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TOLT B, 1MT
Thfc Commoner.
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Mother Goose to Date
Little Bo Peep lost her sheep,
But she "wag both wise and sweet;
She knew full well what fate befell
And followed them to'Wall Street.
Tom, Tom, the piper's son,
Stole a pig and away he run.
The pig got loose and killed a goose
And Tom got put in the calaboose,
'Had Tom but thought of high finance
He'd not have met with that mis
chance. There was a crooked man who made
a crooked deal;
He sold a crooked railroad a lot of
crooked steel.
He made some crooked dollars, and
wore a crooked air,
And lived a life of crookedness a,
Pittsburg millionaire.
put off at water tank, It was quite
cold and we were thinly clad. But
remembering my Red Desert exper
ience I called my fellow tourist to
follow me and, climbing the tank
ladder, I opened the trap door and
dropped in and fell into about fif
teen feet of the coldest water I ever
felt.
"The blamed old southern rail
roads didn't take as much Interest in
their track walkers and section men
as the railroads across the desert,
and had failed to build the little
houses of refuge in the tanks." .
A Printer Story
On several occasions the Old Time
Printer who manufactures this de
partment has related printer stories,
with the result that scores of let
ters have reached him from former
members of the craft, telling of their
enjoyment of the recollections of the
old days. This impels the Old Time
Printer to tell another true one, be
cause it will please Ihe craftsmen
and at the same time amuse others.
"Jack" Bonner of Omaha, who
still works at the printer's trade, is
the subject of this tale", and it will
be told . as -nearly in his own lan
guage as possible,.
"Til never forget niy first exper
ience as a. tourist," said "Jack" to
a little' bunch of friends the other
night. "I had just served my ap
prenticeship and secured my union
card, and determined to 'hit the
road.' I went to Laramie on the
velvet expecting to work my way
back by the freight car route. By
the time. I was ready to start back
it was frightfully cold, buf I Btartr
ed, and soon fell in with a fellow
printer who was an, old hand at the
game. We caught a freight and re
mained on it until we reached the
middle of the Red Desert, when we
were discovered and. fired off at a
water tank. I was scared speech
less, for it was cold and not a house
within fifty miles that we knew
about.
"My companion saw my condition,
and at once reassured me.
" 'Aw, we're all right,' he said.
'Just follow me.'
He climbed to the top of the wa
ter tank, opened a little trap door
and dropped out of sight. I heard
him calling me to come on, and I
followed. What was about to hap
pen was a mystery to me but J felt
that I could follow where he led.
So I dropped in after him. . I found
myself in a snug brth, for the rail"
road company had built a warm nest
inside the tank for the use of track
and section men who might be
caught out in the wild blizzards that
often sweep that country. It con
tained straw, warm blankets and
some canned goods. The quarters
were cramped, but we spent a com
fortable night, and the next day
caught a freight that carried us as
far east as Sidney, which was well
back, into 'God's country.'
1 "J never forgot hat experience,
'and for two reasons. ' A couple of
years later I was chaperoning a
young printer just out on his first
trip, and we started out of St. Louis,
bound south. We were discovered
about fifty miles out, in the middle
of the night, and once more I -was
Watch 'Em
"The American souvenir hunter
will steal anything but a cellar full
of water," says Admiral Robley D.
Evans.
Yes, and it ever our cellar fills up
we are going 0 watch the high finan
ciers in our neighborhood.
Successful
"Did yotl have a good celebration
in your neighborhood?"
"Well, I guess yes. Johnnie lost
two fingers and a thumb; Susie has
three blisters on her neck and
burned eleven holes In her shirt
waist, and I expect to get the powder
picked out of my face before Christ
mas. Successful? Well rather."
Ontclajsscd
The two Shades met on the shores
of the Styx, and each immediately
began boasting that it was the most
powerful.
"Why, T am a merger that defied
a government official,1' said one.
"Huh!" ejaculated thd other; "I
am a federal judge who once tied
the hands of a sovereign state."
Being to all appearances a stand
off, the two Shades retired to a cool
spot and ordered a refreshing drink
of boiling oil.
The Graduate
"Did your daughter-graduate this
spring?" ,
"Yes, and at the head of her
class."
"What did she perfect herself In?"
"Biology, zoology, sociology,
germology, social economy, mental
therapeutics, mental philosophy, the
languages, mathematics, music and
elocution."
"What is she doing now?"
"Waiting for her mother to exer-?
cise her knowledge of darnology so
she can go to the picnic of her class,"
Statistical
"One, two, three, four, five!"
Gee, I'm glad that I'm alive
Fingers all here.
"Six, seven, eight, nine, ten!"
Gee, I'm among the lucky men
Saved each ear!
Got some blisters nearly twenty
Scorched my face and clothes a
plenty,
But, say, O my!
What's the diff? Say, ain't it gTeat
T' just tu;rn loose an' celebrate"
Fourth o' July! ! !
Early Riser
"Thompson Is always up with the
birds."
"Yes; he stays up to meet 'em."
, . The Pharisees ,
Meeting on the corner the two
prominent men began 'discussing the
San Francisco graft cases."
"The exposure of thti men eject
ed by the votes of union labor men
means that the labor party Is deador
than a doornail," said one.
"Yes; the expose means that or
ganized labor is removed from the
realm of politics," said the other.
Haying thus settled the matter one
of them took the train for Harrls
burg to finish the work of state
house graft, and the other sauntered
down to the city hall to resume his
little connection with the Philadel
phia filtration plant.
