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DECEMBER 25, 1908
The Commoner.
13
ii3PHHBI'Bi,Mi,c"ik . "
ftS fflP5l9l,orf,t
His Nccktio Up Behind
How oft it is that when we think
We're cutting quite a swell;
That when we think we're quite au
fait
And casting potent spell,
We feel a sudden, sick'ning thrill
And have it brought to mind
That with a cussedness unique
Our necktie's up behind?
How oft we see a man who thinks
The world is at his feet;
Who thinks that o'er all knowledge
ho
Has victory won complete,
But who, if he'd investigate,
Would very quickly find
That he is strutting here and there
With necktie up behind?
How oft we see upon the streets
A man who tries to make
His neighbors think in point of brains
He always takes the cake;
But who, if only nature should
Unto him be more kind,
Would know that 'stead of brains
it is
His necktie up behind?
My youthful friend, .pause while I
give
A bit of good advice. .
Before you let your head piece swell
Just ponder once or twice
Upon the fact beyond disputes
Each man is sure to .find
Some time the whole world laughs
because
His necktie's up behind.
Color Blind
"I guess Binks is color blind."
"What makes you think so?"
"When things look blue to every
body else Binks always sees them in
a different light." ,t
Fino
"The operation as a magnificent
success."
"But the patient died."
"True, but we demonstrated that
the operation could be performed
and the administrator of the estate
paid the bill without question."
The Impossible Happens
"I attended a Christmas entertain
ment last night that was simply the
attainment of the seemingly impos
sible." "Must have been something fine."
"It was more than that. Why,
they had a fine program, and wheth
er you believe it or not, no one re
cited that one beginning, 'Old Mar
lay was dead to begin with.' Now
what do you think of that?"
"Think? I think, old man, you
are trying to 'string me. The idea
of a Christmas literary program with
out Scrooge and Marlay and all that
bunch!"
Simply Awf ul
"Senator," we exclaimed in the
heat of our righteous anger, "what
shall you do concerning that out
rageous attack upon you by the Daily
Whirl?"
Then it was that Senator Graball
showed ua the real heights of his
statesmanship.
"Sir," he replied, "the attack is
not upon me, but upon the govern
ment I strive to the utmost of my
ability to represent. I shall do noth
ing. Conscious of the rectitude of
my intentions -I 'Shall insist that an
outraged government, wantonly at
tacked over my shoulders, shall suit
ably punish the dastard who has
struck the foul blow."
Yot, despite all this thero are
those who merely winked tho eye
and thrust the tongue into the cheek
when they read the senator's ringing
words. fa
Kismet '
I hung on high my Christmas socks
And went to bed on Christinas eve.
I wondered all the long night
through
What I might in those socks re
ceive. New socks they were -On Christmas
morn
I jumped from bed and hastened
down,
To learn my son was first to riso
And that he'd worn thoso socks
down town.
Tho Grumbler
"What did you get on the Christ
mas tree?"
"Nothing, but I got a lot of grease
on my clothes trying to light the
Christmas tree candles."
Easily Fixed
Mr. Wadso Coyne "The man who
marries my daughter must be able
to keep her in the style to which
she has been accustomed."
Hassel Lott "She says she wants
to marry rtie just to get a change."
Christmas Thoughts
The soon battered toy is tho one
best liked.
There's something wrong about
the man who grumbles because his
children interrupt his Christmas
morning slumber.
The gift that it hurts to give is of
no value to the one who receives.
Just because you can not make a
lot of people happy on Christmas is
no reason why you should not try to
make somebody happy.
The best thing Santa' Claus could
give us would be a good appetite for
a Christmas dinner. And tho best
thing he could give to many others
would be a good Christmas dinner
to fit their appetites.
Tho mean man is the one who
gives his wife an easy chair for him
to sit in.
A Letter
Harristown, Ills., December 14.
To the "Architect," care Commoner:
I was interested in your last install
ment of "Christmas stuff," and was
especially interested in your refer
ence to the coppertoed and redtopped
boots. It reminded mo of my boy
hood experience with boots, and
doubtless you had the same. Re
member how we would slosh around
in the water and snow until the
boots were soaked? And remember
how we would thrust our feet be
tween the rounds of a chair when we
went to remove those boots? How
we'd tug and strain until the boot
came off. And the round of the
chr would crush in the "counter "
and by morning the boots would bo
as hard as cast iron, and to save us
we couldn't get our heel down to
mo bottom of the boot because the
mnter" was crumpled up. As a
result wo would be walking on our
toes most of the winter, and the
boots, hard as iron, would be a dull
doolb, . cmnaiI1on brown.
redATr? the old wooden "rocker"
skal Bemember them? There
was a screw in tho heel of tho skato
that screwed into tho bootheel, and
then we strapped them on, pulling
the straps until our eyes bulged out.
The straps pressed tho hard leather
of the bootleg against our anklo
bones, and after we skated an hour
or two wo would have a raw place
on each ankle as big as a silver dol
lar. But what did wo care? If,
however, we had acquired thoso raw
places sawing wood wo would have
been the worst abused boys on earth.
Wasn't it awful, though, to have
to hustle out of bed on thoso cold
winter mornings and strain and
struggle to got our soro foot into
those cast iron boots?
Give us some more of those boy
hood memory stories. We old boys
enjoy them, perhaps more than the
young boys. But now and then
throw In some of the hard things wo
endured. They will only make the
pleasant things shine brighter by
comparison.
