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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 7, 1908)
rafm- "TSVTr"- WEBUUAIIY 7, 1008 The Commoner, am .i ,ii i , yrafcwoai,(of Confessions of u Financier He was an aged financier with sad and rheumy eye LWho wandered to my ofilce room and took a seafc.near hy. e gazed upon the pictures hung about the stuffy room fiyithout a single smile to light his hopeless facial gloom. g'What is it, friend?" I asked of him. "What means this mute despair?" He fixed me with his rheumy eyo and answered then and there: VI am an aged financier who's watched the cycles turn jJJntil from past events he thought the future he'd discern." &nd then he wiped his rheumy eyes and gazed upon the floor In silence till I prodded him and asked to know some more. Rnd then this aged financier his head uplifted high Knd fixed upon- my anxious face his reminiscent eye; tThen he spake thus, in earnest tones: 'Young man, propare to hear Some words of wisdom uttered by a one-time financier. rom '73 to '96 for gold we took our stand And said the yellow metal meant salvation for our land. We scorned the silver dollar that was worth but fifty cents, Bind said that all we needed was a stock of confidence. Jut now I see our logic was chock full of glaring flaws, EFor that old silver dollar ain't the worst that ever was." fl handed him my fav'rite brand and and tendered him a light; He puffed for sev'ral moments and his rheumy eyes grew bright. "Young man," he said, "as time rolled on and business grew apace We found a lack of something for that daddy dollar's place. A flood of gold fell on us, but de spite the yellow tide There was a lack of something that our shrewdest brains defied. But we looked wise and solemn and we argued loud and long, And 'preserve the nation's honor' was the burden of our song. We sidestepped good and plenty, but we got it in our necks When instead of silver dollars we were handed 'cashier's checks.' " Once more he coldly fixed on me his sad and rheumy eye, And I could see that to his gaze old days were passing by. "Young man!" He spake in earnest tones that told his weight of woe "It soon transpired that even worse than cashiers' checks we'd know. We've had our flood of yellow gold, we've had our confidence, And still we sadly feel a lack a lack that is immense. So now we spring another scheme of 'asset currency' A substitute for money, and it don't look good to me. I've figured it all over and I've come up here to say Those good old silver dollars look real good to mo today." Once more he filled his trusty pipe from out my little sack, And stood upon his wobbly legs to pat me on the back. "Young man," he said, "I've seen it all since eighteen forty-three; From wildcat banks right down to date to asset currency. I've howled against inflation and I've issued cashiers' checks I've juggled legislation and I've dealt some ice-cold decks. To guard the nation's honor I have made a great pretense, And I've howled about a dollar that was 'worth but fifty cents.' But when I think of cashiers' checks and dollars based on air, Those good old silver dollars look real pretty, I declare." He gazed on me with rheumy eyes and filled his pipe once more, Then with a sad and mournful bow he vanished through the door. Explained "Gracious, old man! How did you catch such a frightful cold?" ,"0, I worked with the furnace till I overheated myself, then went up into the sitting room and got chilly." Not Neqcssary "Say, Binks, have you read what Dr. Searchemout has to say about this grip epidemic?" "Do I habbent, ad I aind going to, either. I can say enub about it to suid me." Gastric "I see by the newspapers that three islands off Yutan have disap peared." "Perhaps they fell into the jaws of our fleet while Admiral Evans was feeling rheumatic." By Our Kind Friends Taking advantage of a bad case of grip, which is an excuse for shirking work or anything else the architect of this department begs leave to fill up some space with a couple of contributions from as many kind friends. It is cheerfully ad mitted that the department would be bettered if the grip proved to bo chronic, thus compelling regular pub lication of contributed rhymes, but the admission is made in confidence. Readers are requested not to reveal it to the business office. Edwin Beard of Chenoa, 111., con tributes the following under the cap tion of "The Scene Changing:" That "Five to Four" of which you write Depicted well our judges plight. If this monarchical game goes on Till the republic's life Is gone There'll be a change in official score, And they'll not play it "five to four." With one-man power now well begun, And Morgan ruling earth and sun, Instead of "live to four" we'll be undone By the smaller score of "one to none." A new division e'en now has come That changes the percentage some. The other day in Pennsylva-nee The Judges parted compan-ee "Four to three." Perhaps elsewhere there'll come a test And judges soon will do their best, In passing laws in long review As evenly as they can do, And make it "three to two." This custom doubtless had Its origin When carpetbaggers went a foragin' After the votes of a southern state And counted Tilden out at the even gait Of "Seven to Eight." Another friend who coyly hides behind the nom de plume of "Gill Burt" sends in some verses. After carefully studying tbem wo can not help believing that ho ha boiuo ref erences to allusions that are calcul ated to put him in danger of banih ment for leso majeste. This friend writes as follows: It really is most wonderful, The many things I know. In Heaven above, in earth beneath, And even down below. Lions and