13
MAT 12, 1811
The Commoner.
Pessimism Perhaps
I'm weary of Phyllis, and Maysio
and Chloe,
I'm tired of Mayraie and Josye;
I long for the names of tho long,
long ago,
Like Maggie, and Sally, and Rosy.
I'm weary of "rats," and of "puffs,"
and of "pads,"
I'm tired of paint and of powder;
I long for the days when the ma's
and the dads
Had voices than which none were
louder.
I'm weary of Reginald Percy De
Veres,
I'm tired of FitzSummervillie;
I long for the names of the long
vanished years,
Like Dick, Tom, Jack, or plain
Billy.
I'm weary of "peg-tops" and "heels
miiitaire,"
I'm tired of yellow-stained digits;
I long for the days when our boys
were four-square,
And didn't give father the fidgets.
I'm weary of salads, and ices, and
' 'ines,
I'm tired o gelatine shaky;
I long for a plate of plain, old
fashioned, beans,
And a cut of pie crust light and
ilaky. .
I'm weary of hoss-feed, near-coffee
and such,
I'm tired of mayonnaise dressing;
I long; for a plate of the cheese we
called "Dutch," '
And cornbread would come like a
blessing.
I'm weary of sham, and of shine,
and of show,
I'm tired of routs and their glitter;
I long for the days of the long,
long ago,
When life's sweets outnumbered
the bitter.
I'm weary of hypocrites, liars and
shirks,
I'm tired of thieves masquerad
ing; I long for the days we judged men
by their works,
And not by their noisy parading.
I'm weary of laws that are pur
chased in blocks,
- I'm tired of press-agent giving;
I long for the days when men stood
.like the rocks
For home, and for God, and right
living.
I'm weary of bombast of forum and
press,
I'm tired of underhand scheming;
But to long for a change it is idle,
I guess
But, gee! there's great fun in just
dreaming.
to you in commendation of the
article in a recent isauo, headed "O,
Fudge!" Indeed, languago Is quite
Inadequate when one attempts to
paint such characters properly. When
one considers that every dollar that
goes over the pond in that way, to
finance some bankrupt degenerate or
immoral duke, prince, lord or sneeze
weed, is the product of the Ameri
can laborer's toil and is wrung in
directly if not directly from 4;he men
and women of America, it presents
a shameful situation. Tho com
moners support tno upper crust,
while at the samo time forfeiting
their true title and place to them.
Who are the true aristocrats? Hav
ing failed to receive their title after
400 years of American history, how
long will they continue to struggle
for it? What is the cause of both
anarchy and socialism? I maintain
that the above questions are timely,
intelligent, fair and to the point. I
recently heard a socialist say: "The
democratic party was a great party
in its day, and the republican paTty
party was a great party in its day;
but since its day tho republican
party has done practically nothing
but sit around banquet boards at $5
a plate and boast of Abraham Lin
coln, while the democratic party has
sat around banquet boards at $1 a
plate and boasted of Thomas Jeffer
son." As to the proportionate amount
of true metal and base alloy in tho
above I venture no opinion, further
than to say that if it is true it has
been true long enough and the first
democratic congress- should strip it
of the truth. Tho class of people
mentioned in your article have
"reaped where they have not sown
and gathered where they have not
scattered." Governments are re
sponsible for these conditions. Point
to imperfections of older govern
ments as we will, we aro still re
sponsible for the Morgans, the
Rockefellers, the Carnegies, the
Goulds and the rest of their ilk. On
the day that the wedding bells ring
out the chimes of the union of one
of the "princesses" with her mil
lions to one of those titled snobs,
the factory whiBtle blows at 7 in the
morning for the men who created the
wealth which is there represented,
and they have to ring in about fif
teen minutes early, too, in order to
retain the chance of earning tiie
$1.50 per. I haven't mentioned the
wife who is, or should be, as you
say, the true American princess, but
she may, I hope, speak ere long
through the ballot as well as the
current magazines. F. R. H.
great wealth and gave vast gums to
universities and charities. And men
said ho was successful.
Another man made tho little ones
happy, and widows whom ho helped
in their time of need blessed him in
their prayers. Men turned instinc
tively to him in their troubles, and
his hand was always ready to help
the fallen. Ho accumulated no
wealth and he was unknown to fame.
Men called him a failure.
Howevor, tho final judgment as
between the two men is yet to bo
rendered.
man but got mixed, as usual and
called old Grouchorly a flatheaded
business man."
"What did Grouchorly do?"
"He's called tho engagement off."
At Lcisuro
"Pray who was tho man,"
Somebody inquires,
"Who said In his haste
That all men are liars?"
'Twas David who mado
That wise assorvation.
And, seems to mo, aftor
Duo deliberation.
Political Item
Some rumors having been set
afloat that Senator Graball has ex
ceeded tho limit of campaign ex
penses fixed by tho corrupt practices
act, tho senator invited an examina
tion of his checkbook and banking
account.
tor, to the committee, "you will find
duly entered and itemized every ex
penditure that I have made for tho
past year. I pay everything by
check."
"I seo hero, senator," said tho ex
pert, after an hour or two of care
ful lnvestIgation,"a check for $12,000
drawn to 'self and marked 'charity.'
Will you explain?"
