Nebraska Newspapers

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DEVOTED TO AltT, SCIENCE, AGRICULTURE, COMMERCE, NEWS, POLITICS;-; GENERAL- INTELUGENCE AND , THE INTERESTS OF NEBRASKA.
VOL. II.
CITY OF BROWNVILLE, NEMAHA COUNTY, N. T., THURSDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1857.
NO. 14.
J
ft
1
I 1
Italia
i v SDITED AM r"BLIHHE EVERY TIHBSDAT BT
'. W. FURNAS,
j gcco&d Street, bet. Xaia and TnTater,
I BliOVv'NVII.r.C, X. T.
" ToroMerif Pr'id in advance, - - 2.00
" " - at the cud of 6 months, 2,50
j m Mj2 3,00
I Club 'f 12 or more will be furnished t 51,50 per
'nru, provide! tli tu.-h accodpnuies the order,
J gal 6-Jiexiic. -
; RATES OF ADVERTISING:
j nn .qnare, (12 liii.'S or !:--,) one insertion, $1,00
f F.th aliitioaol iu-:jrtiu:i, 0,50
uBe iii4rc, one month 2,50
j - three mun'hs, 4,00
j six m ii.tii", C.00
on? ycur, 10,00
' jju'awj C iris f six linos or les one year, 5,00
jinf Cola mn, one jenr, C0,00
! uae-fc;iif IViamn, ouo year, 35,00
i - f,iriW 1.0
V.-ei-rttU 1,00
I - C,:.ii:ip.. .-..x ni.ir.tl.s, " 35.00
? - ha'.f CjI d:nn, i-ix tn nlhs, 2(1.00
! fu::h . M 10,00
- ri'hth " " " ,00
! Column, t'jroe in . utha, 20,00
j " half Column, three nimtlis, 1.1,00
- f.unh " " I".""
i-annn-iti'rftnl:litc. for clVe ina lrane.) 5,00
C-b in aivar, ;c will be required f.r ill advertisc-
irnU ex.tfi-t win-re i-tual r-sioi. siti.ity is known
j Ten percent fjr ciu.li cLa-ugo. be added to the
i Standing l!'.i"incs! Carls of five lines e-rless,for
I So advertii"nnrnt w ill ! con-ii'.erpd Vi.T the jfnr,
'n',f fpeciSei rn tlio n:anuerii-f, or jireviouslr
; uti:ia between t.ie Ttartie.
i 'Alvcrti..c:npn".i not tnuri.rd on tV.eeopy for a peci-
f (r I nuintrr of inerti:i., will le rontiuued until or
I Jo out. nml ohra.l iv5cn'.iily.
I All a lvoi iisi-nt-utf frm riinor? or transient pcr-
! ..n ti bp raid in ndvsucc.
1 Thr i.ririk"'e of yearly H.lvrtisers will be confined
I :;-;.lv to their r,n bu-sine- : and all advertiementF
i m"t tertainiui: thorcti, to bo paid fr extra.
' Yearlv advprtisor have the privilege of changing
I fW ailVfrtiM'inei. iu)rterlr.
i AH kadad a 1 vertw.'inenti cba-gd double the above
j AJvertHment on the inside exclusively will be
thawed extra. ....
j EOCK AND FANCT
(JOB PRINTING!
10
Hnv'mg raided to the Advertiser Of.'.ee Card tivi
M I'rojse, New Tvj- of the l ife?? ty!c. Inks of
tU colon. Un-nres, Kit e l'njxr, Knvfb.po?, Ac.: we
tftnow proj urod to txtv-.-.te J b Work of every d3
ftTijitiwH in a Style untuq-B.ss'i'd by ary other office
in the I'nltcd States.
rrtieu'Brnttcntion will be plvcn to orders from a
4'ntanr: in hivin them pronjptly attended lo.
The I'roprijtiir, v !io, having had an extensive ex-P-rine,wd!ive
hi? pcrsomilattentiou to thit brunch
f basino?-!, and h'jpjp, in Lis endeavors U pleas
kuhin'ho exrellenoe of his w rk, und reasonable
fiirj:?. to receive ahareif the public patronage.
busTness CARDS. .
