AUGUST 6. 1910
13
who suspended publication becauso
of lack of funds, and who started tho
paper up again six months later for
the same reason.
Thoro are a lot of country news
paper men who will see the joke.
THE EVIDENCE LOCATED
"Did you sweep your room,
Bridget?"
"Faith an' I did, mum. If ycx
don't bcliovo me, look under tho
bed' Life.
The Commoner.
Concerning Undo Joe
"You have got t6 take the tariff,"
says our jolly Undo Joe;
"Gulp it down, hook, bob and sinker,
for the trusts must have the dough.
And the trusts will always cough up
for tho trusty G. O. P.
"When the bosses need the money
that's the secret, don't you see?"
And the trusts in drugs and rope,
wool and cotton, oil and rope,
Say that Uncle Joe's a dandy with
the proper kind of dope.
"I insist," says Uncle Joseph, "that,
tho Aldrich tariff law
Is the top-notch legislation, quite
tho best you ever saw.
And the men who dare deny it are
but traitors deep at heart
Who should have in legislation not
the smallest kind of part."
And the trusts in tin and shoes, rub
ber, meat, and rotten booze,
Say that Uncle Joe's a dandy with
tho sanest kind of views.
"All these men," says Uncle Joseph,
as he chews his rank cigar,
"I" denounce as demagogic, and we
all know who they are.
They are enemies of progress, wild
fanatics, brainless chumps,
And we purpose seeing to it that they
get their proper bumps."
And the trusts in sugar, brass, lum
ber, copper, tar and glass,
Say that Uncle Joe's a dandy with a
talk that's real high class.
"Those insurgents are muckrakers,"
says our jolly Uncle Joe,
"And are democrats at bottom, as
each patriot should know.
They would ruin our institutions,
wreck the good old ship of state,
By destroying our old party for
which trusts still pay the freight."
And the trusts in grain and bread,
wire, coke, and coal and lead,
. Say that Uncle Joe's a dandy with a
mighty level head.
not until we had accosted several
excited citizens that wo learned the
facts.
"Why," gasped one hurrying man
as he paused and caught his breath
while satisfying our curiosity, "we've
just got a dispatch from Washington
giving the returns of the census of
this here town, and now we are go
ing to lynch the traitor that took
the census."
Advlco
Go to tho ant, thou sluggard;
Consider hor ways and bo wise.
If you don't you'll visit your uncle
Whom threo golden balls advertise.
PATENTS
Life
A littlo grief, and much of joy
Marks every day.
A wealth of love without alloy,
Along life's way.
A little toil, a little pain,
The, glint of sun, the welcome rain,
And then comes night.
A peaceful rest at set of sun,
A welcome home when work is done,
And life's all right.
A time to meet, a time to part;
Friends come and go.
Hand clasping hand, heart heats to
heart,
Comes joy, comes woe.
The radiant light of clear blue skies,
The welcome gleam in children's
eyes,
Make hearts grow light.
A Jmttle won for those loved best,
And troubles faced with merry jest,
And lifo's all' right.
One of tho Fishermen
A contributor who declines to al
low the use of his name, but who
admits a weakness for rod and reel,
sends this one in and says that it
struck him as being about the fun
niest one he ever heard:
A fisherman whipping a stream
finally came to a point where a high
wall came down close to the banks,
throwing a grateful shade over a
likely looking spot for angling. Sud
denly he was startled by hearing a
voice from the rear:
"Hullo, down there."
Looking over his shoulder the
angler saw a man peering over tho
wall and grinning a friendly if
somewhat vacant grin.
"Hello," replied the angler.
"What yer doin' down there?"
queried the man on the wall.
"Fishing."
"Gettin' any bites?"
"No, I haven't had a single nib
ble, my friend."
"How long you been flshin'?"
"O, four or five hours."
"You'd better come on in then,
'cause this is the insane asylum,"
shouted the man on tho wall.
Accomodated
"My name is Smithers,"' airly an
nounced the gentleman who had been
ushered into the office of the general
passenger agent of the. P., D. & Q,
railroad.
"Glad to meet you, sir," said the
G. P. A. "What can I do for you?"
"I'm thinking of taking a little
trip, and as I am a man of great
influence in my community I thought
I'd just drop In and get a pass over
your road."
"Just take the Tenth street via
duct, sir," said the G. P. A. "That's
the only thing that goes over this
road without paying since the anti
pass law waB enacted."
WntMn V., Ctalrmn,
1'iitrnt l-UTvycr,Wfuiilinjion,
J).('. Ailvlcvanribookairc.
Ilatcn reasonable. Highest rvferoucrs. Ucst service,
MY OLD OHIO HOME
In tho dear Miami Valley, there's a
little cottago home;
I can see those hills and valleys
where in childhood I did roam,
With ray brothers, sisters, gay, romp
ing, laughing all the day,
In my childhood's happy home so
far away
On a hill-side stands tho cottage, and
the river ripples by,
Whore tho golden hearted daisies
turn their faces to tho sky;
There the' robins sweetly sing as they
build their nests in spring,
In the dear Miami Valley far away.
Round the old piano gathered; oh,
tho picture ne'er grows dim,
I can see those happy faces, hear
them sing their evening hymn,
In tho old accustomed place, I can
see my mother's face,
As she kissed us all good-night when
pray'rs were naid-r-Far
from the old home I've wandered
and the days have glided by,
But the sacred mem'ry lingers and I
often long and sigh,
Just to live thosa old days o'er, be a
boy at homo once more,
In the dear Miami Valley far away.
