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The Commoner.
VOLUME 5, NUMBER 52
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Let 'Em Ride
When you boo a little fellow -with a
sled of red and yellow,
And his cheeks with winter roses
all aglow;
Don't whip up and shriek with laugh
ter when ho vainly follows after,
But pull up and let your horses
saunter slow.
Lot him have his chance to "hook on"
while you smile and gladly look
on,
Then "gid'ap!" and trot off with the
extra load.
You will never know what joy is till
you know some happy boy is
"Hooked behind" and gaily sliding
down the road.
I have known some selfish creatures
who wore scowls upon their
features
And who always have green hate
upon the mind,
Who would take an endless measure
of a most peculiar pleasure
They would grin at ev'ry chance to
"whip behind."
When the lash with cruel hissing,
curls behind, and seldom missing,
Gives the boy a cruel hurt and
breaks his hold,
Old Nick grins and says, "I've cinched
him! That's a sign my imps have
pinched him; .
There's a driver I'll protect from
future cold."
Bless the man who smiles while look-
ing at the happy boy who's
hooking
On behind and gaily riding on his
sled.
May that man find each day sunny,
may he have good health and
. money,
May life's choicest blessings rest
upon his head.
If by providence-empowered I would
have rich blessings showered
Every day upon the man so good
and kind
That he always says, "All .right, son;
hook behind and hold on tight,
son!"
He's all right the man who never
. whips behind.
All you need to do Is to get a cabi
net position, hold it a month or two,
and then retire with a letter of recom
mendation that only the unpatriotic
will dare to question."
The simplicity of the method pro
posed recommended it, and after giv
ing his private secretary a week's
extra nay. Hon. Silas Norton began
I cultivating the proper political manip
ulators.
said the magnate. "If they was rail
roads I would be offering rewards to
those scientific sharps to find put if
they had yet discovered a way to get
rebates without being cinched for it"
Save It for 1907
Here is a little New Year's joke
that furnished a lot of fun for some
fun-loving people who enjoy innocent
jokes, and readers who remember it
can utilize it on next New Year's day.
Bright and early on the morning
of January 1, Mrs. M. went to the
telephone and called up a friend.
As soon as she received the answer
ing hello she asked:
"Is this one, nine, nought, six?"
"No, this is 4433," was the reply.
"Are you right sure It is not one,
nine, nought, six?"
"I guess I ought to know. We've
had this 'phone for more than a year
and it has always been 4433," growled
the absent one.
"Well," said Mrs. M., "I guess, if
you'll stop and think a minute you'll
see that this is 1906."
And then she would disconnect be
fore a reply could be made and call
up another friend.
One Exception
"We do things much better today
than they did a few years Ag"
boasted Miss Pert. .
"Oh, I don't know," replied grandma,
"I remember that when I was a girl we
used the old strap skates, and it took
ten or fifteen minutes to have them
fastened to our feet. Nowdays you
girls have the new-fangled club skates,
and its just click-click, and they are
on. I guess I'd be satisfied with the
old skates if I were a girl."
And after thinking it over for a min
ute or two Miss Pert was inclined to
believe that grandma had the best of
the argument.
Try Again
What if you have sadly fallen
From the water wagon's seat,
And have landed damp and muddy
In the middle of the street?
Rise and chase it down, my brother;
On the front seat quickly crawl.
Better try and fall, my brother,
Than to never try at all.
How to Get Rid
of Catarrh
Hr Is a Slmplt, Quick, Effective
way and costs NOTHING
Send for it and see
iJF!i?30 fh0i?u2r wWfc lmow well the miser.
fes of catarrh. There is just one thing to do
have it cured. It can be done. To prove it to
you, send your address and the means of anulck
and safe cure will bo sent to your home free in
every way. The idea in riving It to you free fa
to prove to you that there Is a home cure for
catarrh, scratchy throat, asthma, stopped-un
feelinff in the nose and throat, catarrhal head.
aches, constant spitting, catarrhal deafness,
V.W., vw, uu (uftu wiu reuicuy M1UC UOC3 it 13
the invention of Dr. J. W. Blosser, the eminent
southern doctor and minister, who has for over
01 years beenidentiflcd with the cure of caturrh
In all its worst forms.
His discovery is unlike anything you ever had
before, as it is not a spray, douche, ointment,
atomizer, salve, cream, or any such thintr, but a
genuine tried-and-true cure that clears out the
head, nose, throat and lungs so that you can
again breathe the free air1 and sleep without
that choky, spitting feeling that all caturrh suf
ferers have. It will save the wear-and-tear of
Internal medicines that only ruin the stomach.
It will prevent colds and heal up the mucous
membranes so that you will not be constantly
blowing your nose and spitting.
If you have never triedDr.Blosser'scliscovory
and know that you need such a cure, and want
to make a trial of it without cost, send yourad
dress to Dr. J. W. Blosser, 371 Walton St.,
Atlanta, ua., anu a thorough free trial treat
ment and also an elaborately illustrated book
let, "Plain Facts About Catarrh," will be sent
you at once, free, so that you can begin to cure
yourself privately at home.
