OCTOBER 1, ISO
The Commoner.
13
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Political
Tlio shades of night were falling fast
As through the city's highways passed
A man who bore a megaphone
And shouted in a thunderous tone:
"Register!"
From street to street he took his way
And kept it up till twilight gray,
And fairly rent his lightweight coat
in snouting out the lusty note:
"Register!"
Literary
"Billings tells me he is engaged in
literary pursuits now."
"Yes, he is writing a serial story,
he says."
"What about?"
"He is making up the grain statis
tics of the county for the state sta-
UU5UCUU1.
Uncle Jeems
"There's a lot o ways f r a woman
to display wisdom," remarked Uncle
Jeems, "but I always admire th' wis
dom of th' wife who 'phones for the
stoveman Instead of askin' her hus
band to put up th' stove."
Prophetic
"One more case for the divorce court
sooner or later," remarked Mr. Jim
merly, looking up from his paper.
"Who is it?" asked Bimmerly.
there's a notice to. the effect that
Litehead, the gentleman who won the
waltz championship at a picnic, and
Miss Dollie Triptoze, the champion
two-stepper, have been married. It's
easy to guess the rest."
Not Quite
'T understand that brutality has
been eliminated from the game of
football," said Mrs. Oldstile.
Wot yet," replied Miss Pert "We
often cheer for the home team and
yell, 'eat 'em up 'kill 'em,' and other
little expressions like those." -
The Benefit
"They say Henry Peck can speak
twelve languages. If he can I won
der what good it does him; he never
says anything,"
"But just think of how many kinds
of language he can think in while his J
wue ib taiiang to mm."
Financial Note
"What has become of Bingerlyi the
fellow who wrote that book on How
to Succeed in Business?'"
, "I just loaned him a dollar to get
his laundry'
Measured
"What kind of a. man is Blufferly?"
Tm not saying, but I happen to
know that he wears a ten dollar fob
on a dollar watch."
Reform
.The rights of the common people
must be regained, and in the future
must be preserved!" shouted th can
didate. "The era of graft must bo brought
to a close.
Thus for forty-five minutes he talked
to th crowd.
At "the conclusion of the meeting
tho candidate met with his central
committee.
"Wo must have more money," said
the chairman. "The campaign is drag
ging for want of enthusiasm. What
shall we do?"
"I suggest that our finance commit
tee make a hurry-up call on the gentle
men who secured the nomination of
our candidate," said one.
The suggestion was eagerly seized
upon. An hour or two later the finance
wuiujHieu uumu uock witn contribu
tions from tho beef trust, the coal
trust, the Insurance trust, the amalga
mated association of franchise promo
ters, the shipping trust, the steel trust,
and others too numerous to mention.
Tho next day the candidate whose
fOrtUllAH Wfirn hnnrr nuaVtal M.
contributors resumed his plea for jus
tice for the common people.
Explained
"What was the cause of Ketchum's
sudden illness?"
"He suffered a great shock."
"What was it?"
"Told his wife that they had been
invited out to dinner and she didn't
say T really haven't a thing to wear.' "
Heights and Depths
"Tho leaves are turning brown,"
sighed the poetic genius. "The soft
October winds are sighing through the
trees, and all Nature seems to be "
"Yes, and it's time to be getting out
the base burner and blacking it up
ready for winter," said the practical
individual.
"There is a dreamv hazn athwart
the horizon, and the crimson flashes
of the sumac bush flaunts the warning
signal "
"TJ-huh!" interrupted the practical
one. "A signal that it's time to be
figuring on how to get in the winter's
supply of coal."
"A warning signal," continued the
poetic genius, "that soon tired Nature
will enrobe herself in brown habili
ments and sink into tho long winter's
sleep "
"Yes, and while she's sleeping'
butted in the practical one, "well be
lying awake nights trying to figure
out how to make one stove heat the
whole house in order to save coal."
"Sleep," continued the dreamy poet,
"the sleep from which she will awakfln
in the spring refreshed and Invigor
ated ,w
"While tho rest of us are sneezing
with colds and taking sarsaparilla to
cleanse our blood."