My heart is in Ohio, my childhood's
happy home;
My heart Ib in Ohio, wherever I may
roam;
And my eyes aro blind with tears
when I think of bygone years
In the dear Miami Valley far, far
away.
Official Bulletin Ohio Depart
ment of Agriculture.
ACTUUM Cl.TtK wilt by cxprciw to yon on
HJ I ItfflM rrcn Trial.
not. don't.
If It cure aonc! II; If
dive oxprnw nfllft
National Chcinlcnl Co.. 713 Ohio Ave.. 8ldno,0.
A W F7 V rW ST hkci;icki on fk'k
Free rrport a to J'jiteiitnlilllty. Jlluitrntrxl (luld
Hook, and I .tot nf Invention" Wnntcd. sent tree.
VIOTOlt J. KVAN.S A CO., Wasliliiirtnri. D.O
HlIOItTJIANDln rnvnn Icwwni. First lrwwm
free. Txt book Mc. Mnll ronmo $.1. Shortcut and
beat nyirtem. VMU UAI'll CO., OumliK, Net),
CORN
ilmtttttt with Hinder Attachment
cult and Ibiow In piles on rurretter
or wlntOMf. Maa and hart cum and
inrvrkt equal "till a torn liinutr.
Sold In every tte. I'rke l20lih Illmler Attachment. S.C.
MONTGOMURY, olTeiallne, Tea., wrilest The barretter
hat proven all j-qu claim for It. With the anlttince of one
man cut anil bound over 100 acre of Corn. Kaffir Corn and
Maize latt year." Tcttlmnntatt and ratalo? tree, hulnr
picture of harvrttet. HKW I'KOCKM liru.lOMHaHaa, Kan.
It 1h tlic bent policy holder's com
pany in tho United States.
ASSETS, $3,700,000
Twcnty-thrco yearn old. Write
The Old Line Bankers Life
LIhcoIr, Nebraska
ASTH IV1 A
yield toflclontlflc treatment; no nnwdarn, no
Ktnokn, no douche. Thin Is "different." Bend
j for booklet "Froo Air" to Dept. N,
HENRI MILLAR REMEDY COMPANY,
214 SI, Helens Avenue, Tacoma, Vaihlngten
Epistolary
A Lincoln man who is just now
keeping bachelor's hall while the
wife and children are in the coun
try, is carrying around the following
letter received from one of the
kiddies:
"Dear Pappa, we Are having a
good time up Here we miss the dog.
when are You coming up? So no
more at present your loving dauter."
Just Talk
He said he'd love to gaily reap
The waving fields of grain;
To mow the hay and stow away
In. safety from tho rain.
He talked about the harvest song
From early dark to dawn
But I took note it was hla wife
"Who mowed and raked the lawn.
TRY AGAIN
Two young ladies boarded a
crowded tramcar and were obliged
to stand. One of them, to steady
herself, took hold of what she sup
posed was her friend's hand. They
had stood thus for some time, when,
on looking down, sho discovered that
she was holding a man's hand. Great
ly embarrassed, sho exclaimed:
"Oh, I've got the wrong hand!"
Whereupon the man, with a smile,
stretched forth his other hand, Bay
ing: "Here is tho other one, miss."
Tit-Bits.
Revenge! I
No sooner had we arrived in the
town than we noticed a crowd surg
ing down tho main street, running,
milling, yelling and shouting. Nat
urally we were curious to know the
cause of the excitement, but it was
Corrected
"Did I understand you to have
said that Bjones was going to take
a trip in an airship?"
"Not quite. I said that he was
so empty headed that if he took off
his shoes he'd fifiat away."
A Keen One
While attending the national con
vention at Omaha of the Associated
Ad Clubs of America, Governor
Eberhard of Minnesota said he pnee
knew a country newspaper editor
APPMED HISTORY
First Professor "My dear col
league, I'm a little puzzled. When
did the first Peloponneslan war be
gin?" Second Professor "431 B. C."
First Professor "Quito right,
quite right. That Is the number of
my doctor's telephone. I was to call
him up and tell him my wife is sick."
Fllegende Blaetter.
THE EVENING HUSH
"That deaf mute says he is certain
his love is not reciprocated."
"Why? Because of his affliction?"
"No, the girl is a deaf mute, too.
But she always turns out the light
when he calls in tho evening."
Brooklyn Life.
ARTISTIC
Mr. Blinks (in art museum) "I
didn't know you were such an ad
mirer of curios, Mrs. Blunderby."
Mrs. Blunderby "Oh, yes, In
deed; I just delight in iniquities."
Boston Transcript.
Ik Mr Must Bettfl
in all diseases of the Kldneys.Blad
dcr. 1,1 ver and Digestive organs,
including Rheumatism, or the
treatment will be an experiment,
I test urine Free. Mailing Case
for urine sent on request. Cos
saltation and opinion free.
DR. J. V. SHAVER, Opedallst.
214 1'cnn Avenue, Pittsburg, Fa.
THE
GUARANTY STATE BANK
has depositors in every state of the
union In the Interests of sound
and safe banking1 you should be one
of them. In the interests of your
self and dependents your money
should be placed where It Is secured.
TYc share our success with our
customers. Among our assets aro
strength, conservatism and liber
ality, threo Important factors to
consider.
Send tor Booklet.
M. a HASKELL, V. P.
9IUSKOCI2B, OKLA.
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