i-
The Commoner.
MAY 13, 1910
13
AM flIW
k . f M jf H f irllv IVirr. hf JW47rnrn I
ommonor;
My Ia
My pa c'n make th' finest kite
At any feller flied;
Th' cross-sticks balanced up jus'
right
An' tail all fixed and tied.
'At is, my pa he says he can,
But it jus' seems somehow
'At ev'ry time I ast him to
He says, "I'm busy now."
My pa can take a wilier stick
An' trim it nice an' clean,
Then make a whistle jus' as slick
An any feller's seen.
'At is, my pa he says he can
He can, too; bet a dime
But when I ast t' make me one
He says, "I haven't time."
My pa c'n catch th' mostest fish
. Of any man I know.
vHe's caught an' awful lot, I guess;
At least he's told me so.
But when I ast him f'r to' go
With me he'll alius say,
His head a-shakin' solemn-like,
"Too busy, son, today."
My pa c'n run a hun'erd yards
As fast as any man;
An' beat 'em all bop-stej-an'-jump
That is, he says he c'n.
But when he runs t' catch c car
I'm tickled most to death,
F'r he don't get more'n half a block
Till he's clean out o' breath.
I bet my pa c'n do more things
An' do 'em better than
Most any feller in this town
', At least he say he c'n.
An.' then he picks th' paper -up-. - -
An' by th' time it's read
He ain't got time f'r anything,
'Cause he muBt go t' bed.
The Pessimist
On Monday he told me the wheat
was suffering for rain, and that if
rain didn't come inside of a week or
ten days there would be no wheat at
all.
"Will a Tain inside of the next few
days make a good wheat crop?" we
asked.
"If we get a good rain- inside of
a "week we'll have a bully wheat
crop," was his reply.
The next day we had a soaking
rain, and a couple of days thereafter
I met him again.
"How is the wheat?" I asked.
"Bad; awful bad," he said, shak
ing his head mournfully. "Just as
things began looking fine along
comes this rain and makes the
ground too wet for anything to grow
in."
along and jumped him. Immediately
there was in progress the finest dog
fight imaginable, and quicker than
it takes to tell it the dray was sur
rounded by a huge crowd. The
speaker waited until the dogs had
finished, then completed his speech
to a huge audience.
A few years later the legislature
made an appropriation for a normal
school at Wayne, and it was up to
Governor Shallenborger to either
veto or sign the bill. Ho went to
Wayne to look the field over, and
was met at the depot by a huge con
course of people, headed by a brass
band. He was escorted to the nor
mal school Bite, and afterwards to
the opera house, which was jammed
to the doors by people anxious to
hear what the governor might Bay.
And" then, with his face wreathed
in smiles, Governor Shallenberger
reminded the people of Wayne of the
difference in the receptions. It
didn't take a dog fight to attract an
audience on this last visit.
"And," as Governor Shallenberger
remarks when relating the story,
"the moral lies in the application
of it."
Books They Have Read
"The Crisis" Joseph G. Cannon.
"The Climax" Nelson W. Aid
rich. "The Collosus" William Howard
Taft-
"The Main Chance" John D.
Rockefeller.
"The Lion and the Mouse" Theo
dore Roosevelt.
"Resurrection" Chauncey M. De-
'.'The Blazed Trail" Robert M.
T-nTTnllAtii.
"The Forge in the Forest" An-.
drew Carnegie.
"Roughing It" Secretary Bal-
linger.
"Treasure Island" J. Pierpont
Morgan.
"Ships That Pass in the Night"
Charles M. Schwab.
"The Law's Delays" Attorney
General Wickersham.
"Marooned" Vice President Sher
man. "The Spoilers" Eugene Hale.
tance to you," suggested the bright
eyed little woman who was election
eering for the adoption of the equal
suffrage amendment.
"Maybe you can," admitted the
voter. "I want to vote for Bill Smith
and Tim Cronkhito and Jack Doo
little, but I can't read and I don't,
know how to mark my ballot."
"I'll mark your samplo ballot for
you, and then you can mark the
regular ballot from that;" said the
little woman.
"I'll be much obliged if you will,"
said tho voter.
Tho little woman marked the
names mentioned and then said:
"Now, of course, you want to voto
for the adoption of tho equal suf
frage amendment."
"What's that?" demanded tho
voter.
"That means that you want to give
us women the right to vote."
"I ain't In favor of no such thing!"
exclaimed the sovereign.
"And why not?" queried tho little
woman with a smile.
"'Cause I don't believe women
know enough to vote," assorted the
sovereign, folding up his samplo bal
lot and marching majestically into
the voting place.