A. S. HOLLADaY, H. D?
SURGEON, PHYSICIAN
Aiid Cbstoti-ioinu.
i " EiiowxviLLr, y. i.-t
J Sulic'.ts a share of public patronage, in thernrions
1 kriavhesof his profc.-i:un,froui the citizens of lirown-
j ;ii and vicicitv. "
i -
i
MISS MARY TURNER,
fe-9 r'lL? eV &s
A-iicl Dross 3Mrliox-.
Tint .Street, botweea Kaia and 7ater,
liliOWNVII.I.i:, -N. t. -
Hmntt rwl Irimmitigs always cn hand.
C. WHEELER,
1TECT AND - BUILDER.
7TiT- ZZZ. TTA-iEiS
Drotvnvillo. TO". T.
JAMES W. GIBSON,
BLACKSMITH
iocond Street, bet ween Main and Nebraska,
. BUOWXYILLE, N. T.
U. W. IIURN.
DEPUTY COUNTY SURVEYOR.'
X EM A HA CITY, X. T.
1I.T. attond pmnptlT to all business in "bis pro
' fission when called on: such a. subdivin
r&ra, laying out Town LcLs, liriifting City riaif
ttc. 37-tf
l-irER BKXNET.
,AES r. F1SSK.
Y X. B. OAKKIT.
ACGrSTlfi KN'IGtTT.
OLIVER BENNETT & CO.,
Macnfacturcrs aud Vl.a!csalc Dealers in
BOOTS AND SHOES,
NO. S7 ?IAIX STRF.irr,
liil, CouKRor Mix ArLocrsT.)
ST. LOUIS. MO. '
YVM. OSBORN.
PEAJER IX
CLOCKS, WATCHES,
Jelry, n.itcd Ware, Cutlery, Srxmns, icn A.C.-.
Xilraika L iV. T.
EwcjiriNrt anil HEtvusixu dons on sliort
'"ee, and tlx n ous wajiuantep.
fT. 7HYTST&- CO., ..
H01.F.? K!.r AX RHTATL T)V. KVT.n? IN ;
Ml GOODS. GROCERIES.
Qucensnre, Hardware,
COUNTRY PRODUCE.
miovxvii,i, x. t.
Miscellaneons.
A Parisian Beggar.
Upoa one of the most unfrequented
bridges of Paris was every day to be
seen a man of sixty years of age,
clothed in rags, but in seeming good
health. . The old man asked the charity
of passers-by in a plaintive voice, and
as he appeared worthy, many a sou was
hrown into his cup. One evening a
ady passed near "Mm, and taking a
piece of money from her purse, put it
in the old man's hands and walked on,
unconscious of having done a kind act.
pon returning to her own house she
discovered that instead of a penny, -she
tad, through mistake, given the old4bcg-
gar a twenty franc piccev She imme
diately returned to the bridge, but the
a nri
mendicant was cone, lurnmcr to a
woman, also a beggar, upon the bridge,
she inquired the old man's address, and
earned that he lived in the Rue de
Lille. The next morning she went to
the house indicated, and found it to be
an clejrant hotel. ,
"No doubt he lives in one xf those
garrets, where he is permitted to lodge
rent free. . I'll nsk. Old Marcel!"
she demanded of the porter.
"First story in front, madame."
Arrived at the room alluded to, the
lady felt certain that there must be some
mistake. She did not like to trouble
the servants of a prince to ask iftcr a
beggar, but finally suppressing her
enotion, and determined to see the
end of the adventure, s!r rang the
Sell. A man in livery presented him
self. '. " ' ;
- ."Could you show mc the room o
old Marcel ?" asked the lady.
"It is here," answered the servant
"please sit down, and I will call Mon-
,, . . . .
steur. . . .
"There is certainly a blunder some
where, thought the lady, "but as the
same names are frequently borne by
ri-'h and poor alike, I shall only need
to beg pardon."
