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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (July 24, 1908)
The Commoner.- fern,
' - - '- ' '
Volume 8 number 28
which created some little nervous
ness among tne congregation.
After . the . services were over and
as the minister was about to leave
the building he met the janitor.
"Henry," said he, "that was a
pretty sevefe storm while I was
nrnjinhlher thin mnrnlncr .'
"and the singular thing about it is
that there was a thunderstorm the
-last time you preached that sermon.
THE ONE HE LIICED
A country clergyman on his round
of visits Interviewed a youngster as
to his acquantance With Bible stories.
"My lad," ho said, "you have, of
course, heard of the parables?"
"Yes, sir," shyly answered the
boy, whose mother had inducted him
in sacred history. "Yes, sir."
"Good!" said the clergyman. "Now
which of them do you like the best
Tie boy squirmed, but at last,
heeding his mother's frowns, he re
plied: "I like that 'one where some
body loafs and fishes.-" London
Afterelection publicity: the repu blfcan position
JLIX1U WiXaXMU JM M.AU3J XVJUOirUJUUUO
In fifty years wo shall have whole
states as bare as China. The Appal
achians will be stripped to bed rock.
The Rockies will send down vast
floods, which can not be controlled.
The Canadian forests north of the
great lakes will be bare. The Yazoo
delta will be ripped apart, because
no levee will be able to stand the
floods of those days. We shall be
living in crowded concrete houses,
and at double the rent we now pay.
We shall make vehicles of steel, use
no aWbod on our farms. We shall
pay ton cents for a newspaper, fifty
cents for a magazine, as much for a
lead pencil. Cotton will be im
mensely higher. Beef will be the
privilege of the few. Clothing will
cost twice what it costs today. Like
Chinamen, our children will rake
the soil for fuel or forage or food.
We shall shiver in a cold, and burn
in a heat, never before felt in this
temperate zone, meant by God as a
comfortable growing place for splen
did human beings unless we wake
up. Emerson Hough in EveVybodys.
in Buffalo, if it's as much as twice a
year, you are to come right up here
and take tea. You can stay all night,
too, if you want to, and it shan't cost
you a cent.' " Philadelphia Record.
Mr. Larigdon, whenever you're there are over 40,000 distinct char-
Husband (arriving with his wife
at the station just as . the train
steams out) There! If you hadn't
taken such a fearful time dressing
we shouldn't have lost that train.
Wife And if you hadn't hurried
me so all the way here we shouldn't
have such a long time to wait for
the next one". Detroit News
MARK IS EVER MIRTHFUL
H. H. Rogers, on his return voy
age from Bermuda last month, said
one evening in the smoking-room of
his traveling companion, Mark
"He is an incorrigible humorist.
Even in his most emotional moments
he can't help being funny.
"When he married in Elmira in
1870, his father-in-law made him a
present of a fine, well-furnished
houde In Buffalo.
"The present came as a superb sur
prise. Mark Twain know nothing of
it till, amid a, party of. relatives arid
friends, he was shown over the luxu
rious place. Then, when they told
him it was his, tears filled his eyes.
"But he was still the humorist,
and, turning to his father-in-law, he
said', though In a voice that trembled
IN THE BLACK REPUBLIC
Some of the West Indian islanders
have learned that when a foreigner
misbehaves on their shores it is bet
ter to suffer in silence than to mete
out punishment at the risk of a de
scending gunboat from the miscre
ant's native land. A judge in Haiti,
however, recently took occasion to
pay off old scores and to redeem his
self-respect in the case of an offend
er brought before him. "
To his first question, a,s to the
nationality of the accused, the in
terpreter had answered that the pris
oner was from Switzerland.
"Switzerland!" said the judge:
"ah! Switzerland has no sea coast,
"No sea coast, your honor," -replied
"And no navy?" continued the
"Arid no navy, your honor," was
"Very well, then," said the judge,
"give him one year at. hard labor!"
acters or symbols, and this vast num
ber is being constantly increased by
the addition of new characters to
represent new scientific words and
Although the Chinese are consid
ered a literary people and have nat
urally a desire for education, yet,
owing to the extreme difficulty of
mastering the Chinese characters, it
is estimated that only one in ten of
the population can read or wri.te.--Contemporary
"Look here, Abraham," said the
judge, "It's being proved right here
in court that instead of doing some
thing to help support your wife and
children, you spend your whole time
The old negro hung his head.
"Now Abe, you love your wife,
"Ah suttinly does?"
"And your children-?"
"And you love them both better
CHINA'S LANGUAGE PUZZLE
The language known. as Wen-li is
the medium by which the classical
books of China have been handed
down. It is par excellence the writ
ten language of China, but it is not
generally understood by the great
mass of the people. The spoken lan
guage namely, Mandarin, may also
be written, and there is a good deal
of colloquial literature In Mandarian.
Versions of the Bible In the local
patois have .also been produced in
several, districts of. the southwest,
where the dialects-are1 very numer
ous and diverse. .
' K In 'the' Chinese written language
LOCATED AT LAST
Drummer (settling bill In Eagle
House, Hayfield) Pardon my cur
iosity, sir, but what do you stuff
your beds with In this hotel?
Landlord (proudly). "Best straw
to be had in this hull county, b'gosh!
Drivmmer Ah! That Is very in
teresting. I know now where the
straw came from that broke the
camel's back. Puck.
Pearl Yes, our college had a fe
male baseball team.
Ruby Did you have any good
Pearl I should say so. Five of
them caught husbands theflrst sea
son and broke up the team; Chica
"Better ev'ry day, jedge!' -Abe
broke In. '
" better than a thousand 'pos
sum?" "Look hyah, ' exclaimed Abe, with
widening eyes, "dat's takin' a coon
at a pow'ful "disadvantage!" Bo
hemian Magazine. -
THE SAVING HABIT
"Father seems impressed with
your talk about coupons,"' said the
maiden. "Have you really any?"
"Sure," answered the guileful
youth. "Got 500 saved up toward a
piano for our little flat." Louisville
JANITOR'S GOOD MEMORY
Of the. late genial and kindly
hearted Henry Burch it is told that
a good many years ago, while he
held the position of janitor of Trin
ity Methodist Episcopal church, the
minister one summer Sunday morn
ing delivered a sermon which, It ap
pears, had been given by him once
before, perhaps two or three years
What . religion had the Britons?
A strange and terrible one called
the religion of the Dudes.
What caused the death of Cleo
patra? It was because she bit a
Where is the climate hottest?
Next to the Creator?
What causes perspiration? The
Of what Is the surface of the earth
composed? Of dirt and people.
What is the function of the gastric
juice? To digest the, stomach.
Define idolater? A very idle per
son. ; ,
Define ignition? .The art of not
Define interloper? One who runs
away to get marjied. ."'
Nama six nnlmnla of the arcuc
- - n mi.' ' '' i. Jl :2 L lA
On the Sunday in Question nnrl
during the progress of. the sermon zone? Three polar bears and three
a viuiom, luunaerstorm .came up J seals. Washington Herald. ;
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