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The Commoner
VOL. 1- NO. 28 '
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Whether Common or Not
Evo Was n Woman
; Evo was a woman; 'tis safe, there
fore, to say
That Adam had his dismal mo
ments, too:
Sho doubtlosB kopt him guessing
' fnr ilint'a n wnmnn'H WftV -
Whenever ho was In the mood to
woo.
roused in
Eve was a woman; we may, there
foro, supposo
That jealousy was
Adam's breast;
No doubt she hinted often about her
other beau
And answored, when ho coaxed
her, with a jest.
Eve was a woman; wherefore wo
may assume
That she made light of Adam's
earnest pleas;
No doubt it made her happy to see
him plunged in gloom
Or to hear him humbly begging on
his knees.
Evo was a woman; wherefore we
may bo sure
That, having Adam safe within
her snare,
Her jealousy was often a hard thing
to endure,
Her petulant suspicion hard to
bear.
S. E. Klser in the Chicago Record-Herald.
cash for a house, all made by my
own pluck and perseverance."
Young Lady "Really! What
business are you in?"
Very Young Man "I'm a son-in-law."
Tit-Bits.
n
Out of tho Mouth of Babes
Millard had two goats, a largo one,
: Billy, and a young one he called
Boy. His father ordered a goat
' wagon for him. After examining the
wagon Millard thought it didn't suit
as to size.
"Papa, I can't use it," he said, de
cidedly. "Billy wouldn't wait for
it and Boy couldn't keep up with it."
I Helen, aged 7, was showing a
visitor how fast she could run, when
she suddenly stopped and said: "But
I can't show my best running unless
something is happening back of mo."
Billy, aged 5, had often heard his
i parents talk of tho time required to
I digest certain articles of food. One
night, wishing to defor his bedtime,
he asked. "Mothor, may I sit up
fhalf an hour longev to decide my
supper?" Pictorial Review.
will yet benefit humanity by Invent
ing a wireless piano for amateurs.
Chicago News.
Village -Philosophy
Some fellows nevor show up very
well at home, and always a good
deal worse when abroad.
A good rain In tho nick of timo
makes a farmer feel like a newly
appointed democratic postmaster.
When the title of D. D. goes to a
preacher's head it is a misfit.
Ono can see a good many things
oven through a knot hole if he keeps
his eyes open.
Tho most of us could cut down our
living expenses considerably if our
neighbors would do the same.
The importance of a quarrel is
never measured by the noise of it.
With some men no -alebration is
worth while which doesn't require
several days to get over the effects
of it.
A former governor of one of our
great states, in his Fourth of July
oration, declared that, now he was
out of politics and wanted nothing
from the people, he could say just
what he pleased; which, to a man up
a tree, looks like a slam on both him
self and politics, whatever way you
may tako it.
to
A Tribute to Sir Thomas
A vorv rich American went
London and met an Englishman,
who strangely enough liked him,
and asked him to his house.
Tho Englishman was a great col
lector of antiques, curiosities, etc.,
and showed the American, among
other things, a table and chair, and,
pointing to them, said: "That table
and that chair once belonged to
Milton." i
"Really!" said the American,
kneeling down and reverently kiss
ing both table and chair.
"And," continued the Englishman,
"that table was the very one on
which that immortal classic, 'Para
dise Lost,' was written."
"What was written?" questioned
the guest.
" 'Paradise Lst,' " was the reply.
"Who wrote it?" again questioned
the American.
"Milton," replied the host.
"Who did you say owned that
table?"
"Milton," again answered the host.
"Gosh!" ejaculated the rich one,
in a tone of disgust. "I thought you
said Lipton." Kansas City Star.
Progressing
"What's the trouble now?" de
manded his employer, when the
office boy came in half an hour late.
"The ice on the pavements," said
the lad. "Every step .1 took I slipped
back two."
"You did, eh? Then how did you
ever get here?"
"I started back home." Judge.
EXPECT GOOD FROM THEER
Following is an Associated Pres3
dispatch from San Francisco under
date of August 7: r
Sailing August, 13 from Vancouver
on the same ship with General Felix
Diaz, special ambassador for Mexi
to Japan, will be Dr. Juichi and So
yada and Tadao Kamlya, honorary
secretary of the Toklo chamber of
commerce, the two commissioners
sent to this country by the afllllated
chambers of commerce of Japan to
investigate conditions surrounding
the California anti-alien land act
In summarizing the report of their
investigations, Dr. Kamlya said
"The general feeling toward our
country, it has been found, was very
cordial and the general sentiment
among Japanese living on the Pacific
coast was also satisfactory. There
seems to be a fine degree of
patience and forbearance manifest.
Our people at home are also waiting
ior tne ultimate solution with for
bearance. So long as the people of
the two countries keep their heads
and try to understand each other
there is nothing to fear.
'The recent unpleasant situation
has not beon without its good re
sults. The people of Japan will
know more about your people and
the constitution and laws that regu
late your national and international
conduct and you will know more
about Japan.
