u
o
The Commoner
DECEMBER, 1914
w
Wi
ought to be able to make lots of
money shipping green corn to the
Northern markets."
"Yes, I orter," was the sullen re
ply. "You have the land, I suppose, and
can get the seed."
"Yes, I guess so."
"Then why don't you go into the
speculation?"
"No use, stranger," sadly replied
the cracker "the old woman is too
lazy to do the plowin' and plantinV
Washington Star.
lucky dat a chicken won come a run
nlh' an' a waggln' ltd tall when Its
regular ownor whistles, sumo as a
dog." Washington Star.
Exclusive
A small boy who was sitting next
to a very haughty lady in a crowded
subway car kept on snfiling in a very
annoying manner. At last the lady
could bear it no longer, and turned
to tho lad.
"Boy, have you got a handker
chief?" she demanded.
The small boy looked at her for a
few seconds, and then, in a dignified
tone, came tho answer:
"Yes, I 'ave, but I don't lend it to
strangers." New York World.
Their Ohoico
When E. H. Sothorn and Julia Mar-
lowo were playing in a westorn city
last season, a verdant couple Btepped
up to the box office and the man said:
"Playin' Shakespeare here, they toll
me?"
"Yea, sir," replied' the ticket seller.
"What'o tho show tonight?"
"'An You Llko It."
"Wall, that's what I call accommo-
datln,'," said the native. "Scoin' as
you give us our choice, mother and
me'll- tako 'Romeo and Juliet.' "
Chicago Dally News.
while she mixes him a dono of some
nasty stuff.
If you don't tako all tho advlco
some men try to hand you, thoy toll
others that you lack the brains neces
sary to enable ydutormako good.
Chicago News.
. Homespun Philosophy
I hato.t' eat by t, feller that holds
his arms llko a share drummer.
. Ther's no con jestlon o trafllp t on.
Easy street. . '
It's nlco to live In a little town
whero you don't havo t' give bar
buddy a dlmo t' hold your overco;
A firm chin Is helpless without m
stiff uppor lip. , .
A loafer must feel funny, when
holiday comes along. 2
Tell Blinkley found $2 in a ola
vest yistdrday an' ho can't think who!
ho owoo 'em to.
What's bocomo o th old fashion
ed girl that used t' say, "Lips that
touch wlno shall never touch mine.1'
"Abo" Martin in tho American
Magazine.
Speeches of
William Jennings
Bryan
r
' His Only Chance
"Do i.you think the Hon. Bray
Lowder has any shgw for being elect
ed to the legislature?"
"Not .unless he. runp under, an
alias." Judge,
Offers
Tips From Texas
The wisdoirt of the serpent consists
largely In attending to Its own business.
About all we know of anthropology
is that the giggly ago for girls corre
sponds to the cigarette age for boys.
As a general thing, after a candi
date is elected he isn't as glad to see
you as he was when ho was looking
for you.
If the hen were to really lay gold
en eggs, the rooster would start a
bank account. Dallas News.
o"
&IF
. A Valuable Trail .
"Is dem you-all's 'chickens?"
- "Gohse -dey's' niy-all's chickens.
Who's -chickens did you 'spose dey
was?".- ' -
"I Wasn't s'posen', niiffln' about
'em. But I will say dat it's mighty
Attractive
Clubbing
jrs-
I s
J'
3
' - w
American ''Bov .' : . . $1.00 81.55
American Magazine . .'.....'. 1.50 2.00
American, Poultry Journal.:. 1.00. 1.55
Breeder's .Gazette ,. . 1.00 1.75
Cincinnati Dallv Post. R. B.
