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AUGUST , 190
The Commoner.
13
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Poor Man
Poor man! His life is full of woes
As down the rugged path ho goes.
He rises at the break of day
And starts off feeling blythe and gay,
But er he's started on the morn
He finds the cutworms in his corn,
And in the fields of waving wheat
He sees the chintz bugs gaily eat.
A man comes tripping o'er the clods
And sells him miles of lightning
rods,
And with a pretty fountain pen
He signs a little contract then
In thirty days the bank says, "You
Must pay your note; it's long past
due."
Or some smooth politician hies
Upon the scene and gaily lies
Until the man, deluded chump,
Frames for himself another bump.
At noon he tries to take his ease
Beneath the shade of leafy trees.
But just as he begins to nap
An agent comes with county map
Or books galore, for him to scan
And pay for on installment plan.
Then, ere he ope's his mouth to
speak
He's stuck a year two plunks a
week.
He sends to congress some smooth
guy
Who says the tariff, is too high;
And while he dreams of sweet re
lease The fellow votes for big increase.
He studies-hard to learn the facts
About his state and county tax,
Then votes to get some great relief
And finds he's only added grief.
He plans to take a little trip
And all his chickens take the pip,
Or cholera infests his hogs
Or fleas attack his favorite dogs.
He has a daughter and at last
He gets her wedding day well past,
Arid finds instead of losing one
He's only gained another son.
P.oor man! His life is full of ills
And ipecac and dope and pills.
His frame is choked with creaks and
aches;
His course is full of foolish breaks.
He grows up like a pumpkin vine
And wilts down like a piece of twine.
Poor man! No matter how he
jumps
He's due to get some awful bumps.
Identified
Visitor at Daily Whirl Office "I
want to see the gentleman who gets
up all those dainty and attractive
'daily menus.' "
City Editor "That pale, thin,
dyspeptic fellow over them on the
leather couch is the man you want.
Be careful how you address him;
he's got an awful grouch on this
morning."
bathing one of the big, striped fol
lows in a tub of cold water for a
day, take it out, elevate it above
your head and then let it drop, ker
plunk! upon the ground. When it's
big, red, juicy heart is exposed to
view, grab it, using both hands, and
then insert your face therein until
you can feel the juice trickling down
the lobes of your ears.
Then ask yourself: "Shall wo per
mit any old chemist to attempt the
task of utilizing this delicious fruit
for any other purpose?"
Far be it from so!
At the first attempt to make sugar
of the watermelon we'll insist that
the governor call out the militia.
Guilty or Not Guilty?
"You are charged with fraud, sir,"
exclaimed the examining magistrate.
"What have you to say for you
self?". "The charge is untrue, your
honor."
"But it Is charged that you ob
tained money from numerous people
by fraud and misrepresentation."
"The charge Is absurd, your hon
or. I advertised an infallible fire
escape for every home, and offered
to sell them at one dollar each."
"But you can't sell fire escapes
at a dollar."
"I can, sir, and to prove It I'll
show you one."
Reaching down into his pocket the
prisoner pulled to view a copy of the
Bible.
Restrain Him, Quick!
An eastern chemist declares that
he has discovered a method of mak
ing sugar in commercial quantities
from the watermelon.
Despite our opposition to govern
ment by injunction we demand that
this man be instantly restrained from
carrying out his nefarious purpose.
In addition to meaning that it will
give the sugar trust a new cinch up
on us, it means that we are to see
sacreligious hands laid upon one of
our natural resources.
As well try to pairit the lily as to
try to get anything more out of the
juicy, lucious watermelon. After
Hot Weather Hints
Be careful what you drink in hot
weather. Hero is a recipe that will
be of benefit to all:
Take any kind of fruit you like,
smash it to a pulp and strain, off the
juice. Add a little sugar, a little
lemon, a little allspice, a little vin
egar, a little of anything else you
happen to think about. Put this
mixture Into a cup. Then take an
other cup and fill it full of water
fresh from the well or hydrant. Then
throw away the mixture in the first
cup and slowly drink the contents
of the second cup.