Scarcely had she seated herself upon
a sofa, when a second domestic opened
the door of a handsome saloon, and a
tall man, wrapped in a -rich morning
gown, advanced and said :
"Of what service can I be to you,
madame
'Why, sir," stammered the lady, "I
trust you will excuse the apparent impertinence,-but
the name the address
even a striking resemblance may
plead for the error I have made. These
are the circumstances: Yesterday in
passing over th Point Royal, I hastily
gave a Napoleon instead of a copper to
a poor man who but the details are
useless; permit me to retire." : .
"Remain, madame, if you please,"
he answered, "you arc not mistaken.
You are speaking to old Marcel, and I
recognize you"as the lady who has fre
quently bestowed alms upon me. If,
by error, you gave mc a twenty franc
piece, we will try to recover the coin.
Picrre,bring me yesterday's receipts !"
The lackey disappeared, and the la
dy was more astonished than ever. In
a moment Pierre returned, bearing a
large plate, upon which was a pile of
small money, which the old man order
ed him toemptyupon the table. Mar
cel then turned over the coppers, and
presently found the piece.
"You are right, madame," said he,
courteously handing it to her, Here is
the" coin." Correixnolcnt of Boston
Journal.
The IIigiier Joy. We are told that
the angelic choir chanted a morning
psalm, when the heavens and earth, at
the fiat of the Almighty, sprang from
the deep. O, I am sure that the
morning stars sing together, and all
the sons of . God begin to shout yes !
that a morning psalm resounds 'mid
heaven's arches, when a poor sinner,
through -the new birth, becomes a child
of G6d,- rsVitfzen of the heavenlyJe
rusalem. TkohieJc. ? .
Nevcr'e'nter a sick room m
a stc
of perspiration, as the moment you be
come cool Your pores absorb. ' Do ,not
approach contagious diseases :with an
empty ' stomach, '"nor. ' sit between the
s;cV al the fire, because the heat at
tracts' tkj vapor. ' : ' '-
Books and Papers haTe Souls.
' Thinking, speaking, acting in&uui-i
tial. Parents, do von . think of this.
when you place a book or periodical
on your center table? do you consid
er its influence for good or evil ? - -
, Every book, every paper, has a soul,
breathing a spirit good or bad. It is
the soul of its author, and when spread
over the pages of the book, that soul
acts upon its reader, as truly as when
acting directly. Th3 person who touch
es the book cortes in contact with the
soul, and is, nolcn volensf' affected by
it. And no contact with it is more' in
fluential. In reading an author's book
you are conversing w ith him under cir
cumstances very favorable to your be
coming like him ; for in the book ev
ery thing is, generally deeply thought
out, in shape to convince; or carefully
dressed up in a manner to bewitch.
And all this only indicates the necess
ity of reading with care and caution.
Would ycu, when purchasing books
or papers for your children, have their
minds contaminated with vicious prin
ciple3, let them read every thing that
pours forth, like a torrent, from the
press of the day. Jiemember, while
extolling the value of the press, that
it is powerful for evil as it is great for
good. . ' ' - '
Remember that the enemy of souls
employs it to .lisseminate his destruc
tive doctrines, and he has even more
laborers, probably in his employ, than
the Captain of our salvation.
Why should we be so careful in re
gard to the food with which our bodies
are nourished, while we pay so little
attention to mental pabulum which our
minds receive ? Remember, we can as
easily plant the sces of disease in the
mind as in tho body, and that disease
implanted in the mind is eradicated
with more drSculiy than that of the
body. ' -, '.
A book or a paper exerts an influ
encc, not only in time, but as eternity
rolls on. O, how infinitely, ' momen
tously important, that a Avise, judicious
selection of reading be made .for al
especially for the rising age!
Legal Tender.
1. All gold coins at their respectiv
values, for debts of any amount.
2. The half dollar, quarter, dime,
and half-dime, at their respective val
ues, for debts of amounts 'under five
dollars.'- . ; ': !
