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The Commoner.
VOLUME 5, NUMBER 2
Ilvjckwhotxt Co.kos and Honoy
t (With proper acknowledgements to Mr.
J, Al. Drydon o Watson, Mo.)
,You may talk about your coffeo and
somo rolls at breakfast time,
You may sing tbo praise of country
' eggs and ham.
Toil may talk in glowing measure of
the health foods lit and prime,
Or chant of choira you carve from
pig and lamb.
But I tuno my voice for singing of a
finer bill of fare
None better could the mind of man
ero wish
0, for breakfast ov'ry morning let mo
witness standing thcro
'Smoking buckwheats und some
honoy by the dish.
Divo mo glowing, redhot buckwheats
and somo honey in tho comb
Lots of both, and then upon 'cm
turn mo loose
And with knifo and fork I'll rattle out
tho old tuno, "Home, Sweet
Homo'
Till my appetite puts out a flag of
truco.
Buckwheats hot from off tho griddlo,
lot3 of honoy 0, yum-yum!
Talk about rour bills of faro from
soup to fish!
i'll pass up tho Fronch chefs quickly
if you'll only give me somo
Sizzling buckwheats and somo honey
by tho dish.
I'll admit there's lots of pleasure
'round the splendid banquet
board,
With rich viands brought from ov'ry
land and clime;
I'll confess I'vo smiled with pleasure
whon rich vintages wore poured,
And tho quip and jest flow fast to
pass tho tlmo.
But despite tlie glare and glitter, and
despite tho viands rare,
"While I sat thoro I possessed a se
crot wish
Jii3t a wish that thoy would glvo quite
a plenty and to sparo
Of good buckwheats and somo honoy
by tho dish.'
as to bo almost imperceptible a bell
is sot ringing the moment tho- button
is dropped, and tho bell continues 10
ring until the button is returned to its
proper position in tho neckband or
cuff, as tho ca3o may be. In this man
nnr It. Ih rendered unnecessary that the
i owner search in three thousand places
where the button might have fallen,
while all the time it is hidden away
in a place where the owner could not
have placed it by tho most diligent ef
fort. This invention of mine is des
tined to revolutionize business and
bring about a reform in the matter of
profanity, and I am 3ure that you as
a man of public spirit, and"
And then two uniformed men rushed
in, grabbed tho visitor and manacled
his wrists.
"Beg pardon, sir," said one of them,
"Ho is usually harmless, but if he gits
started he's liable to git violent. Ho
got away from us this mornin' an' wo
just got him located."
... i ii ,irofofl QIy
to seo it overwneimiusiy "wa. -days
later notice of a 20 per cent re
duction in wages was posted. The men
called on the manager en masso and
protested.
"You told ua that if that bill became
a law our wages would be reduced. We
defeated the bill, and lo, our wages are
reduced just the same. How is it?
"Mv unsonhisticated friends," said
r.hn manaeer. "we went to great ex
pense to show how that bill would re
duce your wages if it became a law,
and we are now merely recouping our
selves for that expense."
Realizing that they were up against
a "master of finance" the employes
returned to work, muttering however,
and wondering what would come next.
Qj :22 Cream
- Separator
Our Subtlo Ltxnducgo
"My only desire in seeking this of
fice," said the candidate, "is to do you
cood."
After being triumphantly elected he
did do the people, good.
However, the people may have been
to blame for not understanding the
subtleties of our language.
Kill
ymsL
Iff WM l
FOR $25.00 we lie II the
celebrated DUNDEE CREAM
SEPARATOR, capacity, 200
Evon
The committee of Plain People, sent
to Washington to investigate Senator
Graball, was ushered into the presence
of the Great Man.
Thrusting his right hand into the
bosom of his left breast the Great
Man bowed and asked:
"And now, gentlemen, what can I do
for my well beloved constituents?"
"Senator liraball," said tho spokes
man in an awed tone of voice, "it is
charged in our state that you owe
everything to tho great corporations.
Wo havo come to see what basis there
is for tho charge, and to ask you about
it."
