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The Commoner.
' VOLUME 6, NUMBER 3!
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Our Party
Schools and churches and asylums
Men like us can not endow;
But despite our poor condition
We'can do good, anyhow.
When we meet a fellow mortal
In hard luck'arfd full of woo,
We can give a handclasp hearty,
Smile and nod and say "Hello!"
Colleges and seminaries,
Institutes and reading rooms,
We can not provide the public
Hustling food our time consumes.
But we can help some poor brother
Whose deep grief we may not know.
Wo can grasp his hand and shake it,
Smile at him and say "Hello!"
We may not feed starving thousands,
Nor save heathen far away;
But we can help some poor neighbor
Who is sad and lone today.
We can bear the woes together
Till the burdens lighter grow;
We can help him on his journey
With a smile and a "Hello!"
Money isn't all that's needed
To make glad a heart that bleeds.
Fellowship that stands for something
Is what suffering mankind needs.
If you haven't got a dollar
You a crop of good can sow
Meet your brother on the level,
Grab his hand and say "Hello!"
enough, you can make some people
believe it.
SOME LITTLE FABLES OF MODERN
8 TIMES
The Pharisee
Once there was an Eminent Finan
cier who made it a business of caring
for money left in his hands by Lov
ing Husbands and Fathers who were
striving to make sure the future of
Loved Ones. The Eminent Financier
Was purely philanthropic, and if he
took a large share of the money paid
into his hands it was not because he
wanted to do it, but because it ,was
Expensive Business caring for other
pedple's money.
, The Eminent Financier did not draw
al huge salary because-he needed it,
for he saw many Golden Opportu
nities to invest the Trust Funds in
such manner as would be profitable
to himself and look well in the Glit
tering Advertisements. He took the
salary purely for Advertising Pur
poses. It always pained this Eminent
Financier to see Irresponsible and
Ignorant men who were too busy to
make "money talking about patriotism
and the- good of the country. He
would stop investing the money of
His Patrons in bonds of his own
The Divine Trustee
Once there was a Mine Owner
whose specialty was getting out coal
by proxy and selling it by force.
When asked why he insisted on
squeezing the men who mined the
coal and squeezing the people who
had to buy it, this Mine Owner
swelled up like a Pouter Pigeon and
exclaimed:
"Away, you common man. Behold
I am a Trustee of Divine Providence,
appointed to administer just such
affairs as these- Your impertinence
must be duly punished, therefore the
price of your coal is increased a dol
lar a ton."
When the employes of this Mine
Owner, seeking relief from hard con
ditions, asked the employer for an
eight hour day he threw his hands
aloft and rolled his eyes upward until
the whites looked like a sheet of
blank paper behind a couple of knot
holes.
"Impossible!" he gasped. "That
would mean a curtailment of produc
tion, and that would entail needless
suffering and misery upon the poor
who must have coal."
Having met with a curt refusal the
employes returned to the mines, but
before they could make a blast there
came an order from the Mine Owner
closing down the mine.
"Why is this thus?" queried the
employes.
"We are accumulating too large a
stock, thereby glutting the market,
ruining prices and endangering pro
fits," replied the Mine Owner.
Moral: If you are determined to get
the money by hook or by crook you
will have little difficulty in providing
the crookedness.
The Philanthropists
Once upon a time a number of
Eminent Gentlemen engaged in the
work of Making Things, met to
gether to talk over the Industrial Sit
uation. "Things are radically wrong," de
clared one.
"Indeed they are," exclaimed an
other. "And it is the industrial con
dition that is worst ofrall."
"Quite true," cried another, "and
the unpatriotic labor unions are the
cause of it all. They actually insjst
upon being compelled to work only
eight hours a day. They have had
the temerity to force us to improve
the sanitation of our factories. With
unparalleled impudence they have
coerced legislators who were elected
by our money into compelling us to
put fire escapes on our mills nnd nur
manuiacture every time he saw an tenements. By the unholy combina-
men who engaged in the Work of
Making Things. "Down with, the
Plutocracy of Labor! We demand
the right to employ labor in the Open
Market without being Hampered by
the unpatriotic and un-American
Labor Unions!"
Having delivered themselves of this
cry the Eminent Gentlemen engaged
in the work of Making Things pro
ceeded to divide up the territory be
tween them, and after having fixed
prices for the ensuing year and de
claring for the Open Shop in every
thing except what they had to sell,
they adjourned to see that the Great
Daily Newspapers had full and com
plete accounts of their meeting.
Moral: If workingmen grow too in
dependent you can fall back on child
labor.
The Reformer
A Banker well known in Police
Circles because he transacted Jiis
Banking Business with a Jimmy and
a Stick of Dynamite, was caught in
the act.
