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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (July 22, 1910)
m imm'tmify v "-- rru9sssmmf ,ni i ""fi M The Commoner. TOIiY 22, 1910 13 t M 4M t0mi Foolish Rhymes "When many fiction writers try Their thought to give us hot, We get e-rot-ic novels, with The accent on the rot. Lippincott's. When some hairdressers seelc to give Us hair to fit the hat, We get er-rat-ic coiffures, with The accent on the rat. Boston Traveler. And when the fisher leaves the'pool And gladly home does hie, We get some li-lcely stories, with The accent on the lie. Topeka Capital. And when, some fellows go down town At night, they make the bull Of coming home quite beautl-ful, With the accent on the ful. Denver Post. Now here we have the daily rhyme, Though not as fierce as some, Penned by the office bum-pkin, with The accent on the bum. Atlanta Georgian. And when our readers come across The stuff that's written thus, They mutter cus-tomary words With the accent on the cus. Cautious you a re- Mrs. Nubride "Are porter?" Wright A. Lott ''Yes, madam; I represent the Daily Whirl." Mrs. Nubride "I am willing to tell you all I can about our wedding, but you must promise not to print a list of the wedding presents, nor to refer to them in any way." Wright A. Lott "I'll promise, but what is your reason? Usually people want, full publicity given to the wedding presents." Mrs. Nubride "It's all right for people who want to run the risk, but I don't want the assessor to have any line on our personal property." Inter-State Note "Why is it that none of the Rhode Island cities belong to one or the other of the big leagues?" "Easy enough the inter-state commerce laws prevent it." "How do you make that out?" "A two-base hit on the Rhode Island grounds would land in the next state." "Well." "Well, if a batter hit It for the next state and a fielder stopped it, wouldn't he be liable to arre3t for interfering with inter-state traffic? Think of the length of a game with all those complications constantly arising." The Witnesses "My statement that the present tariff law is the best ever devised is easily proved by hundreds of com petent witnesses," exclaimed the stand-pat orator who was campaign ing for re-election to congress. Having just paid the month's gro cery, meat and shoe bill we were In clined to be skeptical. "Please call your witnesses," we remarked modestly. "Why, sir," shouted the orator, "I bave but to mention the wool trust magnates, the glass trust magnates, the meat truBt magnates, the cord age trust magnates, the hide and leather trust magnates, the textile trust magnates, the steel trust mag nates, the coal trust magnates, tho cereal trust magnates, and scores of other men who have given their lives to intelligent study of tho tariff question. These experts have " But at this juncture we turned hopelessly away, once more con vinced that our only financial salva tion lay in eating less and wearing last summer's clothing, hats and shoes. The Seer To W m H d T t: Beware of an athletic looking man with vis ible molars. If he heaves in sight with a big stick, dodge! To S y B r: Beware of meet ing a man with a French name in tho forests. The evidences multiply that for you the wise course is to gracefully retire and take no more chances. J h G. C m Beware of Mis sourians quoting poetry and the scriptures. T e R t: The dispatches from Reno are suggestive. As yet not one of them has succeeded in "com ing back." Calling Money Money is "tin" to the roofer, To the butcherman it is "bones," The circus man speaks of his "rhino," "Quids" the tobacconist owns. "Chink" doth the laundryman term it, Taxidermists "the .stuff," It's "dough," of course to the baker, And "bucks" to the hunter rough.. The cobbler refers to his "booty," Of his "wad" the gunmaker talks, It is "plunks" to the banjo teacher, And the quarryman - calls it "rocks." Boston