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The Commoner
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THE COMMONER, Lincoln, Nob.
Tho sideboard adjunct of. the U. S. A. needs
an amputation.
Mr. Morgan has the Bacon; croes the rest of
the country get the rind?
Democratic victory in 1906 and 1908 can bo
assured right now. Organization is the watchword.
The railroads know what causes the deficit
in the postal department, but it does not worry
them a bit.
The proposition to reduce tne deficit by put
ling a tax on coffee is peculiarly republican. The
rich can drink wine.
. The trouble with Mr. Rockereller is that he
does not go barefooted when he walks upon his
would-be competitors.
The landlords at Portsmouth, may be en
titled to some of the credit for the early secur
ing of a peace agreement.
President Roosevelt ceased his search for
some means of cutting red tape long enough to
cut a little Bacon for Mr. Morgan.
There aro still others connected with the
Equitable who could win applause by imitating
Cimuncey M. Depew in a certain way.
. Perhaps that riot in Tokio was nothing more
than the Japs being jostled together upon the
settling back of the island when Mr. Taft stepped
off.
New York mail drivers are on Btrlke, and this
may suggest something to the gentleman who
forgot to mail the letter his wife gave him to
post.
The anthracite coal trust has hoisted the
price another notch not by divrao right but by
right of purchase.. The campaign contribution
was ample.
Secretary Shaw has been delegate hunting
In the south. He will breathe easier when he
knows for certain that the trip has not been
Algerized. -
Japan was wise enough not to pay any bonus
for a lot of unwilling subjects. The Japanese
have long had a habit of profiting by American
experience.
The strangest feature of the government
printing office squabble is that Mr. Cortolyou has
not been mentioned in connection with Mr. Palm
er's position.
Dr. Salmon has been "canned." The canning
Industry should not, however, stop with this
much progress in the governmental departments
at Washington.
The Commoner.
Perhaps all those Japanese riots are merely
part of a grandstand play to make Russians be
lieve that Russia got the best of it. The Japs
are awfully cute.
Doubtless Emperor William's press agent has
been notified that it is high time he performed
something calculated, to attract the world's gaze
from Washington, D. C.
If Norway should discover that she is able
to get along without a king several members of
royal families will have, to either go to work or
ask for larger pensions.
"The crux" of the peace treaty seems to have
split into two pieces, one lodging m St. Peters
burg and the other in Tokio, both doing some
damage when they struck.
A lot of western republicans are quite sure
that the corn, crop will be a good party campaign
argument if the administration will only hold
off the frost for about two weeks.
Mr. Rockefeller is wearing a wig. In this
Mr. Rockefeller has the advantage of a number
of men whom he has scalped. They have
nothing left with which to purchase wigs.
Despite the great American public's delight
over the conclusion of peace between Russia and
Japan it is believed that most of them looked
for a San Francisco date line on September 10.
Peace having been declared Senator Bever
idgo may resume his prophecies about the march
of. Russia. But the senator will probably re
verse some of .his former Russian prophecies.
Something is wrong in the literary world.
The Russo-Japanese peace treaty has been effec
tive for two weeks and Field Marshal Murat
Halstead is not yet ready with a history of the
war.
The announcement that Addicks is out of
the senatorial running in Delaware would be
productive of more rejoicing were it. not for the
added announcement that Allee is in it more than
ever.
Being unable to keep an engagement to de
liver a Labor Day address at Kansas City, Mr.
Lawson sent the committee a check for $1,000.
If money talks that was an eloquent Labor Day
address.
The appointment of Mr. Bacon to be assist
ant secretary of state only emphasizes the pork
Ish propensities of the gentlemen who are en
gaged in exploiting the South American republics.
The press humorists in session at Cleveland
adjourned for an automobile tour of Mr. Rocke
feller's grounds. This was not the first time
Mr. Rockefeller helped the humorists pass away
the time.
The fault with the government printing office
is not so much the inability or a $4,500 a year
man to conduct it successfully as it is the diffi
culty to keep, congress from making it even more
of a money loser.
With a surplus of $20,000,000 at the close of
his first administration, President Palma of Cuba
was unanimously re-nominated. This is calcul
ated to make Secretary Shaw sit up and take
notice of his $24,000,000 deficit.
When Senator Elkins gets ready to submit
the results of his investigation of the railroad
rate question the country will be properly, sur
prised to learn that Senator Elkins is quite cer
tain that the present system is all right.