"And ready once again to clothe all
the world In a rich mantlo of green."
"And right there Is when we pause
long enough to rejoice at emancipa
tion from the coal man, only to run
up against the fact that the ice trust
begins where the coal trust leaves off,"
muttered the practical one.
"October, harvest month of the
year," droned the poetic one. "Month
when the singing husbandman begins
to garner the fruits of'
"Gee, It is October, Isn't it?" shout
ed the practical one. "That reminds
me. Have you registered yet?"
man can accomplish whon ho just
has to.
Tho man who knows what ho wants
to say and says it usually finds it
uuay 10 rcaKo bis Bpeech short
Somehow or other wo always tako
an Interest in tho follow who comes to
us and asks us for our advice.
There are a lot of men who vocifer
ously claim credit for being good whon
they have no opportunity for doing
wrong.
Some men think thoy havo dono
their duty to their fellows when thoy
drop a quarter into tho missionary
collection.
There is plonty of room at tho top.
There is also plenty of room at tho
bottom without pushing some weaker
man away.
Just about tho time tho leaves turn
brown the average housoholdor turns
blue. There's the black coal bill that
must bo readand paid.
Tho trouble with too many candi
dates is that the interest thoy feel in
tho people's welfare Is wholly forgot
ten u iney nappen to meet defeat.
Here's a schemo: A lot of f armors
wish thoy could move into town and
engago in sorao business enterprise
for a rest A lot of business men wish
they could move out on a farm and
"putter around" and rest Now let
some enterprising genius establish a
clearing house.
V LWO
tc
icJ
Brain Leaks
Idle wisheg are the refuge of the
indolent
The man who does his hard work
first find it restful to tackle the easy
jobs.
Striving to he a "good, fellow" has I
put many a young man to the bad.
It to vecnarkable bow much work a
MAINE
The Springfield (Mass.) Republican
recently printed tho following edi
torial: Not more disconcerting to tho re
publicans than to tho conservative or
corporation or anti-Bryan element of
the democratic party will be the re
sult of the congressional elections in
Maine. This faction of tho democracy
had already made duo record of tho
hopelessly blasting effects upon dem
ocratic prospects of tho Nebraskan's
Madison Square gardon speech and
its suggestion of public ownership of
railroads as tho final solution of that
problem. It was of no use to make
further effort for control of tho next
house. The south was up in arras
against the recalled leader. Tho dem
ocratic north was again broken into
pieces divided, dispirited, despairing.
Two or three days ago tho word was
sent out from Washington that the
national democratic executive commit
tee, composed of the conservative ele
ment, had thrown up its hands, and
that tho democratic congressional
committee was 'prepared to do like
wise. And finally, on the very morning of
tho Maine election, the New York
Times, as if confident of its ability
the next day to point to the Maine re
sult In confirmation of what It said,
figuratively lifted Bryan by the neck
up out or the great party wreck he had
caused, showed him the wretched con
sequences of his less than two weeks
of restored leadership, called him a
good-for-nothing "a failure in every
thing he has ever tried save only In
making a good fat income out of the
business of his perpetual candidacy"
and then kicked him unceremoniously
out of the party and into the political
ash heap. It Is positively cruel to
the Times to quote from its Monday
morning deliverance, but it becomes
necessary in preserving the political
annals of the time: .
"Before his recent return from
Europe tho democratic party seemed
to bo getting itself into condition
again. He put a stop to all that His
public ownership speech was like a
bomb exploded in the vitals of the
democracy. It rent and mangled It,
and the dissevered members and frag
ments have not even yet an 'fallen
to tho ground. All hope of restored
union and a solid front has been
abandoned. The democrats of the
east and south at once noted their
dissent Last winter leading republl-
Every Tim
Nine times out of nine you'll find a
Stevens Firearm true to your aim
SfereM Slnefi land St!fn, N.1B7, HJI
SUwjItoWfl Hand KawHfSMpw, ., 2Mt
SfwntltoWBwTIKHHMI " Us. MM, 2MI
If your dtaltr eamut
fly, ordtr direct f rem ur.
