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'APRIL 7, 1911
The Commoner.
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Srailo and Hustle
When your plans go all awry.
Smile and hustle.
Not a bit of use to cry.
Smile and hustle.
Waste of time to fret and scold;
Brace, and get another hold;
Meet the future brave and bold"
Smile and hustle.
Some big scheme wound up in wreck?
Smile and hustle?
Bad luck smite you in the neck?
Smile and hustle.
Be a man among big men,
Grab a hold and try again,
Spit upon your hands, and then
Smile and hustle.
When a brave man hits the bumps
Smile and hustle.
Then is when he up and humps,
Smile and hustle.
Waste of time to weep and wail,
Just forget that small word "fail,"
Don't moon 'round till you go stale
Smile and hustle.
Everybody has bad luck.
Smile and hustle.
That's the time to show your pluck.
Smile and hustle.
Say, "Hard luck, goodby to you,"
Start off on a' tack that's new,
Keep straight on with purpose true,
Smile and hustle.
uttered. The Architect knows some
thing of the loving sacrifices a step
mother can make. His own mother
died after ho was a man grown, and
after ho and his brother and sister
had fared forth into the world. But
the saintly woman who came into
the old home after the best mother
children ever had answered the call,
kept that home circle together and
made the fireside as warm and as
welcome as it ever had been.
And again the Architect is ready
to scrap every time ho heats a Jibe
at the mother-in-law God bless 'em.
They are about the handiest things
to have about the house on occasion
that a man can find. And after they
have developed into grandmothers
say, aren't they the real goods then?
The Architect rather likes to joke a
bit with his own mother-in-law. but
he'll be golswizzled if he's going to
remain quiet when somebody tries to
work off a "jokelet" that has a sting
in it for the good women who are the
mothers of our wives and the' grand
mothers of our children. When we
are vested with the authority of
making the laws of this country the
first one will be to prohibit the pub
lishing of cruel jokes on stepmothers
and mothers-in-law, and fixing the
penalty for violation at boiling in oil
or drawing and quartering.
A Iiittle Tribute
Messina, O., March 15. To the
'Architect: The other day I hap
pened upon a copy of a so-called
"comic paper" usually found in
barber shops, and in looking through
it saw four or five alleged jokes
based upon the stepmothers of the
country every one of the jokes try
ing to make the point that step
mothers are always cruel selfish and
unkind. As one of the many men
raised by a good stepmother I want
to make a protest, and say something
for the thousands upon thousands of
splendid women who have taken up
the burden of rearing children not
their own and doing all that the
most devoted mothers have done. I
know whereof I speak, for my own
mother died when I was barely five
years old. I can just remember her.
But when I was eight and a little
sister almost six a stepmother came
into our home. She is still in the
land of the living, although father
long since passed away. The best
I can wish for all the boys and girls
of America is that each of them may
have a mother as devoted, as loving
and as kind as my stepmother was,
and is, to myself and my sister.
Sister and I are past middle age now,
and the stepmother is past four
score, but she is still mother and
friend and helper. I think the joke
smiths ought to quit their cruel jibes
at the stepmothers. What do you
think?- W. B, H.
Of course they should! In the
first place there is nothing humorous
about those "stepmother jokes" be
cause they are untruthful and deal
with a subject outside the domain of
real humor. The fact that now and
then there is a cruel stepmother does
not alter the facta. There are cruel
and unnatural mothers, but "mother
hood" Js too sacred to be made a sub
ject of jest. The woman who enters
a home that has been broken, takes
up where another woman has laid
It down the task of rearing little ones
of her own, sacrifices for them, cares
for them, loves them and helps them
such a1 woman is deserving of
every word of praise that can be
O Fudge!
The "society pages" of the -big
dailies of a Sunday or two ago gave
us a lot of fol-de-rol about the com
ing coronation of King George and
Queen Mary of Great Britain. And
among other things we were told
that "sixteen American peeresses"
would be present, and then followed
a description of their "robes and
coronets."
Gee, but there are some things
that weary us and this "American
peeress" rot is one of them. I want
it distinctly understood that the
real, genuine, all-wool-and-yard-wide,
hemstitched, reinforced American
peeresses will not be there when
King George and Queen Mary are
crowned. Not by 'steen thousand
miles.
The greatest American peeress of
the whole bunch will be five thous
and miles from the Court of St.
James on coronation day. She won't
wear a dress with a train so long a
couple of flunkeys will have to carry
it, for her robe will consist of a'
clean calico wrapper, and her coronet
will be the love of a bunch of healthy,
happy, frolicsome kiddies who know
to a certainty that they have the
best little mother in the whole wide
world. She won't be kow-towing
and bowing to a lot of frazzled out
dudes who have descended a long
ways, too from a lot of buccaneers,
but she'll spend the day making a
mighty happy home happier, and
instead of dancing before the king
she will fix up an appetizing supper
for a tired but wholly satisfied hus
band and have it smoking hot on
the table wheii he arrives from the
office after a hard day's work. "Six
teen American peeresses" at the coro
nation of George and Mary! Fudge!
