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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (June 14, 1907)
TTTiP'''EtfPCT?!)l 'vir'w i JUNE 14, 1907 The Commoner. 13 ii i : .. ' In Memoriam Dr. Alfred Harkness, professor emeritus of languages, Brown uni versity, is dead. This notice will be of no particular Interest to the boys and girls of ten der years, but to the boys and girls whose "hair is turning gray .and whose eyesight is such that spec tacles are a 'help, it will appeal with great power after they have thought a- bit. It may be some little time ere they can r,ecall just who Dr. Alfred Harkness was. Well, just travel back thirty years on the car of memory, and sit again on the scarred benqh in the village "high school." Now reach into the desk in front of you and pull out a brownish book with cloth sides and a. leather back. Look, at the title: "Harkness Latin Grammar." .0, now you remember! "Hie, haec, hoc!" . Let's spe our Latin is almighty riisty these days wasn't it "amo" that caused us to steal a surreptiti ous glance at the sunnyhaired girl just across the aisle and get a rich reward in the shape of a rosy blush as she bent a little closer to her book? We didn't think so awfully much of "Old Harkness" in those days. No indeed! We used to think things about him that wouldn't look good in print, and if there is anything in the old saying the Harkness ears must have kept up a perpetual burning that would make a western, prairie lire look like a cigarstore lighter. But as we grew1 older and schoolday joys grew in the retrospect, we learnedv to. appreciate., Dr. Harkness. at something like his real worth, and now, after a lapse of years long and often weary years his name is recalled by the notice of his death, and immediately memory gets busy. Why is your last match always a tpothpick? Why do ice cream signs suddenly grow more numerous after you dis cover that you have, only car faro for two left in your pocket? Why is it your morning paper misses only on the mornings when you are anxious to read the latest developments in some big case? Why does a woman always get off a street car backwards? Why is three hours in a chair at the opera easier than an hour in a roomy pew at church? Preparations "Maria, is the cases of canned corn in th' cellar?" "Yes, Josh." . "Got th' condensed cream on the shelf?" "It's there, Josh." "Plenty of canned sweet taters on hand?" "Lots of them, Josh." "Plenty of old cane fish poles leanln' again' th' house?" "Got 'em all out last night, night." "Did that tub o' oleo get here last night?" "Yes, an' I put it in the spring house, Josh." . "Well, I reckon I might as well send this here advertisement f'r summer boarders to th' city paper on the next mall. We ought tr land a few more this year than we did last, ma." wedding for the society columns of the Sunday edition. Two full columns of it, and only eight words about the groom. "Sho groom was garbed in tlio conventional black." And even those words had been carefully hidden in the- body of the article. As before mentioned, tho society editor was feeling very, very proud. Sarcastic "Papa," said little Johnnie Blngs, "won't you give me half a dollar to buy a pair of roller skates?" "No,I won't; I haven't any money to squander on skates." "You might," dryly remarked Mrs. Bings, "let Johnnie have tho skates you had on last lodge night. I am sure they ought to be good ones, for they coat you enough." Diagnosis "How nervous Miss Neurich is. She can not be still a moment; al ways moving around." "Yes; she is wearing her first ailk underskirt." Answers to Correspondents "Meterological" We . have quit talking about the present weather. Our vocabulary has its limits. "Isaak Walton" Huh.! We used thatize for bait. "Anxious Father" We are not an authority on raising boys. We have a" couple of our own. Try some old bachelor, or old maid. They always know. - . "Lizzie" Can't do it. Wife keeps track of. all the photos, and she would miss it. "Autograph Collector" Got $100 for our autograph the other day. But we have to give the money back in ninety days. Will send you one for half the price if you'll let us keep the money. "June Bride" Better have the" front room curtains smelling of smoke than to have him down town all evening. "Inquirer" We still wear our own hair; y "Ancestral" French name; Irish descent. Animal Stories Here are a, few animal stories that are respectfully referred to Presi dent Roosevelt: Judges 14:6-9. 