Sponge cake is always relished In
hot weather. Select well grown
sponges, soak them over night in
salt water. In the morning rinse
through fresh water several times,
then dip In batter and fry to a crisp
brown.
A great many housewives fail to
conserve their energies during the
hot weather. They fuss and boil
over a' hot stove three times a day,
when twice a day Is often enough.
.Get breakfast and dinner at home
and then go visiting just about sup
per time. This is both economical
and pleasant.
Boil the water before giving the
baby a drink. Be careful not to
get these directions mixed.
To remove the stain of fee tea
from the table cloth. Roll the table
cloth into a tight roll, saturate with
kerosene and thrust it quickly into
the kitchen stove. This has never
been known to fail in removing the
stains.
A correspondent asks us for a
rfifiinfl for nreservincr watermelon
rind. We decline. We'll undertake
to give some one a recipe for pre
serving potato peelings if tfcey will
guarantee to make one certain
woman we know of forget that there
Is such a thing as watermelon pre
serves. '
A erood deal of time now consumed
in combing the children's hair in the
morning may bo saved by the aimplo
dovico of taking them down to the
baTber shop and having thoir hair
clipped off. short.
Tho best remedy wo know of for
files is to go visiting for a week or
two and lot tho flies starve to death.
Agricultural
"And now," twittered Miss DcCity
girl as she started, to m'ako the
rounds of tho farm with Farmer
Corntossel, "you must first show mo
your electrical apparatus.'
"I guess you'll havo to tell mo
what you mean by that," said Farm
er Corntossol.
"Why, your electrical apparatus.
I've heard so much about shocking
wheat that I 'want to see how it is
done:"
This, it might bo remarked, rather
solaced Fanner Corntossel for his
mistake in blowing out tho gas when
ho was In town last fall.
Summer Fancies
A pair of duck trousers is no sign
that tho wearer owns a yacht.
It is awfully hard to believe that
tho average shirt waist girl is as cool
as she looks.
Ever notice how innocently sho
can guide you to tho street that dis
plays tho most alluring ice cream
signs?
The hotter tho day tho moro men
you'll see who don't know a thing
about agriculture but who aro sure
tO Say. "Awfullv hot. hnr mirrlifv
good corn weather."
GINSENG
Urain Leaks
Ho who hustles has no time for
envy.
It is easy tj make cxmiRnn fnr
those we love. '
'The chief danger in some moral
waves Is the undertow.
A man haB no right to bo satisfied
unless he has done his best.
Some parents should take oxamnlfl
of the birds .and nush the nestllnirH
out.
Now and then we've heard tomnnr-
ance workers who forgot to practice
it when they were talking.
We'd givo a lot for an apple "turn
over" that tasted as good as some
we ate about forty years ago.
. One thing a man can never under
stand, and that is what women find
to talk about so long over tho back
fence.
If you are making concessions to
comfort in the matter of your shoes
it is a sign that rou are cottincr oldnr
and wiser.
With hogs selling at $8 a' hun
dred pounds wo can't call somo men
what we'd like to without first apolo
gizing to the porkers.
we know men who turn triad
smiles towards people who help them
make money and stern frowns to
ward tne wives who help them save
it.
If wo take worms for bait when
we go bobbing for bullheads y?o aro
certain to come tp tho conclusion
that is the day the bullheads want
fresh beef.
The sun do move! Just think how
long It has been since you heard a
temperance lecturer who spent most
of his time telling what a horrible
drunkard he used to be.
What has become of the gay old
farmer who always replied to the
question concerning his rye yield
that he opined it would "go about
four gallons to tho acre?"
The average woman works so hard
getting ready for her vacation trip
that she hasn't time to get rested up
before she has to come back home
and take up the old grind again.
We are alwayB sorry when we see
a calico-salaried man trying to keep
up with a silk dress wife. But we
are sorrier when we see a silk dress
salaried man trying to keep his wife
in the calico class.
Tho moat vnluablo crop
In Uio world. Kiwfir
grown throughout Uw
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