Advice
"I have seen twenty-four sum
mers," murmured Miss Passe.
"I have heard Dr. Wise recom
mended as an oculist," chortled Miss
Pert.
The Mean Tiling
"You don't say a word about the
pie, dear," said Mrs. Nuweddo.
"What could I say, love?" replied
her husband.
"You might at least say they re
minded you of mother's pie."
"They do. x saw the good old
soul making them."
IEnvoi .
Rise up
And cheer!
The Ice
Man's here!
Birmingham Age-Herald.
Sit down!
Keep still! '
He's got
His bill!
Invested
Yearning to increase our store of
information we went to Senator
Graball and asked:
"Senator, is there any money In
politics?"
"Well," remarked the senator,
thoughtfully; "I have put quite a
sum into it. -My campaign expenses
were very heavy."
However, this was . not satisfac
tory, and since then we have been
pondering.
Brain Leaks
The wise wife leads, never drives.
If you can not pay as you go, stay.
A "soft snap" turneth away in
dustry. A cracked mirror makes few
friends.
Most "swelled heads" wear small
sized hats.
Money on the brain makes a man
poor In heart.
Some baby stories sound like "na
ture fakes" to us.
An open enemy Is to be preferred
above a false friend.
A quick tempered man has no
business going fishing.
A good listener is always a wel
come conversationalist. 1
Vacations are usually enjoyed
most in prospect and perspective.
The man who talks to himself al
ways has an appreciative listener.
Being rich consists largely in be
Ing content with what you have.
. The striking telegraphers hold the
key to the situation if they only
knew it.
We run a good many schemes into
the ground by not aiming them Iiigh
enough.
A lot of men would be leaders
if only they could find men willing
to follow them.
The man who waits to grasp op
portunity is not in it with the man
who makes opportunity.
We know one boy who Imagines
heaven to be one large, deep, cool
and shady swimming hole.
There is only one regret about
growing old one is ltkely to for
get that he ever was a boy.
Nearly every man you meet boasts
of "having been raised on a farm.
But not one of them would be wil
ling to go back to it and perform the
old tasks again, - 4
e
Th
Fam
of
e
TomL.Johnson
President of thtaTaanlc, n earnest worker
for tho Intercom of the whole peoplo in world
wide. Few men are better known mid the
effortH of none are more appreciated. In or
ganizing thle bank wo enlisted tho personal
and financial co-operation of Mr. Johnson
upon tho umJeiBUndlnR: tliat It should bo a
tonk fer"th l"0P, 'raUicr than for tho
benefit of a fow capitatlatB...
-It la particularly gratifying that we are
able to present our
Bank Money Order Plan
tle moat perfect method cvcrdovlacd for
handling account from depoRlloni nny
wliere in thu world. Whon you itond money
to us for deposit, wo tome to you, Instead of
the eld, clumsy "paM-boolc with lla dan.
jjeroue and Inconvenient feature, our Hank
Money Orders. They show, on their face, Mia
amount of principal and Interna yon know
what it Is ntn planco, without flgurlM. They
are UertMed Checks on this Hank, the
sarest known form of commercial paper.
You kcop them ami when you need money
You can have these Bank
Money Orders cashed
instantly anywhere
with Interest at 4 per cent. Tho plan is Ideal
your money is lw ayn on doposit, yet
you liavo It constantly In hand ready
for Instant use in Urao of need.
Deposit accepted for any sum from $1.00
up, and from tho moment your money
reaches us It draws
4 Interest
If you have money on deposit anywhere,
or if you contemplate opening a savlnKs ac
count, you owe it to yourself and thoee
dependent upon you to liivtljcHU this
remarkably convenient and nafo method
Writo for booklet "IS" today, or vend us
yotirdepoBlt artd we will nt onco mall you
HANJUtONKy OJCIJ5JCWfortho
full amount. Don't hcfllLttto lu vcaUfc'ato
thorougldy write us now.
THE DEPOSITORS
SAVINGS ft TRUST CO.
CLEVELAND, OHIO.
TKAVKEING JPOglTION with Tobacco Man
ufacturer now open. Good pay and promotion. If
Industrious and energetic, expcrlenco is not neces
sary. Danville Tobacco Co., Box I'M, Danville, Va.
PATENTS
Hi'CUKKn OR YKK
JtliTDItNKO.
flrA rflnffrt fl tj taftif li(Ufv Ylfti4-nsf st.
Book, and Lift of Ihtch Wens Wanted, sent free.
asv Amu, WXJL.H.JEAMS ui., Waahliifft0a,DC.
It Js tho best policy holder') com
pany In the United States.
ASSETS 92,eOO,O0;
twenty years old. Writo
Th Old Line Bankers Life
litueelm, Hebraaka.
Anti-Trust Type
We will RECAST your hell box into
new typo for one-half the original
cost of now type. BKND FOR CAT
ALOQ AND RECASTING PIxAN.
Wt Will Fay th Freight"!
TEXAS TYPE FOUNDRY
HAN ANTONIO, TlSXAS
CHILLICOTHE, MO.
NORMAL
AND
BUSINESS
COLLEGES
ALLEN
9 Instructors, J student.
Professional and Iiterary
vuunw, jbuterany umc.
It Student In ono Kansas
City Banlc 3 Typewriters.
Positions secured, or tuition re
funded. Car faro paid. State
course desired. Address.
MOORE, Prs.,
I4IS Mearee St., CMIIJeetSe, Ma,
I
i,,.,'t3M:MU-'.
fi&tovxlrJIie !itihs..'Jy.