THE
GUARANTY STATE BANK
ban dcponltorn In ovcry utnto of tho
union In tho intorctitn of iiound
and Hafc banking you should be ono
of thorn. In tho IntcrcstK of your
Helf and dopendontn your money
should bo placed where It Is secured.
Don't bo fooled by tho bankor
whoso ovcr-toworlntf integrity
forces him to oppose every plan of
security for his depositors.
DON'T DI5LAY IT MAY HE
DAZVUttUOUS.
Send for llooklct.
M. G. HASKELL, V. P.
MUSKOGEIS, OK I, A.
AUTOMOBILE BARGAINS
I.nrxet dealers In world. All tho Ktnmlitrd cnni at
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Victok J. Kvanh A Co., Wnililuxton. D. O
Too Quick
"BUson haB an honest graft that
he is working these days."
"Say, it makes mo tired to hear a
man talk about 'honest graft.'
There's no such thing. Bilson is
just a common thief like any other
grafter."
"But Bilson is a horticulturist."
"Oh!"
Which?
"I'm going to study medicine."
"Medico-legal expert or country
physician?"
TOBACCO
FACTORY
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Good pay, steady work and promotion. Kxpcrlonos
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Then and Now
A few years ago when Governor
Shallenberger of Nebraska was malt
ing his first and unsuccessful
campaign for governor, he filled a'
date at Wayne, an intensely repub
lican community. It was on a Sat
urday afternoon, and the democratic
committee assured him that he
couldn't get a corporal's guard into
the opera house.
"Get me a dray wayon and back
it up on the principal corner," said
the governor.
This was done, and mounting the
dray Mr. Shallenberger began his
speech. After talking fifteen min
utes there were a half dozen men
near the dray, and twenty or thirty
more standing on the other side of
the street Try as he would, the
orator could not get a crowd.
But there was a little dog sitting
in the shade of the dray, taking
things easy until a big dog came
One by Ono
They're getting their fixings on
every hand,
One by one, one by one.
Aldrich and Hale and the whole
blooming band,
One by one, one by one.
They see the handwriting displayed
on the wall;
They'd like to hang on but they don't
have the gall;
So back to retirement they see they
must crawl,
One by one, one by one.
They built up the trusts and the
combines so great,
One by one, one by one.
And laughed when" they saw us all
paying the freight,
One by one, one by one.
They thought they had cinched us
and had us hog-tied;
They thought that forever upon us
they'd ride;
But now they know better and are
stepping aside,
One by one, one by one.
"CATCH MY PAL"
The London correspondent of the
New York Sun relates the following
interesting Incident:
One day last July a Presbyterian
clergyman in the city of Armagh
persuaded twelve hard drinkers to
sign the pledge. Before parting with
them he said:
"Now, perhaps each of you could
hring a pal to my house tomorrow,
and induce him to sign."
"I think I can catch my pal," said
one of the men, and that was the
origin of the "Catch My Pal" move
ment now sweeping over the north
of Ireland.
Scarcely a town or village in
Ulster is without an enthusiastic
band of members, each of whom
wears an enameled brass button
bearing the words, "Protestant Catch
My Pal Union." The public houses
in many of the provincial manufac
turing towns have lost fully 50 per
cent of their trade. Of tho 3,000
inhabitants of Cookstown, County
Tyrone, over 700 men joined the
union in November and December,
and the percentage is equally great
in other towns. Christian Advocate.
DMTCMTO WatMB V.. Cnlpnuin.
rll ELfl I Hi Potent J.nwycr,WnshliiKton,
r BaEV DOt Advice and hooka fre.
Hates reasonable. H IzheBt references. Beat services.
PfltPtltQ No.E? unt" allowed. Freo Hook
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The Ignorant Things
The voter was clearly at a loss. He
turned the sample ballot upside
down and cross-wise, a' puzzled look
covering his face,
"Perhaps I can be of some assis-
WHY SUCH A NOISE?
That Mr, Roosevelt should decline
to agree to conditions limiting his
right to speak when and where he
pleases may be readily understood.
The idea of having It suggested to
him that he should consent to the
editing of his conduct! No wonder he
was indignant. Moreover. Mr. Fair
banks having been mentioned in the
notes, Mr. Roosevelt was compelled
to line up with him. In this country
the Catholic vote is important, but
so is the Methodist, and it behooves
a man who may again be in politics
to be careful against raising relig
ious prejudice himself. But grant
ing all this, and that it'was necessary
for the ex-president to forego the
pleasure of kissing the pope's hand,
why was it necessary to make such
a noise about it all? New York
Times.
4lwAsthma
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lVuhh.
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214 Penn Avenue, Pittsburg, Pa.
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