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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 29, 1909)
"v vn"vw:r'''M i 'WWlW!l5pHif,r'' 12 The Commoner. VOLUME 9, NUMBER S I R 'i Stomach Troubles Quickly Cured My Pepfopad for the Curt of Indi gestion, Dyspepsia, Etc., Sent Free to All Free Relief to Every Man or Woman J0L If Aft rn . I Trant you to write for ono of my poworful 11.00 Foptopnds for tho ouro of nil stomnoh ills. Dyipcpsla, Indigestion, Acuto Onstrlc Catnrrli. Heartburn. Loss of Appetite, Pains at Pit of Stomach, Constipation, Bowel Pains, etc. No muttor wlm t form of stonmoli troublo you liavo, Jot mo rollovo you frco. This offer Is oztonded to any man or woman. I will do just oxaotly as I sayl will do. No olinnro wlintovor for tills powerful stomach draft. Wear it; oat and onjoy your moala without pain or dlstross. If you nro really a sufferer Juot Bond 10 cts. to pay packing: and mnlunff expenses, and ono of my $1.00 Poptopads (Stomach Drafts) will be tiont to you free, Write &r,i.a,Tai YV$Pt 418 National Bank Bldte., Jackson, Mich. I an i l AGENTS SS, boxed with a stronner fo sharpening dull blades, Special Prices to Our Agents. MATHEWS SAFETY RAZOR stropner for g 1 00 S"SSnS3n a nfariiTK'C??-g??s2vgo?ggvvy Ulgcoitwlnnoryouevonaw. Oiiongontio!d20tlu S ntt afternoon out. IloitBradoof steol, highly nick Si leJ. with lolld handle. Abiolutely guaranteed. 3 HUVClthrOWlnSnTCAT Old lltnilni.WrUnfnrniir ... ? lil.V;Eln?lT WM We hnwyouhowtomnk V. XJili'I' wunoui oxverlancs. Wrlto today. THOMAS MFQ. CO., OX (Unity Btosk, Dayton, O. 30g CPts the hottest Doniocintlc paper In U.S. ono year. Tho llumut, lllxby.N. O. LJ!:i8:.ftft'lRAA0EY'Waghngtpn-n-n- Fetati 1n TOBACCO v SALESMEN Oood pay. sternly woilc and piniiioUon. Kri'erlcmoo ECZEMA &Vand Viu'uin. ,nU,,' .ooihJn'' 5 cur, uoos i ana nil.., ..AMri.K vroe It. HTOl'S TUE ITCHiNn ud euro, to Uy. WHITE NOW-TODAY. "WHU lr. Caiumduy, 174 iurk Square .Sodnlin.Mo $90 Ks,sxr&rc;a CHOICE VIR0BN1A FARMS soma Booklet niul Low Exc rsi n iiSiSf "a" Asthma ?i&.!& I F REE. ?;A CUltls.. it 11 cure you send mo m l.0O. It it docs not, don't. uivn ni press ofllco. AjWiohs P.J.LANli llox L. C tot, Bliiry'H, Khuniih. ' " u SSffi. prices Bnnk I TxvS'i" jnouwior, VIO.OO, 1SH"1 iV.op? urooiior, :""" jwuiuck indoor Uropdor. S4.50. Why tiS ilonblo tcso prices for Jwu chines th.it nro no bottorT 8& r Froo .Book- lonrn i.rf nnEW Jft" . low toir8,oWtonri,,.u,.j.,istuw8 Poultry .. -"" IOIJ8 110W to mUn i.i r,-.. " lUhaace Incubator Co., Box 523, Freeport. ill. Writing It at Homo A bunch of four four happy kids Chock full of fun and pleasure. All four a mighty big expense, Dut ov'ry ono - treasure. And when I want it qulot liko So 1 can do ray writing, The noise that bunch begins to mako Sounds liko two armies fighting. Ono clambers over my machine; One asks for help with "numbers." Ono for my pencil makes demand; Ono my tirod knee encumbers. "A dozen eggs cost forty cents, What will threo dozen cost?" And by the time I work it out My thread of thought is lost. Ono sticky hand is reaching out To grasp my thinning locks. Ono piercing voice makes loud de mand For heln with buildinc blocks. "My pencil's broke; please sharpen it bo I can write tho rest" And then tho thoughts I've garnered in Are knocked galley west. But when, at last, the sandman comes And all four little heads Are resting on tho pillows white Of two soft, downy beds; And all is quiet 'round the houso "Where once the noise did ring, I start to write and then can't think ui ono (lodgasted thing! come erlong wif me an' I done show you plenty visible means o' suppo't. Ain't my wife got two wash tubs an' a patent wringah w'at she done bought on do inducement plan only las' week?" Of Course Now comos the unregenerato With merry whistled tune, And always leaves ajar the door He loudly slammod last June. Plensuro "Reading any fiction these days?" Lots of it. I'm spending my evenings reading the automobile ad vertisements in the monthly mag azines." b Both Sides "Christmas comes but once a year, mourned the pessimistic child. But pay day comes once a -week " chirped tho optimistic parent. Degrees Ho went to Yalevard college And won his "Ph. D " And then, post graduating, Won double "D" degree He married, then, a million,' And folks say he's "N. G." Tho Buttinski "I hold," declared the habitual quoter "that 'woman's orownSS glory is her hair.' " owning WhlR?itS!" exclaImed the buttinski, Stag managed t0 snoil every: Defined "Pa, what is these bacilli that the papers are talking about?" "Huh, tho ignorance of tho nres- ont generation," snorted Mr. Fosst um. You ought v knowtey' a Grave Mistake "Look here, old man; I thought you were going to turn over a new