V -
The Commoner.
JULY 29, 1910'
13
you a letter now. Here's hoping your
old pipe keeps going for many years
to come. W. M. M.)
Satisfaction
Guaranteed
d B!Pll,,ino!lorf(fft
Ji M
Locating tlio Blame
Each morn he perched . beforo tho
bar
And gulped his liquor down,
And 'twixt each drink he'd say, "I
think
The fates upon me frown."
He'd say Dame Fortune passed him
by
And made him good jobs lose;
He blamed each day that slipped
away
But he never blamed the booze.
From off the cool, enticing stein
He'd blow the creamy foam,
And 'twixt each daught he cursed the
"graft"
That robbed the kids at home.
"My kids in rags, my wife forlorn,"
He sighed' midst many a tear,
"And I could name the trusts to
blame"
But he never blamed the beer.
"Here's to you, pal!" he would ex
claim Some seven times an hour,
And 'twixt each drink he'd say, "I
think
The trusts are sure in power.
They rob our children of their grub,
Their shoes are torn and thin;
The trust's to blame for all our
shame"
But he never blamed the gin.
"The trusts have got us by the
throat,"
Full of I've heard him say;
"They reign in state while we must
wait
Their pleasure every day."
He blamed them for his rotten luck,
He blamed them low and high;
With glass held tight he blamed them
right
But he never blamed the rye.
At- home his wife and little ones
In hunger, rags and tears,
Knew well the cause of all things
was
The bourbon, gin and beers.
They knew just where to lay the
blame
For lack of food and shoes;
For lack of clothes and hunger's
woes-
And they just blamed the booze.
Squelched
A Cheerful Letter
Moorland, la., July 10. Friend
Bill: I see on page 12 of The Com
moner where you try to tickle us old
codgers under the chin, trying to
draw us out of our contented seclu
sion. O, lawsy, Bill! How you
would like to be a boy again. Let's
look over the past a bit and see if
it's really worth while being a boy.
Do you want to know my favorite
song? Well, your Uncle Joe will
tell you what his favorite is, and how
and where he first heard it. Your
reminders of the old-time Fourth of
July resurrected it all today when I
was reading of those old times of
long ago. Yes, indeed, I remember
the desire to be a tenor, drummer;
and I got there, too. More than
once I came in on the evening of
the Fourth with fingers blistered
from welting that calfskin. Lawsy,
how I liked to do it! And how I'd
like to do it again! The good old
life and drum say, Bill, your
Uncle Joe has played his share of
drum music alongside the brass
horns, but it's all no good alongside
the stirring martial music of the old
days. Say, Bill, you haven't any
business working us old bald or gray-
headed men up to any such pitch. !
Cripes Maria, you've got mo yoked
up on the wrong side. I wouldn't
care a rap, though, if I knew any
thing about writing. (Wait till I
light my pipe) Mother has just
asked: "Pap, what's up; you look
excited?" And I says: "Ma, you
just lay it all to Bill. Here he's
gone and stirred me up, and all just
to see me play the part of a boy
again." But, Billiara, you have clean
forgotten to mention the big hoop
skirts and shaker bonnets which were
a part of the togs belonging to the
women folks in the old days. And
you didn't tell how wo all went down
to the swimming hole on tho evening
of the Third to really take a for-sure
bath before we donned our best duds
on the morning of the Fourth. This
time, you mind, we took along some
soap got it out'n mother's barrel.
But say, Bill, I was going to tell you
about songs, wasn't I? Well, I got
the cart ahead of the horse, but I
don't give a rap about that, as it's
all good going. In those old days
we had some real good songs; good
enough for anybody. One was "My
Willie's on the Dark Blue Sea." How
we would make that old school house
ring! I'll mention only one more
the best your Uncle Joe ever heard.
It was "Joe Bowers." The first time
I heard that song I was the happiest
boy alive. It was sung in ol' Dan
Rice's circus at St. Louis in 1860.
But that part cuts no ice here. This
Is what does cut the ice, however.
