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The Commoner.
iVOLUME 5, NUMBER 25
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A Boy's Report
Geo, I had a bully time Fourth o' July!
Got up early in. th' raorniii' an' then I
Iolped fire salutes Geo, them ol' an
vils rung
An' ev'ry time wo shouted till a lung
Tub seemed tore out. An' 'en we shot
Them crackers all day long. Geo, it
wus hot!
Jim Dolan's cannon busted and a
chunk
lit Jim right on the stomick jus' ker
plunk, A.n' powder burned his face too bad
r Jim
I'd hate to have the face he's got on
him.
'Bout 'leven o'clock lh' band begun to
play ..
Down in th' grove, an' some folks
went that way
T hear th' speakin'; but you bet 'at I
Don't waste no time that way Fourth
o' July.
But when 'twas noon you bet I wus
th' fust
Ter dinner o't till I nearly bust.
An' lemmynade, an' pie, an' jell, an
cake,
An' chicken e't until I had a ache.
But it hurt good. An' 'en we shot some
more
Big crackers, celebratin' July 4.
An then you'd oughter see th' fun we
made
In that there callytumpyan parade.
John White he's sister's beau lent
mo a boss.,
He played he wus a clown an' he fell
down
A gittin' on his boss, an' all th'-town
Jus' laffed an' whooped, an' Kate she
looked so proud
'At I could see her. blushin' in th'
crowd.
An late at night I heard her in th'
hall
Say, "John, your part wus jus th'
best of all."
My hand? Huh! That's burned. I lit a
fuse
An' then furgot J. had. Failed to let
loose
An' bang she went right off there in
my hand.
Skeered me so 'at I could hardly stand.
An' hurt! I ruther guess it hurt. An'
ma
She said it wus the worstest burn she
ever saw.
.But pa jus' laffed an' said, "Don't
worry none;
Twon't bother till tomorrow, will it
son?" '
An all next day my hand hurt me so
hard
I couldn't hoe no weeds ner rake th'
yard.
An when th' fireworlis wus let off at
night
Who bossed th' job Dut sister's beau,
John White! '
An' John lot me help hand things up
t' him,
An' when he'd fire a wheel I'd git th'
rim.
John can shoot fireworks mighty fine
I say. '
Ain't got no better in this dinky town
no way.
John give mo a quartor t' git ice
cream he said;
But I got cartridges an' -punk an' caps
instead.
An' late at night I jus' fell on th'
floor
An that's all I 'member 'bruit July 4.
Why We Celebrated
The patriotic citizen, having arisen
by the dawn's early light," had spent
the morning hours in shooting off fire
crackers, exploding torpedoes, yelling
like a maniac and burning his fingers
to blisters. During a pause in his cele
brating a foreign looking individual
passing by paused and remarked:
"Why all this demonstration?"
"This is tho day we celebrate!"
proudly" exclaimed the patriotic citi
zen. "And why do you celebrate?"
"Because it is the anniversary of
our nation's natal day."
"Why all the noise?"
"Because," proudly replied the pa
triotic citizen, "one hundred and twenty-nine
years ago today we declared
ourselves free and Independent, and
took our place among the nations."
"And by your simple declaration you
became free and independent?"
"To be sure, sir, exclaimed the pa
triotic citizen, "but we had to do some
hard fighting to make the declaration
good."
"But were you not rebelling against
constituted authority and therefore
rebels."
"Not much, sir! Our forefathers who
rebelled were patriots. They had set
tled this country, made it productive
and were entitled to manage it. They
resisted oppression, sir; when aliens
tried to rule them they arose in their
might and fought for the freedom
which we, their children, now enjoy.
Wo celebrate their glorious patriotism,
sir." '
"But you say that aliens tried to
rule you; were they not of your own
race and color? Were they not allied
with you by ties of blood?"
"True they were of our own race
and blood, but they knew nothing of
our needs or our aims. They sought to
rule us without allowing us a voice.
Our complaint was unheedflrl. Whon
..patience ceased to be a virtue our
forefathers arose in their wrath and
threw off the galling yoke. To them
we owe everything wo enjoy in' the
way of liberty and national existence,
Whoop-eo! Hurrah! And the patriotic
citizen jumped three feet into the
air and touched off another dynamite
cracker.
"Strange," muttered the foreign
looking man.
"Why strange?" queried the patri
otic citizen.
"Because you call your forefathers
patriots when they were rebels in
surrectos." "Rebels, nothing!' shouted the pa
triotic citizen. "They were patriots,
fighting .for liberty and right of self
government."
"But only last week I heard you
call a people who are striving for tho
same thing 'rebels,' insurrectos,' 'irre
sponsible niggers' and all that sort of
thing.
"Look here!" shouted the patriotic
citizen. 'If you are referring to them
Filipinos I ain't going to listen to you
They are rebels against our govern
ment. We are trying to confer the
uruaaums or gooci government on 'em.
