V i,7J-
FEBRUARY S, 190Z
The Commoner.
13
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,
MwL TH 5 m v'saba -LbHbV eaH H ftaB MSI TiXahBb m. V V J' .
A Chance for Andrew
"I see," remarked BIfkins, "that
Carnegie has offered two. hundred
millions for ten years more of life."
"Well, he's liberal. Rockefeller got
a whole Day with a much smaller, pro
portionate outlay of money."
A Near Limerick
A busy man named Harriman
Grabbed all the railroads that he could
Until at last he owned them all
And then discovered when too late
IThat he had merely gathered them for
Uncle Sam.
Successful
"Is Bjones a successful chaffeur?"
"I should say he is. He broke three
ribs, lost an eye, sustained concus
sion of the brain, ran over three men
and killed iive dogs the first day's
run."
Bad Break
That was an awful break Bimerly
made last night after he had proposed
to the rich Miss Anteek and been ac
cepted." .
"What was it?"
"Just after she had accepted him he
nsked if she gave trading stamps."
The Grip
WVhen you head feels like a lint mill
And your lungs are full of wheeze;
iWhen your mouth tastes like a booze
still
And your nose is full of sneeze;
When you feel mean and downhearted,
Suff'ring roup and gapes ind pip,
It's a sign that you have started
.On a good case of the grip.
Mr. Rockefeller
'Are you not inclined to swean if
Mr. Dingley's high old tariff
Is so big
That you've got to cough up double,
Just to save a lot of "trouble, -
For that wig?
But don't worry, Rockefeller;
you're a bully gloom dispeller
In a pinch. -
Raise the price of lubrication f "
And likewise illumination f .
It's a cinch.
Logical
"The trouble with the
workinj
classes today," remarked Senator
Graball, "is that prosperity has made
them reckless. They do not econom
ize. They are too prone to be waste
ful. What they need is to be more
MR. METCALFE'S BOOK
"OF SUCH IS
THE KINGDOM"
And Other Stories from life
NOW READY FOR DELIVERY
Chancellor Andrews, of the State Univer
sity, has written to Richard L Metcalfe the
following note: "When I had read a chap
ter in 'Of Suoh is the Kingdom, I said:
'Hero Is a jewel P Reading on and on I
changed to : 'Horo is a whole casket of jew
els I ' The hook is rioh with fine thought and
tender and elevating sentiment. It will have
a host of readers, none of whom will give it
up till he has read it through."
Cloth bound, printed from clear typo on
licavy paper, gilt side and hack stamps. 200
pages Sent prepaid on receipt of $1.00.
Address
RICHARD L. METCALFE
Care The Commoner " LINCOLN, NEBR.
economical. Then they will find it
easy to live comfortably on the high
wages these prosperous times Insure
to them."
Having thus delivered himself Sen
ator Graball hastened over to the sen
ate chamber to record his vote in
favor of a 50 per cent increase in his
senatorial salary.
"The cost of living has increased 10
such an extent that a senator can no
longer live decently on the old sal
ary," explained Senator Graball.
Hesitating
"I understand that Whillikens has
been offered a better job than the one
ho has. Is he going to take it?"
'Yes, just as soon as he can ascer
tain what he is."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Whillikens will have to re
sign his present job before he can
take the new one, and he don't want
to resign until he finds out whether
the resignation will make him a ras
cal or a patriot."
Modern
"What does this mean!" shouted the
irate parent as he suddenly and with
out warning entered the dimly lighted
parlor.
"It means this, papa," murmured
Miss Gladys Deltox, looking the great
financier calmly in the face, "that
Harold and I have organized a hold
ing company, and there is no common
stock only preferred."
Realizing that he was not even a
director, Mr. Squeezen Deltox, the
great financier, quietly retired in a
thoughtful mood.
Vain
The poor man was haled before the
police judge and made to enter a plea.
"You are charged with stealing
coal, sir," said the judge. "What
have you to say for yourself?"
"Your honor, I did not steal the
coal. I merely confiscated it in tran
sit." When put to the test, however, he
could not show that he -was a public
utility corporation, or even a holding
company, but merely a-poor man with
a family.
It was thirty days for him.
The "Pops"-Are Laughing Yet
The old-time populists of Nebraska
are making merry over a joke perpet
rated on a republican convention :n
a Nebraska county last fall. It occur
red in a Fourth congressional district
county, and the man who perpetrated
the joke was a republican prior to
1800, when he joined the populists.
After serving in the populist ranks
for several years ho returned to the
republican ranks, but the leaven of
populism was still working. He
showed up in the republican county
convention as a delegate, and while
warmly welcomed back by the faith
ful he was the subject of many jibes
on account of his former populism.
Eager to show the warmth of their
welcome the republican bosses 'named
the old-time populist as a member of
the resolutions committee. When the
committee met he presented the draft
of a platform which met with an en
thusiastic reception because it o
clearly and forcefully outlined prin
ciples advocated by the republicans of
the county. The platform thus pre
pared was-reported back to the con
vention without amendment, and was
adopted with a whoop.
Then the old-time populist had nis
laugh. He quietly showed his repub
lican friends that he had merely
copied the old Ocala platform with
tho exception of the (rub-treasury
plank, not changing a single word
therein.
And the republicans who used 'o
denounco that platform as one choke
full of unarchy and vagary had
adopted it with enthusiasm 1
In tho meanwhile tho faithful old
populists are chuckling in high glee,
and the republicans are wondering
how it happened. The best part of the
story Is that it Is absolutely true.