I wish you and .yours a Merry
Christmas and a Happy aud Prosper
ous Now Year and many of them.
J. H. McG.
Bruin Leaks
Tho chief need of men is more
manhood.
A self-centered life brings only
transient rewards.
Ho who walks by faith has oppor
tunity to enjoy tho scenery.
No, we'll not hang up our hose.
We're afraid the big boy will swipe
'em.
The church that waits for working
men, to come to it will remain very
exclusive.
A man with a million has plenty
of time to write long articles on tho
"blessings of poverty."
The pulpit should now and then
take the powpolnt of view.
For a wise man Solomon had a
woeful lot of idioByncraBles.
People need neither bell nor
whistle to inform them when it is
time for tho theatre curtain to go up.
Better a smile where love is than
a forced gift for appearance's sake.
The easy way of doing a hard job
Is seldom profitable.
It may cost a little more to use
the long distance telephone, but in
view of recent events it is much safer
than using tho mails.
We shudder to think what kind of
language tho chief executive of this
nation would use if he got mixed up
In a controversy with a gas meter.
Just aB soon as those experts get
rid of the plague of rats in San Fran
cisco they might well turn their at
tention to this plague of rats in the
hair.
If you havo.no children of your
own to make happy this Christmas
hustle out and find some children
who have no parents to make them
happy and then make them happy.
It's great sport.
Wo are very grateful for tho fact
that we have passed through some
forty-flvo consecutive Christmases
without having been the recipient of
a "smoking jacket."
Will somebody please explain why
It is that tho furnace that works
beautifully when the weather is
balmy will get balky the very first
real cold morning?
ttt, om wllllnir to co Uio limit iu
making things merry for tho kiddies
on Christmas, but we draw the line
at wrapping a lot of raw cotton about
our portly frame and prancing
around as Santa Claus in close prox
mity to a lot of lighted candles.
Thirty years ago this morning we
went out and pulled a ton or two of
straw out of the mouth of the cave
and got out enough apples and pota
toes to last tho family for a week.
This morning we handed over a dol
lar for a half bushel of measley little
apples and 60 cents for a half bushel
of potatoes that would have been
called "culls" when wo were a boy.
Has It
Ever
Occurred
to You
IfflPJm Si
fl
that Tubular
cream separators
arc saving the
farmers nf tim
United Stnt mil.
Hons of dollars annually?
That sounds pretty strong, but
when you consider tho hundreds
of thousands that nre In tisn nmi
then remember that those epa- I
rators sabe their cost elery year tho I
statement Is not extravagant. I
-ftreyou among the farmers who
are letting the cream sepurator
build your bank account?
If not investigate at once tho
Tubular Separator
because it skims clean; and due to
its simplicity It Is easy to clean,
oil and handle; furthermore being
built of the best materials obtain
able wo guarantee it to last n lifetime.
Join thl T4t"ncnvfn m rAntit mmI
ij ..-'.- c r ;-' ?y," t,4.w"' " c
Tu
for
Joinmc prosperous clans nnd I
larce your bank account by buyintr a I
ruBular. Don't delay. Write n tone"
for f rce catalogue m. Bolt now, I
I
THE SUAnPLES SEPAItATOH CO.,
West Chester, Fenna.
Toronto, Gin. Sin FraacUce, Calif. CkicijeJIl.
fno
R.i
RCTEWTS that PROTECT-
B.8.&A.B.LACEY,Wihlnyton.P.O. Etlab. 1888.
' ' ' rtsuiT v Kiun rrce uo cue-bill with tree
eataloy. Write tor It now and jntif telrctfnns rur.
Pah-bury It anurias, J)ox 2, irbury, UtAx,
)
foundation of Hwrica
drm fZulfwre
)y T. V, MUHSON '
Iadlns; authority on Gropni In Amtt. r
rlca, 1 now offered on utacrJii(Joii by
T.V. MUHSON ft SON, DenUonJex,
Publishers. Send for terms.
Send now. This will net appear again.
WING
.PIANOS,
8Mt tOMd 4 fllOtt lBCCtMf tit 1
Recent lnprovementi rlre 8
greatest resonance. Sod I
Irect. tiaetulM. Sent 1
on Ultl-fielghtrxUU firit. 1
nit ana an trie lime ty u
to tlutw our tilth ta tmr
work. If you want a good
piano, you sav 175 JZCO.
Eatylcrrcs. filll.tly uted
" lUKA-grade, ' 3 uiKxef
lags, 2 iinAUnyt. etc, 75
up taken in exchange for
improved Wing piano
thorohreCnkbed, Semi for
bargain Hit. Yu iheutJ
havt attjrvaf" Bock vt
Complete Information
about Plane." 152 4(a
N.Y.lVrU$ayu "AUk
of educational Interest
everyone should hare.
Vrea for the txnU
Inr It fin the old I' of
WING tc SOU, ww-
W. lh .St. New rone
Banking By Mail
Made Safe
Through tho aoaranteo law Oklahoma makes
the deponiton In the state bunks mfe. Why Jcopar;
diseyoor savlnga7
Why Not Place Them
In Secured Banks?
We will mall law and other Information to parties
Interested.
GUARANTY STATE BANK,
MUSKOGEE, OKLAHOMA.
JH0. D. BENEDICT. Pres.
M. 6. HASKELL, Cash.
4 PER CENT Oil TIME AND SAVINGS DEPOSITS
.. '
