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IWWI
The Commoner.
VOLUME 5, NUMBER
Down Irv Karvsan
They arc nmd and bound to fight,
Down in Kansas.
They've rolled up their sleeves, all
right,
Down in -Kansas.
They are pawing up the soil,
And their blood is on the boil,
They arc after Standard Oil,
Down in Kansas.
They are tired of Standard greed,
Down in Kansas.
They refuse to longer bleed,
Down in Kansas.
If there's gore that must be shed
Rockefeller will be bled,
And they'll sure come out ahead,
Down in Kansas.
They arc making business hum
Down in Kansas.
They'll put Standard on the bum,
Down in Kansas.
For when she gets fighting hot
She is "Johnny-on-the-Spot,"
And they'll bump the trust a lot,
Down in Kansas.
They are mad and wading in,
Down in Kansas.
They are bound to fight and win,
Down in Kansas.
And the "system" might as 'well
Tuck its tail and run like fury,
For they've tolled its funeral knell,
Down in Kansas.
And wo all admire the pluck
Shown by Kansas.
Hero's a wish for her good luck,
Nervy Kansas.
When she lands on Standard's neck,
Makes the greedy "system" wreck,
Then the right will be on deck,
Down in Kansas.
say about my foolish desire for great
riches?"
After' accumulating a few more tons
of gold in a vain effort to satisfy his
physical appetite, Midas thought a
great thought.
"But, after all," he muttered, "they
will hardly call me a 'frenzied finan
cier.' "
Even in his hour of gloom Midas
managed to pick out a slight beam of
light.
Dr. Osier's Mlstako
We are told by Dr. Osier that a man
is 'on the bum"
When he's past the age of forty that
his useless days have come;
That he's only fit for slaughter and a
nuisance to abate
When his two-score years have ended
and his day is growing late.
But I'll say to Dr. Osier that he's off
about a mile,
And his little fulmination only causes
mo to smile.
For I've passed the age of forty and
I'm feeling fit and fine,
Conscienco clear, digestion easy and a
good wife's hand in mine.
His Roasorv
Mrs. Nuwed: "Why do you not take
a bath?
I-Iltto DeIthodc3: I am prejudiced er
gin water, mum.
Mrs. Nuwed: Why so?
Hitto DoRhodes: "I invested do for
tuno mo undo loft mo in Wall street
stocks, mum; an' I ain't got done shud
uerin' at do leakage yit.
When a follow reaches forty, if he's
acted on the square,
Ho should find earth's choicest bless
ings ready, waiting for him there.
Ho has learned life's richest lessons
and is then prepared to do
Something for the world he lives in
as ne journeys giauiy tnrougn.
"Worthless at the ace of fortv?" Os
ier's talking through his hat!
Forty, just the age for doing; let the
doc remember that.
I have passed the age of forty and I'm
feeling fit and fine,
Health and strength and joys of home
life, and a baby's hand in mine.
I have come to press my suit for "
Miss DeScadds Mr. Hunter, you
have made a mistake. The tailor shop
is five blocks down the street Good
evening, sir!"
Brain Leaks
The bird on the hat sings no songs
to spring.
The best way to have a good time is
to do good.
The Prince of Peace did not carry
a "big stick."
The workman who watches the clock
can not watch his work.
The day is always shori. to the man
who is engrossed in his work.
Truth is stranger than fiction be
cause we do not meet it so often.
The man who gets the most out of
life is the man who puts the most into
it.
Some men hide their candles under
bushels because they are not big
torches.
The best compliment you can pay to
a woman is to eat at her table like you
were half-starved.
The man who mourns today about
tho losses of yesterday is accumulat
ing nothing for tomorrow.
When a fellow keeps the peace by
frightening his comrades into submis
sion we usually call him a "bully."
As long as the world expects every
young man to sow wild oats there will
be a continual harvest of whirlwinds.
The successful man goes about his
business with the same energy that a
terrier displays when you yell "rats!"
in its ear.
-.
Abbreviated
Said themaid to the bashful young Mr
I am sorry, but I'll bo your Sr."
But the young man was wiao
Anu no saw by her eyes
no meant a "yes," so he Kr.
Topsy Turvy
T. Rout Poor Bass; he is going the
pace altogether too fast.
C. Roppie What's the matter with
him?
T. Rout 0, since he lost his money
in that angleworm mine he has been
drinking like a man.
The man who does no more than he
is paid to do is usually the man who
is complaining about not getting whao
he is worth.
Big men are not always the bravest.
We know a six-foot man who walks
the chalk when his five foot wife
speaks the word.
John Barleycorn has given many a
man an exhibition of the jiu-jitsu
method of getting on top with the
man as the under dog,
We may be a bit old-fashioned, but
we never did enjoy the music made by
a girl whose mother was washing
dishes in the kitchen.
That her
Sonator Grbed!
pier yU tak uo intorcst in tue Pe-
Senator Graball looked at his con-
Well, 1 m realizing considerable on
myiyestment among the voters of my
Financial
"But is there any money in this gold
mine your are exploiting'"
J'Ani money in it? Well I should
eay so! I put it there myself. That's
why I am trying to sell this stock
Coming
A little warning I give you
Now ponder deep upon it
The time is near when you are due
To buy an Easter bonnet.
A ribbon and a bit of lace,
Some feathers and some wire;
A little jet tho whole to grace
And prices mounting higher.
Spring
I saw a robin yesterday.
Ha3 spring been sprung?
I saw the boys at marbles play.
iaa aynug neon sprung?
saw an Easter hat displayed
saw a tramp hunt for the shade
saw some flower beds newly made
Has Spring been sprung?
Mythological
Midas was ernwlno- i,
and
fhirsty, ltm did he touch fooul
w go d; did ho touch water, it, too
turned to gold. ' '
"This is becoming monotonous
murmured Midas. "What win posterity
I saw a kite go sailing high
Ha3 spring been sprung'
I saw smoke in the alley' nigh
Has spring been sprung?
I saw some buds upon the trees;
I felt a balm upon tho breeze
Kerchew! Kerchew! 0, hear me sneeze'
Yes, spring's been snmn, eeze'
springs been sprung.
Tho wise
fearful lest
man avoids temptation,
he be weak enough tn
succumb. The foolish man hunts it
wuu me intention of
strength.
showing his
Tht Forgery
Dero teecher, pleze excuse my sun
Fer absents yisterday; .;
I hadd to have him home because
My servint went away. ,
He washes dishes, swepes an' dusts
As expert as cud be;
We're all soe prou'd of him at home,
Hos such a helpp to mo. h
"Say, mother," he sez yisterday. '
'Wo kids all luve Miss Drew-
She s jist ez nice ez she kin be,
An mighty pretty, too."
An when I maid him stay at home,
His fase growed awful sadd.
Sn fc ,SGe. t,eecher. then," he sez;
"Alass! ain't thatt too badd'"
M?TS.Un Tie? a11 my notes r me
He's ritin' this to you-
I hirt my hand a weko ago.
Or maybo it was two.
But Willie's such a darlin' bnv
Sartorial WO S lielpned mo nil Tin ,,i..'
F. Ortune Hunter ivnca n. Excuse his absents, if v i
Imogcno, dear-behold moaTyourTeV ?? tru,y- Mr: Wood ' """' '
wot -Bide Dudley in Kansas City star.
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The HUnl"
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has published through 4A, C. McClurg
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Hi3 reminiscences of Lincoln and
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RUB ON!
Taiwki!to J
and the ItheumaUtm'ii gone. mat
v&m
-ert.srsrrS'w. ziiAX , .
