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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 12, 1909)
JJV"w if NOVEMBER 12, 1909 The Commoner, 13 jyww911 ft The Pessimist The cold and biting wind gives me a feeling That I must ready be to pay the , toll Which is imposed upon me when '' I'm dealing "With those who hold me up for winter coal. The dead leaves lie upon my lawn, and shaking From off the trees in whirling clouds alight; And I must up at morn and set to rakine To have a -bonfire for the kids at night. I sit me down to read the evening paper, And all I see upon the printed page . . Is some divorce news, tariff dope or football caper, Or else the words of big pugs in a rage. I dig up two big plunks at the . theatre, And hope to see a drama worth my while; But find, alas, the play's by a creator Who thinks it best to picture all that s vile. I think sometimes I'll go out for a season And talk with neighbors on some topics live; But find quite soon that he won't 1, .. t list .to reason, ... But wants to play at "cinch" or else "high five." At noon I drop my work the brief est minute And hasten out to get a frugal lunch; . Then all I hear is "Jeffries isn't in it!" Or "Jim'll put him out with just one punch!" At eve I hasten homeward worn and weary, As hungry as a bear and rather late. I'm stopped by some wardworker, red and bleary, Who tells me all about his can didate.'" O, would that I with Cook or Peary's legions Had made a dash towards the frozen pole, And there, amidBt those chilly polar regions, Found solitude to rest my weary soul. Hints on Christmas Shopping Do your shopping whenever you feel like it. When you begin worrying about what to get, take it as a sign that you are not giving for love but from a sense of obligation. Half the fun of Christmas shop ping is the crowd, the jam, the dis comfort and the hurry. The pricp tag is not the right way to measure the gift. Some people can shed more joy with a dollar than other people can with a big bank account to draw on. Don't forget that the girls behind the counter are made of flesh and blood, and that they are quite as apt to become weary as you are. Do your shopping in the day time, and give the clerks a chance to rest up. Get through you day'a shopping before the workingmen start home. In that way you will give the tired workers a chance to git down In the street cars. We never blame a tired shopman for not getting up in tho car and giving some thoughtless woman shopper nis scat. A cherry "hello" is, tho best Christmas gift you can give to some people. We'd EiVG VOll n "nr rnnm linlnfnl hints about Christmas shopping if It were not for the fact that we've got to hustle out and make some arrange ments whereby we may be assured of a turkey for Thanksgiving. A Prospective Victim II1T..I. Ill !.- . ivjuim: excjaimea i armor Tur- niptop, "where'n the world is that there gold brick I bought that time I went down to New York?" "Gracious me, Ezekiel!" cried Ma Turniptop, "I ain't seen nothin' o' that momentum of your greenness f'r months an' months. What'n th' world made you think of it?" "I got a chance to git rid of it, ma; an' I wish you'd hurry up an' help mo find it." ivr-. v. i it.. , - iuw wuu u mo woria can you swap that old thing off on, Ezekiel?" "I was just talkin' with Neighbor Softleigh, an' he actually believos cnat tnere new tariff law Is a revi sion downward, an' any feller that is green enough to believe that is just ur roner to push that there gold brick off on. Now you hurry, ma!" The Little Ones These two incidents are said to have happened in Lincoln. Any how they are" good enough to re peat: her for a subject, but 'feas up, old man isn't it tho truth that you" good old mother-in-law was about mo most welcome pornon on earth on that momontous occasion when o, pshaw! You know tho occasion wo have in mind. I fa boon going tho rounds over Binco Hector was a pup, but and toll tho solemn truth now did you over rdalJy seo a woman sharpen a load pencil with her tooth? Kxplniiied I fall to understand your Amer ican joke about the darkoy's coon trap sot to catcli them coming and going," remarked the Littlo Brown .Ht0, h,B fr!oll(1 from over tiie son. Well, I'll explain," roplicd tho friend from over sons. "It's some thing like this see that newly ar rived Bhip?" "Yea, I see it." "In tho cabins are a dozen mis sionaries sent to enlighten you, and in uu uuiu a cargo or rum to be fuddle you. I hope I havo made it clear.". Although a sadly benighted heath en, tho Little Brown Man had to ad mit that the explanation was very lucid and convincing. Literary Note "Yes, I started tills newspaper uul uvuuiy-uireo years ago to fill a long felt want." "What's the result?" "A want long felt about twenty threo years." "THE FREE PASS BRIBERY SYSTEM" An lu tiiin i,,Vii7,;- A?,"'. "t ""' """' 2,& ' ,nrr tylbtotuiimlin ftwta thai iim (om.lin.vn Vfii-mm ll.o K"muMimJWni& nm u ftT",' f"r.u": nrtm,U lo tr.lrt Im Trail i'mT'm ' ,'"ilwl,,rtlva 'iflofi or ill Km Vwm w i h. MUUom JIKXIl y V. ilf.ltati, i'ineoltt, .