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JULY 27, 1906
The Commoner.
!3
"Skiddoo!"
If Trouble comes a snooping 'round
And tries to harrow up your soul,
Don't let it force you to the course
Of seeking solace in the howl.
Don't let it pass in through your door,
But make it hike off down the road.
Just whistle up and smile some more,
And tell old Trouble to be blowed.
Just say when Trouble comes in viewj
" 'Skiddoo.'
That will be '23'
For you!"
If Mother Gossip calls to tell
Some bit of scandal she has heard
About' a friend whom you love well,
Don't listen to a single word.
Don't let her winks and nods and
grins
And nasty hints lead you astray.
The moment she her tale begins
Just you riBe up and gently say:
"I know my friend is straight and
. true
'Skiddoo!'
That will be '23'
For you!"
When some man with a scheme for
" graft
Begins to 'talk in dulcet style
Of guarding this old nation's craft
Safe from the reefs of greed and
guile,
Don't be deceived. In Ninety-six
You heard that plea from men who
i " stand
Convicted of the meanest tricks
'That b'lot thp history of our land.
Juab say, when "such men come to
"v "view:-' ' u " '" ' ' r
'-'"- "'Skiddo!'
That will bo '23'
For you!"
T- greedy trusts and selfish men,
To all who thrive on unjust laws;
To greed, no matter where or when,
And all who scorn the people's
cause;
To those who scatter tears of woe
And. rob the widow of her all,
Give battle now, and boldly go
To fight for right, to stand or fall.
Speak out in tones sincere and true:
, . "'Skiddoo!'
-4 That will be '23'
T For you!"
Professional
The fair visitor had been shown all
through the great newspaper estab
lishment. She had watched the stereo
typers making the "mats." She had
seen the plates cast and watched the
pressmen grip them to the great cyl
inders. She had seen the huge
presses disgorging the printed and
folded papers at the rate of 25,000 an
hour. She had seen the linotypes
working with almost human intelli
gence, and the make-up man shoving
the matter into the forms. Now she
-wanted to see the men who wrote
the copy. The first one she noticed
was the scowling, snarling old fellow
working all alone in a dark corner of
the editorial room.
"Who is that?" she asked.
" "That," said her guide, "is the fel
low who thinks up all the bright
things' the children' say for publication."
Sun and declared that chipmunks
neither climbed trees nor chattered.
This has precipitated a great discus
sion, and while Griffin has many de
fenders those who deride his knowl
edge of natural history seem to be in
a majority.
But Griffin is right, just the same.
Under the right kind of provocation
chipmunks will climb trees. We've
seen 'em do it. And they'll chatter
worse than a party of schoolgirls at
a fudge party. We've heard 'em. The
chipmunks, we mean. We can go
right out in the woods any day now
and see stranger sights than a chip
munk climbing a tree. We went out
in the woods last Sunday afternoon
and saw a muskrat climb a mulberry
tree and eat mulberries until his sides
looked like the prospectus of a new
oil company. We told a friend about
it and he laughed us to scorn.
"Muskrats don't climb trees!" he
exclaimed.
. But when pinned right down to it
he admitted that he never saw a musk
rat that was awfully hungry for mul
berries. You just' can't tell what a
muskrat will do when it is determined
to have a feed of mulberries.
Chipmunks climb trees? Of course
they do if they want to. Griffin should
"stand pat."
Ever see a chipmunk climb a tree?
Of course. "We've seen a house fly,
and a tree box, and a road run. Once
we heard a dogwood bark, and' that
rather lays over a chipmunk chattering.
Disastrous
The executive committee of the In
diana republican machine was sud
denly called together to consider a
vital matter.
"Secretary Shaw has come out in
favor of a wider circulation of $5
bills," said the chairman. "What
shall we do?"
"But what has Shaw's declaration
got to do with us and our party?"
queried the gentleman from Posy.
"Great Scott, man!" shouted the
chairman. "Can't you see it is a
blow at our chances in this state?
Ain't we been gettin' 'em In blocks
of five at $2 per? Just think what
a little we'll have to divide among
ourselves if we've got to pay $5 a
block!"