3. Three cent pieces for 'debts of
amounts under thirty cents and
4. By the law just passed, "we may
add, ono cent pieces for debts of
amounts under ten cents. . :
t ....
By the law of Congress, passed some
four or five years ago, gold, instead of
silver, was made the .legal tender for
large amounts. Those who, to get rid
of large quantities of cents and small
er coin, sometimes pay bills with it to
the , annoyance of the creditor, will
perceive that there is a stoppage put to
that antic bv law.
Keep tocr Sabbath. Be jealous
on this point.' Nhcther you live in
town or. country, resolve notTto profane
your Sabbath or in the end ou will
give over caring for your soul, lhe
steps which lead to this arc regular.
Begin with not honoring God's day,
and -you will not honor 'God's house;
cease to honor God'a book, and by-and-by
you will give trod no honor at-vll.
Let any one lay .ths foundation with
no Sabbath, and I am never surprised
if he finishes with the top-stone of no
God. It was a remarkable saying of
Judge Hale, that of all persons con
victed of capital crimes while he was
upon the bench, he found few who did
not confess that thoy began their ca
reer of wickedness by - neglect -of the
Sabbath.L " ! " ' J
! A pious old gentleman, told his son
not to go fishing,' under ' any circum
stance, on tha Sablrtth,but if he did, by
all ineans.td, hririg liomc Vte fish. ' , ,.
; The I:eightof impudence j calling
into an editor's ' sanctum ' and risking
him to change an one hundred doll: irbill.
i ' "A sourid head,; its, honest heart, aiidj
an humble, . spirit -h :re the.. three best i
niilcs Ihrosg" lime, "aiid eternity: .''-
TfioFarm.
From the Valley Farmer.
Yalnaolc Remedies. V
Messrs. Editors : Being" in pos
session' of some remedies that iire. .Cer
tain cures for tbe worst diseases that
horse flesh is heir to, I Wish to com
municate them to, the public'.in some
angible form, so that they may not
be lost to posterity. ;j If Jjte following
directions are strictly 'followed, the
cure is certain and safe beyond cavil ;
FOB, SWEENEY.'
Try the grease out of one pound of
old fat bacon, and just as it begins to
harden add the whites of five or six
eggs and as much salt as -it will dis
solve.: Rub ue horses shoulder orjhb
sunken part for 10 or 15 minutes with
this ointment with a cob, and then sear
it in" with a hot iron; repeat it twice
with an intermission of j three days,'
and the horse is cured. If the appli
cation is made earl A once searing will
be sufficient. Three applications are
only needed where the horse has long
. a.
been neglected.
FISTULA AND POLL EVIL.
In tho first stages of these diseases,
they may be driven back or scattered
by a very simple application. ,-, Take' a
piece of thick cotton batting and sat
urate it in Venice turpentine ; . lay it
on the diseased part of the hQrses
withers or back of his iead as it may
be, fistula or 'polo evil; grease around
the batting or margin of the swelling,
sear it in with a hot iron and smith's
tongs. The batting will very soon dry
It must "be wet as" often as tho third
time with turpentine before the twitch
is taken off the horse3 lip. Repea
this process the third time with an in
tcrmission of four or five days. If the
disease has progressed long, and super
ation commenced stick a knife in the
orifice about 3 inches deep; and inser
GO grains of arsenic to the bottom o
the Incission with a stick The horse
must be kept out of the vain till the ar
sonic had had time to bo expelled from
tho wound,' but it should be kept in 'til
it is all carried off by the slufiing of the
wound, then it should be washed twice
a day with' a decoction of poke roo
and bast steel soap suds.' The arsenic
must be tied up in a piece of book mus
lin or other thin muslin. In. about
three weeks the arsenic.will have cat
en all of the diseased flesh around the
centre or core. There will bo formed
on the surface a fungas growth of griz
zly substance, the size of a man's fist,
with a shank perhaps an inch and a
half in diameter, running deep into the
shoulder ; cut this off as low down as
practicable. After the blood has ceas
ed to flow sprinkle some arsenic in .the
bottom of the sore. In two or three
days wash the sore with the poke root
spap suds. Apply dry calomel after
the heal-process has commenced.
