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The Commoner.
VOLUME 5, NUMBER 1
"Ex" or "Solectod"
fThoro are troubles galoro that upon a
man pour
As through tho old world ho doth
travel.
Thoro are things that perplex and ao
many that vox,
And tangles lib can not unravel.
But speaking j.i person I think that
tho worse ono
At least It makes mo dejected
Is swiping thoso rhymes by the dozen
at times
And crediting "Ex" or "Selected."
A man sits him down with a deep
thoughtful frown
And takes a fall out of the muses.
Ho writes a good verso that should add
to his purse,
But money and credit ho lose3.
For surer than fato, it is sad to relate,
It always Is to bo expected
That some sclasors flond's shears cuts
it out it appoars
With credit of "Ex" or "Selected."
If a joke makes a hit, or you show flash
of wit,
"You're robbed of tho fruits of your
toiling;
For tho scissors flond's eyo will tho
good thing espy,
Thon snip-snip your work ho'3 de
spoiling. It's a ten-to-ono shot that tho fellow
will not
Glvo credit for what he's collected;
But if ho does, thon, ho will grab up
his pen
And credit It "Ex" or "Selected."
ploycr. At tho trial it was brought out
that tho prisoner, an expert workman,
mado an average of $6 per week, with
which ho had to support a largo family.
Tho complainant testified that the pris
oner had secreted the stolen goods in
his dinnerpail.
"At last," writes Mr. Webber, "after
eight years of diligent search I have
discovered what tho republican lead
ers meant by their talk of 'the full din
nerpail.' "
Tho Soasons
Snow ha3 its time to fall
In many a soft and feathery flake.
But on this season thou now hast the
call,
0 buckwheat cake!
Tho Tost
Good citizens are numerous
If you will search them out,
A fact they will admit to you
If you express a- doubt.
But there's a test you can apply
And then you'll surely know
Just watch tho citizen who cleans
Hi3 sidewalk of the snow.
Thoso Doar Girls
"Percy Flage proposed to me last
night, and I decided to accept him."
"I expected that. Percy threatened
to do something desperate when I re
fused him the other night."
Tho Elements
Tho board of directors of tho Po
dunk Gas company were in secret S03
elon, called for tho purpose of arrang
ing a few matters. Tho people had
boon demanding an investigation of
certain political deals in which tho city
council was mixed up; also concerning
financial methods following along tho
lines of dividends.
"Gentlemen," said tho president,
"something must bo done. Tho people
aro becoming inquisitive and are de
manding a look at tho books. What
shall wo do?"
Thon aroso tho export of tho com
pany. He looked about him and thon
Bpoko softly.
"Gontlomen," ho said, "nature has
glYon us a hint. Lot us not ignore it."
Naturally onough ho was called upon
to oxplaln, and tho explanation wa3
forthcoming.
Tho books wore burned, the stock
was watered and tho pipes were
pumped full of air.
Atrocious
Having successfully eluded the fish
erman tho first time, tho bass was em
boldened to try again.
This timo tho bass was not so lucky
nd as it lay gasping in tho bottom
or the boat it cried out in a loud voice-
"Alas, I am anothor victim of tho
ro-Mit system."
However, not having an expert at tho
business to adviso Lm, tho bass had
to suffer.
Discovered
llr. F, R. Wobbor of Decatur 111
lias made a discovery. Not long ago
lie read in a daily newspaper an ac
count of tho arrest of a brass finisher
who had been detected ln tho act of
stealing brass castings from his era-
In Tho Future Perhaps
Tho workingman in search of em
ployment was ushered into the office
of the manager of the great concern.
"What can I do for you, sir?" asked
the manager.
"I am looking for employment. I
am a skilled wnrlrmnn n vmif Uno ni
I can give satisfactory reference. Do
you need a man?"
Yes, I have a place for you, but I
Want to ask VOll n. fnw nnnaHrma Va
fore I put you on .the pay roll. If
they aro answered satisfactorily you
get the place Now, are you a
"Hold on a. moment, please," inter
rupted the workingman "You are go
ing to ask me if I belong to a trades
union, eh?"
"Yes, that was ono Question I had
in mind."
"And if I said yes you were going to
make some remarks aoout 'free and in
dependent labor' and 'slaves to walk
ing delegates and somo stuff like
that?"
"Yes, but I want you"
"Correct! Now let me ask my ques
tions first. Is this concern in a trust
managed by a few greedy men who are
willing to rob rich and poor alike if
it only increases dividends?"
"Sir, I don't allow any common
lab "
"0, that's all right. Mr. Manager.
Does your concern give other concerns
in the same lino of manufacture a
show for their white alley? Do you
oppose maintaining a lobby at Wash
ington to secure special legislation in
your interests? Do you buy and sell
lawmakers to suit your own convenien
ces? Have you any string tied to
judges on the bench? Have you any"
"Look here; I'll throw you"
"No, you won't throw anything. I
just wanted to know a few things be
fore I go to work for you. Sauce for
the laboring man's goose is sauce for
the employer's gander, and when you
howl about 'free and independent la
bor' and all that sort of tommy-rot
don't kick if the laboring man makes
a few inquiries. Good day, sir. I don't
believe I want to work for this kind of
an outfit"
p. s. This did not actually happen.
