NOVEMBER 22, 1907
The Commoner.
13
- i "
,
Financial Advice
If you get a cashier's check,
Pass it on!
Don't imagine you're a wreck
Pass it on!
Confidence is all you need;
To "hard luck" tales give no heed;
Keep 'em moving at full, speed-:
Pass it on!
When you get one, pay a hill;
Pass it on!
They're no good when standing still,
Pass it on!
While it pays car fare and rents
Show your share of commonsense
And your stock of confidence
Pass it on!
Nothing Strahgo
"I see hy the paper that a Chi
cago man who has heen "dead for
ten years has just come hack."
"Huh! Nothing strange ahout
that. A lot of men who have heen
dead for ten years haven't gone
yet."
Perhaps
"Well, perhaps Mr. Burton's de
feat will make river improvement
easier than it has been."
"What makes you think so?" . .
"He's found out that Salt river Is
navigable, and the chances are he
will permit its improvement."
Nothing Doing
He gently pressed her dainty hand
Yet knew she not what Cupid's
dart meant.
No vows the two there inter
changed He was the clerk in the glove department.
At the Minstrel Show
"Mistah Johnsing, can youse tell
me de diffrunce between a cashier's
check an' a live wlah?"
"I don't think I kin, Mistah
Brown. What is de diffrunce be
tween a cashier's check an' a live
wiah?"
"De diffrunce is dat one ain't legal
tendah, while de othah is passin'
currept. De ochesstry will now play
while Mr. Bonesman sings dat plain
tive little melody, 'Break de News
- t' Papah; de furnace" fiah is out!"
In Bear Land
The flurry in Bear Land was at
, its height, and despite the efforts of
the conservative Bruins everything
seemed headed towards ruin.
"Something must be done," re
marked one of the leaders.
"Would it not be a good scheme
o issue Teddy Bear certificates?"
queried one harassed financier.
"That will not suffice," said the
chairman of the meeting. "The
. trouble is deeper seated than that."
Just then there was a loud cheer
from the assembled Bruins outside.
"Has the end arrived?" moaned
the chairman.
Just then the door flew open and
a messenger rushed in waving aloft
a bearogram. Snatching it from the
hands of the messenger the chair
man read it and shouted:
"Saved!"
Gathering about him the assembly
read:
"Washington, D. C, November 20.
Owing to complications that have
arisen the president of the United
States has announced that he will
not be able to indulgo in another
outing for some time."
Instantly a copy was given to
every paper in Bruin Land, and tho
glad news stayed tho panic at once.
- Compensation
"Glory be!" exclulmed Ragson
Taggs, "I've got plenty of cause for
Thanksgiving!"
"What have you to bo thankful
for?" queried a. friend.
"Plenty. Just as I was wonder
ing how on earth I was to get a. good
Thanksgiving dinner the doctor tells
me I must diet myself and abstain
from all rich food."
Up to Date
Tho gas burned low.
All was silent through the house
save for the steady noise of the fur
nace masticating the ten-fifty per
ton coal with an appetite that could
not be stayed.
A shadowy form crept across the
floor towards a pair of trousers
thrown carelessly in a corner. Ever
and anon the shadowy form stopped
in its course, and silence once more
reigned, except as aforesaid.
At last the shadowy form reached
the trousers and grasped them. A
hand was thrust into a pocket and
there was tho faint jingle of coin
and keys and things.
Then the trousers were carefully
replaced in their former position and
the shadowy form retired.
The next morning, after tho head
of the family had started down town,
the wife hurriedly counted some
small change she had secreted under
the corner of the rug.
"This," she muttered to herself,
"is what I suppose they call 'emer
gency currency.' "
The only answer was the steady
work of the furnace.
November
The fleecy snow is falling,
And leaves are falling, too;
An,d falling is the mercury
And notes are falling due.
Pray tell me, brother worker,
The truth I fain would know
Why 'tis that when a note falls due
It's hard to raise the "dough?"
No Panic
This happened in Lincoln one day
last week, the scene being the rear
platform of a Seventeenth street car:
Alex Weckesser jumped on the car
as it rourided the corner and a friend
greeted him:
"Hello, Alex! How's business?"
"Never better," replied Weckesser.
"I made about $50,000 today."
The car rattled merrily on until
it came to WeckesseVs corner and
he dropped off. '
"Great Scott!" ejaculated a pas
senger. "Who was that young fel
low? And how do you suppose he
made that much money in one day?"
"O, that's Weckesser, foreman of
tho press room at George Bros. He
must have been printing bank cer
tificates all day."
Then it dawned upon tho stranger
that he had not quite understood it.
Thoughts on Thanksgiving
The man who has nothing to be
thankful for is to be pitied. If, is
never so bad but what it might be
worse although it is hard some
times to believe It.
You ought to bo thankful that
you are living today, for something
may turn up tomorrow. What's tho
uso of having a big dlnnor in front of
you If you have a stomach that re
volts at anything stronger than pro
dlgcstod milk and wator crackers?
