i -,
FEBIUJAItY 15, 1907
The Commoner.
13
1v"i'wir."
A jr fefTiillJ ''' 7ft
Wonderful
Huh! What care I for all this talk
Of war with brash Japau?
And what care I for "yellow peril,"
The pigtailed Ohinaman?
Let warriors clash and cannon roar
And spread war's reckless ruth;
I've got no time to notice it
The baby's got a tooth.
They tell me Mr. Hard man
With greedy, lustful grasp,
Has got the railroads gathered in
His sternly squeezing clasp.
But I'm not worried. Greater things
Than railroad grabs, forsooth,
Demand my strict attention now
The baby's got a tooth.
The president and Foraker
May scrap till they are through;
The whole canal bunch may resign
And vanish from our view
Without a bit of interest
To me to tell the truth
The biggest tiling in sight today
Is baby's brand new tooth!
Extreme
"Is Jcfries a vegetarian?" "
"No, he is a fibreist."
"What's that?"
"He is always chewing the rag."
Success
"There goes a man who made a
great name for himself."
"Who is it and how did he do it?"
"His name was Smith, but he had
the legislature change it to Napoleon."
Limerick
There was a young man in Paris
Who watched all the sights with great
glis;
But at last he went broke
And exclaimed "Holy smoke,,
I have squandered my money too
fris!"
A Valentine Day Story
Algernon Fitzmaurice awoke on the
morning of St. Valentine's day and
looked out upon the bright but cold
.world and thought.
"I can make it a fine bouquet and
get a pair of trousers, or a little val
entine and a whole new suit," he mut
tered. Of course he finally decided on the
big bunch of flowers and a pair of
trousers. Having made the decision
he went forth.
First ho visited, the florist and or
dered a big bunch of roses, carnations
and ferns. Tucking the box under his
MR. METCALFE'S BOOK
"OF SUCH IS
THE KINGDOM"
And Other Stories from Life
NOW READY FOR DELIVERY
Chancellor Andrews, of the State Univer
sity, has written to Richard L. Metcalfe the
following note: "When I had read a chap
tor in 'Of Such is tho Kingdom,' I said:
'Hero is a jewel!' Reading on and on I
changed to : 'Hero is a whole casket of j ow
qls 1 Tho hook is rich with flna thought artd
tender and elevating sentiment. It will have
a host of readers, nono of whom will give it
up till he has read It through."
Oloth hound, printed from clear typo on
heavy paper, gilt side and baok stamps, 200
pages. Sent prepaid on receipt of $1.00.
Addreis
RICHARD L. METCALFE
Care The Commoner LINCOLN, NEBR.
arm ho hastened to the furnishing
store and purchased a pair of trous
ers. Then he hastened to a messenger
oiiico and hastily wrote a little note.
"Give me a messenger," he said to
the manager.
Terrence McPagan was ordered out.
"Boy, take this box and this note to
Miss Sophronia Gotrox, and this box
to room 23, McIIale building. And
don't get your order mixed."
"All right, boss!" exclaimed Ter
rence as he grabbed tho boxes and
started.
Algernon Fitzmaurice then hasteued
to his work at the muslin counter in
Swett & Fakom's creut emnorium.
But before he had the covers off his
stock a horrible fear smote him, and
for Algernon the day was spoiled.
What if the boy made a mistake?
At 8 p. m. Algernon Fitzmaurice
rang the bell of the Gotrox mansion
and was admitted. He was met in
the hall by the fair Sophronia.
"Mr. Fitzmaurice, I fear you made
a slight mistake tills morning," said
she.
Then Algernon knew the messenger
had blundered.
"1, um, er that is I, ah explain
my dear Miss Gotrox," he stammered.
"btep into the reception room sir,
and rif explain," said the fair Soph
ronia. Algernon stepped into the room and
there upon the marble centertable lay
the big bouquet.
"I thought that is you said, I un
derstood all "
"You evidently made a mistake and
ordered too many of these beautiful
llowers, Mr. Fitzmaurice. Certainly I
do not deserve suck a handsome val
entine remembrance."
After that it was easy. "
But it was awfully hard for us to
keep from making this story end up
the other way.
It was the messenger boy's fault,
however. He delivered the right packages.
By Another Name -
"How dare you try to influence me
with money?" demanded Senator Gra
ball. "How dare you try to bribe
me?"
Conscious, however, of the rectitude
of our intentions we did not quail at
the senator's fierce anger.
