JULT 2S, 1819
11
The Commoner.
HOW IT WOUIiD WORK IN THE
FAMILY
"Johnny, did you talco that Jam?
Answer me this Instant!"
"What jam ma?"
"You know very well what jam.
Did you take it?"
"That's a leading question, ma.
I can't incriminate myself."
"JOHNNY!"
"And besides, ma, it's no crime to
take jam, because there's no mention
of blackberry jam in the constitu
tion." "Johnny, I'm losing patience. Once
more, did you take that jam?"
"Ma, I'd like a delay until next
fall to prepare my case. My wit
nesses have gono to Europe."
"You're overruled. If I waited
you might destroy the ovidence."
"Then I want a change of venue."
"Overruled. This is Just as good
a place as the woodshed."
"Can I have a habeas corpus, ma?"
"Johnny, you're hurting your own
case by all this quibbling. Come,
now, did you take it or didn't you.
"Ma, I'd like to appeal the case
to some court that isn't in session."
"Nonsense. This court is capable
of trying it. If you're guilty I want
to know it, and if you're innocent
I should think you'd be glad to have
a chance to provo it. Are you guilty
or not guilty?"
"NOT GUILTY, MA! "Chicago
Tribune.
EXI'LAINKD AT LAST
Neal Ball, the only player in the
major baseball leagues who ever
made a1 triple play unassisted, that
is, put out threo men in ono play,
is convinced that women are more
intelligent on the average than men,
but is equally convinced that they
do not understand baseball. Accord
ingly, when he talks baseball to a
woman, ho adopts a light, facetious
tone. "A woman once said to me,"
ho tells the story, "I love baseball,
Mr. Ball, I lovo especially to watch
the man at the bat. It is ho cute,
too, tho way ho keeps hitting tho
ground gently with the bat's ond.
Why does he do that, though? 'Well,
you see, madam,' I said, 'the worms
have an annoying habit of coming up
to sec who's batting, and that nat
urally puts a man out a bit; so ho
just taps them on the head lightly,
and down they go.' " Christian
Work and Evangelist."
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