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The Commoner.
13
JANUARY 28, 1910
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ommonor(ot
Investigation
For a' long time it had been ru
mored that Mr. Public Official was
bo crookedi he could sleep behind a
corkscrew. There was a well defined
suspicion that certain corporations
organized to hand lemons to the pub
lic had been snuggling up to Mr.
Public Official like kittens to hot
bricks.
Mr. Humble Clerk, who had inad
vertently admitted that all was not
as it should be in the department,
was amputated from his job with a
swiftness that would make a flash of
lightning look, like it was tied to
a post. In the meantime several
corporations under suspicion of hav
ing as much influence with Mr. Pub
lic Official as a' Small Boy has over
ined; but more often the doors were
closed as tightly as the river and
harbor bill against a congressman
who refuses to be good and let a'
few putrid items go through with
out yelling for the board of health.
The investigating committee found
it necessary to hold sessions at St.
Augustino, Fla., during the winter
months, and at Newport, Saratoga
and in the Adirondacks during the
summer months, and in due time it
was ready with its report.
The report was exhaustive as well
as exhausting, and it showed beyond
a doubt that Mr. Public Official was
so white that talcum powder would
make a black smudge on his brow,
while the Underlings who had cast
reflections upon him possessed char
acters so black that charcoal would
ing. I am so interested in their wel
fare that I am glad to let them work
twelve and fourteen hours a day in
order that they may bo sure of hav
ing sufficient food and comfortable
clothing. If they are limited to ten
hours a day they must inevitably
suffer."
Wo longed to ask him why ho
didn't pay enough wage for ten
hours' work to enablo tho women em
ployes to live comfortably, but wo
were restrained by tho fear that ho
would think us one of those pestife
rous labor agitators.
WE BUY
FURS
AND HIDES
at, the hish&t rnirtet
nn'rM W aro if rat.
era, not agent. btUNwhed in 1856. Write
for weekly price Krt. Reference any LouirriBa
unt. M.aabeldcSoiu.Loukville.Ky.
rrmH
PATENTS
his Yellow Pup, were insisting that write white upon them.
all was well, and that Mr. Public
Official would, had he lived several
centuries ago,, put an end to old
Diogenes' search for an honest man.
But "somehow or other the general
public still felt that the best it was
getting was the worst of it, and it
asked for something mora than heat
ed atmosphere.
Finally Mr. Public Official deemed
it wise to do something more than
pose as a model for Persecuted Inno
cence, so he struck another attitude
and declared that if there was any
thing on earth he wanted more than
a rigid investigation he had not yet
met up with it.
Immediately thereafter Mr. Public
Official had several conferences with
influential lawmakers, and soon the
public was notified that decision had
been reached to investigate through
a1, special committee appointed for
the purpose.
This tickled the public almost as
much as a rattle tickles a baby, there
not being a great deal of difference
between the public and a baby when
it comes down, to a matter of at
tracting its attention away from the
point at issue.
Being a Public Official it was. only
natural that the committee should
be ma'de up of senators and con
gressmen, an equal number of each
being selected.
This looked to be almost as fair
and square as the average monte or
shell game practiced by the Abbre
viated Circuses in the rural commu
nities, but not so. The, monte and
shell game gents" sometimes let the
Other Fellow win a penny or two,
just for appearances.
- And so the committee was ap
pointed. Senator Smallditch, representing
the Allied Water Power Monopoly;
Senator Fieldrows, representing the
Consolidated Coal Land Grabbers;
Senator DeChance, representing the
Amalgamated Timber Taking Cor
poration; Congressman Fauney, rep
resenting the Insidious Irrigation In
terests; Congressman Soldall, repre
senting the Meddlesome Mineral
Lands Company, and several other
congressmen who only represented a
few farmers and small business men,
were appointed on the committee.
Of course the announcement of the
committee's personnel was not ,so
framed as to include the interests
of the committee, and as a result the
general public did not realize that
tlieir chance of beating the frame-up.
was almost as good as the chance
the sheep had with the butcher. The
committee met and proceeded with
its Investigations, sometimes with the
doors of tho committee room wide
open, such time being when the
proper witnesses were being exam-
Immediately the Great Newspapers
that were owned by the same men
who owned the' interests owning the
senators and congressmen composing
the majority of the committee took
it up and demonstrated that Mr.
