&7l,rA'"1V"
SEPTEMBER 10, 1109
The Commoner.
13
"trjcfff, JJWr"iC
Tho Point of View
That it all depends upon the point
of view is illustrated by a little in
cident that Governor Shallenberger
of Nebraska tells. It will be remem
bered that the last legislature of Ne
braska enacted a law requiring all
the saloons of tha state to close their
doors between 8 p. ra, and 7 a. m.
Despite the pressure brought to bear
to induce him to veto the bill Gov
ernor Shallenberger signed it
Tho governor spoke at a Fourth
of July celebration in a northwestern
Nebraska city this year, and in the
evening he was introduced to a cow
boy a typical reminder of the old
days, who wore chaps and had a big
"45" strapped about his waist. When
the introduction was made the cow
boy thrust his hands in his pockets
and remarked in a surly tone:
"Well, you're the guy that turns
off the booze at 8 o'clock in the even
ing, are you?"
., "No, sir," retorted Governor Shal
lenberger, "I'm the guy that turns
it on at 7 o'clock in the morning."
:. "Well I never looked, at it that
way, governor; shake!" exclaimed
the cow.boy.
:i And the two shook hands.
perlenco tho delights of wearing a
pair of new boots with pretty rod
tops and bright copper toes.
And he'd like to take just one
more "bellyguttin"' slide down the
slippery bank of tho old swimmin'
hole with as little care for the pro
prieties as ho had about' four decades
ago.
And he'd like to spend one more
day snaring suckers in Walnut creek
with as little sense of responsibility
as he had in the old sucker-snaring
days.
And he'd like to have a chance
to live over the last thirty-six of
those forty-six years.
But he'd rather" be forty-six and
situated as he is than to bo as old
as some men he knows who are
multi-millionaires and have nothing
but dollars.
It isn't years '.hat make a man old.
dally when I contrast them today
with what they may bo tomorrow."
Naturally wo wanted Information,
and we asked for it
"It is this way," continued tho
man. "Today they march as If they
owned the earth. Tomorrow a lot I
of thom will appear beforo mo and I
will enjoin them from doing several
things they are boasting about to
day. I am a Judge on tho federal
bench, and those marchers had noth
ing to say about my appointment,
and can do nothing to havo me removed."
Easily Figured
Having in mind promises made us
before election we called upon our
representative in congress for the
purpose of protesting against his ad
vocacy of the new tariff law.
"You told us you were in favor of
revision downward," we remarked.
t "Quito true," replied Hon. Rupert
DeSmudge. "And I desire to call
your attention to the fact that while
we reduced the tariff on pepper 50
per cent, and tho tariff on paprika
75 per cent, we increased the duty
on cotton goods and woolen cloth
only 25 per cent. A little figuring
will convinco you that the average
of reduction is very much down
ward." J. Not being much of a mathemati
cian we could not make adequate re
ply on the spur of the moment. Later
we happened to think that Hon Ru
pert DeSmudge drew $7,500 a year
while we drew $960, the average be
ing $4,230, but that still left us con
siderably short.
However, we didn't think of it un
til after we had voted to re-elect
him.
School Days
Now soon again the bell will ring
To call the kids to school,
Where they may figure, write and
sing
And study many a rule.
Vacation time is o'er today
Each boy is full of cares,
For gone's another chance, to slay
The Injuns, wolves and bears.
Grammatical
"I see that the dealers have raised
the price of coal again," said
Commonly.
"For goodness sake!" shrieked
Murray Llndley, who is, something of
a purist. "For goodness sake do not
say 'raised tho price;' say increased
the price.' You arid I will have to
raise it."
Dangerous
"Jenkins is something of a ban
quet orator, isn't he?"
"Yes, but he'd make a mighty
poor railroad man."
"Why do you say that?"
"Ho always runs past his signals
whenever he gets on his foot to
talk."
TALKING $
PARROT vO
Brain Leaks
yjKKt
Helped
The man was visiting his old home
after tho lapse of many years.