"What have you to say for your
self?" queried the Judge.
"Not guilty, your honor."
"But you were caugnt in the act!"
cried the amazed Judge.
"I admit that appearances are
against me, your honor," said he of
the Jimmy and Dynamite, "but I
was merely taking up a collection to
assist in defending the National
Honor and Credit."
Having to rely largely on Pre-J
cedent, the Judge was compelled to
discharge the prisoner with a Letter
of Recommendation.
Moral: It is a wise prisoner who
gets before a judge willing to do
Any Old Thing to secure Re-election.
Worried
"I wonder," mused the fond father,,
bending atbove the' cradle of his first
born. "I wonder if he will grow up
to be an honest man or a defender of
the national honor."
Realizing, however, that it would
be unwise to borrow any more trouble,
the fond father went down town to
raise the annual premium on his
Delectable Life Insurance Company
policy.
opportunity to say harsh things about
men who could not engage in High
Finance on a large scale and Other
People's Money.
When the Eminent Financier hap
pened to be discovered in the act of
Falsifying the books with one hand
and stuffing his pockets full of dis
honest money with the other, he did
not blush. By dint of long neglect the
Eminent Financier's blushing facilities
had been entirely eradicated. No,
the Eminent Financier did not blush
when Caught in the Act.
He merely ascended a platform at
the corner of Wall and Broad streets,
and lifting his voice and his eyes
upward ho shouted his thanks that
he had been given an opportunity.
Moral: If you can shout loud enough
tion of nuinbers they have actually
rngntenea our omclals into actually
enforcing the alien contract labor
law. They have grown so arrogant
and so impudent that they actually
insist on being paid wages enough to
live on comfortably, which means that
it is growing harder and. harder each
day for us to make them know their
places."
"And that isn't all!" shouted an
other. "They are actually demanding
toe rignt to a voice in the disposi
tion of their labor. It Is really shame
ful. The labor trust must be de
stroyed at any cost, else we will be
unable to maintain our winter resi
dences on the Avenue and our Cot
tages by the Sea!"
.uown with the inicmitnns T.nm.
Extenuating Circumstances
"So your trusted bank president has
sequestered all the funds, eh?"
"Yes."
"Well, I never took much stock in
him, anyhow."
"But he' had his good points. At
every meeting of the directors in
1896 he could talk louder and longer
than any of us about the necessity of
preserving the national honor and
credit."
Senator Graball
"The people are talking a great
deal about what men of vast for
tune do with their money," said the
admiring constituent.
"But they ain't doing enough to
keep them from talking about how
some of us got our money," mused
Senator Graball, who was threatened
with an investigation.
arid long enough, and spend money Trust!" shouted the Eminent Gentle
Hopeless
I can not write of Autumn breeze,
ur gray-clad skies and shadowed
ways.
I can not write of falling leaves,
Or of the welcome harvest days.
Once I could sing of things like these
And thrill in my poetic soul,
But now I've got to scheme or freeze
And tribute pay to Baer for coal.
Brain Leaks
Self-effacement is not always self
abasement. Heart hunger can not be appeased
with money.
Some people who cast bread on the
water yesterday waste all of today
waiting for. a- bakery to float back to
The swing in the next yard i,
always a favorite. 13
God reaches down only as far a
man can reach up. d
People who live in WhineyviHe
seldom see the sun. 6
If you try enough you will seidom
have to cry "enough."
The signs of the times indicates
that coal is advancing in price.
- The man who makes nothing but
money goes out of the world dosti.
tiite.
Cheerupathy is a school of medicine
that requires no entrance fee or ex
aminations. Some people put so much trust in
God that they get too lazy to help
themselves.
Hurry & Worry attract lots of at
tention, but Slow & Sure do the bulk
of the business.
What has become of the good
woman who always took prizes for
making salt risin' bread?
When you go visiting do you enjoy
your dinner if the children have to
wait in order to make room for the
company?
The man who laughs his way
through the world leaves it with just
as much in his posession as the man
who fights his way through.
THE OHIO CAMPAIGN
Writing in the Christian Evangelist,
published at St. Louis, C. A. Freer
said:
The Ohio campaign is getting
pretty hot just now. The flocking to
Mr. Pattison becomes more and more
universal and bold, while the machine
becomes more desperate to find some
thing with which to stem the tide and
defend Mr,. Herrick. The republicans
of any moral standing who are going
to support Herrick are so ashamed of
it that they say nothing while every
day adds some prominent and lifelong
republican who comes out boldly for
Mr. Pattison. The speaking campaign
will begin next week and then there
will be more fun and more excite
ment. Keep your eye on Ohio.
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