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JANUARY 17, 1908
The Commoner,
13
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Wanted A Name
Wanted A name for the baby;
That sweet little mite of a miss,
With pink hands and feet, and puck
ered lips sweet
Held up for a fond parent's kiss.
Rosie, or Josie, or Mary;
Or Margaret, Lilly, or May;
Priscilla or Prue does any suit you?
We've just got to name her today.
Wanted A name for the baby
That's nestling there fast asleep;
A precious wee mite on Tier pillow
of white
God gave us to guard and to keep.
Annie, or Carrie, or Hazel;
Or Annabel, Oral or Jo;
Annetta or Sue does any suit you?
We've just got to name her, you
know.
Wanted A name for the baby,
That little pink image of love
That came with the year with a mes
sage of cheer,
Straight down from the mansions
above.
Maggie, or Katie or Flora;
Or Amethyst, Kittie or Bess;
All good, I suppose but dear good
ness knows
We'll just call her "Sister," I
guess.
But
The orator spoke in thunder tones.
However, thunder never makes a
hit.
Makes It Even
"Uncle Remus" Harris says he
never heard of "pumpkin pie." Well,
we never heard a rabbit talking,
either and that makes us even.
Not So!
"Everything in Georgia has gone
dry!" shouts an excitable exchange.
Not so!" We're still getting our
Georgia exchanges, and nary a one
of the lot is dry. Fine readin' an'
cheerful, an' don't you forget it. All
Georgia is not dry not by a page
full.
Comforting
Dodging hastily the hunter sped
down the slope, the grizzly close be
hind. Not noticing the precipice the
hunter fell over. However, his belt
caught on a projecting spur of rock,
staying his descent.
"Well, at any rate," said he, gaz
ing into the abyss bjelow, "this hunt
ing lodge of mine didn't cost me
much, even if it isn't up to the
Adirondack style."
The Mean Thing
"That is my truly first loaf of
bread, dear," cooed Mrs. Nuwife.
"Mighty good, too," said her leige
lord. "But don't throw any of it on
"Why, what do you mean, lovey?"
twittered Mrs. Nuwife.
"Well, we don't want any of it
returning after many days."
The case will be heard by Judge
Grump at the next term of court. .
What He Wanted
"Miss Giggerly," murmured Mr.
Lonelyman, "will you
"Pause, Mr. Lonelyman," inter
rupted Miss Giggerly. "I would not
hurt your feelings for the world. But
before you go any further I must
say that I can only be a sister to
you."
"Ah, that's a relief!" exclaimed
Mr. Lonleyman. "I was just about
to ask you to sew these blamed sus
penders together. They busted when
I stumbled up the steps. I guess it's
a mighty mean sister that wouldn't
fix her brother's suspenders.''
Last Night
Last night a friend hailed mo and
said,
"Once when the clouds of gloom
were spread
You helped me out. Now I'd repay
The help extended me that day.
Here is five thousand dollars. You
May freely take it is your due."
I reached my hand to grasp the cash
When suddenly there was a crash
It was a bndslat and it broke,
And when it gave way I awoke.
Futile
"T see that DeClosephisto and Miss
Bright have made up their quarrel.
"Yes, and there's where DeClose-
phiste made one of his worst bad
financial plays."
"How's that?"
"With a view to avoiding the pur
chase of a Christmas present he
picked a quarrel with Miss Bright
about the middle of December. The
first week in January he tried to
make up, and it cost him a half
karat diamond ring. He could have
got away with a two dollar calendar
or a seven dollar cut glass perfumery
bottle at Christmas."
You Can Live Tt Down in Time
(The following verses were writ
ten by one of the "detained" at tho
Nebraska state prison. For obvious
reasons the name of the writer is
not given.)
When a young man has his freedom
Not one thought has he of care,
As the downward path ho travels,
Thinking not how much the fare,
Till he lands himself in prison
Not a thing as a defense
And is sent from there t Lincoln
On circumstantial evidence.
There, as dreary months roll onward,
Then he thinks of his past life;
0 the anguish, grief and sorrow
Caused his mother or his wife.
'Tis disgrace to be in prison
If convicted of a crime;
But if you put trust in Jesus
You can live it down in time.
F. G. F.
In Doubt
"This is a grave conspiracy against
the welfare of the community," de
clared Judge Booster. "You nine
men have banded yourselves together
to do an injury, and because of it
you should be punished. What have
you to say why sentence should npt
be pronounced upon you?"