I have cured many horses' in this
way after they had been given up as
incurable and worthless, and they made
about as good farm horses ' as, any I
had. '
' ' "Bid nEAD . . . -May
be cured with very little trouble
A horse with the 'big head becomes
stiff all over, and the large 'muscles
leading from the eye to the nostril be
come perfectly rigid Annoint those
muscles well with the oil of Cedar and
sear it in with a hot iron three or four
times, with an intermission of six or
seven days, but rub the oil on every
day. Take a piece of poke root about
as large as a goose egg, put it ,in 6
quarts of water and boil down to 3
quarts; drench the horse with one pint
of it every other day as long as it lasts;
fill the drenching, bottle.with a pint of
fresh water after the poke tea has been
put in it.
scorns ix foals
All colts Iiavc . scours- whose, xlams
are bad sucklers and aro deprived' of
good pasturage ; consequently the foal
has to cat too much grass and weeds
tho - result is , scoursv. .Whereas, .a
mare that gives abundantsuck the foa
feeds but little, t and gets its 'nourish
ment from the dam.- Egg Xog wil
cur
givt
curctheWrst form' of-this' disease
iven twice a day until the complain
fl begins to subside. The egg nog should
be made just as he who administers it
would like to , drink it himself, made
of loaf sugar, old Bourbon, or Jamacia
pirits ; Cognac would be preferable,
but that 13 an article that teas. As
phn Randolph said,. "There was once
gentlemen in Virginia." S.
Si. Louis county, Ma.
. - , . From the Valley Farmer. .
Frnlt Raising.
As.this branch of business is begin
ning to have proper attention paid to
it, every one is striving to raise fruit
the clieapest and quickest way possi
ble. '
There are many and extensive nur
series to be found, producing and send
ing forth through the country a gTeat
number of fruit and ornamental trees ;
still the supply is inadequate to the de
mand, or the real wants of the country
at large.
The growing of fruit-will : never be
carried on to an extent that will cause
it to be unprofitable ; for it is beauti
fully adapted as food, for man or beast.
The most extensive fruit tree produc
ing country is that of Monroe Co., N.
Y., where it is carried on more as it
should be than in any other portion of
our country. . ' , .
The common method of ingrafting
into the root of a seedling, is ono that
produces a good sized tree in a very
short time, and is therefore preferable
to the old method of setting a tree anc
letting it get its growth nearly, before
the grafts are put in. It also forms
tree bearing one kind of fruit, which
is better than to have a variety on one
tree, as that greatlyr retards the pro
gress of picking.
Now, as tho process of grafting is a
very simple one, the main point being
to have the bark meet exactly, let ev
ery , man who- has any taste for it, pre
pare, a small or large piece of ground
soyr the seeds, and when the sprouts
have attained a sufljeient growth, graft
them, with such fruit as he desires; so
tliat in the course of a, few years, he
may have an abundance ot Iruit ot lu
own choice and raising. Apple trees
may, be produced in this way with very
little trouble, it not being necessary, to
procure the .bare seeds; but after hav
ing prepared the ground and cut. the
drills, far enough apart to allow you to
work' between' the rows, take coreings
or pomace if ' the apples" have been
. -h 'i j j :- ,i , i- i j t
ground so as .to not cut all the seeds,
and scatter it in the dr'lls so that you
will get in; seeds enough, and if there
arc too many sprouts when they come
up, it is a very easy matter to pull some
of them out. ' The proper time to put
the seeds in the ground is in the fall.
Let no man think, because he has a
good orahard at present, that he need
not raise fruit trees ; but consider, like
himself, the trees may and will pass
away. Consequently, now is tne time
to commence raising others to fill the
places of those now living; for, unless
a man leaves things as good or better
than he finds them, he has lived "much
to little purpose."
. Yours, &c. J. W. W.
