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OCTOBER 2, 1901
The Commoner.
13
The Citizen
For months ho howled about reform
Until ho split his throat;
But when it came right to the point
The man forgot to vote.
He swore he suffered grievous wrongs
And wept along the way;
But on November 6 forgot
It was election day.
The Trouble
On Labor day they marched away
With springy tread and proud.
JTiieir lusty cheers rang on the ears
Of all $he watching crowd.
(They bore their union oanners bright
And cocked their union hats,
But on election day, alas!
They voted with the "rats."
1 tried to gain Ave yards down the
center of a crowd of women bargain
hunters at the necktie counter. When
I came to I had three downs and
fifteen yards to gain, so I gavo up and
escaped while I had life enough to
move."
Of Course
'Is there any room in politics for
the young man?" we asked.
"To be' sure there is," replied Sen
ator Grabail, "if he Is the kind of
young man we are looking for. We'll
make room for him."
Failed
"Vaa Scribberly's new rural drama
a. success?"
"No, the characters acted like real
country folks, and the audience
couldn't see anything funny about it"
i...l i
Discouraging,
"Do you think your father antici
pates that I am about to ask him for
your hand?"
"Yes, Chblly. I saw him discon
necting the telephone wires."
Cheaper
"Yes, I am going to ask Jack Slow
nn to my hallowe'en party."
"O, he'll just' bore your company
to death with his stories."
"Of course, but we've got to have
someone crack chestnuts."
Hurrah!
leaves have their time to fall ,
And flowers, to wither as the north
winds fly; ,,
But thou hast all seasons. ,tor, thine
own, '
O, pumpkin pie.
' i
Puzzled
'Tm afeard, Maria," said Farmer
Kornsilk as he looked up from his
letter, "that our son James has got
Inter trouble at th' university
"O, I hope not, dear," said Mrs.
Kornsilk. "What does he say?"
"He don't say nothin' about his
j. trouble, but he's on his way hom an'
i he wouldn't leave school I know un
less somethin' has Happened."
I "Left school? I wonder what's the
matter."
"He don't say: he Just writes that
he's half back, an' I guess we can ex-
ijpect him most any day now."
His Waterloo
Birnn. the famous football player,
taggercd out of the aoor of the great
Miartment store. His noay was a
iass of bruise, his clothing was in
itters, on eye was swollen snut ana
is left ear was hanging by a' shred.
"Pop mercy sake, wnars tno mair.
.? nan a. naastfnr rhum.
.With a feeble moan Bigun repuea: j
A True Dog Story
"Cinders" is a black and tan ter
rier dog whose real cognomen is
"Cinderella," She is unusually
bright and alert and Is a great favor
ite in the neighborhood.
When the baby camo "Cinders"
knew that something was wrong, but
It took her two weeks to learn just
what It was. Then she discovered
that the advent of the baby meant
that she was no longer the household
pet Right there 'Cinders" accumu
laterd a case of jealousy that was
wonderful to contemplate. As soon
as she saw a member of the family
approaching the basy she would
crowd in ahead and endeavor to at
tract attention to herself. Finding
that this was not sufficient ''Cinders"
gave up in disgust As long as the
baby Is allowed to lie In the buggy
"Cinders" will play about the house,
seemingly happy and care free But
let a member of the family take the
baby and at once "Cinders" howls
dismally and insists on being let out
of doors, and usually seeks refuge m
the house next door where there are
no children.
The other day, while "Cinders"
was enjoying the refuge of the child
less house next door, tier mistress
came in with the baby for a little
visit Immediately the lady of the
house grabbed the baby and "Cin
ders" growled savagely. But no at
tention was paid to her. She darted
out of the door and returned home
and since then has utterly ignored the
baby and all who play with the youngster.
Getting Even
The honeymoon was over and Mr.
and Mrs. Biggers were down to the
realities of life.
"Mollie," said Mr. Biggers, pushing
back from the dinner table, "this
bread Is the limit That was a hor
rible confidence game you worked on
me before we were married."
"Why, what do you mean, Charley
Biggers?"
"Mollie, three or four times during
our courtship days you met rce at the
door with your sleeves rolled up, your
bare arms smeared with flour, a dab
or two on your face and your fingers
all stuck up with bread dough. I ad
mit you didn't say anything about It
but you blushed as If I had caught
you doing: something wrong. And to
think that I let a little con game like
that take me in. Mollie, that was
about the worst I ever had played
on me. I thought you were a bread
maker, but this stuff O, heavings!"
"Charley Biggers, I have no hesit
ancy in admitting that I played a lit
tle trick on you. But don't imagine
for a minute that I ana the only con
game worker In this little family.
How often have you met me with
the odor of peppermint and sen-sen
on your breath? And how often, did
you leave me sitting akme In the the
ater while yoa went out to see a
max? And how many toothbrushes
did you wear out scouring the stains
of ch owing tobacco from your tooth?
And how about thoso doxgs of choco
lates that suddenly ceased to come
after we wero married? And how "
"Mollie, dear," said Mr. Blggors,
walking around the table and taking
her In his arms; "Mollio, dear, I'll
take it all back. This broad is plenty
good enough for mo. And if I re
member rightly it Is Juggloman's
chocolates that you profor."
Political Proverbs
Politics is not a business; It is a
duty.
A bad candidate la the result of
careless citizenship.
A vote in tho box Is worth two
kicks against bosses.
Tho man who forgers to vote has
vory little right to bemoan Dad gov
ernment The man who Is not proud of his
suffrage Is not a source of pride to tho
community.
The man who falls to attend the
primaries has no right to kick about
a boss-ridden party.
If mon were as zealous in religion
as they are in their partisanship there
would be more doing in church circles.
Brain Leaks
Tomorrow's , tasks look easy today.
Excluslveness is no sign of sanc
tity. Doubt dies when faith takce pos
session. Tho preacher cannot be good for
the whole congregation.
It is not enough to be good hearted.
You must be right headed.
Gossips would be stricken dumb If
all ears were plugged up.
"The early bird catches the worm,"
but it's rough on the early worm.
A lot of men have forgotten char
acter In an effort to build up reputa
tion. Money has wings, but that Is no
sign a man Bhould let It fly away
with him.
No one "ever meets a middle-aged
man 'who was not a good skater
when he was a boy.
Tho wise husband aTways expresses
surprise at his wife s diligence in put
ting up fruit and pickles.
If all tho great things planned for
tomorrow could be accomplished what
a splendid world this would be.
SUPPRE88IO VERI
After gravely criticising an alleged
attempt of the fusionlst papers to con
nect President Roosevelt's speech at
Harrlsburg with state issues a repub
lican organ says: "The legislation
Mr. Roosevelt spoke of was written
In the statute books by a republican
legislature and a republican governor."
True with an important addition.
It was passed by a republican legisla
ture at a special session after the peo
ple by their vote at the polls had
rendered their verdict of condemna
tion on the disgraceful record of the
game legislature at its regular ses
sion. It was the adverse vote of the
people that sent the republican organi
zation tumbling over Itself In practi
cal confession of its wrongdoing.
The republican organs take care to
suppress this phase of the matter.
But do they suppose that the people
who exercised their right of Independ
ent voting less than a year ago are
so stupid that they have forgotten
it? Pittsburg Dispatch.
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