1 Kings 13:23-28. Daniel 6:16-24. Jonah 1:17; 2:1-10. Genesis 30-37-43. Numbers 22:22-31. By the time President Roosevelt has paid attention to these animal stories and put the writers thereof in the Rev. William J. Long class, we will have some more from the same source ready for him. June. Why Why do the childrens' shoes all wear out at the same time? Why does the baby never want to play in the coal scuttle until after it has been dressed up in its best? . What moves the rockingchalr into the middle of the room after the lights are all out? Why does a fountain pen spring its first leak just after you don a 'nice white vest? Why does your last clean collar always have a saw-tooth edge? ' .Why is the 6:10 car always late When you promised to be home at 6? What so raw as a day in .June? Drizzling rain, and the cold north breeze; Frost wreaths form, on the window pane, . Coal all gone, and the house a freeze. If this.be June, then I declare a " Big preference for January. Careful "O, you must not clean your gloves with gasolene, dear." "Why not, ma? It cleans them beautifully." "I 'know, but them stuck-up Got rox will think we own a common automobile instead of an airship." Traitor "That fellow Bilkins that we elect ed to the legislature is a traitor to his party." "Why, I thought he made a good record." "That's just the trouble. He ran on a reform platform, and dog gone him he went to work carrying out his pledges." Great Work The society editor of; the Daily Rlpsnort was feeling very, very proud. She had just finished writing an account of the Lottsmun-Gobswealth Brain Leaks Better be a "has been" than a "never wasser." Jealousy is the greenbug in the field of happiness. Some men ought to be muzzled be fore their dogs are. When a man finally learns what he wants he has a good start. We'd give a lot to know what a fourteen-months old baby thinks about. Some men have an idea that their rights consist in profiting from other people's wrongs. We never complain about the slowness of time when we are inter ested in our task. There are some men so moan that they will not smile when a baby waves its tiny hand at them. The "midsummer fiction" maga zines read like, they had been writ ten by tho side 'of warm fires. We would rather hear a man tell a "fake" animal story than to see him kill an animal in mere wan toness. Every once in a while we meet a man who has been ruined by suc cess. And now and then we meet a man who has won by failing. If the wives of some workingmen were paid time and a half for over time after eight hours, the famijy could tour Europe three times a year. The other day we read a novel without a female character in It. The novel was as insipid as sugared wa ter and as dull as a schoolboy's jack knife. When we get rich enough to stay up at night until we get good and ready to go to bed, and can He abed in the morning until we want to get up, we are going to knock off work and call it enough. THE EARLIEST TELEGRAPHS The telegraph Is only a natural evolution. Long before Morse was born the American Indians tele graphed messages by means of the smoke from a fire which was caused to rise at certain intervals by means of flapping a blanket. The natives of central Africa like wise havea telegraph system of their own design. This consists of a num ber of large drums which are beaten with a heavy stick, and can be heard for surprisingly long distances. These drum signals are also used by the Bakubas and in New Guinea. The inhabitants thump away at their code of messages on, these drums, and the natives often spend hours, in con versing with neighboring tribes through the drum signals. Sunday Magazine. The Angle of a Hoe The blade of a Keen Kuttcr Hoe has the right angle. If you strike at a weed, you arc sure to cut it. If you hill" a plant, it carries m full load of earth each stroke and does it nil in the easiest position you can assume, i Keen Kuttcr hand tools for the farm Porks, Hoes, Rakes, Scythes, etc., are fitted by model and temper for great service and long wear. mm wrm bench tool are the best to be had. The list includes Planes. Sawfl, Axes, Hatchets, HAumers, Adzes, Augers, DrawIue-kuivc8,Chlel3,Goufrc8,JJlU, l)race,Glmlcts,Squarcs.Ucvelfl, Flies, etc., besides every possible tool ana cuUery for the household. Xoolc for the trademark it guarantees quality. I If not at your dealer's, write us. "The Recollection of Quality Remains Lent After th Trice Is Tortotten."Yt. C. Blraroons. "" ' - Tr4raATk Registered. SIMMONS 'HARDWARE CO. ln., St. Louis and New York, U. S. A. 100 FUMNY STORIES Tho kind that make you forgot trouble and worry overy one is a real hearty laugh absolutely clean and now gathered from tho drummer- lodge room lecture and church. Mailed on receipt of $1.00. SPECIALTY SUPPLY CO., Dept. C. Commercial Tribune Bid?. ClnclBBittl, Okie. -, THE UNION CENTRAL LIFE INSURANCE COMPANY of CINCINNATI, OHIO 7 ' ESTABLISHED IN 187 ASSETS, $55,000,000 60 per cent of assets invested in first mortgage farm loans in thirty-three states. High est interest rate, low doah rate. Large and incraaoin'g annual dividends to policy holders. Up-to-date policies. Good Territory for Reliable Agents Address Ike Company Major General Thomas It. jRuger died at Stamford, Conn. He was In command in New York at the tims of the draft riot. tl I M i fi - .--d-aw-fc-yfcpg WV ,IU:.' 3? '-. rjw- - "? -.-