! Her miserable, contemptible hu?bandhad
given his property to his brother in his
last days, so as to cheat his wife; who had
cared for him in health and nursed him
in sickness, out of her just claim upon his
estate !
He was a villain! I need not say I felt
a deep interest in the cause of my client,
and resolved to bring matters to an issue
at once. Ihe next day, when she called,
Kho ii;rort.l t.. luV sUtpr. bv whom
rm-.U ho r.rnv.'d thr.t Airs. Gordon could
not write her name; who had seen her
make-her mark often, within a very short
The person who professed to have wit- i
nessod tho sifnattire of Mrs. Gordon wns!
a clerk in the office of Teter. My first
move was to take steps to arrest him on a
charge of fraud, aud to sue his employer
! lor my client s share or the rents, which
he had just collected, and which he had
refused to pay over to her.
hen I had proceeded thus far, 1 rec-
eived a visit from Peter Gordon
' v i.at d ) you ia
u, sii
a-K
cd
ra'h-
r i-o irly.
'1
m-a"i o ze- i.i
lice f.
the widow.
II-
I :.
rl
i i.-Va ia v.-.;
, wi r'.u no-iuii
when
JJut his wife has one-third interest in
his real estate.'
It was sold me, and she signed away
her right to dower.'
Did she V
'Certainly she did.'
'Did you see her sign?'
'To be sure I did; so did my clerk.'
'There is a warrant out for the arrest
of your clerk; and I have some hopes that
Lc will luiu State's oviJcnoc, and oonviot
the principal.'
He started back with astonishment and
terror.
I I don't understand you !' he stam
mered out.
'Don't trouble yourself about it, Mr.
Gordon, you will understand it all in due
time.
For God's sake, don't arrest my clerk.
He will be the ruin of me,' groaned he.
'You should have thought of that be
fore,' I said.
You don't mean to say that everything
isn't all ri:rht about my brother's affairs ?
Because, if it isn't, I will make it right,
you know,' he whined in supplicating
tones.
'You say you saw Mrs. Gordon sign
the deed?'
Well no; not exactly; but I supposed
she signed it.'
'You don't know she didn't?'
'How should I know?'
'She can't write! She never even
wrote her name in her life !'
I pressed the rascal closely and made
him acknowledge that his clerk had sign
ed the name for a consideration. I would
have caused both of them to be sent to
the State Prison, if Mrs. Gordon had not
beerged me to spare them. As it .was,
I secured the entire income of the estate
for my client, and charged my bill to Pe
ter who was but too glad to pay it.
Marshall Xey's Death-Scene.
The vengeance of the Allied Powers
demands some victims; and the intrepid
Ney who had well nigh put the crown
again on Bonaparte's head at Waterloo,
was to be one of them. Condemned to
be shot, he was led to the Garden of Lu
xemburg on the morning of the 7th of
December, and placed in front of a file
! of soldiers drawn up to kill him. One of
j the officers stepped up to bandage his
I eves, but he stopped him, saying: "Are
you ignorant that for twenty-five years I
have been accustomed to face both ball
and bullet?" He then lifted his hat
above his head, and with the same calm
voice that had steaded his columns so fre
quently in the roar and tumult of battle,
said: "I declare before God and man
that I never betrayed my country may
my death render her happj'. Eire la
France ' Ho then turned to the sol
diers, and, striking his hands on his heart
gave the order, "Soldiers, fire !" A sim
ultaneous discharge followed, and the
"bravest of the brave" sank to rise no
more. He who had fought five hundred
battles for France, not one against her,
i was snot as a traitor ! As 1 looked on
j the spot where he fell, I could not but
j sigh over his fate. True, he broke his
i oath of allegiance, so did others, carried
away by his attachment to Napoleon, and
the enthusiasm that hailed his approach
to Pctris; still he was no traitor.
General Arnold.
During the traitor Arnold's predatory
operations in Virginia, in 17S1, he took
an American captain prisoner. After
some general conversation, he asked the
captain, "What he thought the Ameri
cans would do with him if they caught
him ?" The captain at first declined giv
ing an answer; but upon being repeated
ly urged, he said, 'Why, ir, if I must
answer the question, you will excuse my
telling you the truth; if my countrymen
should catch you, I believe they would
first cut off j-our lame leg, which was
wounded in the cause of freedom and
virtue at Quebec, and bury it with the
honors of war, and afterwards hang the
remainder of your body upon a
gibbet.
Man.
AVc lce tha following rich morsel from
one of-Dow Jr.'a short patent sermons:
Man looks upon life just as he looks
upon woman there is no living with
them, and he can't live without them.
He will run after them, and rather than
be held he will lose his coat tail and char
acter kiss for love, and kiss them for
leading him into trouble. So with life.