"Your honor," said Mr. Touch,
"we discussed the legal phases of
this proposition thoroughly. We
sought legal advice on every side and
studied ever.y point. By a vote of
five to four we decided that we were
clearly within our rights."
"Well, that doesn't have any bear
ing on this case," snapped Judge
Booster.
"Only thus far," replied Mr.
Touch. "If the eminent justices of
our supreme court can not agree an
what the law is or means, how can
you expect laymen like ourselves to
decide it lightly. We merely fol
lowed precedent."
And so binding is precedent Judge
Booster was fain to suspend sentence
until he could find something.
Drain Leaks
Too many doctors may upon the
war prospects.
The pulpit often fails to got the
pew's viewpoint.
The woman who wills has no need
to wait for leap year.
A full grown man is seldom as
young as he thinks he is.
It's mighty seldom that the sex of
the baby disappoints both parents.
A big, fat man always has a hard
time trying to make people believe
he is sick.
If you ride long enough the seat
on the water wagon will bo quite
comfortable.
If you overlooked it on January 1
you might try making a good reso
lution today.
It is better to make one reform
and stick to it than to spatter on a
dozen and miss till of them.
A year with fifty-throe pay davs
in can not be so worse if we can
only manage to keep employed.
The host way to avoid the January
1 feeling is to keep your Christmas
shopping within vour ash moans.
Thirty years ago everybody start
ed off a new vear by keeping a diarv
What has become of that old habit?
When a countrv woman moves into
a large city it is awfully hard for
her not to bo welcomed by tho woman
of the house next door.
Some members of tho Don't Worry
Club leave their certificate of mem
bership at the office when they start
home.
The man who tries to put up r
brownstone front on a second-hand
lumber capacity usually meets with
failure.
By the way, did anv familv ever
accumulate so many babies that the
last arrival was not considered the
best of tho lot?
When a man fails to think that his
home town is the best town of Its
Mzo in the country it Is time for him
to seek another location.
We have noticed that the peoplo
who live comfortably in a small town
do not. wear the worried look of peo
?)io who claim that a city is the only
plae to live.
Modern progress has its draw
hacks. How is the boy of todav
lojng to bo proud of his first bootB
when hoofs are no longer sold in
the market places?
February. 1008, will' be a remark
ably busv month. It will contain
twentv-nine days, Washington's
birthday, Lincoln's birthday. St. Val
entine's day and five pay days.
THE LONGFELLOW HOUSE
No attendant at the old Wads-worth-Longfellow
house but realizes
that the fame of Longfellow's old
home in Portland is now world-wide.
Few there are of houses of Its char
acter in which the people of the
world take more interest. People
go year after year to see It and speak
loud in its praise. It has surely be
come that for which Portland is not
ed most with travelers, and our peo
nle are becoming proud of It. The
library of the Maine Historical so
ciety has become most popular with
our visitors and many visit it every
day. They are astonished at what
they find on exhibition without price.
The patronage of the house for the
past week was large. The admis
sions numbered 730, which were
eighty-seven more than the corres
ponding week hist year. The total
this season has reached 2,303. This
is 257 more than last year for the
same time. This is beyond expecta
tions. Besides most of the states and
Canada, visitors during the past
week have registered from Hupah,
China, Norway, England, Barbadoes
and Bogota, Republic of Colombia.
Kennebec Journal.
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Freight prepaid. 1SL or letter
htttchca crttAranteca. Wrlto today to
Id. M. JOHNSON, Clay Cooler, Nabmaan
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R, E. CHALMERS & CO., 308 Dearborn St.,CHICAGO.
Jefferson's Bible
The Life and Morals of
JESUS OF NAZARETH
Extracted Teitualljr from the Gopd, together with
a companion of hia, doctrinea with thoae of othen.
By T HO Ai AS JEFFERSON
L
JciTeraon'a miaaion wai leaderthip. Without
ao effort on hit part expreuiona from hi Ifpa
that from other men'a would tea reel y have at
tracted ootke, became thenceforth aiiomi,
creed 1, and atherin-crie of reat maaacs of hi
couotryman. Henry S. Randall.
Jefferton'a Bible u a boob of 168 pafjef. well
printed and tubttaottally bound in doth. It waa
publtahcd originally to be told for $1.00 per
copy. By purchaitnj the book in large number)
we ate able to offer Commoner readeri an ex
ceptional price of 75c per copy; tent by mat,
poatafe prepaid.
ADDRESS ALL ORDERS TO
THE COMMONER, LINCOLN, NEBRASKA