I was on the show grounds without
the price. Rags and old iron were
long since all sold. Old Dan had a
trick of his own he would gather
up all of the boys and take them
in to see the show. He took a bunch
of. us in through the rear end of the
tent, some twenty of us, and seated
us all in a row on the ground where
we could see it all. Said he: "Sit
down, boys and be good." That lit
tle turn put Dan Rice uppermost in
my mind. I thought him the best
man in the world, and I haven't
changed my mind on that score from
that day to this.. It was then that
the clown sung "Joe Bowers," and
I'd walk twenty miles any day to
cast a friendly rock on ol' Dan Rice's
grave. May God be as good to ol'
Dan as ol' Dan was to us boys. Tell
me, where do Dan's bones lie? A
man as good as Dan Rice will never
kick up any row in heaven. Now,
Bill, I'd like tarnal well to tell you
what happened to your Uncle Joe
away back fifty years ago when the
Prince of Wales visited St. Louis, but
I'll not do it now. Maybe I've said
more than I ought. Say, friend Bill,
let's go fishing! They are pulling
Just as hard as they did when you
and I were boys but maybe not
quite so often. Come on, Bill!
J. J. BLUNK.
(I'll tell you later where Dan Rice
is buried; I don't know now. I never
saw Dan Rice, but I can remember
Yankee Robinson, and how he used
to send complimentary tickets to all
the preachers in the towns where he
pitched his tents. I remember that
because father was a preacher and
he used the tickets, too. Mighty
glad I stirred you up, Uncle Joe. Get
the bait can filled; I'm liable to be
over there 'most any old time. Get
out the old drum, too. I can't toot
a fife, but I can wristlo on my fingers
as good as I could forty years ago
and I was some whistler then, too.
Old hoop skirts! I can just remem
ber them but I'm not going to write
"I see," remarked the boarder who
inclined to statistics, "that the prune
crop this year will be "
"Mr. Addcrly," interrupted the
landlady, "I've not had time to add
up the prune crop figures, but I have
here a little column of figures which
reveals the fact that you have not
paid"
At this point, however, the statis
tical boarder discovered that ho was
already late at tho office.
Useless
Each morning he rose and he waited
To see if his ship would come in;
He looked for the sails or tho funnels
Through glasses befogged by
cheap gin.
All day he stood 'round while waiting
To welcome his ship from afar,
Forgetful that long since tho vessel
Lay wrecked on a well polished
bar.
Your Funniest Story
What is the funniest story you
ever heard? We want to know, so
write it out and send it in. Some
of these days pretty soon, when the
big boss is not watching, wo arc go
ing to steal a couple of pages of Tho
Commoner and print a lot of them.
Come on with your stories.
BALE 3 TONS AN HOUR
onHlly (i ml safely with nn Auto-Fodan
Hay ProflM. Only two men required to
run It, thus wiving one-third tho cont of
labor. Theri'V nothing complicated to
break and KCt out of order. Tlirec
Ntroke, Mclf-ferd. Easy draft. Hinooth,
neat biilcB. Shipped on trial to ronpon
Hlblo partleH. Semi for freo catalog 33.
TIIK AUTO-FKIMN HAY I'lltiMH CO.,
irU3 W. littli .St., KmiNHN City, Mo.
Meterologicttl
"Gee, but it's getting dry In this
section."
"Oh, I don't know. I just had a
little business with Jimpsen and he
soaked mo proper."
Brain. Leaks
The prize for the race is at the
end of the course.
The right made by might usually
gets left in the end.
Good time to save Up money for
the winter's coal bills.
The older we get the harder it is
to make a train without worrying.
The temperature may be greatly
modified by keeping mentally cool.
We are very apt to dub. as crank
the man who has ideas differing from
our own.
Honesty is the best policy, but the
honesty that has its source in policy
is dishonesty.
A lot of people who think they are
"live wires" are really not connected
up with anything.
We always feel near to nature
while browsing in the juicy heart of
a lucious watermelon.
This is the season of the year when
the city man is not so enthusiastic
about "getting back to the land."
Honestly now, if you think your
name is in the paper don't you keep
right on hunting until you find it?
About the time the strong man is
boasting loudest of his strength some
thing happens to make him holler
for help.
It seems that when Johnson
knocked Jeffries over the ropes he
also knocked prize fighting in this
country out of existence.
A great many men who deplore
the tendency to teach children idle
ness are more Interested In the pos
sible profits than In tho welfare of
the children.
A GRADUAL REDUCTION
An old gentleman ' accustomed to
walk around St. James Park every
day, was once asked by a friend if
he still took his usual walk.