He partakes of its pleasures, and then
curses it for its pains; gatherr boquets of
bliss, and when their blossoms have fad
ed he finds himself in possession of a
bunch of briers, which is all owing to a
little incident that occurred in Paradise,
when man was as green as a tobacco
worm, and as unsuspicious as a tree toad
it a thunder storm. He was told to m-
' crease, and so accordingly increased his
, cares- aml peopled the world with a lot of
j candidates for perdition, and I am one cf
'You are very stupid, Thomas,' said a
- 1 ....
j country school-teacher to a little boy eight
j years old. You are like a donkey, and
I what do they do to cure him of his stupx-
ditv?'
Why, they feed him more and kick him
less, said the urchin.
A witness in a
askt d how lie kr.r',
Hoosier court being
-.ha: two c- fiam pcr-
sins were man
Whv, d-'J Oil
an.i w
it, I'v.
ropiiee:
ani ihun scoly-
i iag each, cthtr more a any tum.-s.
' Ti.j rrovf wai held aj conclusive.
Will There be Flowers in Heaven.
.Mamma?
Brightly the sun of a clear, cold De
cember day shed its slant rays through
the half-closed blinds of a sich room,
glowing upon the rosy curtains, and play
ing in fantastic shape upon the carpet, but
brought no gladness to the sorrowing
lieartsof the mourners there. A mother
sat with bowed head and breaking heart
by the bedside of her daFling first born
son ; and that dark-eyed little girl moved
slowly about the room gazing thoughtfully
for a while into the bright fire, then kiss
ing the pale cheek of her brother, and
wondering 'how long he would sleep.'
For hours he had laid with closed eyes
and white lips, and a breath so short and
low that it scarcely stirred the white co
ver. The fever had left him, but nature
was exhausted, and they told us that our
Charlie must die.
Sunlight faded, and in the gray twi
light we sat watching the little one pass
ing so gently from our circle. At last
the eyes slowly opened, and a soft voice
spoke the sweet words:
Mother, how long till summer time ?'
'Six months, my darling.'
Then your Charlie will not see the
flowers again. Don't cry, mamma, I
must go pretty soon, but I wish I could
see the flowers once more. Will there be
any in heaven? Kiss me, mamma, cou
sin Amy, good night; sweet sleep,' and j
wm.nasiiu me angeis. e men
crosscu ins wnue nanas over nis still
hrart, and smoothed back the cold en
cuns irom nis tempies, ana mere laid our
faded lilly upon the stainless snow. Our
boy was to frail and fair for heart, and
God has taken him to a holier cliine.
Yes, there are flowers in heaven, sweet
child: such flowers as thou. Their petals
cannot bear our wintry winds, so angels
gather them, and they go to bloom in
l r i . i i.i i"i
iaueiess beauty in
Father in heaven.
i i i
the garden of our
Wanted a Live Woman.
Punch thus expresses his distress at the
disappearance of women from the face of
the earth:
There are no woman now-a-days. In
stead of women, we have towering edi
fices of silk, lace and flowers. You see
a milliner's advertizing van that slides
along with a rustling sound, and you are
told it is a woman; but as you cannot ap
proach within several yards of the monster
obstruction, you cannot tell what it is, be
yond something that looks like a shop
front put into a motion with all the goods
in it exposed for sale. I really believe
if any showman would open an exhibition
where one could see a woman such as
women were in my younger days, when
they used to be fair, slender, graceful,
well proportioned and every thing that
was beautiful; instead of the animated
wardrobes, and unrecognizable bundles of ;
fine clothes, that they now are I really j
believe that an enterprising showman
like that would rapidly realize a la
fortune.
i-p-n
Brine; out your Pound
Cake,
Amoii2 the company of a
great five-
dollar ball given in New Orleans, last
spring, in honor of some public event,
was a rrreen 'un from the country, who
had never before seen anything of the
kind, upon so grand a scale, and was to
tally at a loss to understand the ridicul
ous, new-fangled dances which prevailed.
Paying an enormous price for a ticket,
and having been fasting some time in an
ticipation of the supper, his whole tho'ts
were directed to the enjoyment in that
line in store fcr him, He strode up and
down the saloon with his hands thrust in
to his pantaloons pockets, accosting every
waiter he encountered, with
'Boy, look here, is supper most ready?'
At last supper was announced, and in
rushed our hero, in advance of everybody,
and seating himself about the centre of
the table, began to beckon every waiter
whose eye he could catch, but no one,
much to his indignation, approached him
until after the ladies had been seated and
served, when he was asked whether he
would take some ham.
