SEPTEMBER 7, 1908
The Commoner.
13
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N The Fate of Many Reforms
Fpr reform in transportation he in
sisted loud and long,
And declared that giving rebates
was outrageous.
He declared he'd put an ending to
the rebate giving wrong
In a word his actions were some
what rampageous.
But the echoes of his speeches scarce
ly died upon the air
When Paul Morton, chief of sin
ners, was selected
For a job as chief advisor in the way
of acting square
One reform knocked galley west as
was expected.
Then the next reform he. tackled was
the charge for hauling freight,
And he raised his voice to make the
declaration
That in fixing rates no judges ever
could participate
A plan that suited very well the
nation.
But when Aldrich called upon him,
taking Foraker along,
He at last took up the court review
rejected;
And the second reformation -which
he stood up for so strong t
Also was knocked galley west, as
was expected.
"Honesty in public service we de
mand' he shouted clear,
And the people heard his saying and
applauded.
"Graft must cease In publfc office I
will stop It, never fear; . . ,
Let, me know and I'll protect the
ones defrauded."
TJp rose .Bowen with the figures show
ing Loomls with a graft,
And the figures were left there to
be inspected.
It was Bowen who was fired out, not
the man of cunning craft
And the third reform just died, as
was expected.
Now the last reform he's tackled
causes not the least surprise,
For he always pleases with his ex
hibitions. But we think the reformation has him
far outclassed for size,.
For he can't change orthographical
conditions.
For of one thing, we are. certain ere
he gets a decent start
On the road to reformation he's
selected, ,
He will compromise with something,
or will have a change of heart
Honesty now, Is not that end to be
expected?
with the latest edict from the seat
of government."
Laying down a list of 300 words
properly misspelled and bearing the
Washington trade mark, Miss Pert
swept proudly from the room.
As Usual
The orator face! the great multi
tude of perspiring and vociferous vot
ers, and lifting his voice exclaimed:
"Let me but write the songs of a
nation and I care not who makes its
laws."
At this juncture a man in the au
dience demanded that the oratoor lead
in singing "Star Spangled Banner."
The orator consented, and this is the
way he sang itt
"0, say can you ump, by the umtun
tum-tlddy,
What so um-tum-te-di, at the twi
light's to-tiddum?
Whose broad stripes ump-tum-de
through the ump-tum-de-do
O'er the to-raM-roo, ump-de-dum-dum-de-diddy.
And the rocket's red glare, bombs
lum-tum de-do
Gave proof la-H-roo, la-de-dah dah de
dah-da.
O say does that star spangled banner
lum-to-o-o-o
O'er the land of the free, and the
ho-o-o-me of the brave?
hatter good reason for swattin do
gemmon."
"Tell your story, Rastus.'
"Wo'uns wuz er talkln' 'bout water
millions, yer honah, an' dis.yere whito
man butted in an' begin tor tellln'
how ter improve do taste ob do water
million by er dopin' it wid dis yore
t'ing an' dat dore t'ing, an' I Jus
hatter up an' hit 'em. I loaves it
ter yer honah if a nigger ain't gotter
rjght ter hit a white man dat tries
ter tell & nigger dat do watermillion
in hits native state can bd improved
upon."
Without even having recourse to
thd book of statutes in such cases
made and provided the judge rendered
a decision to the effect that the as
sault was provoked and therefore
justifiable.
Busy
The great trust magnate was act
ing queerly and hfs friends began to
worry about him.
With a regularity of clockwork he
thrust his hand into his pocket, with
drew it with a dollar therein, and
dropped the dollar into a box. This
he kept up with monotonous regu
larity. The committee of friends tried In
vain to ascertain the meaning of It
Finally they ventured to ask the trust
magnate.
"Whist!" he hissed. "I'm contribut
ing my dollar to the republican con
gressional campaign fund."
A Musing
Called Down
The new stenographer submitted to )
Mr. Bingerly the letters she had writ
ten from his dictation.
"I fear these letters will have to
be re-written," said Mr. Bingerly in
a mild voice.
"Why so?" queried Miss Pert
"I notice that your orthography Is
not quite what it should be. You
have misspelled a large number of
words."
"Mr. Bingerly, you will receive my
resignation as soon as I can write it."
'IBut, my dear Miss Pert, I am not
complaining. I am merely pointing
pt a rew errors; and I certainly think
hhave the riffht"
p"I do not care to work for a man
rno is so far behind the times. Mr.
Wngerly. You will notice that I have
flranscribed my noteg In accordance
Life Is full, of sunshine
And all the world's aglow;
The joy of life is all mine
As down its ways I go.
I hear my children singing
Their welcome songs to me,
Bach day a new joy bringing
To fill my heart with glee.
Eastward the shadows turning
Give life an added zest;
My eyes new joys discerning
Out In the golden west.