leaf tho first day of tho year!" "Thash all ri', my friend. I tried turnin' over new leaf all ri', but I wash sho flustered I got th' book upside down when I turned it." The Pessimist Gotagrouch "Why don't you quit blowing in your money, Spenderly, and save up something for a rainy day?" Spenderly "What's the use? If I began that stunt today it would cloud up before tomorrow morning." Proof Positive "I guess I'll have to send you un judge VaYou'"cinemrCed WeS J i i ou do not seem to have any visible moans of support." NOW ina' lnr.tr l,,.i j-, . cd i&; wm?"1' We ,In: slcto t? l u'v u'ur jeuge, m Rastus White. YoV jis' Modern Definitions Vested Right A skin game that the general public pays for. Practical Politics Euphonism for corruption. Protective Tariff Heads, the trusts win; tails, the people lose. Contempt of Court An easy method of punishing a man for do ing something the law does not pro hibit but which the court does not want done. ' ' Wise Man "They say 'marriage is a lottery, " remarked Mrs. Bildad. "Well, if it is I drew the capital prize," replied Mr. Bildad. And it made Mrs. Bildad feci so good she didn't have the heart to strike Mr. Bildad for the money to float her past all the bargain counters. But far be it from us to insinuate that Mr. Bildad was actuated by ulterior motives. Queer Yes, sir," remarked the garrul ous bill collector, "I've been read ing up on this thought transference business and I think it's great. Why I believe I .will soon learn to read your thoughts even if I'm miles away." "I hope so," growled Mr. Im P. Cunious, "because It will save both of us a lot of time that is now beinc wasted." And the garrulous bill collector was four blocks a"way before he saw the point. Rebellion 'JJik h?fe' Mr. Jiner," said the boHeve?"' yU-are an EIk' J "Yes, my dear." "And a Bison?" "Quite correct." "Also an Eagle." .. t. "Very true." " "And a Moose?" "Just recently." "Well, you just look here. I've been the ernnr 'rnnnii i,i i . - t,-w '"u mis nouso about long enough, and you're going y Mwwixi uu. rag, you're Deceptive "Look here!" shouted the irate city editor. "Didn't I tell you I wanted a green .hand at the report ing business so I could train him the way I wanted him to go?" "Yes, sir." "And didn't you tell me you had never done any newspaper work?" "Yes, sir." "Well, you told one of, those short and ugly word things!" "Why, sir; I never " "Cut it out! I guess I know. Here's your report of that fire. Now show me where you said anything about the 'greedy flames,' or tho 'brave fire laddies,' or the 'fire fiend,' or the 'terrible holocaust,' or the 'devouring element!' Show me, I say! Not a thing like 'em in here, and yet you try to get a' job under false pretenses. Here's an order on the cashier for what's coming to you, and you needn't come back." .. v Brain Leaks Broke 'em yet? Easy won. soon wasted. A heart full of faith means short; shrift to sorrow. - -J- A square meal is a religious tract's best advance agent. We'd rather be the E. Z. Mark than the skin game operator. Begin 1909 by profiting by the mistakes of 1908 -not by regretting them. Mr. Taft says golf is a poor man's game. We think-so, with a little different inflection. If you do not think your town is the best one of its size in the coun try, its time you moved out. When a young man "makes a night of it" he usually has to spoil two or three good days to do it. ol(?igllt(ln we'd give more for d slice, of "salt risih' " "bread'thW we would for a three-story chocolate caiie. ; Every time a man makes a good guess he swells up and wants every- ?u1SymtentaCkn0WleaSe hlS suOTior Speaking of "currency reform" will somebody please invent a cu'r- time fixing their hair as the women do fixing their own. women r t THE BRAVEST SONG AND THE, SWEETEST SONG The bravest song is the song he sinirq " who is hoping the best he may Wh"e he faithfully helps to do the things that have to bo doneeack The warrior may sing a glorious song aJ? h? ?arches t0 meet his foe And the hunter may sing as hi' hur ries along where the quarry crouching low, y 1S But the bravest song is the son of the man who goes when thTlfght To faithfully labor as best he can for the ones who depend on him The sweetest song is her song whose ware filled ith a rfghW '' As she watches the cot where har -haby lies while her needle todeftl" The prima donna may prandiv fm and her bird-like notes mfyVe " ?iT th.at they never inay fall to " AAher hearers witl ecstasy And her song is sweet who in rant,, r brings her lover tho tJS? nlQ should; Ue faItU sh0 . But the sweetest sons is hr 0ftn who sings in the Joy of vonnS motherhood. y Puns S'H;rfId.er'lnChlCasoKe- J 'i '. " W3S8S2&g& tiiMikj?viikim-,vi m IV b. i -. i iit Hi