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The Commoner.
VOLUME 5, NUMBER 2
Buckwhotxt CeJcoa and Horvoy
f (With propor acknowledgements to Mr.
J. M. Drydon of Watson, Mo.)
,You may tulk about your coffeo and
Homo rolls at breakfast time,
You may sing tho praise of country
' eggs anil ham.
'$"011 may talk In glowing measure of
tho health foods fit anu prime,
Or chant of chops you carve from
pig and lamb.
Cut I tuno my volco for singing of a
finer bill of fare
Nono better could tho mind of man
ere wish
0, for breakfast ov'ry morning lot me
witness standing there
'Smoking buckwheats and some
honoy by tho dish.
Olvo mo glowing, redhot buckwheats
and some honey in tho comb
TJk of both, and then upon 'em
turn mo loose
And with knifo and fork I'll rattle out
' tho old tuno, "Home, Sweet
Homo," -
' Till my appetite puts out a flag of
truce.
Buckwheats hot from off the griddle,
lot3 of honoy 0, yum-yum!
Talk about rour bills of faro from
soup to flBhl
I'll pass up tho Fronch chefs quickly
if you'll only give me somo
Sizzling buckwheats and somo honey
by tho dish.
I'll admit there's lots of pleasure
'round tho splondid banquet
board,
With rich viands brought from ov'ry
land and clime;
I'll confess I'vo smiled with pleasure
whon rich vintages were poured,
And tho quip and jest flew fast to
pass tho timo.
But desplto tlie glare and glitter, and
despite tho viands rare.
While I sat there I possessed a so-
crot wish
Jii3t a wish that they would give quite
a plenty and to sparo
Of good buckwheats and somo honey
by tho dish.'
as to be almost imperceptlblo a bell
is sot ringing the moment tho- button
Is dronned. and the bell continues to
ring until the button is returned to its
proper position in tho neckband or
cuff, as tho case may be. In this man
nnr if Ik rnnrlered unnecessary that the
I owner search in three thousand places
whore the button might have fallen,
while all the time it is hidden away
in a place where the owner could not
have placed it by tho most diligent ef
fort. This invention of mine is des
tined to revolutionize business and
bring about a reform in tho matter of
profanity, and I am sure that you as
a man of public spirit, and"
And thon two uniformed men rushed
in, grabbed tho visitor and manacled
his wrists.
"Beg pardon, sir," said one of them,
"Ho ia usually harmless, but if he gits
started he's liable to git violent. Ho
got away from U3 this mornin' an' wo
just got him located."
to seo it overwhelmingly defeated. Six
days later notice of a 20 per cent re
duction in wages was posted. Tho men
called on tho manager en masso and
protested. , ,
"You told ua that if that bill became
a law our wages would be reduced. We
defeated the bill, and lo, our wages are
reduced just the same. How is it?
"My unsophisticated friends," said
tho manager, "we went to great ex
nonao to show how that bill would re
duce your wages if it became a law,
and we are now merely recouping our
selves for that expense."
Realizing that they were up again3t
"master of finance" tne employes
a
returned to work, muttering however,
and wondering what would come next.
Our Subtle Lo-nguixgo
"My only desire in seeking this of
fice," said the candidate, "is to do you
cood."
After being triumphantly elected ho
did do tho people, good.
However, the people may have been
to blame for not understanding the
subtleties of our language.
$25
up
.
tv
Correotod
Orator "In tho bright lexicon of
youth thoro is no such word as 'fail.' "
Printer (in the rear seat). "Huh!
That publishing house need3 a proofreader."
Evorv
The committee of Plain People, sent
to Washington to investigate Senator
Graball, was ushered into the presence
of the Great Man.
Thrusting his right hand into the
bosom of his left breast the Great
Man bowed and asked:
"And now, gentlemen, what can I do
for my well beloved constituents?"
"Senator Graball," said the spokes
man in an awed tone of voice, "it is
charged in our state that you owe
everything to tho great corporations.
Wo havo come to see what basis there
is for the charge, and to ask you about
It."