"We hope that the low passed re
cently at Sacramento never will go
into effect, but if it does you may
rest assured that Japan will regu
late her conduct to comply, at the
same time striving to e-iiarge tne
permanence of their residence here."
"It was the apirit of discrimina
tion against the Japanese i:i tho
California law that moved us to pro
test," added Kamiya.
It is a little hard to see whore a
baby's good time comes in at a
picnic.
The only way some folks apply
wisdom is to try it on the other
fellow.
A woman Is as old as she looks,
and sometimes considerably older.
All tho world's a stage, and that
is probably the reason we know so
few people in their true characters.
When some .folks take a day -off
they take a good deal on. M. G. R.,
in Sioux City, Iowa, Journal.
Signs That Follow
One day a teacher was having a
first-grade class in physiology. She
asked them if they knew that there
was a burning fire in the body all of
the time. One little girl spoke up
and said:
"Yes'em, when it is a cold day I
can see the smoke." National
Monthly.
Pointed Paragraphs
isot every laoai lover makes a
good husband.
Luck may be merely a case of not
being found out.
But there is little marrow in the
bono of contention.
It takes 'a clever child to keep
from saying smart things.
Two is company, but threo is a
multitude when father butts in.
Perhaps whisky really does im
prove with age when it gets the
chance.
Would you try to flatter a married
man by telling him that he doesn't
look it?
' There would bo more popular
y songs if some people wouldn't try
to sing them.
I After dreaming they were soul
mates an Ohio couple got married.
May they nevor wake up!
More women might be able to save
t money if the dry goods Btores would
cease having bargain sales.
If marriages are made in heaven
wo refuse to hazard a guess as to
tho place where divorces are manu
factured. An ordinary piano contains about
a mile of wire. American genius
Striking His Trail
"Good afternoon, Johnny!" said
the nice young lady visiting his
mother's house in tho sweet cause
of charity. "Why don't you como
to our Sunday-school? A lot of your
little friends havo joined, and we
are going to have a lovely party."
Johnny shook his head. Then he
suddenly exclaimed:
"Haa a boy . amo; J.hnson, with
red hair, joined yot?"
"Yes, dear," said tho nice young
lady, "and he seems to like it. He's
such a good little boy!"
"Huh! Is he?" muttered Johnnv.
"Well, if he's there, I'll come, too.
I've been looking for him for three
months, and never know where to
find him before." Chicago Journal.
Whero Timo Is Lost
"Do you think we'd save miioh
timo by leaving the 'dear sir off our
letters?"
"Not much. Where time is lost is
in tho hesitation you feel about
writing 'yours respectfully' to some
people." Washington Star.
The American View
"So you don't approve of those
London suffragettes?"
"I don't know much about them,"
replied Miss Cayenne; "but I can't
help feeling that a woman who can't
subdue a few men without the use
of dynamite is something of
failure." Washington Star.
a
Ideal Statesman
"What is your notion of an ideal
statesman?"
"An ideal statesman, in my
opinion," replied Senator Sorghum,
"is a man who knows how to keep
his ears to the ground without ly
ing down on his job." Washington
Star.
HIS IDEA OF A GOOD JOB
Two Irishmen were comparing
notes about politics, jobs, hard
times and the like,, when Pat
O'Rourke, a third one, joined in tho
discussion.
"Sure and I'm satisfied with
thin'gs," said Pat. "I've a pache of
a job."
"Is that so?" said the others.
"And what mieht ve be doin'."
"I'm pulling down the Episcopal
church," replied Pat, "and I'm get
tin' paid for it." Everybody's
Magazine.
n
political
the in-
Why do you refer to
offices as 'pie'?" asked
terested foreigner.
"Possibly," replied Miss Cayenne,
"because pie is something which re
lieves present hunger, but invites fu
ture dyspepsia." Washington Star.
i' .
"What are you doing for our
causer' asked a suffragette worker.
"Doing?" replied tho man. "I'm
supporting ono of your most en
thusiastic members." Detroit Free
Press.
THE WARLESS DAWN
He is not free who shoots his brother
down,
Within whose heart is any drop of
hate;
But only he is free who wears tho
crown ,
Of love for all and seeks to mend
their state.
Who sends his guns into the field of
blood,
Whose ships go forth with roaring
shot and flame, ,
Is a vile slave; and not Pacifies
flood . , ...
. Can cleanse him of the neiom
brand of shame.-
Who would be free must dry thoso
fountains up
That gush with tears from hearts
oppressed by might;
Must reach unto his brother
that
Enterprise
Very Young Man "You wouldn't
think it, but I've just paid $5,000 in
"No man is perfect," declared the
philosopher.
"True; but there is no use trying
to coiivinco a June bride during
June," remarked tho cynic Buffalo
Express.
sweet cup .
Which sparkles with the wine oe
hope and light.
Plead not for ship's wherewith to
smite, for men t
To die in glittering steel, that
time is gone; 1ft
The Golden Age of Peace is come
'tis here, tho
again;
Look eastward, lo!
Warless Dawn.
-John Rhuddlau in Denver iNes.
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