But it would be possible for it to hap
pen if laboring men were wise enough
to voto as solidly on election day as
they march on Labor day.
Brain Leaks
He who wastes minutes wonders
what becomes of tho hours.
Tho best victories are won a long
timo ahead of the real conflict.
A man ia often in bad company .when
ho is alone with his thoughts.
"Good luck" is the term that the
shiftless apply to the diligent.
The man who talks to himself al
ways has an appreciative audience.
We have some doubts about the man
who is always boasting of his reform.
Better meet trouble half way than
to sit still end let it overwhelm you.
When a man is the slave of his stom
ach he can never bo master of his
mind.
A little today is better than waiting
for tomorrow in the hope of getting
more.
It beats the world how big a little
house feel3 when the babies are away
visiting.
The fellow who i3 in the wrong is
usually the fellow who has "nothing to
arbitrate."
It is a good thing for this old world
that the people who growl about the
weather do not have the making of it.
The funniest thing about the "comic
sections" of the daily papers is the fact
that they are called "comic sections."
But fine feathers do make fine birds,
despite ue old proverb. But fine feath
ers do not always make good or useful
birds.
Opportunity knocks once at every
man's door, but tho trouble fs that so
many men are so busy grumbling at
tneir late tnat they can not hear the
knock.
The Fourth Anniversary
Thursday evening, January 12, the
employes of The Commoner celebrated
the close of the paper'3 fourth year, a
custom inaugurated at the end of The
Commoner's first volume and observed
ever since. The first anniversary was
celebrated at tho office, the second at
Fairview, the third at the home of Mr.
C. W. Bryan, and the last- one at tho
home of Mr. and Mrs. George Waito,
Mr. Waite being the assistant manager
of The Commoner's business depart
ment. The evening was spent in various
games and in social conversation, an
amusing feature being tho effort of
the guests to mold from wax represen
tations of various animals and in
sects named on nnrrls TinTwi,i - 4.1
Dainty refreshments were served by
the hostess.
r,mYaItG' wh0 has been connected
with The Commoner since its founda
tion, severs his connection with the
paper on February l, having decided to
engage in farming in the hope of bet
tering his health. The anniversary
therefore took in a measure the form
of a farewell party, and the employes;
J S0Wr regard fo:' hlm Presented
to Mr. Waite a handsome Morris chair
in which to perform a part of his ag
ricultural duties. Tho presentation
speech was nade by Mr. W. J Bryan
and r. tfaito made a fitting response'
Mr. Bryan testified to Mr. Waito'a
splendid services and voiced the regret
of every ono -connected with tho paper
that he should sever his, relations
Coshocton (O.) Democrat and Stand
ard: The organization of trusts havo
produced -reo evils. The enormous
advance in xo price of their products,
the partial extermination of their
small competitors and the demoraliza
tion of Wall street through, tho vast
amount of watered stock. The first
would be moderated by revision of the
tariff; the second would be helped by
equal rates for all on the railroads,
and the third will in time correct itself
by the quotations of the stock market
and taxation.
Ganger Cured
WITH SOOTHING, BALMY OILS
Cancer, Tumor, Catarrh. Fistula, Ulcers, Ko
zemr. and all Skin and Womb Diseases. Writu
for Illustrated Book. Scut freo. ' Addrcis
DR. BYE. SU!K Kansas City. Mo.
OBI
IIH Rn(1 WhUkennbllg
1 1 I If I cu.red at ,lomo without
mr IVl Pain Boole of particular
I Ben i 'juke;. II. M.
WooUoy,fflUl., Atlautn,a., 103 N.Pryor St.
.DEATH TO HEAVES
uaaraaisea
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SKTTT01P8 Heave, Cough, Bfe.
tnper sd Indlgeitloa Cora,
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(titnat At4 itnManll IsAnkK.
V" Strong recommends, fl.00 pr
can. ueaicrt. inn or Ex. pal
The Newton Remedy Oe
Toledo, Okie.
PATENT SECURED
er FEB returned
Free opinion as to
patentability, send
for fluldn Jinnk nnd
What to Invent.flnoBt publications Issued fbrfreodlatrU
button. Patents secured by us advortlsed at our ox.
penso. EVANS, WILKKNS & CO., 615 F. St. Wajhlng
ton, D. 0.
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Follow The Flag"
EXCURSIONS SOUTH DAILY
If you are thinking of a trip
South, Southeast, East
write and let us toll you best rates, timo,
route and lend marked time table.
This saves you worry, annoyance and
makeg you feel at home all the way.
Call Wabash City Office 1601 Farnam
St., or address
HARRY JC. MOORSS,
G. A. F. D. Wab, R. R. Omaha Kel
MMMM ' """" ' """iiMr.)l)iit, !.;-, , ,
II 'll li I II
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