"I remember that Bill Smithers
went west to grow up with the
country. Did he manage to rise in
the world by his own unaided
efforts?"
"Well, no; Bill riz all right, but
he had help. There yere more'n a
dozen men had holt of tho rope."
Different
"Biggerly has been fined for vio
lating the speed laws."
of
; Language Needed
." "Who's the most profane man in
this village?" asked the stranger as
he registered at the hotel and then
wiped the perspiration from his
bro.w.
"That's ol Bill Morrow," replied
the landlord. "What'n th' name o'
sense do you want 'ith the most pro
fane man?"
"I merely want him to talk about
the weather for a .few minutes,"
replied tho overheated traveler. "I've
exhausted my vocabulary."
: ( Anniversary Thoughts
- ,When a man is f brty-Bix and don't
care, he doesn't feel his age.
And we known one man who has
inst cut the forty-sixth notch on his
stick whose wants run not in tho
direction of richea or power.
But he would like to have a bar
low knife and the ability to enjoy
tts ownership aa much as he enjoyed
the ownership of the first one he
ver had.
"T Atrln't- tifn1r ttinf nl niitn
his could travel that fast."
"It wasn't that. Biggerly's ma
chine broke down on a busy street
and they fined him
traffic."
for blocking
Maybe
Before you denounce the tariff,
think it over. Perhaps the framers
made the duty on blankets very high,
expecting that the increase would
make us so hot we wouldn't need
such heavy blankets, thus effecting
a saving to us.
Perhapa!
A fit of tho blues often makes tho
victim feel pious.
Lovo that lasts "seldom makes
much noise about it. .
Man is never alono when in com
pany with a good book.
A Sunday contribution will not
atono for a Monday sin.
Money will build a mansion, but
it takes love to make it a homo.
Yesterday's mistakes are atoned
for when we profit by them today.
We get little credit for being good
when there is no temptation to do
wrong.
When labor votes as it marches
the biggest share of its troubles will
bo over.
A lot of men claim credit for good
judgment every time- they make a I
good sruess. 1
Labor Day is a' great holiday, but
Election Day offers the worker his
best opportunity.
' A lot of men talk about the golden
rule in tones that listen very much
like sounding brass.
A lot of church members expect
that when they pay tho preacher ho
will bo good for all of them.
What a good thing it Is for most
of us that money Is not the only
thing that will purchase happiness.
We have an idea that wo know a
man who would givo a thousand
miles of railroad for tho ability to
digest one good, square meal.
During September we wIS
sell you a $10 I'arrot for M
and guarantee U to liJk
in. id of 90 dmy. IfM
doesn't return parrot artel
wc willrattmi mmy-yM
run no risk.
All these parrots arc ptm
fectly tame.
Written guarantee with
every jrarrou Shipped any
where in the United States.
Canada, or Mexico on
receipt of . . . ?
Sfclpftlar ea tad food for Joax.
aey ladudfd.
No more $10 Parrots for
$5 after September 30th.
Better order nt once.
(Special A 3.80 Steel
Parrot Care for f 1.60, wheat
ordered with Parrot.)
Cugley & Mullen, 1275 Market St, PWU.
(The Ur get! pet shop la the wrld.)
Banking by Mail
made safe in
Oklahoma.
Several utatcn hnvo imitation "Bank
Deposit Guaranty Laws." Moat stated
havo no occurJty for bank deposit.
Oklahoma liaa tho genuine, original
law, tried by tlmo and perfected In
tho light of actual oxpcrloncc.
Writo for booklet Just off tho prc.
It given tho law an arnonded to dat
and other valuablo Information.
GUARANTY STATE BANK,
Muskogee, Oklahoma.
VIRGINIA COUNTRY HOMES
A beautifully illustrated periodical. For
free copy and Hut of 200 select proper
ties In best parts of State, apply to
H. W. HILLEARY & CO.,
ClinrloiienvJUc, Vm.
