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The Gommoner.
13
rANUARY 2, 11J
,''
i in V? fTl
Brain Jjcaks
I
lerpmoaori
jk MLLI.Mfcipin:
Love laughs at locksmiths, but
seldom at goldsmiths.
It Is by doing the little duties that
kwq are fitted ior periorming me
great ones.
The more men, you lift up the
fewer there will be who are able to
drag you down.
who was leaning . heavily upon the
bar.
"Positively criminal the way they
are giving us polluted water. We
have a right to demand clean, pure
water, and we ought to have it."
Not hearing any contradiction of
his statement the man forked seven
mouthfuls of free lunch sauerkraut
into his face, using the fork that
froze, couldn't get washer, wagon
no ush, an' I had 'or git off. I do
zen's contrac' t' drive lsh wagon."
Wretch
"You married mo for my money!"
Bho eXclaimqd.
"And I earned it, too," ho retorted.
Then the lawyers got most of it.
It is difficult to make the House flftnine other men had used with
out its being washed, then wiped his
lips on a bar towel that had been
used by 127 men since morning.
"We are being poisoned and filled
with disease germs because of im
pure water," he exclaimed, after wip
ing his lips, "and I for one am not
going to submit to it any longer."
After which he repeated opera
tions on the saudrkraut and towel.
of Have understand why there should
Jbe a House of Want.
The law's delay is responsible for
fthe growing disrespect for and loss
!of confidence in our courts.
There is considerable difference
'.between telling the other fellow how
ho do his work and doing it yourself.
Wo insist that we are riot growing
old, but we admit that we think more
mf our slippers than we used to think.
If "practical politics" would make
fewer strange bedfellows and more
tcellmates business genuine business
-would be bettered.
The good advice a friend gives ns
is not heeded because it coats noth
ing. The advice the lawyer gives
us is heeded because we pay a lot
for it.
Your real friend never tells any-
Ibody but you about your faults and
llf ho tells you the chances are you
Swill no longer consider him your
friend.
r, It used to be that marriages were
Sleade in heaven, but judging by the
jrevalence of divorce it is evidence
ither of inattention to business or
le need of, a strict apprenticeship
rstem. '.
We'll be getting somewhere in the
solution of economic problems when
pwe grasp the fact that there is no
touch thing as "over production" of
(good things. Our trouble is under
consumption.
Nothing Personal
A lot of men shave smooth be
cause the gray shows so plainly in
their beard.
Seldom we see anything more
amusing than the facial expression
of a man who imagines that no one
detects the fact that he wears imita
tion teeth.
Ever notice how often the other
fellow's success is due to luck?
If every man could make his own
religion and win by it, wouldn't
heaven be an awfully crowded place?
Needed
"I think Smithkins is honest ac
cording to his lights," observed
Tompkins.
"That may bo," Bald Jimkins, who
had just been through a business
deal rlth Smithkins, "but if he is all
I've got to say Is that he ought to
put some more oil in his lamp and
then trim his wick."
WHISKEY AND NEGRO VOTES
So completely does a typewritten
circular tell its own story that it
shall be burdened with few words of
preface. It was distributed through
the mails among the little cornfield
cabins of the negroes near Dublin,
Ga.; at the top it bore ths legend:
"Office of Clark, Grier, Chairman
Republican Campaign Committee
19.08, Delegate at Large to Republi
can National Convention, Cli airman
Republican Executive Committee
12th Cong. Dist. of Ga."
To the Informati6n contained In
this letterhead we are able to add
that until recently Grier was, by
virtue of the favor of a republican
president of the Unted States, post
master of this Georgia town of six
thousand; just now he seems to have
transferred the office to his wife.
The circular reads:
"Dear Sir On the reverse side of
this sheet you will find information
that will explain how you can regis-
i ter and vote. .
"The impression prevails that all
colored men are disfranchised in
'Georgia; this is not true. Post your
self, and the way is open if you de
mand your rights. . ....
"Georgia is not one of the states
that has passed laws that disfran
chise a man on account of his color;
to let the colored man know this fact,
and to aid him in an honest effort to
retain his franchise, is the object
of this letter.
