THfir ,,-
JOLT 3, 1908
The Commoner.
13
''' WITH'" iyrj nnp g-r "r
dMWM
Coming
Fron old Vermont to Texas;
From Oregon to Maine;
From Idaho to Florida,
And to the lakes again;
"We hear the tread of marching feet
In village and in city street.
We hear the marchers shouting
As down the streets they trail:
"Empty, empty, empty -
Is that once full dinner pall!"
From Pittsburg to Chicago;
From Lowell to Racine;
From Birmingham to Muncie,
From Homestead to Moline,
(We hear the tread of marching feet
In village and in city street.
Wo hear the marchers shouting
As down the streets they trail:
"Fuller, fuller, fuller
Grows each injunction jail!"
From corporation council
From broker, bull and bear;
From Wall Street, New York City,
There's borne upon the air
The wild tumultuous applause
Of those engaged in mammon's cause.
We hear the' cohorts shouting
As ifj with', glee grown daft: -,
"Bigger, bigger, bigger
Grows our hot-air dollar graft!"
In Milwaukee
"I read in the Milwaukee Sejntine
of a yacht that! capsized on the' lake
Two columns rgreat story."
"Yes, but capsizing schooners is
bo common up there that the papers
never mention it."
Political
"That," remarked Colonel Tite
wad, smacking his lips over the
liquor he offered to his guest, "is the
finest French brandy."
"Indeed," said the guest., "It
seems thoroughly naturalized."
No Wonder
Water intoxicating! No wonder
we see pickled herring. American.
And soused mackerel. Brooklyn
Eagle.
And Bkates. Boston Globe.
And flounders. Houston Post.
And empty wagons.
Serviceable
Our friend, John Wells, of Buffalo,
Says there's no rhyme for Sher
man. But we'd have our. good friend Wells
know
That as the campaign warm doth
grow
The g. q. p.'ll be squirmin'.
birned a copple of holes in my shirt
waist and held a crackir in my teeth
granma says it wont leave a scar
the crackirs they are selling this
year are bully ones for noise i can
git three pakidges for ten cents.
Plese give my love to mama and tell
her granma says I am being a good
boy so she can send mo the quarter
she promust me for the forth you
can send moro for crackirs is ex
pensif, and I have promist granma
not to hold any moro in my teeth
to. this is all for this time the aky
rockits are ten cents apeece. Your
loving son,
Now there is at least one man in
Lincoln who is loud in his demand
for a "safe and sane" Fourth of
July celebration.
IEnvoi
That Danville boom for Cannon
Soon petered out, my son.
It seems that the artillery
Was but a "Quaker" gun.
"My!"
"My" candidate, "my" platform,
. "My" people and "my" plan;
"My" principles and policies,
The candidate "my" man.
"My" choice for the succession, ,
"My" ideals so high,
"My" stork, "my" work, "my" duty;
And the people say, "O, my!"
Found Them
"That platform is perfect!" shout
ed tho partisan. '
"It was choke full of mistakes,"
growled the man in the end seat.
"Well, I'd like to have you point
'em out."
"I pointed 'em all out, and I made
the compositors correct 'em, too,'
said tho end seat man.
Wise
"Would you not accept an offer
of remunerative employment?'
queried me luuy oi me nouse WHO
was worrying about the condition of
the lawn.
"Youse can't disguise work by no
high-flown langwige, mum," replied
Walker Boutte. "I went to school
long' enough to be able V penetrate
all dem little schemes."
in America," moaned tho elephant.
'I move you tho appointment of
a committee on platform," exclaimed
tho Timber Wolf.
Tho motion being put and carried
tho committee wns appointed and re
tired to deliberate.
This is tho platform submitted
and adopted:
"Let Us alone!"
Coincidently, the friends of tho
elephant in this country are saying
the same thing.
Political
A Boy's Letter
A Lincoln man whose eight-year
old son : is. visiting grandma in a
country town, is in receipt of the
following letter from his young
hopeful:
"Dear papa. Granma and me is
having, lots', of f.un. She says I can
shoot all the firecrackers I want; to
forth of July if you will send me
somo money to buy them. Please
send me some money there iff lots
of nice firewirks here, gillie Juck
ins and me has got a toy canin
whitch makes a big noise we are
going to bo careful of the poudlr
wo buy with the money you send
me for the forth of July please send
it rite- away ho I will have nlehty
of time to. by' firewirks. Granma.
give me a nidkle yesterday and I bdt
iirecrackirs to see if they are selling
good ones this forth of July. I
"My dear Sophia," murmured Mr.