"My dean senator," we protested.
"This is not a bribe. This is merely
a subvention."
A moment later the senator was on
our side.
All of which, proves that Shakes
peare knew a .thing or two himself.
The Fruit
'"Miss Gladioulus," whispered Mont
morency DeMudd, "will you, O, will
you, be mine?"
Silently Gladioulus McSwat prof
fered to Montmorency a yellow spher
oid commercially valuable because of
its acidity.
"The yellow peril again!" hissed the
disappointed young man as he started
for the hat rack.
Ownership of the Ox
The head of the amalgamated trust
having been elected to the United
States senate and fairly onto the sen
atorial ropes, returned home to look
after some private business affairs.
While sitting in his office he was in
formed that a delegation from the
employes wished to see him. He gave
instructions that the delegation be ad
mitted. "Well, what can. I do for you'?" he
asked.
"We have com.e to ask for an ln
v
crease of wages," said the spokesman.
"The cost of living has increased 1J5
per cent and we ilnd ourselves unable
to provide for our families with our
present wage."
"This is unreasonable, gentlemen.
We are already paying all we can af
ford. I must refuse your demand."
"Then, sir, we will have to strike.
We can endure this situation no
longer."
"Strike! Why this is an outrago,
right in our busy season. It will spll
ruin for the company!"
"But we might as well- starve idle
as starve working," said the spokes
man. "This is anarchy," sputtered the sen
atorial manager It Is an outrage.
Your demand for an increase is un
reasonable. You should economize."
But the delegation walked out to re
port to the men. No sooner had they
disappeared than a telegram was
handed the senator. On reading it he
orderod his valet to pack his grip.
"I must hurry back to Washington'
lie explained to tho directors. "The
bill to increase our salaries 50 per cent
is coming up for a vole and I must
hurry back and support it. The cost of
living in Washington has increased so
much it is no longer possible for u
senator or representative to meet liv
ing expenses with his salary."
Before taking the train the senator
manager left word to have the work
ingmen enjoined and a request sent to
the governor to call out the troops.
Logical
"I haven't any use for a man wli
hasn't the nerve to meet me face t
face and have it out with me," e
claimed Bingerly.
"That's right,'- replied Slngerly.
"Let him come to me like a man and
say what he's got to say," continued
Bingerly. "I hate a trimmer. By Lhe
way", let's cross the street to that let
terbox I want to send Summerly a
comic valentine and I've got a 'peach'
of a good one here. It's sure to make
him hot and he'd give anything to find
out who sent it. But you mustn't give
me away."
Brain Leaks
Pluck never complains of poor luck.
It is a waste of time to give or listen
to advice that you know will not be
heeded.
Seeds of doubt arc not likely to
sprout if sown in a heart full of abid
ing faith.
The more money a man has tho
easier it is for him to talk about the
"blessings of poverty."
A lot of people claim credit for be
ing charitable because they give away
stuff they want to got rid of.
When men sow the wind it is the
innocent bystander who usually suf
fers most in the resultant cyclone.
When a man marries, in order to get
a housekeeper, a woman who wants a
home, there is bound to be trouble.
Reforms flourish best when allowed
to get a fair start at home before be
ing thrust across your neighbor's
fence.
Some people make such a virtue of
promptness that they forget to consider
the matter selected to discuss at the
appointed hour.
Many a matrimonial craft has been
wrecked on a reef of poor bread. But
more have been wrecked by failure to
keep the crew well provisioned.
"Hitch your wagon to a star," was
Emerson's advice. But wouldn't it oe
better to pull your wagon yourself and
travel in the direction of the star?
The man who learns to look upon
death as merely the finishing touches
on an education for life, has learned
the first real lesson in right living.
This is the season of the year when
a man. who complains about the work
of keeping a lawn the size of postage
stamp in good condition In summer,
imagines that he would make a first
class manager of a farm, of 320 acres.
DON'T RUST FENCE
40 Carlwn Hpriiur 8UI. V.tlrn
heavily aalvanlrod. No Aiconta.
80 ilnTH froo trial. Farm nnd
Kiul7tEPcr,t Ctlwio No. ItO.
Also Vi Btjlon Lawn Fonco, Gat.
IokuoG. Gataloguo Froo. Wrlto
for ono or both.
THE WARD FEMOE CO.
