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The Commoner.
13
OCTOBER. 1, 10
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Political
The shades of night were falling fast
As through the city's highways passed
A man who hore a megaphone
And shouted in a thunderous tone:
"Register!"
From street to street he took his way
And kept it up till twilight gray,
And fairly rent his lightweight coat
In shouting out the lusty note:
"Register!"
Literary
"Billings tells me he is engaged in
literary pursuits now."
"Yes, he is writing a serial story,
he says."
"What about?"
"He is making up the grain statis
tics of the county for the state statistician."
Uncle Jeems
"There's a lot o' ways Fr a woman
to display wisdom," remarked Uncle
Jeems, "but I always admire th' wis
dom of th' wife who 'phones for the
stoveman instead of askin' her hus
band to put up th' stove."
Prophetic
"One more case for the divorce court
eooner or later," remarked Mr. Jim
merly, looking up from his paper.
"Who is it?" asked Bimmerly.
.Here's ' a notice to. the effect that
Litehead, the gentleman who won the
waltz championship at a picnic, and
Miss Dollie Triptoze, the champion
two-stepper, have been married. It's
easy to guess the rest"
the candidate met with his central
committee.
"We must have more money," said
the chairman. "The campaign is drag
ging for want of enthusiasm. What
shall we do?"
"I suggest that our finance commit
tee make a hurry-up call on the gentle
men who secured the nomination of
our candidate," said one.
The suggestion was eagerly seized
upon. An hour or two later the finance
committee came back with contribu
tions from the beef trust, the coal
trust, the Insurance trust, the amalga
mated association of franchise promo
ters, the shipping trust, the steel trust,
and others too numerous to mention.
" The next day the candidate whoso
fortunes were being pushed by the
contributors resumed his plea for jus
tice for the common people.
Explained
"What was the cause of Ketchum's
sudden illness?"
"He suffered a great shock."
"What was it?"
"Told his wife that they had been
invited out to dinner and she didn't
say 1 really haven't a thing to wear.' "
Not Quite
"I understand that brutality has
been eliminated from the game of
football," said Mrs. Oldstile.
Not yet," replied Miss Pert "We
often cheer for the home team and
yell, 'eat 'em up 'kill 'em,' and other
little expressions like those."
Heights and Depths
"The leaves are turning brown,"
sighed the poetic genius. "The soft
October winds are sighing through the
trees, and all Nature seems to be "
"Yes, and it's time to be getting out
the base burner and blacking it up
ready for winter," said the practical
individual.
"There Is a dreamy haze athwart
the horizon, and the crimson flashes
of the sumac bush flaunts the warning
signal "
"TJ-huh!" interrupted the practical
man can accomplish whon ho Just
has to.
The man who knows what he wants
to say and says it usually finds it
easy to make his speech short
Somehow or other wo always tako
an interest in the follow who comes to
us and asks us for our advlco.
There are a lot of men who vocifer
ously claim credit for being good when
they have no opportunity for doing
wrong.
Some men think they havo dono
their duty to their follows whon they
drop a quarter Into the missionary
collection.
There Is plenty of room at tho top.
There is also plenty of room at tho
bottom without pushing some weaker
man away.
Just about tho timo tho leaves turn
brown the average housoholdor turns
blue. There's the black coal bill that
must bo read and paid.
Tho troublo with too many candi
dates is that the interest they feel in
tho people's welfare is wholly forgot
ten If they happen to moot defeat
Here's a scheme: A lot of farmers
wish they could move into town and
ongago In some business enterprise
for a rest A lot of business mon wish
they could move out on a farm and
"putter around" and rest Now let
some enterprising genius establish a
clearing houBO.
MAINE
TheN Springfield (Mass.) Republican
recently printed tho following edi
torial: Not more disconcerting to tho re
publicans than to the conservative or
corporation -or anti-Bryan element of
tho democratic party will be the re
sult of the congressional elections in
Maine. This faction of the democracy
had already made duo record of tho
hopelessly blasting effects upon dem
ocratic prospects of tho Nobraskau's
Madison Square garden speech and
Its suggeetion of public ownership of
railroads as the final solution of that
problem. It was of no use to make
further effort for control of the next
house. The south was up in arms I
against the recalled leader. Tho dem
ocratic north waB again broken into
YENS
a&
TrXA
AXPTm
Every Tim
Nine times out of nine you'll find a
Sievcns Firearm true to your aim.
MmN Slntfi larot Stotroa, - fc.1ffI.HJt
Sit m fcW larol aejfteu " fc.SH. 7M
If yew itnltt eamui w
flf, ordtr dirtctnm tu.
Write fer xtr t40-f f r cstatoVt
Any man or boy interested l firearm will find
ft full of helpful information an ihunttor, proper
care of weapons, notes on stents, itamunHlon
etc. Why not write to m to-day? Seed 4.
For 6c in stamp we will mafl TO
tistic teuolor lithograph- It U an attractive
bunting scene worthy of space oa any waU.
J, BTEVENS ARMS AW TOL Cw.
' .! PUe- Btrft
Ckleeeeo JCHs Km, U.S. A
300 LBS. FENGE WIRE, $1.25
no. ii usage rainteawire snorts.