"No, sir," replied the old man, "I
can not do as much now. I can. not
get around the park. I only go half
way around and back again."
Housekeeper.
THE
GUARANTY STATE BANK
ban depositors In every ntato of tho
union In tho Intcrcflts of nound
and safo banking you Hhould bo ono
of them. In tho IntoroHtH of your
Hclf and dependents your money
should be placed where It In Bccured.
Wo Hharc our hucco.hu with our
cuntomors. Amonj? our auetH aro
strength, conBcrvatimn and liber
ality, three Important factora to
connidcr.
Send fur Ilouklci.
M. G. HASKELL, V. P.
MUSKOGISC, OICLA.
Don't Wear a Truss
PmPE? STUARTS
w00
'tfUrrra
Pii2
STUARTS PUS TR PADS redlrrt
Ilia i-MNIul Wu. Ix-ltu iuad1
llirttt purfxiwhr lohoM tho
iular la place wllboat ttrssi,
uekies or intic ftuinoi flip.
iffy' ftgaliiit (lie jwlrlo bone. Tb
. html f.kiliml.MiM nA In Id. nr(
CTOflh li'iiuf. Tbuiand hare
uceetifully trtil") theninrlirts wllbaul
hindrance from work. Soft a itlfrttj to
apulr UrxptBilf. PrnceMof cure It natural,
o no further um for truer. We nrora wbat ws
lUlAl if im iniA ay brnudlnn youTrUl cf I'lapao
iniAL Or rLArAlf a)utuicl yUEK. WrlUnueeoa
coupon and mall TO I) AT. Addrraa
PLAPAO LABORATORIES, Block 54, St. Louis, Mo.
Kama ,
Addrtu, ,,,.., ,
lUtura malt will brine tt trial Flapao.,
STACK COVERS; FULL WEIGHT CANVAS
12x18 ft., 8 ounco durk, $ 4.40;
14x20 ft., 8 ounce duck, fl.M);
14x24 ft, 8 ounco duck,
10x21 ft, 8 on licet duck,
18x21 ft, 8 ounco duck,
20x30 ft, 8 ounco duck.
10 ounco duck, t U.U)
10 ounco duck, 7.7ft
10 ounco duck,
10 ouiroduck,
10 ounco duck,
10 ounco duck.
0.M
11.00
12.2S
10.75
7.76;
8.!W;
10.00;
13.00;
Other wlzos In same proportion. I'lfty koo1 xccond
hnnd family compnrttnont tonlH, C ft wiill, com
plete, for sale cheap. And now tontfl of everv de
scription. D. M. KKKK AIl'G. COi, X0O7 W.
Mndisou St., Chicago, 111.
T;IMuaa
AGKNT8 1CAKN J7G to ITT) n month stflllnir
Novelty Knives. Wades, razor steel. Hlx months'
guarantee. Handles decorated with name, address,
lodffo emblems, trado dwlens, personal photo, or
pictures of Bkyah md other celebretlcs. Groat
seller. Jltg commission. Wrlto quick for territory
Novelty Cutlery Co., 68 Bar St., Canton, O.
ASTHMA
yields to scientific treatment; no powdere.no
smoke, no douches. This Is "different" Bend
for booklet "Freo Air" to Dept N,
HENRI MILLAR REMEDY COMPANY,
214 St. Helens Avenue, Tacoma, Washington ;
WESHIPonIPPROVIL
vritheut a ten t tlefasit, prepay the freight
aaauow ip DATS FHEK TRIAL.
IT ONLY COSTS one cent to leiro oo
UtOuard ef frictt tad tnartnUut tffira
tm lifebelt grade 1910 model bicycle.
FACTORY PRICES ffi
a pair of tlret frora anjent M any rift
uatll you write for our Urge Art Catalog
and leara our ufonderulfrtfetitlan oa tm
usple bicycle goinz to your tows.
RIDER AGEKTS SSTSTB
moucp exhibiting and selling cur bicycles.
We Sell cheaper than any other factory.
"w iinKa.w0ilir.riiwiHrnnHii,
uuspt, repairs ana all sundries at half ututu ruts,
De Net Walt; write ttxfay tot oar tftciatefftr, '9
MEAD CYCUE CO., Oept. 6177 CHICAGO
jW BSaW
8k Tiimk Ufu
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