Also heck! There'll be sixteen
American girla there who have
traded off their daddies' gold dollars
for the privilege of wearing a tar
nished title conferred on them by
the process of barter and sale by six
teen scions of a washed-out nobility.
As women and as wives they aren't
worthy to unlace the shoes of any
one of a million American wives and
mothers who have made happy homes
for upstanding, self-respecting, in
dustrious American mechanics.
"Sixteen American peeresses" in
their "robes and coronets!" Wouldn't
that Jar your grandma's preserves?
Sixteen silly, ambitious, addlopatcd
American girls who have sold them
selves, and for what? For worso
than slavery.
Unprejudiced
"I think Uncle Sam ought to In
terfere In that Mexican trouble and
restore poaco," remarked tho fat man
on tho end seat.
"What business has Uncle Sam got
interfering?" queriod the slim man,
who was crowded up into tho corner.
"It's his business to preserve
peace on this continent," growled the
fat man. "There's bloodshed and
riot and anarchy going on down
there, and an attempt being made to
overthrow a republic. Uncle Sam
ought to stop it."
"Got any interests down there?"
asked the slim man.
"Sure!J' exclaimed tho fat man.
"I got a big concession and a pot of
money invested down there."
"That's what I thought," mut
tered the slim man. "It beats all
.how interested some folks are in
peace when it's their dollars balanced
against the lives and liberties of an
oppressed people."
Whereupon there ensued a long
period of silence save for tho clankty
clank of the car wheels.
Tho Ofllco Boy Says
Do guy wot's alius braggin erbout
his honesty is a mighty good guy t'
keep yer eye on if ye do any bizness
wit' him.
All de doit I gits on me han's
won't hurt none. It's de doit a feller,
gets on his heart dat puts him on
de bum.
It's a mighty mean boss dat takes
his grouch out on his woikmen.
De religious trac' don't make much
noise alongside a stomik dat is hol
lerin' f'r help.
O course I kin drink or let it
alone, jus' as I please. But wouldn't
I be mighty foolish if I didn't please
t' let it alone?
Ultimate Results
"There's a heap of difference be
tween being an aviator and being a
'highflyer,' " remarked the wise guy.
"But the results are the same
when the machine fails," said tho
man who had done a little highflying
in his time and is now engaged in
picking up the pieces.
Limerick
There was a man named Hendershot
Who had a very tender spot
For those who'd fight
As best they might,
No matter to good end or not.
Brain Leaks
When a man begins to worry he
begins to weaken.
Advice never appeases the appe
tite of a hungry man.
What we want and what we need
are often vastly different.
We get small credit for bearing
the crosses we manufacture for our
selves. We'd go a long ways to see an old
fashioned grandmother knitting a
pair of wool socks.
A city man's "back to the farm"
fever usually subsides after he has
spaded up a radish bed in the back
yard.
A law against dealing in futures,
and well enforced, would compel
some churches to get down to earth
for a while.
Tho small boy who used to be the
first to go baTOfooted in the spring
Is now the man who usually siezes
the first opportunity that comes his
way..
Wear This Stylish Suit!
'xno man un u iwimiroi i mo rmeii.
drvaoctl rann wnoao alothra nre faahloa
able, and are 1H1I atyir.
You wUl bf Hint mnti In yoh
aetgliliorlfdt An all-wool, tal lor
Biauo rnit or Hwny iau Jironaway
cletliM nwalt tlio tint man In yon
noiahborioou who nniwftni tHVi
aprlngnnneunccmont. lDUntvlM
ore Justin. "You rutthlaHult
tlio fiwolloct. cI&Aslcnt. ftnaDtlft
ty wo orercronlod and totter
your nppcArnncol Tbla li oot
Idea: H want ont mau Mmtrreprv
MBUUtt la yoar 1(botooc
Yoa'ra rot a lot of frtond. They
wearclstfcaa. It I tha eaSat thin
In tha world to rt thtai to order thtlf
elottiM from TMU Prle, IT.H) and tip.
The orders fnean a Ml baita that
More tkaa aoaMt roar alary, and tha
work It tha aiet, ctanM, nieoat oeeay
tlon In tho world. Vw nrprtwnUtWi
tnakaffitotlOaday. Yon almfir tak U
ordr and rntaiaraaianU and mall taam to or.
W raakatha cloth, chip thaai on appr'l
to your friend and hanl ye Ua yraat
Moacy. A lUnlar Olscfal That'a lha
tMaatTofbelnrlnbatlntwfaryettrMlL Bit
right dowtvaew: wrIU u a U1 or a Uta
for ttielraa outfit to rprnuillvt. And 709
rttaawlIctfultof UthlonabUUIlor-mada,
all-wool, 19 1 1 etotaca evar warn f a yaar Mitfa
feorheed. Ifyoaryaneaalaataaraeeaaad'a
Mar bmiaaaa la worth a txxUl or a So atara
to too. UMa aet imr wrlta tu today iddraa
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M. 0. Haskell, Vice President.
M. C Sells, Cashier.
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