A few minutes later it was re
vealed that Secretary Shaw did not
stand a ghost of a show to secure the
Indiana delegation.
Here Too
Of Course They Do
' Will N. Griffin, the talented poet
humorist of the Milwaukee Sentinel,
is having his troubles. Hecently he
wrote some verses in which he incidentally-
referred to the chipmunk as
climbing trees and chattering,' and
some crank wrote to the New York'
Jud Lewis says his only wish
Is just to sit and fish and fish.
Too bad he's got to sit and roast
A writin' for the Houston Post.
If Jud will come to Lincoln quick
He'll find another fellow sick
To hear the singing line go "swish"
While doin' nothin' else but fish.
So come up, Jud. I've got the bait
'Twas dug in 1868
And 'neath the fair Nebraska sky
We'll "Tamper" with some "Trifles,"
you and T.
dunk primaries today resulted In the
eiecuon of a delegation pledged to
use all honorable means to secure tho
nomination .and election of Leslie M.
Sha.w to tho presidency.
Wasted Effort""
"Hollow Binks! Did you land that
sucker' you had on the string for a
gold brick last week?"
"No. After gittin' him hooked 1
found he wasn't nothin' but a German
carp kind of an Investor."
Brain Leaks
The man of pluck never trusts to
luck.
It is easy to find excuses for those
we love.
The foolish man syndicates his
troubles and dissipates his joys.
Early to bed and early to rise won't
help you a bit if you don't advertise.
Every dog has his day, tho trouble
oeing mat so many dogs choose the
same day.
Speaking of confiding natures how
about those people who put their trust
in the labels on the cans?
The trouble about a bad habit that
you can quit if you want to is that
when you want to you can't.
The man who says ho could win if
he had a chance, is tho man who is
too cowardly to take chances.
The greatest criminal in tho world
is the man who steals the playtimo
of children In order to enrich him
self. Tho real turning point in a boy's
career is when he first realizes the
necessity of forgetting a lot of things
he thinks he knows.
FLETCHER TOOK EASY WAY
A good many years ago there lived
in the village of East Washington, N.
H., a very easy going man by the name
of Fletcher. One winter there came
a big snowstorm, accompanied by a
strong northeast wind, and the snow
was piled high above the front door.
Mr. Fletcher, in his easy way, let the
snow stay where it lay, and used the
back window for a passage in and out
of the house.
The village pastor, upon calling one
day, and being able to get in only
through the window, asked Fletcher
why he didn't shovel the snow away.
"Wa'al, parson," replied Fletcher,
"the good Lord put it there, and the
good Lord kin take it away." Boston
Post.
Natural Query
Exchange Editor "Here's a rattling
good joke in London Punch." .
Managing Editor"What American
paper is it credited to?"
Cause and Effect
Washington, D. C, July 20. Secre
tary of the Treasury Shaw today de
clared that he was in favor of a
wider circulation of $5 bills.
Podunk, Conn., July 21. The Po-
THE FAITHFUL WIFE
Ofttimes I have seen a tall ship
glide by against the tide, as If drawn
by some invisible tow line with a
hundred strong arms pulling it Her
sails hung unfilled, her streamers
were drooping, she had neither side
wheel nor stern wheel; still she moved
on stately, in serene triumph, as if
with her own life. But I laiew that
on the 'other side of the ship, hidden
beneath the great hulk that swam so
majestically there was a little, toiling
steam tug, with a heart of fire and
arms of iron, that was hugging it
close and dragging it bravely on; and
I knew that if the little steam tug
untwined her arms and left the tall
ship, it would wallow and roll about,
and it would drift hither and thither,
and go off with refluent tide, no man
knows where. And so I have known
more than one genius, high-decked,
full-freighted, wide-sailed, , gay-pen-onned,
that, but for tho bare, toiling
arras, and brave, warm beating heart
of the faithful little wife that nestled
close to him so that no wind or ivave
could part them would soon have gone
down stream and been heard of, no
more.1 Oliver "Wendell Holmes.
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