20x410 MAUION, IMIIXWUC
FENCEW
utroiik'clilck.
en-tlght. Bold totlio Karnioratmat..
y, V-ff J Vt-V, Vj
1 n it n bx
jrria. rmir nirrulM. atalOtfircO
iJHUIfO. FENCE GQ..r
inebestsr, Indiana.
OOTT.tMl HI
uoxUi
CASH, SALARY EiS ir,r.r.
to Introduce eur Uuerunlrtd Poultry bd4 Htock
Itemed les. Bnd fnrenntrset: mn tmtineti nd f nrriith
txMt tltttnct. U. U BluLKX CO., X (14, HlrioeBild, 111.
EALTHY TREES """ff
Grafted nnplo4c, huddo'l peaalHc, budded
olicrry 15o. Concord grapes $2 pur loe,
Ulaok Locust f 1 por 1000. Completo colored
oakfrco. Gidbr&UhNuneriu,Boz84tI,aiibury,Neb.
HsjiHwV
'Jkm
nm
FK.QWER SEEDS
rtrn iikcr. 1000 aorta mixed for tilif
bod of corjeuoun bloom. Alao Guldo I
7nnnnwnn!?tAvInu,fl.ailnboutfIoworn.l
P 37th yoar. cmjun plenaod patrons. I
OBO.W.FARK. Box 2B, Lal'ark. PauJ
"S vm
-JtJCJ-3tH.
dstXttU
liV(rH'l
fiSfeAJ
SEEDS
Frosli and reliable. From Grower to U
Plantar. I (Tiro you middleman's L
profits. Seed that srow. Hip, IJcautl-C
fill and Tnatructlre Seed and Plant Hook r
sent FREE If you write before tueyare
all gone. Address j
H. W. BUCKBEE, M
iiocxioru Dnatumi. farm jti Mociciora, ill. H
-rvnmftrvxicicit urur "-'' irmt
Wo carry tho bent typea of eed corn
Brown, ivory rarloty, uniform grain, tarno
Korm, carefully grown, well graded. Nocorn
cau bo better than Iowa corn. Write for cat
alog, Information, etc
W. W. VAN 8ANT &. SONS,
Box 22. Forragut, la.
m
V0
K'W U1
kv v
Vo
Apples ic, Peach fie, Plums l&VXft - y' bavo
unorncs iuc. ucss nuaucr x.w t n. mm.
good bcarcre. .grafted yTm t&t.rSrS pleto lino
bvock, not Bccounga. .v AV or Vegetable,
2c.
Concord Oranea
Forest Tree hecd-
llnrr 41 OO rw-r V
1,000 up. Wo
pay loo
M K"Uf -fl
.A
,y.i
AVflv
STa
ft
0W
4UJ1U
owor and
farm Hefdn. Our
large Illustrated cat
alog free.
VX GERMAN NTJIlHEftTRH.
CVbox 85. BEATRICE. Nsb.
40, 60 or 90 Days' Trial on
1 Joluuoa 1
9
Frelfht
M. M. J9HNS0N CO..
Old Trusty"
Try chicken raising on tho John
son plan. My people are an on
thuslastlo lot. wo get tho results.
2.year guarantee. Low price. Old
Trusty Otatoiruo tells the whole
story It's FIUSK write for It today.
CLAY CENTER. NEB.
The Loyal Guard
Is a Patriotic Fraternal Beneficiary So
ciety, furnishing protection for its mem
bers and tlioic nenellclnries. It accepts
only representative people of hit'li char
acter and standing.
Every reader of The Commoner is in
vited to send for particulars with refer
ence to this standard fraternal society.
Address, Edwin O.Wood, Supreme Com., Flint, Michigan.
Paint Without Oil
Remarkftfclo Discovery That Cuts
Down t'hf Coat of Paint Seventy
Five Per Cent.
4 Free Trial Package 1b Mailed to Every
0X19 Who Writes.
A. L. Bice, a prominent manufacturer of
Adams, N. Y., lias discovered a process of
malting a new kind of paint without tho use
of oil. He calls It Powdrpalut. It comes in the
form of a dry powder and all that is required Is
Icold water to caako a paint weather proof, lire
proof and as durablo as oil paint. It adhores to
any surface, wood, Btone or brick, sproads and
looks like oil paint and costs about one-fourth as
much.
Write to Mr. A. L. Rice, Manufr., 12 North
St., Adami, N.Tf., and he will send you a freev
trial package, also color card and full informal
tlon showing you how you can savo a good many
dollars. Write to-day.
b.iiLiawfcii vr ir,-