Softleigh, "I am a candidate for your
heart and hand."
"That's all right, Mr. Softleigh;
but does your platform include reci
procity, emergency currency, arbi
tration and referendum?"
"Why, er-er-um, ah why, my
dear Sophia "
"That will do, Mr. Softleigh,"
ejaculated the fair Sophjr. Wiseone.
"This is no time to accept candidates
whe have no settled convictions of
their own on such important mat
ters," j
Zoological
The jungle 'convention was called
to order by Chairman Chimpanzee,
who at once stated the objects of the
meeting.
"We are gathered here to take
cognizance of the fact that it has
been announced thatupon his re
tirement President Roosevelt will
come tp Africa on. a big game hunt.
We must do something."
"Yes, I shudder to think of what
will become of me if he gives me
such a dose as he gave my brother
Dido Down to Date
A Trust, once upon a time, visit
ed a new country, and boing fair
to look upon and having a mouth
full of fair promises, at once at
tracted attention from tho ruling
powers.
"I am merely scouting around
with a view to locating," explained
the Trust, "and I am impressed with
your beautiful country."
"Surely wo would bo pleased to
have you in our midst," responded
tho people.
"But it will bo necessary to offer
mo some inducements," said the
Trust. "Not that we do not realize
tho wonderful advantages, but mero
ly to show that you are interested
in us."
"And what inducements are need
ed?" queried tho people.
"O, nothing much; merely a lit
tle protection. Not too much, but
just enough to convince outsiders
that you are determined to starfd up
for home institutions."
Thereupon the people granted tho
protection demanded.
A little later tho people's repre
sentatives met in solemn conclave
and decided that tho Trust was en
titled to a little more. By and by
it-became apparent that the people's
representatives were, in fact, the
representatives of the trusts, but by
that time the protection wall had
been built so high that the people
on the inside were at the mercy of
tho Trust. '
"It is unbearable," moaned the
people.
"But it's the making of us," re
torted the Trust.
With that the people are expected
to bo content.
But will they?
It was Dido who was given all the
land she could enclose in a bull's
hide. She cut the bull's bide into
thongs, soaked them in water, and
enclosed enough land to found a
strong city upon.
The little wall of protection given
the Trust has grown until it has tho
great Chinese wall skinned both ways
from the middle.
ORGAN
Of Suprtar
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Th rii1 mnnntina
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makes them n wise Investment for homes nnd
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offered at nominal prices. Write today,
LYON & HEALY
S Adams trt, CHICAGO
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Oklahoma. Arkanmt. Loulxlana, Now Mexico
Tlomea for tho hoinclcna, prosperity for tho indus
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Millions of ncnsflchool land to hoxold by thnfitato.
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Reference. Austin National Hunk, bIimj thin papur
Brain "Leaks
It takes but little platform bait
to catch somo political suckers.
A morose man may be religious,
but he can not be a Christian.
Satan works overtime when the
churches close for the heated term.
A lot of men look on homo as
merely an eating station on life's
road.
A whole lot of us tove to lay the
blame on "environment" and
"heredity."
Alfred Austin says he wants a
rest. We'll trade even with Alf, if
ho is willing.
It may be old-fashioned, but we
always did prefer our shirtsleeves to
a "smoking jacket."
It's a mighty mean man that will
kick when he sees a hole in the toe
of the baby's shoe.
Just about the time a man begins
to think he is "it" somebody comes
along and slips on "n" In front of it.
It is time to drop the "ake-the
children-to-see-the-animate" on cir
cus day joke when tho children get
so big you havo to dig up the price
of adult tickets.
MANLOVE
Automatic Gate
Saves time, adds
to value, safety
beauty and picas
lire of homo.
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It Is tho best policy holdcr'a com
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Twenty-orre yours old, WrJto
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Opportunity of a Lifetime. '
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tiro enterprise Writo for Literature to-day 1
La Pro'uparldud Colony AH-oclut.on' ''
Department X. C3C Chamber of Commerce isldg.
Lob Alice lea, Calif. ,
PLATFORM
TEXT BOOK
Containing; the Declara
tion of Independence,
the CoBMfltutloH 4f (be
United State, and all
the National Platform
of all nartlei ntHce the
organisation of our kov-eraEHcat.
ROUND IN PAPER, I1Y 31 AIL,
POSTAGES PREPAID, TWENTY
FIVB CENTS I'BR COPY.
AddrcfiM all Order to
The Commoner
LINCOLN, NEB.
41
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