Transcript. Electricians call it "currentcy," And printerrpen call it "slugs;" Plumbers all call it "solder," And barbers all call it "bugs." No matter what they call it, Or how, or where, or when, It's awfully hard of hearing, Though you call and call again. A Graduate's Retort "I presume," growled the Chronic Grouch to the newly graduated col legian, "that you imagine you are now prepared to set the world on fire with your knowledge." "Not at all sir," modestly re plied the graduate. "I can only hope that during my college career I im bibed enough knowledge to enable me to avoid the fool mistakes you have made." Safe and Sane "Did you enjoy a 'safe and sane' Fourth of July?" "You bet I did, and I made noise, too." "How's that?" "Sat in the cellar all day and popped paper bags." Brain Leaks Youth can not come back. The easiest way to have io to hustle and hold. Next to youth the greatest thing in life is a serene old age. With tho children at home it is so noisy you can't work; and with them all away it is so lonesome you can't work. So what's the use? The older we get tho worse wo hate to sleep In a strange bed. Our friends often embarrass us more than our enemies annoy us. Pity we can not put hos of tho "end seat" variety on the market. Some men take an interest in poli tics; other men "go into politics." Even a little cottage gets too big for comfort when all tho kiddies arc away. Ever notico how proud the houso wlfo is when she can say to tho caller, "My housecleaning is all dono?" Perhaps they call 'cm "chantecler hats" becauso thoy take all the mon ey a man's got except a little "chick en feed." The advance notices and tho real performance of Halley's comet some how or other reminds us of republi can campaign promises and re publican administration fulfillment. In spite of all wo can do to kill them the dandelions still grow in tho front yard. And in spite of all we can do to propagate them, tho roses we plant In the front yard persist in dying. Will we ever learn the reason? Some of the people who laughed at the story of tho Iowa man who is digging a cavo to hide from the comet, aro the same people who buy an almanac every year and believe that the man who wrote it can fore tell the weather for ten or twelve months ahead. AN OBJECT LESSON" Picture No. 1 shows a young man and a young girl all in white stand ing in the gloaming beside a lily. "What a superb lily," said the girl. "Isn't it?" said the man. "Let me show you something," he said. Picture No. 2 shows the young man bending over the lily and the girl watching him in startled fawn fashion. "I am going to tie this string around this lily," said the man. "But why?" asked tho girl. "You'll hurt it won't you?" "You'll see," said the man. In picture No 3 the man is lean ing against a garden wall with his arms folded. He looks sad and tho girl Is also looking sad. Both are looking down, as dejected as if they had opened a potato hill and found no potatoes in it. The next day the girl and the man came back to the Illy. It was dead. The juice could not rise to the flower and it starved to death. "Oh, what a shame," said the girl. But that evening she loosened her corset. Atchison, Kan., Globe. NATIONAL BASEBALL Uncle Joe Cannon has "lost control;" Big Bill Taft's in an awful "hole;" Aldrich says that his "whip" Is lame; And plans next season to quft the game; R. A. Ballinger'a out of the clover With "two strikes" called and tho third one "over;" There's a grand old slump In the g. o. p. From Massachusetts to Tennessee, As tho frantic coachers, far and wide, Are clamoring "Slide, you lobsters, slide;" For tho "pennant winners" of former years The prospects rather flat It doesn't look like it used to look, When Teddy was at the bat. Milwaukee Evening Wisconsin. He "Farewell, my darling. I hope you will remain true to me." She (through her tears) "I hope so, too." Fliegende Blatter. THE GUARANTY STATE BANK linn dt'ponltorfl