VaaBaahaiBiaBisssn
100 lbv,l.S Ko. liUMwaUsJVMt:
I zed Wire Shorts. M Iba.. tMfe
Other sixes j proiiortfona
prices. Galvanized Barb wire
and t polnt.eer M lbs., &Mt lfUW
Galvanized Phono wire, per Mf
fitoh, per rod, 39e Galvanised Poultry Nettlmr, per
100 aq. ft.. Oct Indestructible Steel Pence Posts, the-
hosli mnnafactnrAd. each. 3m. , Everything In the
all purpose. Kow is
i
lino of Wira and Fanelne for a
tlio tlmn tn hnv. Thpm nrieea nr for lBanediaL
notion. Ask f orFree Ms-pase Oataloie. No. B.A.SM
quotes lowest pricon on staple farm supplies user,
ovorj kind; nlso offers furniture and fcuasoMd
goods from Sheriff;' and Receivers' Hales.
Chlaaaa He ma Wreak feaj C irew Sta, OWhs
A$20& Watcii for $5.45
one. "A signal tnat it's time to oe
figuring on how to got in the winter's pieces divided, dispirited, despairing.
The Benefit
"They say Henry Peck can speak
twelve languages. If he can I won
der what good it does him; he never
says anything,"
"But just think of how many kinds
of language he can think in while his
wife is talking to him."
Financial Note
"What has become of Bingerlyi the
fellow who wrote that book on How
to Succeed in Business?'"
"I just loaned him a dollar to get
his laundry.
Measured
"What kind of a man la Blufferly?"
Tm not saying, but I happen to
know that he wears a ten dollar fob
on a dollar watch.'
supply of coal."
"A warning signal, continued the
poetic genius, "that soon tired Nature
will enrobe herself in brown habili
ments and sink into the long winter's
Bleep "
"Yes, and while she's sleeping'
butted in the practical one, "we'll be
lying awake nights trying to figure
out how to make one stove heat the
whole house in order to save coal."
"Sleep," continued the dreamy poet,
"the sleep from which she will awaken
in the spring refreshed and Invigor
ated" "While tho rest of us are sneezing
with colds and taking sarsaparilla to
cleanse our blood."
"And ready once again to clothe all
the world in a rich mantle of green."
"And right there is when we pause
long enough to rejoice at emancipa
tion from the coal man, only to run
up against the fact that the ice trust
begins where the coal trust leaves off,"
muttered the practical one.
"October, harvest month of the
year," droned the poetic one. "Month
.when the singing husbandman begins
to garnar the fruits of
"Gee, it is October, isn't It? shout
ed the practical one. "That reminds
me. Have yon registered yet?"
Reform
"Th rigMa of the common people
must be regained, and in the future
must be preserved!" shouted tho can
didate. ,. .
"The era of graft must bo brought
to a close.
Thus for forty-five minutes he talked
to tho crowd.
Rraln Leaks
Idle wiahe ar the refuge of the
indolent.
The man who does his hard work
first finds it restful to tackle the easy
jobs.
Striving to be a "good; fellow" has
nut many a young man to the bad.
iS 'tS conclusion of the meeting It I mnarkabU kow much work a
Two or three days ago tho word was
sent out from Washington that the
national democratic executive commit
tee, composed of the conservative ele
ment, had thrown up its hands, and
that the democratic congressional
committee was' prepared to do like
wise. And finally, on the very morning of
the Maine election, the New York
Times, as if confident of Its ability
the next day to point to the Maine re
sult in confirmation of what It said,
figuratively lifted Bryan by the neck
up out of the great party wreck he had
caused, showed him the wretched con
sequences of his less than two weeks
of restored leadership, called him a
good-for-nothing -"a failure in every
thing he has ever tried save only in
making a good fat income out of the
business of his perpetual candidacy"
and then kicked him unceremoniously
out of the party and into the political
ash heap. It Is positively cruel to
the Times to quote from Its Monday
morning deliverance, but it becomes
necessary In preserving the political
annals of the time:
"Before his recent return from
Europe tho democratic party seemed
to bo getting itself Into condition
again. He put a stop to all that His
public ownership speech was like a
bomb exploded In the vitals of the
democracy. It rent and mangled It,
and the dissevered members and frag
ments have not even yet all 'fallen
to the ground. All hope of restored
union and a solid front has been
j ji mt,n Anmnnmttt. nf the
aDanaoueu. x wo ,-. ....
east and south at once noted their I
dissent Last winter leading-republi-
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ftbsY sWsWaSiVud JewelsSesi Und, pUent rnjdv
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VXTIQNAJj CONlMIJIATKB VA1VU. C9.
7A
WRITC TODAY FOR
OUR FREE CATALOG
U ttlla how we sU sronaliw
Ki(7innrtWlthamWatchtsln
OoVd everywhere for only
J2 BOWII AND $2 A MONTH
All ooode aeert prepaid on aeproTau aobb
flsrltv or Uteres. Oalyaewartobnyageod
mtett, bnosaso yo veer It whlla pay lag for 1 1.
HARRIS-GOARCOscrrl
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