"Gentlemen!" thundered the Great
Man. "There is no basis for the cruel
charge. I owe the corporations noth
ingabsolutely nothing. I ask you to
go right ahead with your investigation."
BroJn Lorxks
Not all misers hoard money.
Gossips thrive only when listeners
are handy.'
A starving man finds it difficult to
interest himself in tracts.
God looks behind the sum given to
see the heart of the giver.
Some would-be reformers exhaust
themselves in the prospectus.
The man who reaps joy today is the
man who sowed smiles yesterday.
The best way to measure a man is
to put him alongside a big issue.
A brave man is always willing to ad
mit that he is afraid to do wrong.
A lot of men expect to wear crowns
because their wives bore heavy crosses.
When a congregation goes to sleep
it la a sign that it is time to wake up
the preacher.
It's a selfish man who insists on
IlilJMil
So saying the committee of Plain sharing the benefits without helping
Correotod
Orator "In tho bright lexicon of
youth thoro is no such word as 'fail.' "
Printer (in the rear seat). "Huh!
That publishing houso need3 a proofreader."
Postorlpt
"Man wants but little hero below"
You've heard that oft before;
Now to that little line I'll add
But just ono small line more:
"Man wants but little hero below,"
, Then why his vain rogrots?
Ho -wants but little, and 'tis true
It's little that ho gets.
People was majestically bowed from
tho room. As the last of the committee
disappeared the Great Mar smiled
grimly, dropped into an easy chair and
muttered:
"No, I owe the corporations nothing.
I havo paid thorn in full."
Having no access to tho corporations'
books tho committee of Plain Peo
ple was compelled to return and report
accordingly.
Disappointed
Ho walked into our office with a
slatoly tread, and with the grace of a
Chestorfield handed us his card.
"What can wa do for you?" wo asked.
, "Sir, you can help mo herald to the
world tho greatest invention ever of
fered to man."
. "And that is?" wo queried, stopping
to glvo him opportunity to explain.
"I havo invented a non-losable col
lar button. By an attachment so small
Whore to Build It
"I see that the canal commission is
undecided which plan of construction
to follow, whether to take the thirty
foot elevation, the sixty foot elevation
or tho ninety foot elevation"
"Say, this canal has been in tho air
long enough. What's the matter with
building it, and building it on the
level?"
LUNGNS Best Cough Medicine
BALSAM Safe, Sure, Prompt
Boforo and After
The manager of the transportation
company called his employes together
and made them a little speech.
"My dear friends," said the manager
11 iuia ma uoioro congress becomes a
law we will, in self defense, bo com
pelled to reduce the wages of our em
ployes. It is to your Interests to help
us defeat the iniquitous measure It
strikes at your bread and butter' and
I would not have your dinnerpail's ab
breviated." Much more along the same line did
the manager say. and the men coun
seled together. Throwing their influ
ence against tho bill thoy were enabled
to bear the expense.
We know men who never do good
with their right hands for fear their
left hands will find it out.
Whenever a man offers as an excuse
for wrongdoing that he is a victim of
environment it is generally safe to
guess that ho chese the environment.
The greatest successes some men
achieve are their failures. And some
men fail most lamentably when they
succeed in accomplishing their objects.
As a general proposition it is not
difficult to ascertain the party who is
in the wrong in a labor dispute. Just
spot the one who is not willing to meet
the other half way.
When wo hear a man making fun of
what the average woman carries in
hor pocketbook we feel like offering
him something to make a showing of
what he has in his sixteen or twentv
pockets.
Edgar Howard, one of tho hP.Rr rbmn.
cratic editors in the west, defends the
dress suit on the ground that it is the
most domonratic garment a man can
wear. He Bays that when men wear
dress suits you can not tell the chief
guest from the head waiter.
A Lincoln mother who has two lit
tle daughters recently began scolding
because they kept the house in a con-
Saniftep with tneIr toys- One of
the little ones looked up and asked:
Mamma, which would you rather
house?"Ur tW llU1 SlrlS r a clean
$34.00. Guaranteed the
equal of Separators that RE
TAIL EVERYWHERE at from
$76.00 to $125.00.