&!. PATENTS gpWVs Vl"" J- nv c WMinii?ton?u.a SELL WATCHES AND CHAINS oniy. Hold, Hllvrr, lsl n, Wn tlium. etc. Onon nu. AJI, HAlAih CO., l)c)t. (I. Now Yorlc City Urn in Leaks Envy Is the tribute that medio crity pays to ability. A bore is a man who Insists upon talking about tho north polo when you want to talk about the tariff. Tho best strikebreaker is arbitration. ECZEMA CAN IIK CI'RPI. M mIM, aoothlnr, tur.nUl twt doe, li.nd nii MH.rf provta It HlOltf THIS ITCHIKU nd caret to iUy. WHITE HOW-TODAY. ."! DHCANNAPAV, 174 PARK SObAHE. SEDAUA, MO mk&k ORNAMENTAL JfN0X ..uUOg,0 cncaier HUH wood.rnoroilarablo. Special vricta to churches ami ccme Ul you get our frcicaUlot;. 0"BiojrneJHiiohtB0 VU orthU.,KokoBM,l e.l" from ethical. Inn" 2!f.u.!?i W Some of these days organized la- Ono ten-vear-old lad wn hpfnrr or will realize that ignorance has tM taunted by his playmate for having ?"" moro tI,an tho oppression of X i;hih(i rn nnca niu ovominntiAnn failed to nass his examinarlnnR. "Well," retorted the delinquent, "it takes one who can stand zero to get to tho north pole." A teacher was striving to Becure" definitions from her pupils. She told a story: "A woman going home in the evening was attacked by a robber, and she defended herself with the best weapon she had. What is the meaning of 'weapon?' " "I desB she just sticked out her tongue," lisped a small girl in the class. Cautious "What is that soft, whirring sound I hear?" queried Mr. Softleigh Spoonamore, sitting forward on tho sofa. "0, that is merely a phonograph making a record," replied Miss Priscilla Surenuff. "What's it for?" asked Mr. Spoonamoro. "Well," replied MIsb Surenuff, "I was reading the other day about a new kind of ink that fades very rap Idly, and in view of that I thought It best to fortify my espistolary accum ulation by having some permanent records." Realizing the futility of trying to get away from it, Mr. Softleigh Spoonamore made arrangements to purchase the solitaire the next day. b HI Where's the Joke? Of course you have read about It many times, but honestly now, did your wife ever really try to open a can of tomatoes with your razor? It's a very. familiar story, isn't it? But, on the square, did your wife ever crawl stealthily from bed in the Brill hours of the nicrht and rifle vour rpockets of small change? wnen iney nave naming eise 10 write about the jokesmiths seize up- Tho aYeracro cirl learns to bnkn n fancy cake long before she learns to bake good biscuits and too many of them stop at tho fancy cake. Our real friends gently tell us of our faults and then wo no longer consider them our friends. Flattery is the food that fools fat ten upon. When you begin forgetting the day of your birth it is a sign that you aTo growing old. The man who quits when ho has earned all ho gets is forever getting no more than ho earns. After all, Is it really work when we take pleasure In a task? Banks can afford to keep open short hours because tho interest works all tho time. The aeronaut is worthy of his higher. What makes us tired when we go to a trained animal show is to ,see some lowbrowed trainer take all the applause we give for tho brutes' clev erness. The pathway is never dark to the traveler who goes forth with a heart full of hope. The average woman's Idea of a good neighbor is one who always sends back a little more than she borrowed. A man does not have to crlnere in order to. be humble. It isn't charity to give unless the giving entails a little bit of sacrifice We would gladly join in celebrat ing the anniversary of the good woman who invented the pumpkin pie. Tho job wo haven't got Is always th one wo think wo could perform the best, A well trained conscience heeds no accuser. A lot of people who never prac ticed harmony on earth expect to play harps in heaven. producer of we rt, co nee r' wf?7zrz:'ntzz: ..", """fff" " i d- creM " li continued In ll,c Jilblc. Amttkan KeVlnori , TW ?n.f,''n'ncr' th'' cU,th t"",n,' H prepaid. ANTI-UhUKY LllAtWH, Alhwny, Oregon Don't Wear a Truss PriCe- STUART'S PLASTER PAnR ... ll1tS?J,N dlfftMBj f,om the painful tnm, I L2-,""5 Nl '", ,,n" "-'''"Ira the ry.amtt s. I hoM ihe runture In nUce wlUi. out (traps, hucblea ox tptluut rannotttlp, to cannot chale r corupmt agalnM Hie pcWfc boor. The mott olftJaate; cet enrta in the privacy ol trratrdtlicrnKlve without hindrance IromwoiU. Roll aiTrlttU.trtaDllj Inncf uilif. r.,.ir. (Ill rtr TBrTMcai?.l!n?::o,,,.,',l, iin wa inbrmnblil .4iKm4i irug iaw. . ,, , . . We prove what we ay lr?i-!fS'5'f?0.,U1ttal Tr'lt alwlntW VHM.. Write to gTUABrPLASTfcR.PAP CO,, Mock 54, St.touls, Mo I "JTUl w Stomach Troubles Vanish Like Magic FREE to Every Man or Woman V J mail t JuCfl Woald yea like to eat all you want to, and if bat you Trsnt to. when you want to, without a cluoo for trouble in your stoniAcbf Would you like to Bay fa r well for therettof your life to Dyapepjla, IndJzMtlon, Sour Btomach. Distress after eating. Nervousness, Catarrh el Mm Sumach, Heart Fluttering, Sick Headache and CoMtlpatfoa? Then send mo 10 cents to eorer coat of packing and I will mail you absolutely freo one of these wonderful Stomach Drafts. Tbey regulate the bowels, relieve soreness, strengthen every nerve and muscle of your stomach, relieve you at once and make you feel like a new man or woman. So write today enclosing lOcents for the postage, etc., and get one of these wondorful Stomach Drafts that are celebrated because tbey cure where medl etnes fn). Write Dr. O. a Young, 56 Xatleasi Bank Bid?., Jackson, Mich. 1 wAaUji4, ,,,-samv'.