"Gentlemen!" thundered the Great
Man. "There is no basis for tho cruel
charge. I owe the corporations noth
ingabsolutely nothing. I ask you to
go right ahead with your investiga
tion."
So saying the committee of Plain
People was majestically bowed from
tho room. As the last of tho committee
disappeared the Great Mar. smiled
grimly, dropped into an easy chair and
muttered:
"No, I owe the corporations nothing.
I have paid them in full."
Having no access to the corporations'
books tho committee of Plain Peo
ple was compelled to return and report
accordingly.
Postorlpt
"Man wants" but little here below"
You'vo heard that oft before;
Now to that little lino I'll add
But just ono small line more:
"Man wants but little hero below,"
, Then why his vain regrets?
Ho -wants but little, and 'tis true
It's little that ho gets.
Disappointed
Ho walked into our ofllco with a
slatoly tread, and with the grace of a
Chesterfield handed us his card.
. "What can W3 do for you?" wo asked.
, "Sir, you can help mo herald to tho
world tho greatest Invention over of
fered to man."
. "And that is?" wo queried, stopping
to give him opportunity to explain.
. "I have invented a non-losable col
lar button. By an attachment so small
Whore to Build It
"I sen that the canal commission is
undecided which plan of construction
to follow, whether to take the thirty
foot elevation, tho sixty foot elevation
or the ninety foot elevation"
"Say, this canal has been in the air
long enough. What's the matter with
building it, and building it on the
level?"
BroJn Locks
Not all misers hoard money.
Gossips thrive only when listeners
are handy.'
A starving man finds it difficult to
interest himself in tracts.
God looks behind the sum given to
see the heart of the giver.
Some would-be reformers exhaust
themselves in the prospectus.
The man who reaps joy today is the
man who sowed smiles yesterday.
The best way to measure a man Is
to put him alongside a big issue.
A brave man is always willing to ad
mit that he is afraid to do wrong.
A lot of men expect to wear crowns
because their wives bore heavy crosses.
When a congregation goes to sleep
it Is a sign that it is timo to wake up
the preacher.
Its a selfish man who insists on
sharing the benefits without helping
to bear the expense.
We know men who never do good
with their right hands for fear their
left hands will find it out.
Whenever a man offers as an excuse
for wrongdoing that he is a victim of
environment it is generally safe to
guess that he chce the environment.
The greatest successes some men
achieve are their failures. And some
men fail most lamentably when they
succeed in accomplishing their objects.
As a general proposition it is not
difficult to ascertain the party who is
in the wrong in a labor dispute. Just
spot the ono who Is not willing to meet
the other half way.
J22. Cream
Separator
FOR $25.00 we sell the
celebrated DUNDEE CREAM
SEPARATOR, capacity, 200
pounds por hour 350 pounds ca
pacity per liour for $29.00:
500 pounds capacity pcrhour for
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equal of Separators that RE
TAIL EVERYWHERE at from
STS.00 to $128.00.
OUR OFFER. JlWJUjS
ratoren our 30 days' free trial
plan, witu tne binding under
standing and ngrcomont It you
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tostandiiHO tbat It will skim
closor, tklm colder milk,
eklm easier, run lighter and
skim, one-lialf moro milk
than any other Cream Sepa
rator made, you can return
the Separator to us at our
expense and we will Imme
diately return any money
you ma havepald for freight
charges or otherwise. Cut
this ad. out nt once and mnll
to ub. and you will recelvo
byroturn mall, free, postpaid, our LATEST SPECIAL
CREAM SEPARATOR CATALOGUE. You will get our
big offer and our f reo trial proposition and you will ro
colvo tho MOST ASTONISHINGLY LIBERAL CREAM
SEPARATOR OFFER EVER HEARD OF. Address,
SEARS, ROEBUCK & CO., CHICAGO.
Bridging Telephones
For Rural Lines
Special inducements to
readers of ' Tho Commoner.
Write for free copies of tho following
books: All on account of his wife A
story. Telephone Lines and How to
Build Them. You cannot afford to bo
without a telophone and these books
will prove interesting and valuable both
to thoso who are and those .who are not
connected with a rural line.