In every stnto of tho union In tho IntoroHtH of nourid and nafo hniiklnpr you (should bo ono of them. In tho mtcrcHtn of your Bclf and dependents your money should bo placed where It In necurod. Vfo Bhurc our nucccrh with our customer. Anions our nnnotn nro strength. connervatlHm and liber ality, threo Important fnctora to consider. Send for Booklet. M. G. HASKELL, V. P. MIJSICOGKIC, OK LA. Don't Wear a Truss fAP STUARTS HAS T8 PADS redierr.,t a J) vvTrv "ura """ l''"iui hum, Ming nitda VII. in- i'miiiiwi ., mi. IIIBUV If lbwl tiurowlr lo hold lli rutfura lit tilkcs without Wrap. buckle or ilnr tot lli, kj tuaaot cfekf or ooinpreM iS'TftJf mmi tixtinatr casta mrr4 In lb ptl " vaeroflh hotu, Tluraiandi ! lacoet'fulljr trctwd tbretl? with! Mndrsnea (ion work. Soft t lel r r I X , I apply lnipntle. PrxtMef cur U natural, fKfr-- f mt no farther tin for lrnr, Wo nro what I Ul ft I nr M IDIA Mjrtijrwnillnit tou trial of 1'lapsa coupon and malt TOAAT. Addreaa PLAPAO LABORATORIES, Block 54, St. Unit, Mo. form wttt Hal ffana Addratt M Return mall will brine Ytf trial Plapao., Re Ifistfirt iunlllifleni.M"cnf tlttKlr ntvn Ttlrwt. dcr. I.lver and Digest ve organs, Including Khcumatlstn, or the treatment will be an experiment. I tet urine Free. Mailing Case for urine sent on request. Con sultation and opinion free. Dtt. J. P. SHAKER, Specialist. 214 Peun Avenue, Pittsburg, Pa. AST HMa smoke, no douches. This Is "different." 8erid for booklet "Krco Air" to Wept N, HENRI MILLAR REMEDY COMPANY, 214 St. Helens Avenue, Tacoma, Washington STACK COVERS; FULL WEIGHT CANVAS 13x18 ft, S ounce duck, $ -J. 10; 14x2(1 ft., 8 bunco duck, fl.M); 14x31 ft., 8 ounce duck, 7.76; 10x21 ft,, 8 ounce duck, 8.90; 18x21 ft., 8 ounce duck, 10.00; 20x30 ft., 8 ounco duck. 13.00; Other xlzcs In romo proportion. Fifty Rood second hand family compartment tents, 0 it. wall, com pi etc, for nalc cheap. And now tents of overv de scription. 1. M. K1SKK MPG. CO., 1007 W. Madison Bt., Chicago, 111. 10 ounce duck, 9 tM 10 ounce duck. 7.7C 10 ounce duck, 9,(0 io ounce uucir, n.oo 10 ounco dock, 17.20 10 ounce dude, 10.75 Ha Eyeglasses Not Necessary That the eyes' can be strengthened so that eyeglasses can be dispcntal with la many cases lias been proven beyond a doubt by the testimony ol hundreds cl people who publicly claim that their eyesfeht has been restored by that wonderful little Instrument called "Actiaa," Write lor Krte Trial Offer and Prte Book. ACT1VA APPX.TANCI5 CO., KIN Cnrtlre M4-' Vaatas , Xo. &MM XJTMh,. MM. JJLJ.VMJ' Wall Courso lfi.00. Unlffraph Student become the UKST HTKNO aitAl'UEKH In the least time. TllK VXiaUAl'Ml CO., Ouutha, A'efc. PATENTS Wfattten E. CalcmRH Patent Iawyer.WaflhlDglOD, D.C. Advice and boolcn tree Hates reasonable. Hlehest references. licstserrlcca. EMVBSkffcfc -fta. il Mi Ix23flrwGH laH t JjI M Bk VlKrV Wk ilt! ? taT w "RINGER" BICYCLES juifmtntxa& many advanced I teased ly no other wheels. Ouart FACTORY PRICES; Have tmfvrltd rtlUr- (haimsfrocktts and ptami; jvew veparturt LcaiUr HraMts anrt lluaiiruiuturcl'rttaflirtiiHitniit grade juifmtntxa& rnanv advanced features pos- no other wiieelt. uiiarantteasyrt. direct to you are less tf.an others ask for cheap wheels. Other reliable models from jiaup. a lew good secooa liand machines ft to it. DAYS' FREE TRIAL::1. proral, frtight rta&t.lny where In U.S., Mnthout aunt in ndvantt. IIONOTBUY a bicycle or a pair of tfrcs from anyont at any price until you get our A- new catalog and ttetM triits and a tnarvtleut una eTirr. A postal Mngs everything. Write it nru. Tl D CQ Cooater Brako ItearWJiecla, lamps, I InXasJ cans, and sundries half utual trite t. TUder Accnta everywhere are coining money selling out bicycles, tires and sundries. Wfito torfty. MEAD CYCLE CO., Dcpt. S177, CHICAGO Ml ST n m m M i t r I 1 ! i I $ i i n in fK n n ii. Nf f n r a ikTi J4'fj U J m ' 1 ' .M. rM t! ' 'fii -.:hjii 1MI 11 B i F' ljj' Jti.' vt,JK. L