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'AUGUST If, 1810
The Commoner.
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Wom&rs Crowning Glory
She was lithe, petite and dainty,
"With complexion clear and fair;
And she had that crowning glory
Of a woman gleaming hair.
But she could not he contented
"With the locks of Nature's gift,
So she sought a swell hairdressers
Just to giye her looks a lift.
And that swell hairdresser fixed it
with a' little bunch of jute, worked
' in puffs and ringlets cute; piled
them on her silly caput and. she
' thought herself a "beaut."
' 'First she brushed the gleaming
, . tresses
Till they waved about her face;
Then phe took a peck of hairpins
" Aimed to hold the hair in place.
After which, with much painstaking,
Out of wire lying by
She began to lay foundation
For hair bunches mountain high.
.Yea, that most expert hairdresser
. " . made a frame of wire slats, like a
'J prison built for rats, and piled jute
and hair around it with about a
million pats.
Then she made some corkscrew
' 1 ringlets
YOut of jute scraps that were left,
. And proceeded to apply them
". In a manner quick and deft.
Then above the whole creation
"; She stuck on with glowing pride
A be-ribboned and be-flowered
1 Hat with brim some four feet wide.
u- Then this sweet, top-heavy maiden
fwith-hfiii-wad-ait. phoney hair., -took-
,t a-, stroll to get the air, thinking.
t xnai rue ioir. who saw ner tnougnt
her hair was on the square.
Still With Us
The old protectionist who thinks
that if the tariff is only high enough
it will make wool grow on the back
o'f a1 hydraulic ram.
The would-be-goods who will
not take part in the primaries and
then complain that "politics is
rotten."
The grafter who thinks that di
viding the swag through charitable
channels will condone the crime.
The multi-millionaires who love
to prate about the "blessings of
poverty."
The philanthropists who can
hear the cry of distress of those ten
thousand miles away, but can not
hear the bitter wail of starving wom
en and children in the same city
with them.
The blind partisans who believe
that a man. who owes his govern
ment position to the Influence of the
trusts can be trusted to safeguard
the interests of the people.
The exploiter who lives off the
toil of others and spend their time
talking about the dignity of labor.
x The reformer who insists upon
reforming everybody but himself.
light of John D. Wells' smiles, cr
listening to the good ones from the
lips of Cy Warman and Strickland
Gillilan and George Ado and Tom
Daley and Jud Lewis, and all the
rest of 'em. It wasn't lack of funds,
either, that kept us here, because
that part had been pretty well pro
vided for. It was just our luck to
be caught in such shape that we
couldn't get away dog gone it!
But here's hoping that the boys and
their good wives will have the time
of their lives, and that when the as
sociation meets next year they'll all
bo there again, and this unfortunate
member with 'em, accompanied by
the missus. We'll live in hopes until
next August, anyhow.
Adam and "Us"
Whatever trouble Adam had,
No man could make him sore
By saying, when he told a jest,
"I've heard that joke before."
Success Magazino. ,
Whatever troubles Adam missed,
This must have made him sore
When he and Mother Eve fell out
He couldn't slam the door.
Birmingham Age-Herald.
Whatever troubles Adam bore,
He never had to grieve
Because a woman lived next door
Who coaxed the cook from Eve.
Chicago Record-Herald.
iWhatQyjer.troubles Adam Jaad, , .
Ho was a lucky man,
He was not nightly told to dump
The ice box water pan.
Detroit Free-Press.
Whatever troubles Adam had,
With cooks, and doors, and jokes,
Eve never claimed that she was glad
'Cause Cain looked like her folks.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Whatever troubles Adam had,
No one of sense believes,
That fashions ever bothered him
The people wore fig leaves.
Des Moines Capital.
Whatever troubles Adam had,
With earth and sea and sky,
He never starved because the cost
Of living was too high.
Omaha World-Herald.
Whatever troubles Adam had,
He never had the blues
From paying off the monthly bills
For grub and clothes and shoes.
Greetings
While we sit here in a sweltering
office, grinding out space fillers at
so much per, a lot of fellow workers,
members of the American Press Hu
morists' Association, like ourself, are
galivanting around Montreal, skim
ming the rapids of the St. Lawrence,
climbing the hills of Quebec and sip
ping pink lemonade from tall glasses
on the porches of the swell hotels
amidst the Thousand Islands. And
it's awfully hard to sit here and
grind while our thoughts are with
the jolly bunch In Canada. How
-we'd like to be basking in the sun-
Old Dan Rice
J. H. Myers of Rochester, N. T.,
noting J. J. Blunk's query concern
ing the last resting place of Dan
Rice, writes as follows:
"Dan Rice's old horn and burial
place is Girard, Erie county, Pa.,
about fifteen miles southeast of
Erie, Pa."
Many Thanks
The thanks of the compiler of this
department are due to the following
for copies of old songs:
R. L. Smith, Santa Ana, Calif.,
"The Model Church."
Miss Mildred Perry, Holloway, lot.,
"Pass Under the Rod."
"A Friend," "Old Black Joe."
And heartfelt thanks are due, and
are hereby extended, to the hun
dreds of kind friends who have writ
ten charming letters in response to
requests for favorite songs and sto
ries. Theso letters, or portions of
them, will bo printed from time to
time, but tho compiler can not re
sist the temptation to tender his
thanks for tho kind words and unde
served compliments contained in
of them.
