12
The Commoner.
VOLUME 5, NUMBER 37
AM 1jM$mf
"Hick'rynuttin"'
.. I'd like to bo a boy again for just a
week or two.
And do again some pleasant tasks liko
those I used to do.
Not go to school or saw up vvood, or
any jobs like those;
Nor Sunday school nor visiting in my
best suit of clothes.
I'd like to be a boy again without a
grief or care,
With heart elate and eyes alight and
spirits free as air;
And with my chums of old time days
with many laugh and cheer
Go "hick'rynuttin' " in the woods
about this time of year.
Down there in Russell's wood lot, and
then on across the creek,
The old shagbarks are growing and
the nuts are hanging thick.
And through the laden branches where
the autumn breezes play
We see the school house standing
where we studied yesterday.
We hear the old bell ringing and we
see the boys again
The boyish chums of yester year
who are today grown men.
O, how I'd like to be a boy, once more
with joyous cheer
Go "hick'rynuttin' " in the woods
about this time of year. '
t
The hickorynuts are falling and the
leaves are brown and sere,
.,And back my-meniory takes to a long
since vanished year.
Once more I roam in fancy through
tne old Missouri hills;
Once more I loll in comfort by the
clear Missouri rills.
And 'round about are playing boys
and girls with spirits free.
While echoes of their laughter on the
wind are borne to me.
I'd like to be a boy again the thought
my being thrills
And go a "hick'rynuttin"' in the old
Missouri hills.
could have unloaded my image bonds
on the insurance company as an in
vestment." Realizing, however, that it was too
late, Demetrius had to be satisfied
with denouncing Paul as a repudiator.
One Thing Lacking
After the NebrasKa republican
state convention adjourned last week
a group of republican leaders were
discussing the alleged anti-pass plat
form adopted. A democrat happening
along listened to the conversation a
few moments and then remarked:
"That platform sounds wonderfully
familiar. If it were not for one omis
sion I believe I could tell where and
when I heard it before."
"If it contained a demand for a sub
treasury I would say it was a repeti
tion of the populist state platform of
1890," replied a bystander.
"O, that's easily explained," ex
claimed a disgusted delegate who
happens to be in the employ of a
railroad. "The convention's time was
so short it couldn't consider every
thing, but it looks as if the sub
treasury plank would bo included
next year."
As the Nebraska republican plat
form is read over the state it is not
difficult to distinguish the incredulous
laughter of the old-line populists who
have been fighting for railroad legis
lation ever since the first railroad in
the state laid hands upon the G. O. P.
machine.
Perfectly Equitable
"Have you sold our syndicate's
bonds to our insurance company?"
"Yes, sir," replied the secretary.
"Have you invested our trust funds
therein?"
"Yes, sir."
"Have you sent that check to our
lobby manager at Albany?"
"Yes, sir."
"Has our campagne dinner been
paid for out of the advertising ac
count?" "Yes, sir."
"Did you get enough proxies to in
sure the 500 per cent increase in our
salaries?" ,
"Yes, sir."
"Good! You may join me in a few
hours of weeping over the nrosnent
that dishonest men will secure control
of our country and put a stain upon
its honor and credit."
-
,.,' '""Noble Man
' Mrs. Nuwed "Gome right in, you
poor man, and I will give you some
thing to eat. I suppose you were not
always in this unhappy condition."
Seldym Wirk "Indeed I was not,
mum. Fifteen years ago I was rich
an' prosperous."
Mrs. Nuwed--"And what broueht
you to this unfortunate condition?"
Seldym Wirk "In 1896,. mum, I
saw dat de honor ov dis great country
was threatened by repudlators, an' I
sacrificed me immense fortune t' save
it from de unprincipaled wreckers
what was seekin' t' ruin it. It was
me patriotism, mum, dat brought me
to dis unfortynit condition. Thanky,
mum, f'r dis fine spread."
"It is not true that you carry
passes?" we inquired.
"Not free passes, sir," declared the
senator. "I have amply remunerated
the railroad corporations for the trans
portation they gave me."
For a moment we thought that the
senator meant he paid his fare, but
after consulting the Congressional
Record we saw a great light.
Uncle Jake
"I got it all figured out about that
Ekytible Life Assurance sassiety," re
marked Uncle Jake, reaching for the
cheeseknife. "I figure that th' di
rectors have got all the assurance an'
all th' money, an' that the policy
holders ain't got nothin' but their
equity in the life."
John D.
His Reason
When Willie jumped from his seat
on the street car and gave it to the
gentleman who had been hanging to
the strap, it filled us with pride.
"You ar,e a perfect little gentle
man, Willie," we said. "It was fine
of you to give your seat to the gen
tleman." "Huh!" exclaimed Willie. "I didn't
give it to him 'cause o' that. Seein
him holdin' on to that strap reminded
me too much o' what happened last
night when I got home after playin'
hookey in th' afternoon."
