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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 10, 1905)
WMWIIWPP'pNT''WM"l"WH i'""-' 'H..Mfv-'wniiTTwiByM' " yfwum ' - WRr- if- TtT w"inwn(V "fWlW W""W 1RUARY 10. 1905 The Commoner. ii ' w immMmmmmqm THE GRIDIRON CLUB ?ho "Gridiron Club" of Washington which is composed of newspaper respondents, held its annual ban- it January 28. The Washington cor- ipondent for the St. Louis Republic, ler date of January 28, says; (President Roosevelt, the members I, the cabinet, justices of the supreme irt of the United States, the speaker I, .the House of representatives, prom- lent senators and representatives and iding members of the realms of fi- ince and railroads were entertained light at the annual winter dinner of ie Gridiron club. fit wa3 the twentieth annual dinner the club, and the first president of Ke club, Major John M. Carson, was jain installed as president Among the lests were the president of the United tates, Baron Edraondo Mayo des lanches, the ambassador of Italy; axon Von Dem Bussche-Haddenhaus- of the German embassy; Joseph innon, speaker of the house; Senator Jharles W. Fairbanks, the vice presi- ent elect; Whitelaw Reid of New jTork, the next ambassador to the court S't. James; David J. Brewer, asso- late justice of the supreme court of lie United States; William J. Bryan, Hlbur F. Wakeman of New York; F. Underwood, the president of the 3rie railway; Brigadier General J. M. rilson, retired; Senators Crane of assachusetts, Depew of New York, fbrman of Maryland, Knox of Penn- yvania, Lodge of Massachusetts, ana )out 200 others. KThere were four hours of rollicking Say: lust lend me a Dollar Pair FreeTo Try ind vou will eet free on approval as soon as the mails can bring them, a pair f the celebrated MAGIC rOOT DKArlb, the great Michigan euro for RHEUMATISM f every nature chronic or acute, muscular iciatic, Lumbago, uout, etc., no matter tiuMMMK ,' r ym where located or ?' " , -za , min now severe, xno drafts are worn on the soles of the feet without i n c onvenience iind cure by drnwing out and absorbing the poisonous acids and pain-causing im purities from tne Diooa inrouga tnu jroat foot-pores. Try them at homo when mu pet them. Then if you are fully sat Ssftcd with the benefit received you can send us One Dollar. If not, koop your trnoney. Yu Decide. You try the drafts en- Itirely at our expense ana hsk, ana you fcan see that we couldn't auora to mano iuch a wonderful oiler if thoy didn't cure. Magic Foot Drafts are producing mar velous results. They are curing some of the worst cases onvrocord after doctors md all other treatments had failed. 'A TT. Pftimor. Pittsburg, wrtten thnt the Drafts jured him altor '28 yenra of suH'uriug. '. They cured T. S. Curtis, Krle, I'a., ut the age of &2 years. Ueo. J. Noianaon, iminursi, ijuuuuh, wi" uuruu liter 20 years of other expensive treatments. k Mrs. Z. J. Smith ol San Frauclseo, l.al., writes J'Maglc Foot Dralts have curea my iiuhdiiuii oj rheumatism ana never nave i pam oui u uuuur lhat Is sent so willingly as this." "J wasTolleveu after wearing luoui imagicrooi )ralts) 24 hours." Emruu O'Keiiley, liuiioru, NYyo. R member it costs you nothing to try the Draftsand a apjlar is. little to pay if cured. A scientific booklet (in colors), n Hheurfatism, comes free with' .the. traits, an prepaia, . wruo tuuuy. xjv iu iow ! M AGI C FOOT DRATTXOT; Xp.l rplTvf r tldg. Jackson, M'ch. fun and many "hits" on the persons who dined. There were a dozen acts that brought out the weaknesses of public men or which satired their ef fortsjn one direction or another. For instance,"" there was an impeach ment of Speaker Cannon. This was a hit on the craze for impeachments which seems now to be prevailing in one house of congress or the other. Judge Swayne of the northern district of Florida is' now under indictment in the house. A firm of attorneys have asked for the impeachment of Judge Lacombe of the United States court in New York, and only last Wednesday there was the suggestion of impeach ing the president for havincr a nrotoool. or ageement, with San Domingo put into effect without submitting it to the senate. "Uncle Joe" was impeached by the Gridiron club for various crimes and misdemeanors, among which were be ing in contempt of the senate, of which he undoubtedly is, and of insisting on "standing pat" in more respects than one. The "smoke nuisance" was one of the counts. So was the nuisance of making one man and the speaker con stitute the entire