"There is nothing to explain, air,"
said Senator Graball, coldly and with
some disdain. "The item speaks for
itself."
Outside of the ono itom tho com
mittee found nothing unusual. How
ever, one member of the committee
was reminded by tho item of 1st
Peter, 4:8.
Pyrotechnic
"Now thoy claim thnt tho human
body contains sulphur."
"In what amount?"
"Oh, in varying quantities."
"Well, that may account for some
girls making bettor matches than
others." Pittsburg Post.
Great Inventors
Tho man who invented interest.
Tho man who invonted taxes.
The man who invonted statistics.
The man who invented the pay
check.
Tho man who invonted tho 5
o'clock whistle.
Letters From Friends
Philadelphia, Pa'., April 28. I
feel like thanking you for your
article in "Whether Common or
Not" entitled "Oh, Fudge!" I won
der if those sixteen American peer
esses, were they to read your article,
blush that is, in a natural way. A
pity it is that our dailies dare to
print such "rot" because there aTe
enough unreflecting people in these
lands that seem to like it. G. H.
Favorito Books
"D'rl and I" Adolphus Busch.
"The Golden Butterfly" Andrew
Carnegie.
"The Graf ters" William ' Lorl
mer. "Tho Masquerader" John D.
Rockefeller.
"A Day of Fato" Porflrio Diaz.
"Under Two Flags" Nelson W.
Aldrlch.
"Three Weeki" Col. Lafo Young.
"Called Back" Uncle Joe Can
non.
"Ishmael, or Up From the Depths."
Champ Clark.
Sympathetic
"Please, sir, mo mother's cousin
Is t' be burled t'day an' I'd like t'
git off f'r do funoral at 3 o'clock."
"All right, Johnnie. I'm awfully
sorry for you. I'd attend tho funoral
myself if I wero not so busy. I'd
like awfully well to gee Matthowsen
pitch, myself."
Not Ambitions
to marry my
daughter,
"Want
eh?"
"Yes, sir."
"Can you support a family in fairly
good style?"
"I don't want to support tho whole
family, sir. I want to support Mary,
and I can do that all right."
Brain Leaks
Theology has tricked many a man
into disaster.
Flattery is tho food that only
fools feed on.
Tho good things of life aro not
won by worry.
Purchased pleasures aro not al
ways palatable.
Tho school of experience takes its
tuition foe In years.
Hope Is the only safe pilot over a
sea of stormy doubt.
Tho simple things of life aro those
that make it really worth living.
Battle Creek, Mich., April 29.
For about five ears I have been en
Joying the weekly visits of The Com
moner and your own department has
been to me no small part of tho
meritorious matter which fills eacn
Doomed to Failure
"You call this a 'rural drama?'
growled the manager-producer as the
aspiring playwright trembled before
him.
"Yes, sir."
"And there is no mortgage on the
old homestead, no erring daughter,
no blinding snow storm, no old mill
wheel or gangsaw to kill the villain,
no village fool, no gawky sheriff,
no"
At this juncture the miserable
author, realizing his mistake,
grabbed the manuscript and fled.
Verdicts
He exploited the youth of children
for his own profit, took toll from the
widows, exacted usury on all sides,
and bought special legislation that
gave him the power to levy a lax
Seu" Tarn! today "to irtto upon all tte people. He amassed
Sarcastic
"Mr. Grocer," growled Slopaigh,
"that butter you sent me yesterday
was awful strong."
"Well, you see," replied tho gro
cer, "I sent your bill with tho but
ter and It had to be pretty strong to
carry such a heavy load."
Cautious
"What do you claim your place is
worth?" queried the tall stranger,
leaning over tho garden fence.
"Possible purchaser or new tax
assessor?" asked the man with the
hoo.
Doublo Meaning
"Have you bought my last book?"
queried the aspiring author.
"You bet your life I have!"
growled Groucherly.
Our Peculiar Languago
"Count Boni DeFrancais la in
trouble."
"What's tho matter?"
"He tried to tell old Groucherly
that he was a levelheaded business
MAKE-BELIEVE DISCORD
A little south side girl of five
years, named Mary, has two imagi
nary playmates to whom she has
given names and with whom she
passes many an hour in play and
conversation. Ono of the make-believe
children sho calls Helen Kell
ner, although the family knows no
one of that name. The other little
girl's name simply is Marjorie. Mar
jorie is a child of sweet disposition
and gentle ways, with whom Mary
always plays in peace. With Helen
Kellnor the opposite always is true.
When Helen Kollner is the playmate
Mary's mother is sure there will bo
trouble, bickering and discord.
Ono Sunday morning when Mary's
father and mother awoko they heard
an animated conversation going on
in the room where Mary's little bed
Is. Helen Kellner evidently had
made an early morning call, and the
usual row had begun. Mary and tho
imaginary little girl could not agree
as to whether the day was Saturday
or Sunday.
When the father and the mother
caught the drift of the conversation,
Helen Kellner was saying:
"Mary, this is Saturday."
Quickly assuming the other side of
the dual personality, Mary came back
hotly:
"Helen Kellner, you're a liar. This
is Sunday."
So warm did tho controversy bo-t
come that the father and mother
finally felt impelled to suggest break
fast as a means of quieting hostili
ties. Kansas City Star.
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