'itfi ' exclaimed be, v Ilh most pro
found astonishment, 'do you 'spose, sirrah,
can eat five uoh.irs worth of ham I
Erin v.s sonuZof your pound cake and
sich like.''
To Prevent Flies from Teasing
Horses-
The following receipe I have used for
several seasons, and I have proved its ef
ficacy. As the season of flies is near at
hand, it may be useful to your readers.
Take two or thee smail handful of wal
nut leaves, upon which pour two or three
quarts of soft cold water; let it infuse one
night and pour the whole next morning
into a kettle, and let it boil for a quarter
of an hour. When cold it will be fit for
use. No more is required than to mois
ten a spunge; and before the horse goes
out of the stable, let those parts which
are the most irritable be smeared over
with the liquor, viz: between and upon
the ears, the neck, the flank, Sec. Not
only the lady or gentleman who rides out
for pleasure will derive a benefit from the
leaves thus prepared, but the coachman,
the wagoner, and all others who use hor- j
ses, during the hot months. Prairie
Farmer.
The
raitn-.n
breast.
saint clothes himself in a coarse
ani hides precious gems iu his
raore p- lLhs' i is the socie!
Squibs.
It is better to be struck with
than a poker.
an
idea
Debt is the art of
ney.
liring nthout
rao-
It is better to be smitten by a young
lady than by rheumatism. Ex.
That depends upon whether you would
rather have the disease located in the
heart than iflThe legs.'
If a person is continually complaining
of the town he lives in, -it only proves
that he is not fix to live in it himself.
It requires an early start now-a-days
for a man to get round his wife.
It is a mistake to suppose every man
you see with a brick in his hat is a ma
son. Mrs. Ellis says a lady can show anger
as well by her back in leaving a room as
by her face. This must be when she
gets her back up.'
Wanted A thin man who is used to
the business of collecting, to crawl thro'h
key holes and find debtors who are never
at home. Salary, nothing the first year,
to be doubled every year after.
One of the editors of the Boston Post
ii i
says: ve nave enioyea tne wonu as
much as others, but have never been hap
pier than when a boy we found a
par-
tridge's nest with eleven eggs ia it.
Mr. President, said a member of a
school committee, I rise to get up, and
am not backward in. coming forward in
the cause of edication. Had it not been
for edication I should have been as ignor
ant as yourself, Mr. President.
May is considered an unfortunate
month for marrying. A down east edi
tor says a girl was asked not long since to
unite herself in May in his proposals.
The lady tenderly intimated that May
was unlucky month for marrying. 'Well,
make it June, then,' honestly replied the
swain, anxious to accommodate. The
damsel, paused a moment, hesitated, cast
down her eyes, and said with a blush,
'wouldn't April do as well ?'
A gentleman who did not trust to his
memory, wrote in his memorandum book
'must be married w hen I get married!'
The nerve which never relaxes, the
eye which never blanches, the thought
that never wanders these are the mas
ters of victory.
A French writer has said : 'To dream
gloriously, you must act gloriously while
you are awake; and to bring angels down
to hold converse with you in your sleep,
you must labor in the cause of virtue du
ring the day.'
A bear has always been reckoned a
formidable animal a gay seducer who
hugs his victim to death, in the most af
fectionate but painful manner. Eut the
most terrible specimen of a bear we ever
heard tell of, is the one we hear tell of
in the following which we clip from an
exchange :
There was a jolly woodman
A stanuin by a tree.
When he spied an awful big bear
A coming right at he.
The bear was ramparageous
The foam was on his lip,
And full a yard of land,
He cleared at every step.
Innocence is a flower which withers
when touched, but blooms not again, tho'
watered with tears.
The mind has more room in it than
most people think, if they would furnish
the apartments.
A pert young lawyer once boasted to an
old member cf the bar, that he had rec
eived two hundred dollars for speaking
in a certain cause. 'I received double
that sum for holding my tongue,' was
reply.
r',,-
'Jury, said an Ark
Kansas
J'"
e, 'you
may go out and find a
verdict, it you
can't find one of your own, cret the one the
last uiry used. Ihev returned a verdict
of suicide in the ninth degree.
A dull day
being in love,
, and an empty, pocket, and
aifects a man's spirits most
seriously.
A lawyer in the interior
of
Maine re
cently declined paying his merchant for
his bill of goods on the ground that the
merchant might suspend and keep the
money out of circulation.
Never assist in circulating a slander by
repeating it, as by such means it lives.
It is better to sow a young heart with
generous thoughts and deeds, than a field
of corn, since the heart's harvest is per
petual.
Trees with double flowers are too often
the emblem of friendship there is plen
ty of blossoms, but no fruit.
Don't you like back gammon ?' said
Indvnnn stpir.hnnt tn -x Hi.r
'1 don't know; 1 never ate any, was
the reply.