Write far our !40-fW free catatot;
Any man or boy interested ia firearm will fina
it full of helpful Information on huntlnr.propcr
care of weapons, notes on eights, aiamuRitiOM
etc. Why not write to us to-day? Scad 4c
ia stamps to cover postage.
For 6c. in (tamos we will mail rou oar a
tistic ten-color lithograph. It Is an attractive
bunting scene worthy of space oa any walL
J. BTEVKNfl ARMS AKB T90L 9.
120 I'le Bir44
Cbleepea Valla, Xw, U.S. A,
f2SiiS.FMCEWIREJI.25
sags, wissei
and 4 Doint.per m lb, $2Mi J W
GalTanJxed Pbona Wire, per Mi
lbs., fl.Mr Graduated Diajnond
1.1.1. - t 2" uiYnisea renciar, 2 ina.
&lht WJpt.&St Galvanised Poultry Netting, per
Odsq. ft., Mot Indestructible Steel Fence Posts Fhe
inamwniumct?rSd' ?. SCc.'kTerythisK In the-
t S?Wni S?d R.0"1 " aU JnnMc. Mow If
IntiJ00 !?uy rhe.5 Dccs are for Immediate
SSHssV
&wftrfL"A0,&
ctil. Haute Wrae! G:, MM A Jrew Sto chtiiil
A$20fc Watch for $5.45
m mm
v9aV flfi IpmMI
ThtM ftfare UU exactly wast we ere dotaf-selliflr a 940.M
wetcti for 05.45. We doa't cUim feat lllibt V)&) wstca
ora9SO.OQwstcfl,trotitlsas)SO.0 wtJt. A leedlsrwele
auuiufactarer, being feard pressed tot ready cud, recently soU
ui 100,tXX) watches watches atna!ly baUt to retell at 939.69.
There U no doabt that we ctmM wfcoletile iheto to ittltnte
912.09 or t U.00, but tbls would Jntolve a (real aatoant U labor,
time and expense. In the end oar profit woold belittle more
tha it 1$ at eelllnf the watch direct to tba eosramer at 96.eS.
TheKvlufftan Wateli.wlilchtre offer at 6tSUarbled
Jeweled, finely balaoeed and perfectly adjaeted mar mo eat.
It bae specially selected jewels, dnet band, patent refnbter,
enameled dial, Jeweled cotnpeneaUoa balance, doable haat
f nar case. relae srold.lald r'l Ivendsoaely eofrsTed.
Eech watch Is fcboroatbJy UmrJ. UJkA and rtculated, befota
learlne the factory and both ttvtarrttaJ aaoTeenentarssxautr
aatred for ZU jtm
Clip oot this advertisement nd mtil It tone today wifea yew
name, pcritMc addrcea and iMfteet aapreas office. Tall s
whether y era waatalaUes orgeats' watcb and we will send tbe)
wfrtcbtoyoarezpreeaoKceatence. If it eatleSes 70a, af lee
acirefolesaalnatioa, pay tfceeapruaaeent $&,40and express
o'jAires and tba wetch la yean, bwt If It deeca't please yea
return It to us mX eur expenar.
A SCY car aruarastea will be placed In tbe front eaae of
the watch we send yoa end to tbe first 10H9 customers we wlU
send a beautiful eold-Uld wUS chain, Free. We refer t
tbe First National Bene of Chleaco, Capital 910,000,060.
BAT1VMAL CONftOUHATKe WATUM C9,
Dept-700 CHICAGO
f
r-- w
WRITE TODAY FOR
OUR FREE CATALOG
U tells bow we sell jrenulBe
Kljtin and Waltbam Watcbe in
Gold aasas aTeTrwbere for only
S2 DOWN AND S2 A MONTH
Ala aaWfcSWta fiinf- ramaaaar ailrl aTYn annfAVftl fJf CaaV.
BBawaaae fNja ivanatM Vis a w w a aw aaay-
iratM imiiw to wear U vldla paying for It.
HARRISi0ARC9"cTr
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