Brain Leaks
Love laughs at jokesmlths.
Start well is half finished.
The best wage is a clear conscience.
You can not cut glass with a rip
saw. A starving man needs no advice ns
to diet.
It takes two or more to make a
homo.
Industry calls it "pluck," indolence
calls it "Juck."
Does a man deserve credit for
merely doing his duty?
The day started with a smile is sel
dom ended with a frown.
People who dodge their crosses will
reach in vain for their crowns.
Everybody- sits up and takes notice
when the baby enters complaint.
People may dodge responsibilities,
but they cannot dodge the results.
Some men think that home is merely
a stopping place for meals and lodg
ing. People who go to church to bo en
tertained 'seldom come away bene
fited. Wo wouldn't put much confidence
in a boy that never tried to own a
dog.
A well spent life and an ill spent
fortune never go out at the" same
time.
There is a great difference between
having great riches and having plenty
of money.
A man does not have to submit to
everything merely because he tries to
be a Christian.
The trouble with conscience is that
it so often fails to hurt until after the
sin has been found out.
Strong men avoid temptation
through fear of weakness; fools court
it to show their boasted strength.
Did you ever know a woman who
had plenty to wear just when she
received an invitation to some func
tion 'I,
There are a lot of people who feel
sorry for the poor in a mass, but
overlook the poor individual near at
hand.
Among others who deserve a hero
medal is the man who can act pleas
ant when he is suffering from the
grip.
A man seven miles from a cigar
store and minus a smoke knows how
a woman feels when she opens her last
jar of preserves.
The man who boasts about follow
ing the dictates of his own conscience
should be very careful that his con
science is in free working order.
My Prayer
God, for tho gladness of this day,
Grateful, I come tonight.
Through all the days to come, dear
Lord,
Guide Thou my steps aright.
I thank Thee, God, for health and
friends,
And strength to work with cheer;
Grant me refreshing sleep this night,
Free from all care and fear.
And may I waken calmed, renewed,
And ready for the day;
Whether of sorrow or of joy,
Help me to keep Thy way.
Grant, Father, purity of heart,
And courage for the right,
Grant me the gift of cheer alway,
And favor in Thy sight
Amen.
ONLY
80c
High Grade Door
2-0 x O-O, Ail White Pine.
Regular Prloo. $2.00
1 It yon hare any two for anon, win
dows, irtorm sash, moulding, porch
brackets, oolamtis and mlllwork, for
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rou got onr estimate Our good ar
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In price. Our lumberls first air-dried
ana then, as an extra precaution, I
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steam power press. Tkoro la no
como apart" to our work. .
Door panels haTO n heaTy ratio on both aide. Th
panols are sandpnparcd on ft apodal snnchlno ot oar
own Invention boforo tho door la put together, and
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tho official grado adoptod by tho Hash, Door & Blind
Manufacturers' Association of tho Horthneit.
Wo operate tho largsst mill In tho world 1(3,000 feet
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Address
.GORDON VAN TINE & CO.
UtlonD 18, Davenport, lows.
SEEDS
BUCKBEB'S SEEDS SUCCEED 1
SPECIAL OFFER:
Mado to build Now HusIbcaa. Atrial vrlU
inaxo von our pcrcancnt customer.
Prize Collection !uh iLTjfW'" fe!;
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SEND 10 CENTS
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a &ee a a la r a .At .an .i. -
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U W D,.IU. nOCKPOM) SKKD FARMS
! n. UUbMJGG, FARM 153 IlOCKKOKUjlLL.
Br ,'$SH
V
v"t wa
Appies c, l'cacn oc, riums izVX,' i hare
Cherries 16c. Beat quality J -VU 4tS a com
good bearer, prnfUsd yr tPJri&v ploto lino
Concord drapes 2c jfXLW''S lower and
Forest Trco Seed
Wrtcra A1 OO rvr ..
i.uwup. nox .lJP ,
5. tno 0iVP.'
3 c.r
X
$
tm
ix
Bht.
Box
Farm Heeds. Our
lartre Illustrated cat
alog lrco.
OZRMAH HUR8ERIJ8,
85, BEATRICE, Neb.
hsPeBSBSBBeaJHBM aasBM
muvAwT-i--immva
We carry tho best types of seed corn'
grown, iTery vartoty, uniform grain, largo
germ, carefully grown, well graded. Nocorn
can bo hotter than Iowa corn. Write for cat
alog, information, etc
W. W. VAN SANT & SOUS,
Box 22. Farragut, la.
rj
O
EsLTHY TREES "" ' lHXAU,n
WE PAY fREISHT
Grafted anplo4c, budded peach 4c,budd4
chorry 16c. Concord (rrapes 2 per 109.
Black IiOcunt Jl ner 1090. Coinnleto colored
cat.fr co. Qalbraith Nurseries, Box 84, rairbory.Wek.
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PATENTS
8ECUKED OK FEE
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atfaPN YG PORTRAITS SSe, FRAMES lCc,
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1 Jslisiow (1
rPin Lkall
Vrtkat
M. H. JftlNSOH C4..
40. 60 er 9 Days' Trial h
Old Trusty'
Try chicken raiEintr on the John
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2-yeir guarantee. Low price. Old
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CLAY CENTE1. NEB.
. -J.WI. ."Siiii ji t ahtm. lfc.aJMbtoa. .j - t
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