"What is the democratic party going to do?."
queries the Washington Post, What it believes
to be right, of course. However, this line of
policy will be subject to the Post's criticism
until it finds it convenient to commend it b
causj of democratic success.
.--"- VOLUME 5, NUMBER 38
"The: great' American novel" has lone w
promised, but seems to have been delavcii 1
is there any objection to awarding the naim 7
the greatest bit of American fiction to the P
p. managers who still insist that their rmrtv J
reform the tariff in the interests of the people"
The Sioux City Journal gravely announpw
that "The typothetae decided in effect that h
striking printers may take their choice between
a nine-hour work day and a twenty-four-hour dw
for loafing." It looks as if the printers would
finally compromise on an eight-hour work dav
The printers have long been leaders in the com!
promise and arbitration idea.
Henry Wattorson says that first class mon
can not afford to go to congress for $5,000 "a
year. What Mr. Watterson means Is that first
class men aro not enough sought after for con
gressional positions paying $5,000 per yoar.
"Our present prosperity has been built im
under the Dlngley law," declares Representative
McCleary. If it hadn't been for the Dingiey law
the rains would not have fallen upon western
farms, neither would the sun have beamed unoS
them. And if the tariff which makes wool dear
and woolen goods cheart had not operated re
woTbtLr Ctive' of co'urses
The birds are gathering for their annual mi
gration, and will soon be traveling southward
in immense flocks. Man ha3
Why do made some wonderful strides
the Birds- in knowledge during the last
Migrate? one hundred years, but for
more than a century he has
been trying to answer his own question, "Why
do birds migrate?" and he is no nearer the an
swer today than he was when he first propounded
it. He only knows that the birds do migrate,
and that they may be expected to leave about a
certain time and return about a certain time. The
bird is a mystery. When man can explain to his
own satisfaction just how birds fly and just why
they migrate he will be excused for feeling puffed
up over his newly acquired knowledge.
The newspaper humorist is irrepressible. Ho
sees humor in any old thing, and sacred indeed
must that thing be which ho
Where the will not turn to advantage in
Humor Makes rhyme or joke. He met numer
Appearance ously in Cleveland, Ohio, re
cently,, as the American Pres3
Humorists' convention. Then he visited John
D. Rockefeller and made that gentleman an hon
orary member of the association. It was a joke
a subtle joke. Mr. Rockefeller, whose sense of
humor has not even reached the protoplasm stage,
as a member of an association of newspaper hu
morists well, he may have failed to see the point
of some of the press paragraphers' jokes, but
here is one with a point so sharp and yet so
apparent that those too blind to see it can not
help feeling it when it comes time to light tho
evening lamp.
Once more our "trade" with South America
is to be investigated. This merely means that
some one is going to receive a
Useless fat salary and lucious expenses
Investigation for investigating something
Ordered that is as plain as a pikestaff
to every thoughtful and observ
ant man in the country. We have little or no
trade with South America for the very simple
reason that we demand of South America that she
buy from us at our prices while we refuse to
buy of her at any price. We insist that South
America look pleasant when we throw all sorts
of restrictions around ber goods when they reach
our ports of entry. Being unable to sell to us
South America refuses to buy of us. There is
the situation in a nutshell. What is the use oC
spending $50,000 or $75,000 on an investigation,
whose results are already discounted by present
knowledge. Has President McKinley's Buffalo
speech been forgotten so soon by the republican
party?
For pure and unadulterated optimism com
mend us to the always blindly partisan St. Louis
Globe-Democrat. The treasury
.Optimism deficit for August was upwards
That Is Real of $4,000,000, but what of that.
' Optimism The excess of receipts over ev
penditures during the first ten
days of September was $1,200,000. Of course the
rule is to pay bills monthly, but what of that. For
ten days the government has been taking In more
money that it paid out, and the optimistic Globe
Democrat rejoices. What's the use of consider
ing the "bills payable" until the end of tne
month? The workingman who makes $2 a aay
buys a suit of $10 clothes in the morning and has
it charged. At night he gets his $2. His cash
income has been just $2 more than his cash ouis.
Hurrah for prosperity! What's the use of worn
ing about the clothing bill until it is presence!
and payment demanded? Let us rejoice that tne
government for ten days has been taking in more
money than it paid out. When. the end of tne
month comes and the bills are .presented wen,
that is time enough to worry about the deficit.
Let us rejoice and be glad during the remainder
of the month between now and the dawn of tne
30th.
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