An editor out West says he don's think
Columbus deserves any credit for discov
ering America, for he couldn't have wdl
missc-J it.
I i uncii sa , s
that in th ?ha
.f -
smaii waift i.tav V-
A Sensible Girl.
As a weary traveler was wending Lis
way through the mud out in the far west,
he discovered a young maiden standing
in the door of a small log-house, and ask
ed the maiden for a drink of water ; he
drank it, and she being the first woman
he had seen for several days, olfercd her
a dime for a kiss. The
. . w
vounr
j o
ir. a ul en
accepted and received both the dime swd
the kiss. The traveler was vbout to re
sume his journey, but the maiden never
before having seen a dime, asked :
'What am I to do with the dime V
'You use it ia any way you wish,' ha
replied, 'it is yours.'
This being the case,' said she, 'EH
ive you back the dime, and take another
kiss.'
The traveler wilted.
Enthusiasm.
Wilson and Phinney are leading mem
bers of the Washington county bar. Sit
ting opposite one another at the dinner
table they are always opposite at th
bar in the Court-house, and agreed as to
the bar in the hotel Wilson was descri
bing the effects of a speech he made a
few days before at a great political meet
ing in the village where Phinney re
sides. "Indeed,' said he, 'I never saw the peo
ple so filled with enthusiasm!'
'Filled wiih what ?' cried Phinney.
With enthusiasm,' repeated Wilson.
'Oh ah ! said Phinney, 'I understand,
but I never heard it called by that nam
before; we call it rum !
' ) i
A woman in Indiana was lately granted
a divorce on the complaint that her hus
band always "laid with his back to her.'
A cotemporary says: 'There is a man
up in our country who always pays for hia
paper in advance. lie has never had a
sick day in his life; never had any corns
or toothache; his potatoes never rot; the
weevil never eats his wheat; the frost
never kills his corn and beans; his babies
never cry in the night; and his wife never
scolds, and always wears the moderate
sized hoops.'
Reader, if you.would realize like re
sults on your own part,
ro thou and da
likewise.
One of the finest writers says that 'tho
nightly dews come down upon us like,
blessings.' How very differently tho
daily dues comedown upon us in these
hard times.
Every rose has its thorn. I never
helped to shawl the flower of a ball-room
without being convinced by painful evi
dence, that she had a pin about her.
Vegetation is so scarce at Cape Cod,
Mass., that two mullen stalks and a huckleberry-bush
are called a grove.
Punch saj-s he once saw a father
knockdown his beloved son, and thought
it was the most striking illustration of sua
down he ever beheld.
'There's a great pressure in the money
market,' as the rat said when a Lag of
specie fell en him.
A duel was fought in Mississippi
last
A.
was
month, by Mr. T. Knott and Mr.
Shott. The result was that Knott
shot, and Schott was not.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is a haa-.
die which fits them all.
Modesty, says a cotemporary, adorns a
woman, but ruins a man.
Oregon must be a very moist country.
A letter from there says 'it rains "6 hours
in the day for 17 mouths in the year. A
shower commenced on the 3d of las:
November and continued until the 19th of
March, when it set in for a long storm,
which is not ended yet.'
Chcvreau, in his history of the World,
informs us that it was created on the 6th
of September, on
a Friday, a little after
; 1 o'clock in the afternc
Dr; Marsh says the best cure for hys-.
t cries 3 to discharge the servant girl. Iu
his opinion there is nothing like 'flying
around" to k-cp the nervous system from
becoming unstrung. Some women think
they want a physician when they only need
the scrubbing brush.
During the search instituted by the edi
tor of the Nc-wark Times for female com
positors, it is reported the following dial
ogue took place :
Briiter Good morning, Mr. Henpeck.
Have you got any daughters that would
mcke good type-setters ?
Henpeck. No, but I've got a wife that
would make a gocd "devil."
The grudge with which most men part
with the' noblest purposes for a little pit
tance, is astonishing and humiliating.
Mammon, mammon, is the god of the
professing world amcr.rr us. The love cf
distinction flows in the channels of wealth
and thus creates an aristocracy the most
feeble and enfeebiing, the most corrupt
and corrupting, the most slavish and en
slaving cf all aristocracies the aristo-
a I cra(T ot dollars. Hence the passion lor
i lucre is the passion of the the United
States. Men measure their respectability
not ly their deeds of goodness, but by the
sums of which they are masters.
A modern writer says 'It may seems
strange, I tit it is a fact, that men gener-
, ai
.y ar-.
a th'
. Il:r're
'"' I;: i
rra
d f
En.
. m ?i
than
ic-m:riii
: f.,r i'i
1
1(J . :-
ty u.re s ;ii it.
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