JJnANCir Omchh: Richmond, Va,; VrcdcrlcicMbart, 5
Vn.; Warrenton, Va,; Culpcpor, Va.
Just Walt
Watching tlie marching hosts go
by on Labor Day, we turned to a
gentleman standing by In order to
converse with him. There was a pe
culiar sneer upon his face, which
puzzled ua.
"This Is a proud day for the toil
ers," we remarked.
"Yes" repiiea me man wuu
SENATOR GORE OF OKLAHOMA
Seldom., if ever before, has a
legislative body witnessed so remark
able a feat as that performed by tho
blind senator from Oklahoma during
the recent session of congress. In a
rash moment Senator Lodge had cast
doubt on some of Senator Gore's
statements in regard to tho largo
earnings of certain cotton and wool
en mills of New England.
Knowing from personal experience
how unscrupulously figures and facts
are often cited in a running partisan
discussion, the Massachusetts scholar
may havo felt entirely safe in chal
lenging tho statistics given offhand
by a man deprived of the use of his
own eyes. Ho misjudged his oppo
nent. Depending solely upon his
memory, Senator Goro covered his
protectionist critic with confusion
by repeating in detail from tho re
port of the bureau of corporations
of Senator Lodge's own state the offi
cial figures covering the capitaliza
tion, surplus, net earnings and divi
dend rates of a large number of
Massachusetts mills. He did the same
with fifty cotton and woolen corpor
ations. Probably no public man since
Henry Fawcett, who became post
master general in Gladstone's cabi
net in 1880 after having been sight
less for twenty-eight years, has pos-
VJ1CGJNIA JrVUCMS-Good land Low prices.
Mild climate Now ft-co illustrntod Catalogue. Thin
is tho Country for tho Northern Farmer. Wrlto
G'HKHelinaii & Co. Kslahiishod 20 yean, lUcu
moml, Va.
Intelligent man or woman to dUtrlbuto circulars
and tako order. $2 a day and commlmtou. Perma
nent Universal Houso, 3OT Wubash Ave., Chicago.
PATENTS
SUCUUKD OK F12JS
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Free report m to Patentability. Illustrated fluids
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Good ray. steady work and promotion. Experience
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BE A RAILWAY MAIL CLERIC
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use. IIyotrwanttobeuetopagelou
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BEFORE DECIDING
WHERE TO ATTEND SCHOOL
Bend for Cfttavlogr of
VALPARAISO UNIVERSITY,
(Accredited)
One or tho Largest Universities and Training
School In the United States.
2S Departments Excellent Equipments
17 Instructors
Seheel the Entire Year
the .' to rod amuBtog to seesed so infalllblo a memory.-N.w
Zt ould-Uke to ain -lTSSa mch prond. alYoAWorM.
Students maj- enter at any time and aeJect their studies
from tar, or from (nan? of the followlor
BKFAKTKEHTSl FrepsraUrr, ttuhtnf, Klalargartta,
Prlaarr, Ftaarorr, Manoal Tratnlnr, HtlmtitU, CiauUal,
Wrher , Chll Kn jlerlBr, Vimu, Frtatfa, Bpeabk,
IUKaa, Law, rbanuacy. Stdlcai, Db1I, tUtaHom aad Ora
torr.Haatc, Mae Art, Coauicreal,PtasaajhJB, fkoaunhj,
aod TjytwrUAmz, lUrWv.
The JExpenooa Am Made So Low
that anyone can meet them. TidUn, ft I per ooarUr tt 11
wtcki. Board and furnltbed room, fl.T I per wreck.
Cat'Iee riraar tuB ptrtkmJara miUi . AMrt, ..
H. B BH9WJT, rrcaUsct, or O. P. lOJfSET, Tlt PrtS4cat. j
Fail Term wffl open September 21, 1909; Winter terns.
December U, 19VH Spring term. March V, 1310; bums
tens. May 31. 1910; Mid-Summer term. June 23, 1919. V
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