Now write him Immediately.
Brain Leaks
Worry digs more graves than disease.
Senator Graball
"Have you any reason to doubt the
honesty of the men who are behind
this measure?" we asked of Senator
Graball.
"Well," replied the senator thought
fully, "knowing them as well as I
do I may state that 'doubt is not a
good word to use in connection with
them."
The Last Chance
The colls had for many weeks been
slowly tightening around the Hon.
Silas Norton. Several indictments
had been threatened by the grand
jury, but political and business pulls
Mistaken
"That was a grave error that Bing
ly made."
"Tell me about it."
"He went into office and ' expected
to do things in such a way that he
would be forced into the limelight.
Instead of doing it he had to ask for
a coat of whitewash."
Unfortunate
In vain did Midas strive to drink
and eat. 'Evervtliine ho tounhed
had enabled him to stave them off. turned to gold In response to the
He had been dangerously near the
prisoner's dock more than once on
account of violation of the criminal
code in the management of his trans
portation and other business, and the
public clamor was rapidly becoming
so loud that it threatened him.
Gloom had settled upon the Norton
brow, and for the first time in his
. life he scarcely knew which way to
turn. He realized full well that some
thing would have to be done soon,
or else he would be discredited and
perhaps disgraced. In his difficulty
he suddenly thought of his private
secretary, who was a young man of
considerable mental resource. Touch
ing a button he called the, secretary
to his side, and as briefly as possible
stated the case to him.
"And now," said Hon. Silas Nor
ton, "what must I do?"
foolish wish he had made.
"Why, O why," he moaned, "was I
so foolish as to make that wish? I
might have wished for steel to be
discovered several centuries earlier
and then cornered it."
Realizing the depth of his , folly
Midas reached for another pear, only
to find that his teeth could not munch
its metallic composition.
True
It is easy to smile and be pleasant
When everything's happy and gay,
But it's a hard thing to grin
At an empty coal bin
And the notice, "Get some coal today."
The men who lead are those who
have learned to follow.
The Tioy who neglects his mother
will surely neglect his wife.
Some people never think of charity
until they meet with misfortune them
selves. A "big bluff" is as good as a "big
stick" as lpng as . it will fool the
people.
The hardest thing in the world is
to find an easy way of making a
living.
There is a difference between being
in the limelight and being white
washed.
It is a curious paradox that many
big reputations shrink under the mi
croscope. -
Employes who think they are only
stealing their employer's time are
really only robbing themselves.
It's ea3y to get the reputation of
being a "sport" and awfully hard to
get rid of it when you realize how use
less it is.
If men would quit talking as soon
as they finish telling all they know
there would be gradually increasing
spells of silence.
A mother must have a fertile Imag
ination if she explains to her little
ones why she is making a lot of gar
ments too small for the smallest of
her"children to wear.
The men who complain loudest
about their wives being bargain hunt
ers are usually the men who compel
their wives to hunt bargains in order
to keep the family clothed and fed.
The traveling evangelist can talk
plain because ho gets his money and
goes elsewhere before the people fully
realize what he has said. They would
understand the pastor on the instant
if he told them the plain truth and
the pastor would be invited to quit.
he would assist at some religious ser
vice. Faithful to his promise, he left his
hotel at Saco and followed a crowd
of worshippers to Parson Gordon's
church. From the excessive heat of
the week and from his arduous labors
he was quite fatigued. The sermon
had begun; the minister had quoted
his text, but it was not long before
Greene was seen to nod and fall into
a deep slumber. The discourse be
came gradually more powerful and ef
fective, but it was all lost on Greene.
It was on "The Great Hereafter:
Heaven and Hell."
Toward the finish the parson di
rected all to arise who were in favor
of going to heaven. Of course, all
arose except Greene. When they bad
resumed their places he asked all to
stand up who wished to go to hell.
The noise made by the people arising
and sitting awoke Greene, and up no
stood in answer to the parson's re
quest. The parson and audience were
dazed.
"Young man," screamed the parson,
"do you know what you are voting
on?"
They Work Like
Kodaks"
$
2
Not Interested
"And do you think that Mars is in-
Here the young and clever secre- habited and those famous canals used
tary gave renewea eviaence or his J for commercial purposes?" gurgled
mental agility ana wonderful re
source. Without an instant's hesita
tion he replied:
"There is no need to worry, air.
the Sweet Young Thing as she looked
Into the eyes of the great trust mag
nate. ..
"I nJn't. interested in them canals,"
AWOKE IN TIME TO VOTE
The Rev. Silas Gordon was a well
known Episcopalian minister in Saco,
Me., and his Sunday sermons, familiar
and practical, always drew large con
gregations, says the Boston Herald.
One Sunday morning, In particular,
a dozen years ago, he had in his
audience Charles Greene, a drummer,
who hailed from Lowell, who had
promised his wife, intensely religious,
that each Sunday while on the road
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