We are ruling 'em for their good, and
they ain t got sense enough to see it
The man who takes up arms against
his government is a double-dyed trait
or and a rebel and ought to bo hanged.
Them Filipinos ought to be
0i,?i1h th?lfo,;eIen looking gentleman,
shaking his head walked away mut
tering: "I fail to grasp the meaning."
in tho meanwhile the patriotic citi
zen sent down town for more dyna
mite crackers and a lot of blank cartridges.
The Boy's Room
"Yes, this is the girl's room our
daughter's room. See the neat brass
bed, the snowy draperies, tho freshly
laundered curtains, the neat rug spread
over clean matting. Everything fair
to see. Our girl is a great 'home
body but somehow or other our boy
wants to be out on the streets instead
of at home.
"P, yes; this is the boy's room. That
bed was the one we came near throw
ing away. What's that? Yes, when
ever we have any bed clothes that
are worn we let the boy have them,
and we'd put ,a cheap carpet on the
iioor only he'd soon wear holes in it
with his heavy shoes. He doesn't
seem to care much for a room of his
own, so we just put that old cracked
mirror over that drygoods box, and
then we covered the box with some
wall paper left over from last spring.
He started to hang some pictures on
the walls, but he "had to drive nails
in the plaster to do it, and we couldn't
have the walls marred like that.
That's the reason there are no pic
tures in here. I've been intending to
have the. glazier put in a new pane of
glass but keep foreettins: it. How
ever, that piece of paper pasted over
the hole keeps out the wind and rain
almost as good as glass.
"Where is he now? I don't know. He
left right after dinner. I can not un
derstand why he does not like to stay
at home, for I am sure we try to make
home attractive and pleasant for him."
Read this over a few times, y,ou
fathers and mothers whose sons are
disinclined to stay at home. Perhaps
you will get an idea. There seems
to bei one lurking around here somewhere.
country, "and that is what is worrying
th7SenB yU' gneral? Ho
"This day we've brought great
trouble upon our country"
"Trouble?"
"Yes the Hessian fly!"
uFlSFi thus sprung thG only Joko
which history records of him, Wash.
ington turned his attention again to
business. iy
The Ownership of the Ox
"Hello, Bingerly! Have' you been
reading Lincoln Steffens' articles on
municipal graft?"
"You betj Say that fellow's a
peach. The way he ripped it into
those democratic grafters in St. Louis
was simply immense. That man Stef
fins is all right!"
"Have you read what he says about
Tom Johnson and the municipal gov
ernment of Cleveland, Ohio?"
"No, but I bet he ripped it into that
fellow -proper, I must get it."
"Yes, read it. He says Tom John
son is the best mayor of the best
governed city in the United States."
"What! Says that about Tom John
son? Say, Steffins is the most unrelia
ble writer in the country. He isn't
entitled to notice, he isn't. The idea
of a man like Tom Johnson being held
up as a model! I don't understand
why a great magazine like TMcClure's
prints such drivel as Link Steffens
writes."
Biff I Bang! I
Little Johnnie had a cracker
Made of ordinary powder,
But he wanted something better
Something that would be much
louder.
Johnnio found it 'twas a cracker
Loaded up' with dynamite.
Biff! Bang!! Boom!! And littla
Johnnie
Went straight up clean out of sight,
Successful
"Did you have a good vacation?"
"Bully! I got so tired enjoying it
that I'll have to work six mouths to
get rested up."
Prepared
The railway managers were seek
ing for a trafflc manager, and were
examining an applicant for the posi
tion. "Of course -you know that rehates
are contrary to law."
"Sure thing," replied the applicant,
nut I have a warm friend and a
ready-made letter of vindication.'
Amidst smiles that expressed their
satisfaction the managers hastily con
cluded the arrangements, leaving the
matter of salary to the new appointee.
Bad
Immediately after tho battle of Tren-
n!L '""onary r approached
.K?,rfl )Vasninetort and exclaimed:
bored!" a day l0ng t0 1lG rGmem
"Yes," replied the father of his
Brain Leaks
- The wise man will not ask for a
woman's reason.
The man -who guesses at his work
gasps at the result.
The bent of the boy often indicates
the breaking of the father.
Gifts given with expectation pf re
turn are little if-. any better than.
bribes. 0
Man may buy immunity from man
made lawi but there is one law that
is above purchase.
We'd give a whole lot if we could
enjoy burning blisters on our fingers
like we did about thirty years ago.
Wouldn't you?
- The man who undertakes to fight
the devil with fire is going to find
himself engaged "with an antagonist
who is thoroughly familiar with tho
weapon.
We may be wrong, but somehow or
other we have grave suspicions about
the men wh6 are forever agitating
about a "noiseless Fourth." The man
who has forgotten that he was onco
a boy might forget to be a man in a
business deal.
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