A soupbono, where love dwells, is
hotter than young turkoy with cran
borry sauce where contention reigns.
If you have nothing elan to bo
thankful for, you might at least be
thankful that you have an opportu
nity to make others happier. Tho
man who can not do something to
add to the happiness of others Is
indeed In poor circumstances.
A Thanksgiving dinner shared Is
a Thanksgiving joy doubled.
Answers to Correspondents
"Friendship" No one has sent us
a turkey as yet. Wo do not know
whero wo will eat Thanksgiving
dinner.
"Filling" Wo prefer oyster dres
sing, but wo can stand for chestnut,
or oven sago dressing.
"Stranger" Tho only way wo can
tell a turkoy's ago Is by tho teeth.
Wo do not mean tho turkoy's tooth.
"Addle" Chicken will do.
"Choico"Wo profer tho light
meat, with a slice of tho dark meat,
and plonty of gravy on tho dressing,
"Aside" We'll compromise on
cranberry sauce.
"Cafo Noir" It is a matter of
taste. Wq prefer to have our coffee
como on early In the meal.
"Sweet Tooth" While making a
choice you may pass tho pumpkin
pie.
"Tompus Fugit" People have dif
ferent hours for dining. We prefer
to have our Thanksgiving dinner
sorved just about tho timo wo are
hungriest.
"McGregor" There Is an old say
ing, "Where tho McGregor sits there
Is the head of the table." Wo pre
fer to sit noxt to tbo foot. The
carver and the one next to him aro
usually the Inst ones waited upon.
I'Admlrcr" Ship it by express.
"Hostess" Thanks. Your regu
lar dinner hour will suit us perfect
ly well.
Brain Leaks
Agnosticism makes no converts at
the tomb.
Love laughs at locksmiths, but not
at goldsmiths.
Money talks, and cashier's checks
produce a lot of it.
In the midst of prosperity wo aro
in need of real money.
Friendship bought with money is
never an available asset.
Salvation is free, but it costs
something to maintain it.
Joining a church does not make
a man a Christian, but It helps.
It Is rather rubbing it in to advise
a man with "cold feet" to keep cool.
We lose a lot of valuable time
worrying about the things that never
happen.
After all, would life bo worth
while if everything happened just as
we wanted it to?
It is easy to believe after eating a
hearty meal that everybody in the
world Is well fed and happy.
Kind words are easily coined, and
there is never any need of issuing
cashier's checks to take their place.
The longer a man works at a job
the more he knows about it, and
tho less he thinks ho knows about
it.
People who 'give a lot can attract
public attention. Somo men have
glyen their all without ever being
known to fame.
He is in mighty poor business who
tries to destroy a faith and a belief
that are the supports of feet that
totter towards the grave.
- If wo were a canary bird we'd
not sing; and if we ran the house
rthe canary would either postpone his
singing or hunt another homo.
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FOR AGENTS. A SUCCESS.
"The Old World
And its Way"
BY
Wm. Jennings Bryan
57 Imperial OcUivo Vagtt. JW1 Bnptrb JingraV'
trigs jrom fn'swyrupris m hen ui vol tiryatu
Uocountn his trip around tho world nnrt his
rlblui to all nations. Groatcxt book of travel over
written. Mont Kuccoful book of this KOriora
tlon. 41,000 called forln 4 niontlin. WrlW
nu for itaniplo reports of flntt 100 acnU om
plorod. Tho pcoplo buy It eagerly. Tho nifoni's
harvest. Ouilli J' It KK. Bend tlftr cDU
to cover coot of mailing and bundling.
THE THOMPSON PUBLISHING CO., St Louis, Mo.
For Charity
For aale, an old-fauhloncd mahogany
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lurffc, handflome, and no well prcHervcd
that It can be uned without bolngr Gone K.
ovor. It in one hundred uud twonty
flvo yearn pld. Belonfftr to ono of Jet-1
fcrflon Davl family. For particular,
write
Mrs. E. H. D.,
Box 294, Tfaomasvilla, Ca.
MR. METCALFE'S BOOK
"OF SUCH IS
THE KINGDOM"
And Other Stories from Life
NOW READY FOR DELIVERY
JOIfN M, HARLAN. Auodate Julie. VpUtd
SttUt Supreme Court; ' Year liitlc book. Of Socb
It the Kingdom,' hx been ied by mc vrilh mora
thta ordinary iolerctt. Indeed, I have ttd It
ihoojh twice. No on can rrad tb4 itor'ut (torn
life 'without both inlernt sad profit, or without luv
inf a hif her co&caption of Lu ditty to Cod cd to
hit fcllowmao."
Cloth bound, printed from clear type on
heavy paper, ffllt side and back Btarcps. 200
paces. Sent prepaid on receipt of 11.00.
Addrtta
RICHARD L. METCALFE
Care Tbe ConunoBer LINCOLN. NEBR.
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