HwjA'njPlprt
The Commoner.
JULY 31 1908
-n
deluded into thinking that ho is act
ing independently.''
Seeing no other- way To' proyonf
trouble, tho supporters acqulesceiilih
w H m P
tho request.
km
PippipMi
.J
t
On the Quiet
Come, brother, whoop it up with
glee, and praise aloud the g. o. p.
Let all with one accord now stand
and whoop it up to beat the band.
"Look at the doughnut, not the
hole," the while $lie contributions
roll from coffers of the trusts im
mense as crooked as an old rail
fence.
Fling forth the banner from the wall,
while Sheldon makes his daily call
on ice trust, coal trust, trust in
steel to benefit the commonweal.
And while the banner floats in air
the trusts will cinch their proper
share they'll use some schemes
to get their due as crooked as an
old corkscrew.
Send up the rockets! Light the
fire from Utica to Rome and Tyre!
And this remember without fail
forget the once full dinner pail.
Just put your trust in Uncle Joe,
of all standpatters chief, you know.
And be, while claiming to be fair,
as crooked as a winding stair.
Let cymbals crash! And beat the
drum from Wall Street clean to
Kingdom Come. Boost loud- and
long for watered stocks that issue
forth in bales and blocks. And
whoop it up all day for fair fqr
currency based on hot air. Of
Wall Street schemes there is no
lack, as crooked as a black snake's
track,
Sound the loud timbrel! Tomtoms
beat, and fill the campaign full of
heat. Hide all the issues with
your smoke, and whoop it up until
you choke. Bring forth tho dread
injunction writ, for trusts will
soon'hjive use for it; and watch
'em iuirn some clever tricks as
crooked as in '96.
Shout for revision till you're hoarse
ifc'B all a campaign bluff of
course. And talk Publicity out
loud, while Sheldon milks the
tariff crowd. Talk dinner pail full
to the brim but all the cream be
sure to skim. Talk square, but
work . schemes without fail as
crooked as the iceman's scale.
Shout for the square deal long and
loud.. -then snuKKle to the tariff
crowd. Shout: "We will put you
on the blink!" Tfien whisper to
'em: "We don't think!" Assume
the highly moral pose, but get the.
swag into your clothes. The way
is long, and goodness knows, as
crooked as a garden hose.
Touring Colorado
The summit of Pike's Peak, bathed
in a flood of golden glory, looked
down upon you in awful majesty.
Awe stricken and silent you gazed
aloft and wondered
"Better have your picture taken
on a burro to send liome as a souve
nir, Mister."
The long shadows came creeping
down the sides of the giant peak,
drifting, drifting, drifting; and as
the last rays of the sun peeped over
the hoary crest the sublimity, the
immensity, the grandeur, of the
great mountain weighed upon you
"A picture of yourself astride a
burro, Mister; printed on a postal
card and sent to a friend, will be
a welcome souvenir. Three for a
quarter, and made while-. you wait"
Silent in. jfjj jrusuch a
handiwork, you gaze between thof
rocky walls of Cheyenne ca'noii and'
wonder how the Master Hand Tent
asunder those mighty rocks.' Your
mind falters in the task of calculat
ing the countless ages that have
passed since first that tiny rivulet'
began making its mark upon the faco
of the eternal granite; and silent
and subdued you gazo with misty
eyes toward the peaks of the eternal
hills and try to realize how-r
"Take a burrow up the canon and
have your picture taken on a post
card for ybur friends. Better have
a photo, Mister."
Slowly you climb tho long flight
of stairs that lead to the top of
Seven Falls, and standing on tho
brink you gaze downward into the
chasm worn in tho rock by the gentle
trickle through tho countless years.
The centuries that are past glide by
in a procession, and you think how
weak and finite is mere man. You
gasp as you try to realize the awful
power that
"Better take a burro and ride over
to Helen Hunt's grave. Twenty-five
cents for tho round trip the only
way to reach that historic spot. And
get your picture taken on the burro
and send it to your friends."