Public Official was a muchly abused
individual.
Whereupon the public, having
played the monte and shell games
until it was exhausted, realized that
it was in the wrong, humbly apolo
gized to Mr. Public Official, cast
glances of scorn at those who had
attacked him, and then rolled over
and went to sleep again.
We are convinced that there is a'
moral concealed somewhere in this
narrative, but after due reflection we
have come to the conclusion that the
work and worry of digging it out
would not be warranted by the prob
able results.
The Man "Higher Up!"
Did it over strike you as peculiar
that tho man "higher up" seldom
gets caught?
A year or two ago they investi
gated the insurance frauds, and
enough corruption was unearthed to
make an offal factory smell like
attar of roses. Somebody profited
to tho extent of millions by those
frauds, but the man "higher up"
wasn't touchod; the men who pock
eted tho stolen millions wont free,
and if we remember rightly the only
fellow cinched by the law was a
salaried clerk.
The sugar trust profited to the ex
tent of millions by doctored weights.
Who got the money? The men
"higher up," but to date the only
ones punished were tho hired men
the men who obeyed orders and
drew pennies in wage while their
employers pocketed thousands as
"profits."
What's tho use of trying to re
form things as long as tho men re
sponsible for the abuses go scott
free, and the men punished are mere
ly the tools?
The man "higher up" is the man
to get. Until ho is made to suffer
the punishment tho abuses will
continue.
Watnon K. Calnmrin.
Patent LawyerWashington,
T).(). Ail vim anri Iwilra fr
Rates reasonable. Hlcheflt references. Best services.
ItWlinsicyrAI JVJ3 to tnko tho oxcliislvo
njrency to pronioto nnd ncll telephones for farmers4
lines. Kul I Instruction. Diir iirofltH. Clcnn. lilch
cliiss occupation. Address: Tnrt IFewee Hupitty
Co., XtcNli It 8, HI. I,ouin, Mo.
1
Mm
NURSERY
SHAPS
tarMHuddod Peach Trees 11.00. 40
Concord arntxj Vine 1 1 00. 8 HuJded
Cherry Trees II-00. They aro strong.
hfftlthr.rciwlvtoffrovr. CAUIotrtui(125o
. . ... ' .r. .. -
utio uiu rrco. w ruo ror cnoieo selections.
''Ainnwny NunsFnms linx K Knit-bury. Hob.
yf O leadlnj yarlotles of pure bred
TdCblcUoni, Ducks, Gccse. Turkeys;
also llolsteln cattle. Prize winning stock.
Oldest and largest poultry farm In the
northwest. Stock, cbbh and Incubators
at low prices. Send 4 cents for catalog;.
Larkln Herat erg, Dox cs Mankato.MIaa,
AGENTS $3 to $10 &
' felling this tori tUtl
SW, Combination Hatchet
Monty tack I anr parcfctMr not pcrfMtlr pUui. BtuA Mtj
- '"n"" i uuiiii ana prw 01 uf prrau M Ac tail.
M.TUOMA8 MTQ.OO. 8131 WmjmeBU DmUh, Old
Agreed
According to President Taft the
postal deficit was $17,000,000. "This
deficit," says the president, "is due
to the insufficient revenue from second-class
matter and the expense of
the rural free delivery system."
"The president is correct," says
the railroad magnate who receives
from the government 800 per cent
more per pound for hauling the mails
than he charges for hauling express.
"The president Is correct," says
the manager of the express com
pany, who draws a dividend of 300
per cent on his stock, and would
draw more if the periodical postage
rate were higher.
"The president is correct," says
the government official whoso de
partment sends millions of pounds
of matter through the mails free of
charge.
So far as we have heard, however,
these are about the only people who
agree with the president's findings.
There
are broad
OTmortmUties
iftthetT.S. Ctoll
Scrrlce for Amerl
can men and women
over 18. Llfe-lona Doti.
tlons aro Rranted to thous
ands ercTT Tear. We enable roa
to anallfr In four own name at
email cost to nan any Civil Scrrlce Ex
aminullon. Get free Crrll Scrrlce Book.