It Did
"This watch will work like a
charm," said the dealer. "And it
will cost you but a dollar."
We paid the dollar.
The dealer was correct, and we
have no complaint to make.
The watch worked like a charm
exactly like a charm.
By the way; did you ever see a
charm that kept time?
Retrospection
Demetrius sat amidst the ruins of
his business and gazed at the images
of Diana for which there was no
longer a demand.
"Alas," he sighed, "I missed my
opportunity. I should have organized
a life insurance company and bonded
my image making business. Then I
That's All
There was a big man named McCall
Whose tears for our "honor" would fall
But it looks after years '
As if McCall's tears
Were simply and overflowed gall.
Explained
After hearing Senator Graball's elo
quent speech against free passes we
wore impelled to question him some-
You've money to burn,
John D.
More'n ever a man can earn,
John D.
But the wealth you pile high
You must leave by and by,
And when questioned about It
What will you reply,
John D?
You've money in piles,
John D.
Has it brought you in smiles,
John D?
Tn your lust and your greed
You have made men's hearts bleed,
And you've profited much on
Humanity's need,
John D.
When asked for final account,
John D.
To what will your wealth amount,
John D?
All the spoils of your fight,
All your fortune in sight,
Will not measure at last
With the poor widow's mite,
John D.
A Dozen Don'ts
Donlt "knock."
Don't get gay.
Don't depend too much on friends.
Don't forget that the best kind of
advice is example.
Don't do all of your pushing against
the breechstraps.
Don't be a good fellow at the ex
pense of your family.
Don't forget that your wife earns
half the money or more.
Don't forget that time wasted to
day is a draft on tomorrow.
Don't work so hard trying to find
a way to live without work.
Don't forget that there would be
no tongue of gossip if there were
not at least two ears.
Don't keep all your good nature for
use during business hours take some
of it home with you.
Don't think that a brown stone
front will keep the butcher boy from
seeing the- garbage barrel in the
rear.
Boygrapns
My son, bear this fact in mind. I
never knew a man who smoked who
did not regret it, and I never knew a
man who did not smoke who did re
gret it.
My son, people whose friendship is
worth nothing to you will call you a
good fellow" .if you spend your
money recklessly in dissipation, but
if you are honest, decent, cleanly in
habits and God fearing, you will be
called a "good fellow" by the dearest
and best friend a boy can have your
mother.
My son, it is true that the world
owes you a living, but you should be
ashamed of being too lazy to hustle
around and make the world pay the
debt.
My son, in more than two score
years of observation I have never
seen a gentleman whn
gentle man. vas nt a
My son, while you are sowing
wild oats remember that thosa I?
love you most and have So f 5
greatest sacrifices for you Se
ones who are reaping most of the har
vest of tears and heartaches
My son remember that lmowlckro
of evil and ignorance of riirh ?
creditable to no one. k aro
My son, if you would not resent a
sneer at your sister you are unwor hy
of being called a young m an and
ought to bo thrashed. And if Z
would even think of reflecting upon
the good name of any other boy's sis
ter you ought to creep up and alley
and kick yourself.
Brain Leaks
Interested labor never watches the
clock.
The partisan slave is always proud
of his bonds.
The man who makes nothing hut
money is poorly paid.
. The best day of life lies between
yesterday and tomorrow.
Christianity and churchianity aro
as wide apart as the poles.
Jealousy is a constant search for
something the searcher hopes never
to find.
The boy who is ashamed of hi3
work is never worth giving some
other job.
Men often miss opportunity's knock
because they are themselves so busy
"knocking."
When a boy calls his father "the
old man" it is a sign that it is time
to hunt up a hickory tree.
The man who attends strictly to
his own business usually finds a
growing business to attend to.
The man who lives up to his in
come in early life usually has to live
down to his income in later years.
A great many men scheme to get
themselves in the nine-hole, and then
complain about it when they get in.
The man who finds himself nnen
thused by the circus is suffering from
a disease that medicine will not euro
old age.
The employer always knows tho
man who is so anxious to wash up
and quit that he anticipates tho
whistle by a minute or two.
We know men who have put enough
energy into coloring a meerschaum
pipe to run a family washing machine
seven weeks without a stop.
Most any man could4 succeed in
business if he could put up as good
a front as the average woman can
when a fashionable neighbor happens
to call on washday.
Pullman Tourist
Sleeping Cars
EVERY DAY
BETWEEN
OMAHA. SALT LAKE CITY,
AND LOS ANGELES
WITHOUT CHANGE
VIA
Union Pacefic
AND
San Pedro, Los Angeles &
Salt Lake Railroads
Inquire of
E. B. SLOSSON, Gen. Asonr.