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The Commoner.
VOLUME 5, NUMBER BO
12 .
.'
-In Nineteen Hundred and Six
There are numerous tilings I am
eager to see
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
Some things that are needed, I think
you'll agree,
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
Reforms in the senate, reforms in the
Reforms 'in the city, Insurance and
freight
And these we must have or forlorn
is our fate
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
The men we elect to high ofllces
must,
In Nineteen Hundred and Six,
Stand firmly for justice and not for
a trust,
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
The money that people save up for
the day
When rain shall descend from the
clouds thick and gray
Must never be used in the
boy one of those infernal snare, drums
for a Christmas present."
Jaggerly "Did you give his boy
anything?"
Groucherly "You bet I did. Sting
erly hates anything like discord and
I sent his boy one of those toy slide
trombones."
'96
way
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
I want to see senators stand firm and
true
In Nineteen Hundred and Six,
And give to the people the" laws
overdue,
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
I want to, see Piatt walking up to
confess
He's using the senate to save his ex
press, And solemnly promise no more to
transgress,
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
A sight that would strike me as being
quite fine
In Nineteen Hundred and Six
Would be to see Chauncey his toga
resign
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
And then to see Aldrlch, Penrose and
Reed Smoot,
A.nd Foraker, Dick, and some more,
follow suit
Twould help out a Dody now in disrepute,
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
We would like to see Panama dirt
quickly fly
In Ninteen Hundred and Six,
And fewer piebiters who are living
so high,
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
Instead of the horde 'of officials now
there
And talking "sea level" and working
so rare,
We'd like a. canal that is built on
.the square
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
And one other tiding we would joy
y fully hail
In, Ninteen Hundred and Six
A lot of big grafters- and thieves
thrust in jail
In Nineteen Hundred and Six.
Give us less of "big stick" in .a poor
fellow's case,
And more of "big stick" on the men
in high place;
filvo us all rich and poor a fair
start in yie race
tilings and then squeezed his waist
up like a wasp? Did you ever see a
man do anything so foolish?"
"I never did," admitted Miss Cos
tique. "And I never saw a woman
hanging over a bar until midnight
getting 'rested' after a hard day's
work; nor tilting her hat on the back
of her head and wiping her mouth
on a dirty towel hung on the end of
a bar; nor standing on the corner
ogling the men who went by; nor
whooping it up for reform on election
day and voting with the ward heel
ers and bums; nor spending a dollar
for cigars for the girls and then
growling because her husband spent
30 cents for a pair of bargain counter
shoes for the baby; nor bunching
around a sloppy table In a back room
and singing 'Soldiers' Farewell' in
maudlin tones; nor going home smel
ling like a combined distillery and
tobacco factory and growling because
her husband didn't have supper ready;
nor spitting out a big chew of fine
cut before pressing her lips to the
lips of her little ones; nor spending
the last dollar of the week"s wages
for booze when the family at home
was hugging a cold stove and looking
at an empty larder; nor "
But the cynical bachelor had fled,
slamming the door viciously behind
him.
"And I wasn't even started," com
plained Miss Costique In a sorrowful
tone of voice.
A New Year's Greeting
I hope the New Year brings" to you
A host of good things in review
Good health, and strength to do your
part
In all life's work. A willing heart
To share the woes of bellow men
And help them bear their burdens.
Then
I wish for you the love that Ilea
And shines and gleams from dear ones
eyes.
I wish for you the handclasp warm
Of honest friends who stand the
storm; '
Of friends who stick in time of need
And prove to be true friends indeed.
For you I wish the skies of blue,
A heart of oak, a purpose true,
And that reward which 'cornea to one
Who sees a task begun and done.
I wish for you peace, joy, content;
A life of hope and faith well blent
Into that calm and peaceful whole
That says "All's well" unto the soul.
I wish for you God's guiding care;
Of life's good things your proper
share;
Good friends, good neighbors and
good cheer
All good I wish you this New Year.
the unmarried men from the nfrw i
eat Christmas turkey with S? ,
is so thoughtful." U3, n
"Uh-huh," replied Mrs. LoncwP,i
who had lots of experience X'
haps he doesn't like turkey hash Vmi
turkey soup." ' ana
Began Wrong
"I'm awful busy these days, peK.
gerly. I'm writing up some rules that
will reform the game of football"
"You are wasting your time, Scat
terly. Rules won't help any. You've
got to reform the people who insist
on seeing the present kind of foot-ball.
Her Preference
Two little sisters sat upon the floor
a few days ago, telling each other
what they wanted for Christmas.
"I want a dolly with real hair' that
will open and shut her eyes and cry"
"I want a dolly, too," said the other
one. "But I want -mine made out of
real meat."
Unfair
"O, mamma! What did Santa
bring you?"
"He brought me a lovely diamond
ring, my dear."'
"And what did he bring you, papa?"
"The bill, my son."
Little Willie
Noting that his sister was not quite
ready to come down into the parlor
where Mr. DeSpoonamore was wait
ing, Little Willie thoughtfully decid
ed that it was up to him to enter
tain the company for a few moments.