CHICAGO TELEPHONE SUPPLY CO.
Elkhart, Indiana, U, S. A
lilHJ!TilCT
CREAM SEPARATOR CD EC
j: w --gtx This is a erenuinc m i
i fX& offer madc to introduce the Peoples
IPtpHf Cream Separator ia every neigh
ItfiRusl borhood.. It is the best and. simplest
in the world. We ask that you show
it to your neighbors who have cows.
Serid your name and the name of
the nearest, freight office. Address
PEOPLES SUPPLY CO.
Boot. 17T. KANSAS OITY, MO.
WlRE-$t.40 Per 100 Lbs.
Smooth oralvonlzcd. wire, put up 100
lbs. to a bale, lengths running np to
260ft. No.Mfruage,porl001bs.l.0.
Wrlto, lor prices on other gaupres.
Fenco staples, per, 100 lbs.. 12.00. Wlro
nall8,rnlxodln akctr.per 1001bJ.,l.M.
Barbodwlro.por 100 lba., 12.35. Poultry
nottlnfr, eteol fenco ,etc. atlow prices.
Ak Tor Catalogue No. E.
ou morchandlso of all kinds from
Sheriffs' and RocolTCro' rales.
CHICAGO IIODBK WBECKLNQ CO.,TTMt 8Gth Alreneu.,ChIeigt
BE A SUCCESS.
Wo can teach you how to makoyour farm pay
hotter than it orcr has done. Lot us send you
our
pamphlet
100" FARMER
It costs you nothing to 'learn about our method
Correspondence Agricultural College
430 Nebraska St., Sioux City, Iowa.
fN'S Best Cou Medicine
LUNG - .
BALSAM """ mpi
Boforo and After
The manager of the transportation
company called his employes together
and made them a little speech.
"My dear friends," said the manager,
If this bill before congress becomes a
law we will, in self defense, ho nftm
polled to reduce the wages of our em
ployes. It is to your interests to help
us defeat the iniquitous measure It
strikes at your bread and butter,' and
I would not have your dinnerpalls ab
breviated." Much more alone: the nnmA ii
the manager say, and tho men cmm.
&uiu lugeuier. Tnrowlner thnir
When we hear a man making fun of
what tho average woman carries In
her pocketbook we feel like offering
him something to make a showing of
what he has in his sixteen or twenty
pockets.
Edgar Howard, one of the best demo
cratic editors in the west, ddfends the
dress suit on the ground that it is the
most demooratic garment a man rnn
wear. He cays that when men wear
dress suits you can not tell the chief
guest irom tne nead waiter.
A Lincoln mother who has two lit
tle daughters recently began scolding
because they kept tho house in a con-
J?nitt8p wlth thelr toys- One of
tho little ones looked up and asked:
UfUU,, wujuu WOUld VOU rnrhor.
mm
m
ANDY LEE
Incubators and Brooders havo nlno
brand now Improvements, which
mako thorn tho latest and greatest
INCUBATORS
and brooders now on the market.
Free catalog glvos full dotalls
proves tnoy'rO'cest. Bona zor copy.
GEO. II. LEE CO., OMAHA, NEBRASKA
40 Days Free Trial
un mo ruyior-iuicii iiaicucr. ujwj
guarantee. Fin your faith to
OLD TRUSTY
New patents, ereat Improvements. If
anything; troubles you. write to John
son. My Advice Book Is free and ready.
M. M. Johnson Co.. Cliy Centir, Nab.
FflR 5AI C Eura bred Barred Plymouth
run OH LI. Rock chicken Nono bettor.
Address, Cottage Poultry Yards, 'Route 6,
Boone, Iowa.
mip'w'z
esses
tk rlf
$80 A MONTH SAURY iVi".'.' ?,
? "SHce UuarAHteed Poultry ana toen
i.!?i0HcBoml f or contract j we mean bnnln w and fur.
alBttbeet reference, CUlUBUJLWCo.tXMHBfrtefffeMtUb
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