Slowly and thoughtfully you wend
your way back to Colorado Springs,
your mind filled with inspiring
thoughts and your soul subdued by
the sublimity of the spectacle which
you have been permitted to enjoy,
and almost helpless in the face of
such tremendous things you r
"Your picture oh a post card to
send as a souvenir to your friends,
only a quarter."
Swiftly1 the train., pulls out and you
are headed in tho direction of home.
Slowly the giant peak begins to
fade in the distance, and the clouds
drop down over the peak as if to
hide it forever from your view. But
as it iaoes m tne distance your
thoughts travel back and once again
you stand at the base and gazo with
awe-struck eyes towards the
"Souvenir booklet of Manitou,
Pike's Peak, Cheyenne Canon, Colo
rado Springs, only one dollar."
Then it Is that you shriek with
fury and only refrain from doing the
train butcher violence by recalling
the fact it might muss up your
clothes.
.Election Predictions
I do not claim that I belong
To the prophetic craft,
But doubtless Pennsylvania
Will go for Mr. Taft.
But on the other hand I think
That Texas, without tryin',
Will offset Pennsylvania
By going big for Bryan.
.
ir
Although no prophet, I predict
That when the count Is finished
I'll find my usual daily grind
Is In no wise diminished. !
And once again I would predict
The next administration
Will let me up and hustle out
To work like all creation.
Proxy
"No, gentlemen; I really can not
stand for the office to which' you
would elect me. However, I have
a few policies which I desire to put'
tnr fnrr.o and effect, so I have a
suggestion to make."
Naturally his supporters asked
him to prefer his rqauest.
"Nominate my office boy. He can
i,o11a th business under my direc
tion, and perhaps 'the people can be.
Garden Jest
Come into the garden, 'Maud;
Wear your summer rigging;
Come into tbe garden; Maud;
See" your husband digging.
' Montreal Herald.
Yea, come into tho garden, Maud,
When the. summer sun Is red! , .
Watch the old man hoe the cabbages
That will cost $2 a head.
Scrauton Tribune.
Yea, come into the garden, Maud;
' ' Cut out the billing, cooing;
Reach for a club conic and sco what
Your neighbor's chicks aro doing!
Houston Post.
Yea, come into the garden, Maud;
Before the sun gets hot,
And help to slaughter worms and
bugs,
That eat what truck you've got.
Waterbury American.
Yea, come into the garden, Maud,
And see what Naturo's granted!
Behold the chickweed growing up
. Where spuds and beans were
planted.
Buffalo News.
Yea, come into the garden, Maud,
With cotton in each ear;
Your blistered-handed husband says
Some words you must not hear.
Grand Old Promisor
Wo will sure revise tho tariff but
we'll do it after while
Up or down? Don't ask fool ques
tions, for we're 'busy.
Just trust your Uncle Joseph and
his crew a little while,
For your ceaseless agitation makes
us dizzy.
And besides, the contributions that
we need to pay tho freight
Must be paid by corporations, and
your Uncle's here to state
That unless the tariff barons help
we're beat as sure as fate
But wo promise you revision in
tho future.
Up or down? O, quit your fooling!
We'll revise so be content
And we'll stand by those who
stood by us so truly.
Maybe we'll deem it our duty to give
things an upward bent,
For we mustn't treat contributors
unduly.
If the trusts will come down plenty
we will have to treat 'em fair,
For to. throw the crimp into them
wouldn't be upon the square;
But revision! "vo'ro revisers, and
our friends will find us there
When tho ways and means com
mittee gets real busy.
(Gr. O. P. are our initials. "Grand
Old Party" you may think
, But your thinker sure 1b cut upon
tho bias.
"Grand Old Promiser" is better
promise puts you on tho blink,
And despite our failures you again
will try us.
J3o we soak you good and plenty with
our hot air line of guff;
And we get the tariff barons to put
! - up the campaign stuff
Then what, we'll let them do, to you
. will, you bet you, be enough,
For they buy the right to rob you
and exploit you.
Brain Leaks
It is impossible to overdraw on
tho Bank of Hope.
It always makes a dyspeptic ner
vous to see a hungry- child eat.
Most men who achieve success may
attribute the fact to some of their
early failures. " .
-y "flit s 1 ' V ' ri
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