Love laughs at years advancing
And In her smiles I see
The glinting sunbeams dancing
When I am forty-three.
Old Time his way is winging
With swift and noiseless pace,
But with my children singing
I smile into his face.
No time for idle sighing
The world is bright to me.
Beyond new joys are lying
Because I'm forty-three.
Justified
"You are accused of making a vio
lent and unprovoked assault upon this
man, Rastus. What have you to say
in your own defense?"
"Yo' honah, I'se willln' ter admit de
assault, but. I'se gwlne ter object ter
de use. ob de word unpervoked. I
THE NEW
Impossible
"Have you written that topical
song, Bluster?" ,
"No, and I am afraid I can never
write it."
"What's the matter?"
"I can not forgot tho grammar I
learned- while attending school."
IJrfflUfV
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Bfcy
DOLLAR WATCH U
n Stem Wind Stem Set n
uf$ InfWioll Walclx daymade, rcjrn.
5; JSi.. ;,u,raniec(I and every one
Km wind and rmMrt Hem tcL
fain,!.; 7 KC 7" ". Hiie-uiulnpv lonr-indurinr,
bandaome, dependable. Sold by M.WO ttput!
uiaucaicresuJCSui;inU)e!C10nr
emt at rculatinjr nn ordinary
watch.
Th Iflffertoll Is theooly "DoHa
Wttii," "but the are all vxi of
makeshift ImlUHemt. Iks two yon
ay " jngenoif. ' tnill ok for that
name on the dial. Then you II put
yuur uoMir inioarrai uinc-kcnv
er, backed up r y a c'an u c that
meant rirneihlng. Oilier Wet
v1lThe " fcrljpir." f 1 K
The TrlumMi," f'f.amllh
new "Ml'lcct'' Watch lot
UUIcj.JiOO. UooVictffee.
InntruU Dallir Chain t tt
falltrm, and cunrnnlrnt ia
aimy tnort cf than tut xi
thain. Circular frtt,
Rflbt H. rutfenell Br.
1 1 0 JtweUra Coart, K. 7.
Always
COnr:
ILL
NTS th DDrtTroT.
3 for Iirentora mjUWU en receiptor 't euTiUm
an. b.lwuci, wraBlHgl9H.U.O. ttllti. 7
T ,
"Mr. Rockefeller is advocating the
simple life."
"The people of this country have
done worse than that."
"What do you mean?"
"People who would submit to being
robbed as the Rockefeller Interests
have robbed them seem to me to be
leading the foolish life."
Xti M.lmA JLXlii ml
FENCEWfii
atronjrHiJcJc-en-tlirlit.
Bold to the Farmer at Wfci.
(lel'rlrr. Fnttrwarraaled. Catalog fro
UOJULJSW Sl'KINQ FKKOE 00.
Winchester, Iniuiu,
'.Box
m
Brain Leaks
Troubles grow rapidly when given
lots of attention.
It is easier to avoid temptation than
It is to overcome it.
The man who fs afraid of failure
should never begin.
Stories unfit for ladles to hear are
unfit for gentlemen to tell.
Nature loves a Joke that is why
some men are what they are.
The bread of idleness is very apt
to produce mental Indigestion.
The man who takes no interest in
politics seldom has any civic prin
ciples. The highest ambition jai some men
is to be appointed marshal Nof a parade.
It is hard to argue with a man who
Invents his own statistics. It is also
foolish.
Some revival meetings would re
sult better If started with a resur
rection. There is one good thing about this
"postal card" fad. It enables one
to keep the promise to "write every
day or two."
The world owes you a living, but
collection of the debt entails an awful
lot of liustllng.
We know stenographers who beat
President Roosevelt to this matter
of "spelling reform."
A great many of life's tragedies
would be comedies If we looked at
them from another viewpoint.
We never hear a man boasting
about being self-made but what wo
wish that he had put on some fin
ishing touches.
You may not be able to make a
silk purse out of a sow's ear, but you
can make something that will answer
all the purposes of a nurse.
The trouble with a great many re
formers is that they spend so much
time preaching reform that they have
no time left Jn which to practice.
Somehow or other a professional
ball game does not enthuse us nearly
as much as the old games In the old
days when the "Slayton Sluggers"
came over and tried to wipe up the
ground with the "Keokuk Kickers,"
and the score was so big It took a
barn door, to keep tally on.
Make Money
too free. Old eatabllllieif
Men er wemea
of any age caa
Blake big bmw-
? - j"
too free. Old eataaillRod heate. TVerk
honorable, eaty and light t at home. Male
'. to $10 P 7 Bo. Write to-day.
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ChloagOylll.
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HENRY & S. G,
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ON THE FRONT OP A PIANO
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Write for catalogue and name of
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140th St. and 5th . Ave, New York,
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