A Reminiscence
T?nr obvious reasons I will men
tion no names, but the man in ques
tion was an elder in my fatner s
church, and that's why I got the
wrong impression. I was only ten
or eleven years old and the elder
employed me, with several other
boys, to pick and pack apples. The
first thing he told us to do in filling
a barrel was to put a couple of layers
of the finest apples in the bottom of
the barrel, then fill it nearly full of
the common apples, then fill the rest
with more of the choice apples.
We followed directions, of course,
That was my first lesson in "good
business" from the elder's stand
point. Naturally I thought that
anything a good elder would do was
all rieht. and doubtless my boyhood
companions thought likewise. I've
often wondered since then if it wasn't
more luck than sense that -kept me
out of jail. I'm afraid that all the
praying that elder did and he did
a lot of it sounded so much like
the thud of 'inferior apples that no
attention was paid thereto when
they arrived up yonder. Also, I'm
afraid that the elder's example led
a lot of young boys to believe that
Christianity Is only a pretense and
that dishonesty ia the best policy.
Anvhow. it is quite evident that the
practice of putting the good apples
at the ends and. the poor apples in
the middle is applied to many
branches of "big business" today
and by elders, too.
Particular
"Yes, sir; I think it la criminal
the way our city authorities manage
or water ayatom' growled ths man
Dull Times
"How's business, old man?"
queried String M. Wells of Beecher
Game.
"Rotten!" said Beecher. "The
only gpld brick I've sold in six weeks
I sold to a fellow who succeeded in
palming off a lot of mining stock on
me in payment.
There is more exhortation in the
same spirit so far. The letter Is full j Collier's Weekly.
enough of tho qualities that make up
tho frightful tragedy which tho re
publican party fastened on the south
in reconstruction; it pictures, with
out meaning to, the sort of white
man that manages the republican
party and holds federal office in tho
south; tho attompt to mako personal
gain out of party prejudico is clear;
tho effort to stir up race feeling is
unconcealed. But Clark Grier docs
not rely merely upon the potency of
English words to foment race pas
sion. Read tho next paragraph:
"In sending tho printed instruc
tions on the back of this letter to
every colored man whoso name is
furnished mo, I am spending lots of
money, and this expense is being
paid by the Georgia Distributing
company of Jacksonville, Florida,
distributors of pure whiskies, etc.,
whoso circular I inclose, and I want
you to patronize this firm for this
generous act on their part toward tho
colored men of Georgia."
There you have tho picture. But,
northern reader, It will only faintly
suggest to you toe awful tragedy tho
decent south endures from men like
Clark Grier, unless you happen to
know the part that whisky plays in
clashes between tho races "nigger"
whisky, well known to stimulate tho
crimes which most often lead to
lynching.
Doubtless Clark Grier will bo a
delegate to tho republican conven
tion in Chicago; doubtless ho will
shake the hands of statesmen and
fraternize with the groat; on-his way
back ho may stop at Washington,
lunch with the postmaster general,
and receive assurances that his dis
tinguished zeal In behalf of the party
shall bo rewarded by tho postmas
tcrship again. As ho walks from his
home to the office where ho repre
sents tho government of the United
States, there will be plenty in uhis
town to bid him good morning.
Often
a young singer named
course from a
There was
Beecher
Who took vocal
teacher,
But her pride took a tumble
When she heard the man grumble,
"Gee whiz, what a horrible
screecher!"
Ropp's New Calculator and
Short-Cut Arithmetic
REVISED
ENLARGED AND
IMPROVED
Honesty in Politics
"Do you think that honesty ia bo
coming more prevalent In politics?"
queried the Innocent voter.
"It certainly is," replied fonator
Corntos8ol. "Why, nowadays a man
can hand a voter $5 and be reason
ably sure that the voter will deliver
the goods."
Honestly, Now.
Did you ever hear a welkin ring?
Or see a great audience moved to
tears?
Or feel the pricking of the given
point that all processions pass?
fc Excused
"Why, Biffkins," said Welcherly,
"I thought you climbed on the water
wagon the first of the year."
"Thaa what I did, or man; got
rr up on zh top. ' Then hydraunts I
(1AO Paces, Sbte x3)
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