house. The speaker pleaded to the charees of impeachment, and Senator Gorman of Maryland appeared as the prosecut ing officer. He was adjudged guilty. This being the meeting at which the officers of the club for the next year took their seats, there was an inaugu ration of a president, and it was made the occasion for "taking off" the inau guration of the president of the United States in March, and some good points were made at the expense of the presi dent, who enjoyed them hugely. The president of the United States is the only person who attends the dinners of the club for whom respect or considera tion is specially shown, a.id the idea of the inauguration "3tunt" was that it was not a satire of the official inaugu ration to come on March 4. At the outset of the dinner, to the tune of "There'll Be a Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight," a band and collection of Rough Riders appeared, escorting the new president of the club, Major John M. Carson, and about half a dozen men who were to be re ceived as his cabinet. Tno new president, a "justice" of the supremo court, dressed in a robe. and the members of the cabinet, all of whom were bald-headed, mounted the stage. The members of the new cab inet were then introduced. One was presented as the secretary of the whip ping post. "Isn't -your selection rather un usual?" was asked. "Not at all. I am a back-teriologist. I am also specially fitted to deal with such journalists as may be called upon to describe the antics of a dressed fowl." The secretary of agriculture and fer tility was next -presented. "And why did he appoint you?" was asked. "I have discovered how to make two grow where one grew before. I am the father of five pairs of twins, and all boys and hearty." The secretary of the big stick was presented. "I suppose there was some good rea son for selecting you?" "Who, me; I am a college graduate and an author. I coached the Harvard team in 1878 and in 1882 taught Jiu Jit3ti in Tokio. I have written a book on 'Giants I Have Made. Our presi dent is the first giant." Another secretary announced that he had been chosen because he held the world's record, lor roping steers, and .had killed six cow rustlers. . The secretary of strenuous lifewhen; asked what he had done to earn recog nition, said ho was "a fly cop in New York In 18G9." The wholo crowd marched out to the tune of Garry Owen. Thero was an act of Fi ensiled Fi nance. This required a somewhat elab orate stage setting, representing a bank, a broker's office and a railroad office, all in Wall street. The charac ters introduced were a bank president, a business man, a broker, Mrs. Chad wick, Thomas W. Lawson, Colonel Greene, railroad president, bank di rectors and lambs. Hero Is a sample of the act: Enter Mrs. Chadwick. Bank presi dent rushing forward to receive her, says: "Good morning. Charmed to see you. What can I do for you?" Mrs. Chadwick (aaido): "Isn't he a handsome man? Good morning. I am Mrs. Chadwick of Cleveland a;id I want to borrow some money." jjanic president: "Delighted! De lighted!" Mrs. Chadwick (aside) : "Isn't ho just lovely? Of course, I couldn't think of asking you for a loan if 1 did not have the proper guarantees. I am a cousin of John D. Rockefeller, the daughter of Andrew Carnegie and the sister of J. Pierpont Morgan." Bank President: "I haven't a doubt of it." Mrs. Chadwick: "Besides, I have In this package $10,000,000 in bonds and a document showing that my relatives have a $20,000,000 trust for mo. You may hold the package as security, but you must not open it." Bank President: "Certainlv not." Mrs. Chadwick: "Now thnt I have es tablished my credit, please give me $2, 000,000 in $10,000 bills. I so like that pretty yellow money." Bank President: "Certainly, certain ly. I will send it around to the hotel if you like." Mrs. Chadwick: "Thank you. How handsome you are!" Bank President: "By the way, won't you come to luncheon?" Mrs. Chadwick and the bank presi dent go out arm in arm Then follows a meeting of railroad directors, the railroad being the Bos ton San Franci3co, New Orleans and Oyster Bay railroad. One director re ports that it is necessary to spend $4,000 in new equipments. Because of this expenditure it was moved and carried that the capital stock bo in creased $4,000,000. "Here is a communication," said a director, "from the Colorado Fuel and Iron company asking for a rebate." "Impossible. Rebates are illegal!" "What shall we do?" asked another director. "Wire them to that effect," remarked another, "ami tell thqm the freight manager will have them credited with 40 per cent of the total charges on ac count of errors." "Well, here i3 a small manufacturer who wants the same rebate so he can compete.