OUR OFFER. ZTslit
ratoron our 30 days' free trial
plan, witu tno binding under
standing and agreement If you
ao not nnu uy comparison,
tostandiiHO tbatifwlIlBklm
closer, ftkira colder milk,
skim easier, run lighter and
skim ono-lialf more milk
than any other Cream Scpa
lator made, you can return
tho Separator to ua at our
expense and we will Imme
diately return any money
you may havcpald for freight
charges or otherwise. Cut
this ad. out at once andmaU
to ub. and you will rccelvo
by roturn mall, free, postpaid, our LATEST SPECIAL
CREAM SEPARATOR CATALOGUE. You will get our
ble oirer and our frco trial proposition and you will 10
cefvo tho MOST ASTONISHINGLY LIBERAL CREAM
SEPARATOR OFFER EVER HEARD -OF. AddrcBS,
SEARS, ROEBUCK & CO., CHICAGO.
Bridging Telephones
For Rural Lines
Special inducements to
readers of The Commoner.
Write for free copies of tho following
books: All on account of his wife A.
story. Telephone Lines and How to
Build Them. You cannot afford to bo
without a telephone and these books
will provo interesting and valuable both
to those who are and those who are not
connected with a rural line.
CHICAGO TELEPHONE SUPPLY CO.
Elkhart, Indiana, U, S. A
CREAM SEPARATOR FRC C
a: nt 'xiBk This is n cmtiini B
offer made to introduce the Peoples
Cream Separator in every neigh
borhood. It is the best and simplest
in the world. We ask that you show
it to your neighbors who have cows.
Senld your name and the name o!
the nearest freight office. Address
PEOPLES SUPPLr OO.
Doot.177. KANSAS OITY, MO.
W!RE-$1.40 Per 100 Lbs.
Rtnnoth or&lvanlzcd wire.DUt UP 100
lbs. to abalo. lengths running? tip to
250CC. No. 14 cuBge.por 100 lbs. tl.10.
Wrlto, for prices on other gauges.
Fenco staples, per 100 lbs.. 12.00. Wlro
nalls.mlxodln a keg. per lOOlbs.,11.60.
Barbed wl ro, per 100 lbs., 13.35. Poultry
nottInf?,Btcolfenco,etc.atlow prices.
Ak for Catalogue No. E. 83t
on merchandise of all kinds irom
Sheriffs' and RoeoivorB' rales.
CHICAGO II0U8K wnECKIKQ C0.,Weat 8&tk AIronBU.,Cbles
BE A SUCCESS.
We can teach you how to makoyour farm pay.
better than it orer has done. Lot U3 send you
our
pamphlet
It costs you nothing to l earn about our method
Correspondence Agricultural College
100$ FARMER,
430 Nebraska St., Sioux City, lows.
Ifl
ANDY LEE
Incubators and Broodors have nino
brand new improvements, which
malio them tho latest and greatest
INCUBATORS
and broodors now on tho markot.
Froo catalog gives full details
provos tnoyro best. Bona lor copy.
GEO. II. LEE CO., OMAHA, NEBRASKA
40 Days Free Trial
on ma ruyior-itseu uaicncr. uyciua
guarantee, fin your laitn to
OLD TRUSTY
New patents, ereat improvements. If.
anything troubles you, write to John-
son. rayAUviceuooicisirecanareauy.
ra. m. jonnson co., ciay camtr, mi
FflR QAI E PurQ brcd Barred Plymouth
I yn OftiX Rock chickonH, Nono bettor.
Address, Cottage Poultry YardB, 'Routo 5,
Boone, Iowa.
LKfif PL
IE I
80 A MONTH! 511 1RY A.a.iioxeBse
U Introduce oar Uuaraateeil PeHltry ad Stock
1 tS,Hicdlc,,.Boutl f or coiitractj we mean bnslnesa andl up.
nlBhbeetreierenco, G.R, WULKKCO,, XM7 8rUftI4 IU
M
$L'?M
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