"How is the world treating you,
Willie?" queried Mr. Spoonamore.
"All right, sir," said Little Willie
in his politest tone.
"That's good, Willie. I'm glad of
it. Can I do anything for you?"
"Yes, sir," replied Little Willie.
"You can tell me if your mouth is
sore."
"Tell you if my mouth is sore!';
exclaimed the astonished Mr. De
Spoonamore. "Why do you ask that?"
"I just wanted to know, sir. I
heard sister tell papa that If she
didn't hook you by Christmas it was
all off, and I just wondered if the
hook had hurt; that's all."
Our Beautifur Language
"And now that you have been elect
ed to the United Stntes senate," said
the exultant committee, "we are sure
you will stand by the people in their
fight against wrong."
"That I will," ejaculated Senator
elect Graball. "I will stand by the
people."
When the last of the committee had
retired and left the successful can
didate alone he muttered to himself
"What a convenient language ours
is, to be sure. I didn't say I would
stand with the peopte.' I merely said
I would stand by." .
Foxy
"My husband is so kindhearted. He
insisted on bringing home several of
Brain Leaks
They can't dig canals with politics.
The man who hustles has no time
to mourn.
The real Christmas is of the heart,
not of the purse.
Pluck and Push make a team that
keeps the double-tree even.
A great many "young men have been
ruined by trying to live away from
their jobs.
It always makes us tired to read
what some bachelor says about mar
ried life.
The man who waits and does his
work in a hurry usually finds himself
with plenty of time to worry.
The trouble with most fathers is
that they deal out to. their sons a lot
of advice they never followed them
selves. Every once in a while we see a
seventeen-year old boy who makes us
wonder how in the world we ever for
got so much.
MR. BRYAN IN JAPAN
;;in."Ninetden Hundred and Six.
Things Unseen
The cynical old Bachelor and the
pert young maiden had been having
a quarrel.
'-"Did you over see a man who paint
ed his cheeks, twisted his hair up
into impossible shapes, perched on
liis head a hat made of feathers and
Some New Year Thoughts
"It's a mighty mean man who will
let thoughts of the New Year bills
cast a cloud over his holiday happi
ness.
The best way to swear off is to
just quit.
The man who waits until New
Year's day to reform seldom makes
it stick through the week.
You lived last year in vain if it
doesn't help you to live next vear
uetter.
The wise man will spend New
Year's day preparing for better work
in the future, and not in the mourn
ing over the failures of the past.
The. .wise man quits; , the foolish
man tries to "taper off."
The Japanese Times of Frjday, Oc
tober 20, prints the following;
This morning the Keio-gljlku uni
versity had the honor of a visit from
the eminent American, whose name
is on everybody's lips just now Mr.
W. J. Bryan. He drove up to the
main entrance of the university sharp
at the appointed hour, namely, a quar
ter after nine and was met there by
President Kamada and the faculty,
who immediately ushered him to the
middle of the corridor leading from
the "Preparatory" buildings to the
university class rooms. The students
were drawn up on the spacious lawn
tennis ground facing the corridor. It
was raining then, but the enthusiasm
of the boys rose above the elements,
Exchange of Civilities
Groucherly "That man Stingerly is
the meanest man in town."
.Taggerly "What makes you say
by referring to the unfavorable stale
of the weather, on account of which
he appreciated the students' enthu
siasm all the more. He then said:
"I came here today to do honor to
the founder of your school whom I
have long since learned to admire."
Proceeding, Mr. Bryan dwelt on the
fact that the late Mr. Fukuzawa had
by his unique conduct won the noble
title of the "Great Commoner." The
title had a special,.slgnificance to the
speaker, because he was the editor oi
a journal called The Commoner, t lie
aim of which was to represent tne
great mass of the American people
and to stand guard over their rights
onrl fnforaafa Tor1innR the leaSOU
why Mr. Fukuzawa was called the
and in the rain they stood, giving I "Great Commoner" was a little differ
ent, Mr. Fukuzawa won cue ""u "
cause he refused all titles and pre
ferred to be one of the people. J
America many people -wish to ie "
office, regarding it as the source oi
power and influence. But a m"
might be so great as to be inflen"u';
without an office maiviauuuj --
Groucherly "He knows how T hnto
J noise, and yet he maliciously gave my over the assemblage. Ho 'commenced
hearty cheers as the distinguished vis
itor fronted them. Another tremend
ous cheer went up as Mr. Kamada
introduced Mr. Bryan to the audience
in a few but most appropriate words.
Mr. Bryan had begun to speak. His
strong, sonorous voice emanating
from a man who is a perfect model
of physical development and high in
tellectual mien, and beaming with the
goodness of heart that he appeared
to ue at once cast a spell, as it were,
and above official greatness.
Fukuzawa was a great man; he nte
ed no office to make him pea ' 7 t0
out an office he was great enougn
be influential among his fellow men
A
J'd
Yi.
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