Wheat To Preyent Spoiling in
Bins. Attiliu Burlmgame, a farmer
cf Cortland County, N. Y., who writes
us that he is 77 years old, and of course
has had some experience, says that if
armers will put one dry brick to ev
ery five bushels of grain put up in bins'
or into the center of a barrel of wheat
flour or. meal, it will not grow moldy
or soar. We have never, tried bricks
for .this purpose, . but have usedr and
often recommended others to use a
stone of a few pounds weight, in the
center 'of, a barrel of corn, meal, with
tho assurance of its being .beneficial,
and we have no doubts the. use . ofl a
clean," dry brick would bc; niorfr so,'afc
it is better calculated to absorb inoist-
ure than stone-. , -k
v.WopoiS in Horses. One .pint' pf
- I
I
cold .drawn Unseed oil will be Tound
an effectual cure; but remember, that
perfect7 rest must be-- given 1 '"while it
remains in the '-stomach!:' ' The 'worms
will surfei't themselves Nyith 'the oil,
ando die, when they will be discharged
in the course of nature
atnrc.' j :. j
t
Food for, Thinkers.
It is a poor nit that jests at povcr-
.The pride of woman, natural to hen
never sleeps till modesty is gone.
Liberality and generosity of feeling
are , the surest tests of a gentleman.
. Strain the bow, and the arrow
swerves ; . sucu is tne case witn tne
mind. i
, j . . i - ' - j
, Riches consist in that which tuf-
ficeth, and not in that which is superflu
ous.
Na man was ever infected by flat
tery, who did not love and encourage
the offering.
We seek for riches and do not find
them; we .do not seek for death; but,
alas ! he come3. 1 '
'Speak with calmness on all occa-
sions, especially in circumstances
which tend to irritate.
Those talk most who think least ; as
frogs cease their quacking when a per
son brings a light to the water side.
Thc diver, for pearls plunges into
the' depths of the sea, and the man who
aspires, to glory 'passes his nights in
vigils.
As the storm which bruises the flow
er nourishes tho tree, so absence, which
starves a weak affection, strengthens
a strong one. . ,. . , ... . .
i Good friends should not be easily
forgotten, nor used a3 suits of appar
el, which, when we have worn them
threadbare, we cast off, and call for
new.;,., i . ;'f .- - ,,
The web of our: life is a minded
o
yarn. Jur virtues would do proud, n
our faults'whippcd them notj and our
crimes would jdespair if not redeemed
by our nature. ' ' .
Health comes of itself; but we are
at great pains to 'get our diseases.-
Health comes from a simple life of na
ture; diseases from tho' artificial life
of nature - ' ' ' :
- Knowledge cannot be acquired with
outpainSand applications! It is troub
lesome, and like deep digging' for pure
waters ; but 'when once' you come to
the spring, they rise up' and meet you.
' There" is perhaps no pang so acute,
no sentiment so humiliating to the
yv
heart of woman, as the consciousness
of awakening distrust, wlien she most
deserved 'to' have inspired confidence!
- r ' . ' . r' . . i .' ' '. ' ' '
Drunkenness is a flattering devil, a
sweet poison, .a pleasant sin, which
whosoever hath, hath not himself;
which . whosoever doth" commit, doth
not commit sin, but he himself is whol
ly sin.
I look on sculpture as history. I do
not think the Apollo, and the Jove im
possible in flesh and; blood. Every
trait which the artist recorded in stone,
lie had seen in life, and better than his
copy
'A vast deal of genial humor, says
Mrs. Stowe, is conscientiously stran
gled in religious' people, which might
illuminate and warm the way. of life.
Wit and gaiety answer the game pur
pose that a fire does in a damp house
dispersing chills and "drying up
mould, and making all wholesome and
cheerful. . " ' ': ' - "
Arc we-to break down the hedge
flowers' which'1 perfume bur paths?1'
Things aro oftenest nothiug in them
selves ; the thoughts we attach to them
alone give them value'. To rectify in
nocent mistakes, in order to recover
some useless reality,' u to be like those
learned men who will see notliing in a
plant' but. the chemical elements of
which it is composed. .