XaUraaMoaal Corral. Hcnooti, Boi HQ3ftciSitsn, r.
Thoughtful
Tho messenger rusherl into tho
private office of tho mining magnate
pale with fear and gasping- for
breath.
"What's the matter?" growled tho
magnate.
"There has been an explosion of
fire damp in No. 3 shaft!" gasped tho
messenger.
"What's the damage?"
"Twenty-seven miners entombed,
and with them five - of tho mine
mules."
"My goodness!" exclaimed the
magnate, aroused to action. "Rush
out and organize at relief party.
Mules have gone up at least twelve
dollars a head since we bought that
last consignment."
Isn't It Awful, Mabel?'
The successful manufacturer was
wrathful in the extreme. The very
idea' of a legislature attempting to
tell him how he should conduct his
business!
"It's just this way," he remarked.
"The legislature actually had the
effrontery to enact a law prohibit
ing the employment of women In
factories more than ten hours in any
one day."
Being somewhat in favor of that
kind of legislation we naturally
asked him what there was wrong
about that.
"Why, it Is a cruel Injustice to
the women," ho replied. "I have a
great many in my employ who can
not earn enough wages in ten hours
to provide them with food and cloth-
Brain Leaks
Still holding out?
A seasonable He: "Fr.esh Country
Eggs."
Good service does not mean ser
vility. Dirty dollars will not cleanse
politics.
Sometimes a man's best asset Is
his ignorance.
What we most want Is not always
what we most need.
Opportunity is a good knocker,
but there are others.
The "good fellow" foolishness has
ruined many a good fellow.
Of course there is room at the top,
but there is a great need of good men
at the bottom.
Those who fight the devil with fire
ought to first provide themselves
with asbestos suits.
Perhapsthe increased pace of. liv
ing has something to do with the in
creased cost of living.
When we measure a man with our
own yardstick we need not be sur
prised If he appears short.
Every time we try to eat a cold
storage egg we wonder why some
ono hasn't discovered a way to store
up last summer's "sunshine and heat
tadflyai
AGENTH ISAilN $76 to $260 n month Mllta?
Novcty Knives. Illndcs, razor steiil. Six months'
guarantee. Handles decorated wJtb name, address,
lodRO emblems, trado designs, personal photo, or
pictures of Bkyan and other celebrities- Great
sellers. Big commission. Wrlto quick lor territory;
Novelty Cutlery Co., 606 Bar St., Canton, O.
an n I oratila i moke.
Ordr 3 or Mora Today.
H. MEMOES
Th BHokert fricad
201 4!lltUf.U.Uik,B.
1
A Art
M9jBSaF
ANTI-NICOTINE PIPE
"GitthePlmure Without thsPaWTn m M f
Tli Pip The? I,t Yta Bioko At Horn " g Kftl I
Looki and colon Uko law Jm TT1
iclikunt. Abtotba too nlco-
uno ana cepionuuiiac i IBM dbfl Afl
twUYoanTrhdachJt-Jv JrW SI Bill
Vlivv
Sont Prepaid
Anrwhor
Monay Bsafc It
Mot SallafocUry
A Chance to Make Money
Tes, elegant free homesteads can still
bo had In Mexico where many Ameri
cans are now locating. You need not
go to Mexico, but aro required to have
flvo acres of fruit trees planted within
five years. For Information address tho
Jantha Plantation Co., Block 590, Pitts
burg, Pa. They will plant and care for
your trees on shares, so you should
make a thousand dollars a year. It Is
never hot, never cold. The health con
ditions are perfect.
THE BEST ASSET OP A BANK
is honest officials; the best se
curity of depositors is the Okla
homa bank law. Bank officials
are not always honest.' The
state banks of Oklahoma aro
all operated under the Guar
anty Law. If you want to
know about it ask for- our
booklet.
GUARANTY STATE BANK
Muskogee, Oklahoma
M. G. HASKELL, Cashier
8
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mention Tho Commoner.
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