If this department of Tho Com
moner gives a tithe of tho pleasure
to its readers that tho compiler gets
out of tho letters from his unknown
and .far-distant friends, then wo aro
well content.
Brain Leaks
Tho man who achieves his ideals
really ought to have higher ones.
Perhaps you have noted that a lot
of men who aro so deeply interested
concerning our national resources
never make an offort to consorvo
their own.
Tho avorago man can not remem
ber tho birth dates of his children,
but ho can instantly tell you tho date
the homo team returns from its
round of tho circuit.
Tho worst never really happens.
Some people wo know who flee to I
tno mountains in summer to escape
the heat ought to remain at home
and accustom themselves to it.
Really thero should bo no punish
ment for the crime of punching the
fellow who comes back and tells you
what a fine vacation trip ho just
had, knowing full well that you can
not tako one this summer.
Tn Missouri
Funny things happen at the Mis
souri state prison at Jefferson City.
Several years ago the warden discov
ered an illicit still inside the walls,
convicts making their own whisky.
Later he discovered a counterfeiting
plant. Now comes word that the
prison authorities have opened a bar
ber shop, employing convicts to com
pete with the free barbers of the
city.
You can find almost any kind of a
"skin game" at tho Missouri prison,
it seems.
Misunderstood
"I thought you told me BIngerly
had bought a flying machine."
"No; I said that BIngerly was a
high-flyer."
Matter of Pnnctnation
"Is Bjinks a periodical drunkard?"
"Indeed he Is not. Bjinks is a
commacal drunkard he never comes
to a full stop in his dissipation."
HELD THE WINNING HAND
Senator Overman said the other
day of a defeated bill:
"It deserved to be defeated. It
was as irregular as tho tin can poker
game. A man, describing- this game,
said:
" 'One-Eyed Bones, on niy right,
held four kings and an ace. Two
Fingered Schermerhorn, on my left,
held four aces and a king
" 'And you what did you hold?
gome ono asked excitedly.
" 'I, being the coroner, held the
inquest was tho reply." Washing
ton Star.
SOCIAL EVENTS .
Mr. Browning (pompously)
"This is a great day for us at home.
My daughter comes out tonight."
Mrs. Diggle (surprised) "Yon
don't say so, mister? So does my
'usband; 'e's been in for a month."
The Tattler.
IN JUNE
First Beggar "What are yon do
ing hero, Pete? I thought your stand
was on the bridge."
Second Beggar "Oh, I gave that
to my son as a,,wedding present."
Meggendorfer iBlaettqr.
Watch Folly
and
Watch Wisdom
WJEXCIKT
Make Ij Ymur Mind hhA A fit
jgagSjflHfefcew
A watch that keep Umo 1 doing It fall
duty no watch can possibly do more than
that. Wo aro spreading, n vigorously a
wo cad, a now gospel of ecoHemy In
-watch buying.
Tho INOKKSOLL-TRENTON Id a time
keeper mechanically perfect, wonder
fully accurate, bcaut'ful to see. pleasant te
carry. It Is a watch of character, durable
and dependable. We build It by Um moot
approved methods of modorn watch mak
ing, noil It only through reliable Jewelers
and attach to It the full guarantee of eur
house. And yet the price of tlte rNOKR-SOLIi-TJVBNTON.
Jewelled with seven
Jewels and timed, to Um second, to enly t
7, or I, according to the eaae you seteet;
thejewelled movement Is the same at all
three prices.
Ifamaa has "money to burn" It may tee
all right for him to pay a big price for a
good watch; Jf ho hasn't Jf hi Income bs
moderate If he want to save without rao
rifldng the qiittlitr of hi timepiece he
will be wlso to buy an INQEnSOLD.
TJtENTON, and foolish to pay inoro Uuva
tho INQKIISOLI-TRKNTON price
Saggrstloii-tfo (oyour Jewel
er and tako a look at tills watch.
It will mnko you" want to take
tho watch Itself. And If you do
tako It you will bo glad you read
tills advertisement and followed,
this suggestion.
We are sending out INaERSOLI-TrtKN-TON
booklet, on request, to thousand of
inquirers. Want ono? All wo need t your
address.
Robt H. Ingersoll & Bro.
119 Frankel Bldg., New York
DONT PAY TWO PRICES
FOR STOVES KAJMCS
Yoa Bare UMM te tmM am
Hoosier
Ranges
Heaters
WhyaeibsytbefcestirlMa)
yo east bey them at mkm.mv,
unjiearo-ot factory room.
jj Booster Steel
HamIm Btarraa aad TtanrntT
A 1 vhwI t or tim o Baa ia TMT
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa OWB BOBM SS OA7S ires B I
Ta bay. A written roaraatee wltu eaeu ww
Uefce&byaJUmeaDojkrs. Our sew Mil lawere
seest en stores absolutely sereus aaytfefag vrer
.yeodaeed. tH4aa4rif4ayfer free
- BOOSEEJt STOVE FACTORY
Slate Street. Maries, fadwaesr
ASTHMA
CTJKK seat by express to yea cm
Free Trial. If It cures send f J: ff
not. don't Give ex Dress esse
Xatlesal Chemical Co. 719 Ohio Ave., Sidney. O.
PATENTS "JSSlSSff
Free report as to Patentability. Illustrated aside
Hook, and List of Inventions Wanted, sent free.
YXCTOJC J. EVAKS CO., Washing.. D.CC
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