The smallest pleasure derives .from
rarity a relish otherwise unknown. .
Enjoyment is .only what -we feel to be
such, and the luxurious man feels .no
longer ; satiety has lost him hii appe-
tite, wh!leiration preserves to the
0l?";Jiaiursir;01 eariJ
.1 .t i i' i - - .i.i x-'
leifl g easily, made nappy. ; . . Uu J .tLat
I could persuade., every one of. this !
that so. the richr might not abuse their
riches, and that the poor might have
patience. : If happiness is .'tho'raresf
of blesin g$,, it ; is because , tho rcccp
I ton.Qfit is the ratrir.f Tirtirs.w -l-
" '
Joker's Colnmn.
oiTw3i7r7
"That which thou hast to do, do it
with all thy might," said a clergyman
to his son one morning.
"So I did this morning," replied
Bill, with an enthusiastic gleam in his
eye.
"Ah! what was it, darling ?' and
the father's fingers ran through hig off
spring's curls.
"Why, I walloped Jack Edwards',
said the young hopeful, "till he yelled
like blaze3 ! You should just hear him
holler, dad!" " . .
The father looked unhappy, while h
explained that tho precept did not ap
ply to any act like that, and conclu
ded mildly with, "You should not have
done that, my child."
'Then he'd walloped me' replied
the young hopeful.
"Better," said the sire, "for you to
have fled from the wrath to come." .
- "Yes, but," replied hopeful, by way
of a clincher, "Jack can run twice as
fast as I can."
The gcod man sighed, went to his
study, took. up his pen, and endeavor
ecHo compose himself..
Circumstances.
"Do you know the prisoner, Mr.
Jones?"
"Yes to the bone."
"What is his character?"'
"Never knew he had any."
"Docs he live near you?"
' So near that he has only spent fifty
cents for firewood in eight years." ,
"Did he ever, come into collision
with you iu any matter?"
.. '.'Only once, and that was when he
was, drunk, and mistook me for a lamp
post." "From what you know of him, would
you believe him under oath ?" .
"That depends on circumstances.
If he wa3 so much intoxicated that ho
did not know what he was doing, I"
would. If he wasn't, I wouldn't."
"You can step aside, Mr. Jones.
Crier, call the next witness."
A Cheap SfcaTC. .
Oaff day a stout fellow, with a beard
like a shoe-brush, went into a barber
shop and took a chair for a shave.
One of the young men in attendance
waited upon him promptly, gave him a
close shave, and put him in first-rate'
order to make a decent appearance in
the streets. When the process was
complete and tho stranger was ready
to depart, he made an inspection of his
pockets, and finally found a cent, which
he handed to the boy in payment for.
the service he had performed. He was
politely informed that the price of shav
ing was a sixpence. The man replied
very coolly, "I know it, and that
(pointing to tho cent) only lacks five
ccnta of it ! You ain't agoing to stand
for half a dirao ?" ''''. '
There wa3 no appeal from this. All
the people in the shop, customers in-'
eluded, were Convuhcd with laughter
at the impudence of the fellow ; buthia
gravity 'was unshaken. He took his
hat and departed, calculating, no doubt,
that he had driven a good bargain with
the barber, and was soon C33ting about
for another chance to save half a dime.
'Stranger, will you play a game of
brag?" said a Wolvereen to & Yankee,
on board of a Mississippi steamer. .
"Don't knew the game," he replied.
"Will you play spragues?"
'.'Don't know that either."
"Know all-fours?" . ,
"I must acknowledge I don't know
any game at cards."
"Well, stranger, will you take a
drink ?"-
. The couple accordingly repaired to
the bar, and, after, touching glasses,,
tho Wolrcracn eyed the Yankee close
ly from head to font, and naid.'Strsm.-
; clever fellow, but W
. ' " '
devilish. Jit a e,"
A lady relating her matrimonial cx-;
periencc, said: -
' "At first, on retiring of a cold night,
my husband u.nI to 'say -to mcjr 'put
yonV dear little foolics with mine ;' but
..Nnin itV rnur hoofs off rae