tigers, boars and birds, The fishes In the sea, Whether they talk, or swim, or fly, It's all the same to me. No man that over walked the earth At least since Adam's fall Had such a mighty grasp on things And really "knew it all." Some say Prometheus was tho first To bring us heavenly fire; I say tho man who says it is A most pernicious liar. I know a claim is also made 'Bout Jonah and tho whale; I caution children not to read A book with such a tale; But if you really want to know And would not bo benighted, Read only books that I have writ, Then I shall bo dee-lighted. Alone I fought tho Spanish war And slew a Spanish minlnn: Alone I captured San Juan Hill At least that's my opinion. And future history will prove, What's called the "G. 0. P." Or, rather what is loft of it Is nothing else but me. But ono thing I can't understand A censoless source of wonder How folks got on before I came, And yet they did by thunder! Gill Burt. Correct "They say he married her for her money and that she married him for his title." "Well, by gum," remarked Uncle Josh, "if they look anything like their pictures in th' newspapers, all I got to say is that both of 'em earned what they got." Brain Leaks Solomon was a wise man until he got so much money it made him foolish. The world will pause longer to laugh with you than it will to sym pathize with you. We always have our doubts about the veracity of those who say they do not like onions. We cheerfully confess to bo just old-fashioned enough to like to sit in front of a fireplace. Speaking of glad surprises, did you ever find a quarter in the pocket of a pair of discarded trousers? Culinary skill limited to fudge and chocolate cake is not calculated to make housekeeping pleasant. The lawyer can appeal his mis takes to the supreme court; the doc tor has to wait much longer. The proudest moment in a young man's life Is when the barber says, "Your beard is getting tough." When we get rich the first thing we will do will be to buy a bushel of collar buttons, a ball of shoe strings and an extra pair of sus penders. The man who waits until he gets home to open his pay envelope gen erally begins work Monday morning feeling well and happy. When we read that a man and wife have lived together for twenty or thirty years without a quarrel we wonder what the recording angel said about it. Wh$ A MYVEHI- CXLS ARE YOURS TO TRY 30 DAYS FREE Thin Is tho rlan that I sdontrd wveii v ir i and it ha bem san fac tory to both invcni- m m nnumyilf. In addition t3 that, 1 ffunrnntise to tavo you '.J in tho cost. I sell my Si'MT IIIC-K-ouy vunci.i'.q direct .rom my fac tory to tho uftor Thoro Is no middle man's profit bo tween tin -no agent between jou and mo. My L-oods nro backed up mn Onfl bum! rod thmuuiml Hjtllt Hickory tuulclenlnulo all otcr tlio United HtaW. ThoUKimlit nf na. tOlllom verirnrlirtrn wtin wy tliay saved monoy in r A dinting with mn. Writ J formy FRCC 12.paa Cat. 4 aloguo today. A poital will Ifpt It. If nnnliitif llplwlii.. wuronn, Top HtifrirlM, Automobile Bent Driving Wnoiia and Two-ln- HtlrrrvM Rttrlntr Wt.nn ....( terfJy,rlcc" K"nuuecd tosavoyoa mv " rv g AiuirpyiunopcntonnUy -wrlto today. CiUIOKUo will ouio, potAKO n-Md, by return mull. ' Aaclri-Il. O. l'lIKLffl, IVm. The Ohio Cnrrtoflc Mfg. Company aiauon i CoLmbus,.OIiJo UoHuronnlu(Mrtij all mall to bead. ntlartm Columbus, U. cy iwj tr.o big car riage fnc- tnrfru tint In- SEND US $2.75. itate whether you wlili 32 or JS-ca liber. And we will tend yon this high grade, fftnuino New England automatic, self cocking, nclf ejecting, llvo-hliot rcvoly. cr. full nlclccl nlatcd, robber handle, one of the high cm Kmdo revolvers made, guaranteed In every way tho equal of revolvers tint are lKlm: widely adver tlHod at $0.00. If you don't find It bo you can return It to us at ourcxpciiNO, and wo will Immediately return your money. 1.00k In our latent lilg (fetalc-guo for wonderful offerH In revolvers, rides, minx and rportlrr goods. You will bo surprised nt what ho are now offcrlmr. If you haven't 11 filer Catalogue borrow your neighbor's or on a postal card to iw simply any, "JfuU mo your great free Kim offerH." Addrw, SEARS, ROEBUCK & CO., CHICAGO, ILL. SHtO end Your Hame Johnnon for hln big, free Old Trusty incubator Iloolc 176 jiaKMi. Kvery natfo a poultry oerniou. II) o Burewt and HlmnlOHt Incubator. SOLD ON 40 AND CO DAYS' TRIAL PrelKbt prepaid. VA or bettor hatchea irnarauteta. wrlto today to M. M. JOHNSON, Clay Contar. Habrn fififtllftCnii 1 l)Ttf ur-' )fWJw All Leading Varieties ?,' "jiffy PL'CKH, UV.V.HK, TLUKKTH, KfiC'H ! I ItKK TKUfj iKCt;iuTOJU.atrlKhtprlcfc.uo.Tiitvuilyou kco what we offer. A. 1 Itcf'r''ricrfl. Hcnd2 ccntu for Illustrated catnloirue. ciUftTHXKKtt. 1'OtibTltV YlUJi,Utpl. 43, a ASK ATOMIC PATENTS triaf PROTFrT. ODr3bekirorlarotoriDalU4oDrrltor eu. lUnpa H.b.ft. ri.lAUfcT.Waghlngton.D.C. Etlab. 1853. - "" "JPMWaaWWIgBBlBBMal MPr Laxoest STARK Nurseries Pay Cash Weekly AMD WANT WORK SALESMEN EVEXY- WHEKE. Beet Costbact. Rfjit Oirmr. Laxoest Nurserieswith an 82-Ye ah Record. STARK BRO'S, LOUISIANA. MO. 5 gs fj Good Apple Trees AH variotfen. Poacn 5c, Plum 120, Cherry 17c. Grauen 2J0 ier IW Graftxl trooft, not seedlings. We pay the freight. Pull tine of nursery stock and seeds. Largo Illustrated catalog freo Write to-day. German Nurseries, Box 77. BEATRICE. Hib. UK& BRED R Fifty years study enables us to offer h-rt tnmrn Iprades pure bred BKEU CORK. No corn grown Icouols Iowa Corn. We cultivate taattvwHof well I urea corn, largo germ, crcf ully graded, write for I iruu uaiiiuK nnu mil imormaiion. W. w. VanSant & Sons, Box 29, Farragut, Iowa i - -1T - ----K . -- - y ,si tj jri . u j iffi -y w - -