- Does he get it?" "Not on your life!" The club had an act In which a hyp notist figured. The hypnotist an nounced his intention of demonstrating that any man could be made to do as he, the hypnotist, wanted He stood a few subjects up in a row and pro ceeded to ply his art. "You are Whitelaw Rei J, ambassador to the court of St. James. Please make an appropriate speech at a banquet in London." "Blood is thicker than water." said the hypnotist's victim. "Oh, how we love the English! Hand,; across the sea! The supremacy of the Anglo Saxon race! We are brothers all! Three cheers for the king!" "Now," said the hypnotist, "you are Senator Dryden of New Jersey, What 13 your chief claim for fame?" "I made the rock of Gibraltar fa mous." "And you," said the hypotists, turn ings to another of.. the subjeqts, "are Senator. Knox of Pennsylvania. -What is the difference between being the at- What Sulphur Does For the Human Body in Health and Disease The mention of sulphur will rccalMo many of us the early days- when our mothers gave us our daily dose of sul phur and molasses overy spring and tall. It was the universal spring and fall "blood purifier," tonic and cure-all, and mind you, this old-faahioned rem edy was not without merit... The Idea was good, but the remedy was crude and unpalatable, and xa large quantity had to be taken to get any effect. Nowadays wo get all the beneficial effects of sulphur in a palatable, con centrated form, tic that a singlo grain is far more effective than a tablespoon ful of tho crude- Bulphur. In recent years, research and experi ment havo proven that tho best sul phur for medicinal uae 's that obtained from Calcium (Calcium Sulphide) and sold in drug stores under the name of Stuart's Calalum Wafers They aro small chocolate coated pellets and con tain tho active medicinal principle of sulphur in a highly concentrated, ef fective form. Few people are aware of the 'value of this form of sulphur In restoring and maintaining bodily vigor and health; sulphur acts directly in the liver, and excretory organs and purifies and en riches the blood by the prompt elimi nation of wast-; material. Our grandmothers knew this when they dosed us with sulphur and molas ses every spring and fall, but the cru dity and impurity of ordinary flowers of sulphur .;ere often worse than the disease, and can not compare with tho modern concentrated preparations of sulphur, of which Stuart's Calcium Wafers is undoubtedly the beat and most widely used. Thoy aro the natural antidote for liver and kidney troubles and cure con stipation and purify tho blood in a way that often surprises patient and physician allkj. Dr. R. M. Wilkins while experiment ing with sulphur remedies soon found that the sulphur from Calcium was su perior to any other form. He says: "For liver, kidney and blood troubles, especially when resulting from, consti pation or malaria, I have been sur prised at the results obtained from Stuart's Calcium Wafers. In patients suffering from boils and pimples and even deep-seated carbuncles, I havo repeatedly seen them dry up and dis appear in four or five days, leaving tho skin clear and smooth. Although Stu art's Calcium Wafers is a proprietary article, and sold by druggists, and for that reason tabooed by many physi cians, yet I know of nothing so safe and reliable for constipation, liver and kidney troubles and especially in ail forms of skin disease as this remedy." At any rate people who are tired of pills, cathartics and so-called blood "purifiers," will find in Stuart's Cal cium Wafers, a far safer, more palat able and effective preparation. torney general and a senator from the Keystone state?" "The business of attorney general Iff to bust the trusts. The business of a senator is to but the trust busters." One member wa3 told he was Justice Brewer, and immediately began to de liver an opinion oi the supreme court, which was too complex to be under stood. One, when told that "he was Senator Fairbanks, and asked to make a direct statement, balked, as did the other, when told that he was Senator Depew, and instructed to tell a new story. By a speaking tube, supposed to con (Continued on page 13.) RUB ON asd tbn ltbmimfttiam'g gone. T- n ajHaJtefcrtnttwuritr11 ifttmiM--""!.' MtMrdhuywh tfUA-W tL. fcffflfc 'itA ,.4j4W Cj& ,