Edition v 2.50
Commercial Appeal . . . .50
Courier-Journal, Weekly . . . 1.00
Etudo (For Music Lovers) . . 1.50
Enquirer, Cincinnati, Ohio,
Weekly t 1.00
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Fcuit ..Grower & Farmer.,. 1.00
Hoard's Dairyman - c 1.00
Homo & State, Dallas, Tex. 1.00
Housewife .15
Independent, N. Y 3.00
Irrigation Ago 1.00
Kansas City Weekly Star... .25
La Folletto's Magazino 1.00
Llppincott's Magazino ...... 3.00
Literary Digest (now) 3.00
MqCall's Magazine 50
McCluro's Magazino 1.50
Modern Priscllla 1.00
National Monthly 1.00
Outdoor World 2.50
Outlook 3.00
Pearson's Magazino t 1.50
Pictorial Review 1.00
Pittsburgh Post, Dally . ... 5.00
Poultry Success 50
Practical Farmer 1.00
Reliable Poultry Journal ... .50
Review of Reviews 3.00
Rocky Mountain News, "Wkly 1.00
Springfield Republican, Wkly 1.00
St. Loula Republic, twico-a-
week 'SO
Technical World 1.50
Tho Sphere 1.75
Wallace's Farmer 1.00
Woman's Homo Companion 1.50
Word and Works and Hick's
Almanac L0
New York World, Thrlce-a-
week I'OO
Youth's Companion .0U
Tho Ladles Homo Journal or Satur
day Evening Post may be added to any
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Extra postago required "P"
papers going to Canada or foreign
countries ami also for subscription in
SSRy where the respective Periodicals
are published unless they are weeklies.
Address all orders and make all re
mittances payablo to The Commwer,
XilKcelBt Nel.
How to Rise Early
A New Yorker was spending a
night at a"hotel" in a southern town,
and told tho colored porter that he
wanted to be called early.
The porter replied: "Say, boss, I
reckon yo ain't familiar with these
heah modern inventions. When yo'
wants to be called In de mawnin', all
yo' has to do is jest to press de but
ton at de head of yo' bed. Don we
comes up and calls yo'." Tit-Bits.
2.1)0
1.15
1.40
2.00
1.25
1.90
J.25
1.00
1.40
1.15
3.25
1.40
1.00
1.25
3.00
3.30
1.20
3.1)0
1.00
1.25
2.05
8.40
1.80
1.75
3.40
1.15
1.50
1.15
3.00
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1.75
1.25
1.00
1.15
1.00
2.00
1.25
1.25
2.80
The After Cure
Lacy Faint heart ne'er won fair
lady.
Stacy Then how did bid Palpy
h'appen to marry his trained nurse?
Judge.
Without Exception
Every normal girl passes through
a period when she wishes her name
were Celeste or something of the
kind, Columbus Journal.
Pointed Paragraphs
It's easier to ge a poor wife than
a good cook.
One man's automdbile may be an
other man's juggernaut.
Every man has a hobby and every
woman two or f,hree.
A girl may ask all kinds of ques
tions during the courtsnip so mai
will think she thinks him a second
Solomon, and after marriage give him
tho pitiful look every time he opens
his mouth. , .
It's easy for a two-faced person to
manufacture a barefaced He.
Abuse some one and we always
find an appreciative audience.
A woman isn't necessarily indus
trious because she has a busy tongue.
Love brings the parson in, but only
common sense will keep the divorce
JU regular woman never waits until
tomorrow to blow in the money her
busband handed her yesterday.
If you want to see a small boy
slop over with ingratitude, present
Mm with a manicure set.
Thf inventor of rubber tips for
pencils made a fortune because of
other people's mistakes.
And many a man could earn $2
with half the energy he wastes in
ZZts blush because
of the kind of husbands they have
Wh'enTman comes home sick his
wife expects him to hold the baby
Revised and Arranged by
Himself
In Five Uniform Volumes, Thin 12mo Ornamental
Bo rds Dainty Style
FOLLOWING AIU'3 TUB TITLES I .
THE PEOPLE'S LAW A Discussion of State Consti
tutions and what they should contain.
THE PRICE OF A SOUL
THE VALUE OF AN IDEAL
THE PRINCE OF PEACE ,.
MAN
Reprinted in thlB form Volumo II of Mr. Bryan's Spoochcn. Each
of theso four addrcHHea has been delivered beforo many larffo audience.
These five volumes make a most attractive series.
Price of Each, 30 Cents, Net. Postage, 5 Cents
TWO OTHER NO'FAIIIilS SPEECHES t
THE SIGNS OF THE TIMES; To which is added
"Faith." The most important address by Mr. Bryan since
his two volumes of "Selected Speeches" were compiled, with
one of the best of those added.
One 16mo Volume, in Flexible Leather, with Gilt-Top. 75c net, Postage 5c
Address PUNK & WAGNALLS CO., I'ulillMlicrM, 354-C60 Fourth Ave, N. Y.
14
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